GOD’S LONG HISTORY WITH ME
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. Psalm 139:1
Our family has moved many times over the years. We, like many of you reading this, have had to learn how to make different kinds of places 'home'. We have been involved in various kinds of churches, assorted in denomination. While we enjoyed making new friends, there was always a challenge. The new affiliations we made didn't know our history. They didn't know the places where we grew up; the schools, teachers, and the life experiences that shaped us. They didn't know our parents. They never walked the grounds of our childhood home. Their ability to really understand who we were was compromised by a lack of history. That was often isolating and lonely.
I can never say to God, "But you just don't understand." He was involved with me from the beginning and that relationship started even before my conception. He knew every subplot of my story before I even lived it. He was an active participant early on even when I was unaware of His presence. He knew me when I was a slave to sin and He knew how I would respond internally to imprisonment. He took note of it all as I lived it and with every step into dark places, He wrote redemptive opposites into my story line.
I am still under transformation. There are things, even today, which puzzle me about myself. I get frustrated at times and wonder why I respond to life like I do. But now, I know who to run to. "Reveal myself to me, Lord"... is a prayer that started turning my life around some years ago. Because He has been my God throughout the course of my entire life's history, He has divine insight into what makes me the person I am. He is gracious to reveal why certain things shut me down, why I can be shy, or stubborn, or overcompensating. Oh, it is a comfort to be in a relationship with One who not only knows me, but loves me.
Some are intimate today with someone who knows too much about them and uses the information against them. Oh, they are not like God. We must be careful to make God our refuge. Only He deserves the abandon of childlike trust. Only He should be given the power to write and shape someone's identity. People come and go. God remains in my history past - and will be in every part of my history future.
I give you all the power to re-write my past and reveal my future. In Jesus name, Amen