WHAT WILL ERASE MY INADEQUACY?
Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation. Psalm 119:98-99
As far as I know, we're not told that David struggled with crippling inadequacy. I know of no admissions that revealed that he did. However, his acknowledgement in today's scripture would make me wonder if this was a lightening bolt revelation for David. Perhaps he wondered where his wisdom came from as he confronted the lack of understanding in his enemies, in his teachers, and even in the heart of King Saul. As He came to grips with their limitations, and as he simultaneously took stock of his own grasp of spiritual knowledge, he could only make one conclusion. God had been his teacher. There was no other explanation. He didn't attend a prestigious school. He didn't come from wealth and nobility. He spent his youth alone, looking after sheep in a wilderness. When God reveals someone's calling, there is most always panic. The call is far bigger than one's capacity to fulfill it. "I can't do this. I don't know enough!"
Here's what I know firsthand about the call of God on my life. While there was wonder over the joy of being chosen to play a part in God's kingdom, there was distress as I began to understand the many ramifications of actually doing what He was asking of me. I immediately saw that I wasn't qualified according to the world's standards. I didn't have enough education. I didn't have enough experience. I could immediately think of ten people who were better candidates. The risk of humiliation was high as I considered ways others might put me to shame, like the ways the crowd discredited Jesus because He came from Nazareth. My fears were founded if I recall the high levels of criticism that have come my way over the years. Mostly, from Christians.
Yet, what I do know in my spirit (because scripture tells me so), is that qualifications are decided in heaven. God decides to choose a man or woman for a certain task. He writes their stories in such a way as to prepare the soil of their heart to receive His private tutoring; an instruction that will relate to their future calling. A kind of 'crushing' is in their storyline as He brings them to the end of themselves so that they will cling to Truth like a life preserver. They test it in the fire and come out with an education that can't be reproduced in the best schools. What they failed to realize is that they really did attend school. God was the teacher and the schoolroom was the stuff of their life.
For any of us today who verbalize objections to our own calling, who sound like Moses when he told God he wasn't eloquent enough, we must remember that whatever God calls us to do, He holds Himself responsible to teach us what we need to do the job. In God's kingdom, statesmen are not made in ivy league schools, they are made in the most obscure places among the most unlikely people.
Lord, You know that I have preached to myself hundreds of times. I heard Your Spirit. "Stand up tall and declare what you know. I will deal with your audience." By Your grace, I keep walking. In Jesus name, Amen