The Manna Life
By Jennifer Holder, Guest Writer
Today’s Treasure
"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14
I looked it up this morning. It’s been 1,172 days since my world flipped upside down with my husband’s first panic attack, the pebble that started the avalanche that nearly buried us. For over three years now, mental health issues have been a daily part of our existence. At the onset of these crippling struggles with my husband, I abruptly found myself acting as his caretaker as well as functioning as a single parent to our three homeschooled children. Together we were all grappling for stability in the wake of these tumultuous realities when a new shadow settled over the world with the emergence of the pandemic, making the support systems that we needed difficult or impossible to access. They were dark, heavy days for our family.
On one particularly challenging day, about a year into our journey, I was on the phone with a dear friend. As I shared my weary heart with her, she gently encouraged me to lean into the “manna life” for my daily needs. If ever there was a metaphor I could relate to, the Israelites' time in the wilderness was it. I reasoned that if God provided manna for the Israelites to meet their needs, surely there was manna to sustain my family and me as we traversed the barren wasteland of mental illness. This manna life became the pursuit that buoyed my heart, providing the encouragement and truths I needed to endure.
As I began studying the story of manna in the Bible, I came to see clearly for the first time what my own needs were. Long-term survival mode had forced me into a constant state of hypervigilant reactivity, slowly stripping me of the ability to see or voice my needs. Somewhere along the way, I had adopted some poor habits formed by crisis, necessary for survival at the moment but ill-fitting for the thriving life God promised and that I desperately wanted. I had to learn a new way of being provided for, allowing God to attend to my needs, even amid crisis. I began working on this with the help of my counselor, some trusted friends, and the Holy Spirit. It was humbling and refreshing to receive from God in this way, day by day, hour by hour. It never made the wilderness any more friendly or accommodating, but it was a constant reminder of God’s Presence with us for every difficult moment we encountered.
As I explored this manna life, a pattern developed. When I would wake in the morning, I would often feel the weight of the day ahead of me, threatening to overwhelm me. My husband often had severe sleep issues that would leave us both depleted, even at the start of the day. As I would emerge from my groggy state, I sometimes had felt needs I could name, but often I had to sit with Jesus and sift through all my emotions to identify what I needed. Day after day, I made progress. I started writing each need down on an index card which I folded into a little tent and then placed on the deep window sill next to my bed. Slowly I began collecting verses relating to that specific need and jotted them on the back of the cards. Every day I began my morning by gently cupping each card in my hand, offering my prayers of desperation. I would close my eyes and imagine bending down outside my wilderness tent to pick up my manna for that day as the sun was rising. Some days I needed rest or strength. Some days I felt a deep need for joy or beauty. On other days it was peace or a fresh dose of God’s love. Most days, I also needed hope and wisdom. As I held that little piece of paper, I knew it represented real, true help in my time of need. Thus began my manna journey.
PRAYER
Lord, thank You for the kindness of allowing me to see and feel my neediness and weaknesses, for they prepare me to draw near to You, and near You is the best place to be when the world and all its brokenness is too much. Lord, may I be sensitive to Your Holy Spirit’s voice in my life as I learn what it means to trust You. Remind me of Your faithfulness through all generations as well as Your promised daily doses of compassion and mercy. ‘Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.’ (Psalm 90:14) Amen. May it be so.
More free resources for help, hope, and healing:
Anchored Hope Biblical Counseling – Biblically grounded, clinically informed virtual counseling. We offer convenient and confidential virtual counseling with theologically educated and professionally trained counselors.
About the Author: Jennifer Holder - Several years ago Jennifer Holder was unexpectedly thrust into the role of caregiver at the onset of her husband’s sudden crisis with debilitating OCD, panic disorder, and depression. She had to learn and continues to learn how to care for someone she loves who struggles with ongoing mental health issues. She quickly became aware that for every individual suffering from mental health, there are more that love them and are profoundly influenced as well. While she holds no formal credentialing in the mental health field, her experiences on this journey have compelled her to be a voice for the large, often invisible community of caregivers. Jenni wants fellow caregivers to know you are not alone, you are valuable, and although the role of caregiver is often seen as an unwanted burden, it can actually be a space of discovery, joy, and connection. She seeks to bring practical resources, hope, and levity to those living in the gaps in the mental health care system by honestly sharing her journey with the ever-growing community of those who love someone struggling with their mental health.
Connect with Jenni and her writing at jfholder.com
For more from Daily Treasure please visit MARKINC.ORG.
Originally published Monday, 19 February 2024.
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