Is It Okay to Fight with My Spouse?
By Vivian Bricker
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
Whenever we hear spouses fight, we automatically think their marriage is falling apart. In the same way, whenever we fight with our spouse, we think our marriage is struggling and possibly could end. If this is where our minds are going after each argument or fight, we need to take a step back and know that all married couples have disagreements. Due to living in a fallen world, it is not uncommon to have arguments, disagreements, and fights.
While married couples should never physically harm one another, it is not abnormal for there to be arguments within the marriage. If your spouse is hurting you physically or abusing you, it is time to leave the relationship. You are not called to stay in a marriage where you are being physically, verbally, or sexually abused. Leave the situation as soon as possible, stay with trusted loved ones, and start getting the divorce papers organized.
God doesn’t want any of us to stay in an abusive marriage. All believers need to be aware of this and not try to “white-knuckle” it. Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful illustration of Jesus’ love for the church. Abuse in any form does not align with Jesus’ love for the church. Therefore, if you are being abused in your marriage, it is time to walk away. Don’t feel guilty; just walk away.
However, if you and your spouse have the occasional argument or disagreement, it is not anything to worry about. Having fights will not end your marriage as long as you both respect each other. Now, if you or your spouse is being mean to each other, calling each other mean names, or being rude to each other, then this is not okay. Married couples need to be respectful, considerate, and loving when bringing up concerns and issues.
Fighting fair and being kind to each other can coexist. We shouldn’t hold bitter feelings toward our spouse. If we are, we need to think over the matter and see what’s going on. Consistent arguments, problems, and fights are not healthy for your marriage. Ask yourself, “Why am I so angry with my spouse? Why do I keep starting arguments and fights with my spouse?” By answering these questions, it can help us start moving forward in our marriage.
Seeking out Christian couples counseling is also a great step in healing and learning how to address issues in a healthy way. We will disagree with our spouse from time to time, but it should never be done in a mean or vicious way. Whenever we are struggling in this area, we need to turn to God. He will be able to help us in our marriage and repair any wounds we may be experiencing.
Whatever is causing the arguments and fights, choose to give the matters over to God. He will carry this pain and give your heart peace. If there is anything to forgive, forgive your spouse truly from your heart (Ephesians 4:32). As a married couple, you will have to forgive your spouse numerous times, and your spouse will have to forgive you. Choose to work together through your issues, give them over to God, and allow love to fill your marriage (1 Peter 4:8).
The Apostle Paul tells us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). As Paul tells the Roman Church, he also tells us. We are to live at peace with everyone. This does not mean only a select few individuals, but rather, we are to live at peace with all people, and this includes our spouse. If we cannot live at peace with our spouse, then we are going to have a hard time living at peace with anyone.
Our spouse is the person we love. God brought us together, and now we are a married couple (Genesis 2:24). Rather than allowing arguments and fights to destroy your marriage, choose peace, kindness, and love. Live at peace with your spouse and respect their opinions. Maybe they disagree on some things, but don’t allow it to ruin your marriage. Learn to respect your spouse and ensure they respect you as well.
Dear God, my spouse and I have numerous arguments, and they are beginning to destroy our marriage. Please help us to live at peace with each other. I love my spouse, and I don’t want to keep fighting with them all the time. I’m giving all these concerns over to You, and I ask You to help me forgive my spouse. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.
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Related Resource: God’s Healing Work in Life’s Hardest Seasons
What if your hardest season is actually where God is doing His deepest work? I sit down with Victoria Arlen to talk about her book The View Is Worth It and her journey through suffering, mental health struggles, and finding hope on the other side. If you’re walking through a valley or wondering if things will ever get better, this conversation will remind you that healing is possible, hope is real, and your story isn’t over! Like what you hear? follow Bought + Beloved with Kirby Kelly on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Friday, 07 August 2026.
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