5 Ways to Encourage Your Man
By Heather Riggleman
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” - Hebrews 10:23-25
Zig Ziglar once said, "You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life." Isn’t that the truth? And I’m so grateful my husband makes it a point. No one can encourage me like Chris can. His words, his belief in me, his actions, his touch. He has the power to diffuse stress and make everything okay. He is my home and my rock. He knows what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. Sometimes I roll my eyes and say thank you for the lip service. My sweet husband replies, “You know it babe,” before giving me a smooch on the lips.
Encouragement is a practice - a lost practice but it is one that builds up a marriage. Learning to be encouraging is a skill that comes more naturally to some of us than others. However, the good news is that we can all learn to become more encouraging people with practice. In fact, it seems we must! Recent studies demonstrate that we are gradually losing our aptitude for encouragement, due at least in part to our society's increasingly narcissistic tendencies.
It creates sacred space, love, warmth and so many other things. It’s poetic and empowering. It’s the balm to a weary and wounded soul. It’s the life force from your lips that your spouse needs not just to survive but thrive on those rough days. It is part of a healthy marriage. Good encouragement takes trail and frequency but most of all it takes practice to figure out what speaks the loudest to your mate.
While you may still be stuck on the phrase “lip service” I can assure you it’s not. It means: “to fill with courage.” Encouraging your spouse literally places courage in them just like “entrust” means to place trust in someone. You have the blessed ability to fill your spouse with courage. In a world bent on tearing down the male sex, your husband needs to hear it more than ever.
In his book, The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language to Bring Out His Best, author Rick Johnson says women often don’t realize the power they have when it comes to their husbands.
“I don’t think a lot of women recognize it,” Johnson says, “but they have this power just by their words sometimes, or sometimes even a look, that they can literally destroy their husbands or they can lift them up to do things that they would never do on their own without her encouragement and support.”
He encourages women to learn how their words and actions can influence their spouse to become all that God wants them to be. Today’s passage reminds us what a gift encouragement can be in marriage. Hebrews 10:23-25 says
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
The aim of our "considering one another" and "encouraging one another" is that we stir up love. When encouragement is absent from the life of our spouses, they will feel unloved, unimportant, useless, and forgotten. Isn’t that the way you feel when your husband doesn’t notice your new hair cut or how you managed to get through the night routine with your family unscathed?
The word encouragement, literally translated from French, means to give someone else your courage. Courage, then, is like love—the more you give it away, the more you will receive in return. If you want to improve your marriage or be a better example of a Godly wife for your children, here are five ways to begin encouraging your husband!
5 Ways to Encourage Your Husband:
1. Words – Whenever possible, compliment your husband, especially in front of your kids. This applies even when his family or friends are around. Give a sincere compliment, it could be anything you appreciate about him.
2. Text Him – Surprise him with a flirty text message or tell him why you are so grateful to be his wife.
3. Touch Him – Physical touch can translate into love for a lot of men. Find a way to touch him, like rubbing his shoulders when he passes by or hugging his rib cage, etc.
4. Be There – Whenever my husband is working on a project in the garage, I grab a book or nail file and go sit in the garage. I don’t have to say a word the entire afternoon and yet, he is thrilled. Whenever possible, be there. Whether he’s watching a game or working on a project. Just by being there, it reminds him you love just being with him.
5. Encourage his Hobbies– I’m not a fan of sitting by a lake and fishing all night long but my husband loves to fish. Whenever possible encourage your man to pursue his hobby. If you know nothing is on the calendar for tonight, set his gear by the front door. He will be surprised that you’re encouraging him to take the evening for himself.
Heather Riggleman calls Nebraska home (Hey, it’s not for everyone) with her three kids and husband of 20 years. She writes to bring bold truths to marriage, career, mental health, faith, relationships, celebration and heartache. She is the co-host of the Moms Together Podcast and is a former national award-winning journalist. She is the author of Mama Needs a Time Out and Let’s Talk About Prayer. Her work has been featured on Proverbs 31 Ministries, MOPS, Today's Christian Woman and Focus On the Family. You can find her at www.heatherriggleman.com.
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Originally published Friday, 14 July 2023.
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