Get Help If You Need It
By: Anne Peterson
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in the abundance of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14
Their marriage looked perfect. I’m not just saying that, either. That’s why I was so shocked to get a letter one day with the following words, “This is going to shock you, but I’m getting a divorce.”
And it did shock me. So I ran to the phone and quickly dialed my sister who was 2000 miles away. My sister and I were close and would talk every day.
Peggy answered quickly and said, “I can’t talk now, he’s harassing me.”
“I’ll pray,” I said hanging up.
That day dragged on as worries about Peggy filled my mind. How could she get a divorce? They were on their 3rd house, had 3 little boys. It just didn’t make sense. But I didn’t know the whole story, only the one she had shared thus far.
Later that night I got a call from her. I could finally breathe. And then she started talking. She started telling me what was going on. For 20 minutes or so. After all, she didn’t want to run up their bill. I called her back and for one hour she shared abuse. I listened and muffled my crying.
“Calling the police was easy. I wish I had done it sooner.”
We hung up telling each other, “I love you.”
Two days later another call. “Did you hear? Peggy’s gone. No one knows where. Her husband said she just walked out.”
My sister was the victim of domestic violence. I wrote her whole story in Broken, if you are interested. But the point of my mentioning here today is simple. People sometimes need help in their relationships. Something my husband and I learned. We sought counseling when it was needed.
Yes, even Christians need help. And if others are not experiencing what you experience, while they can pray for you, you may need additional help from others who have more experience. That’s why it is imperative that you find outside help.
Loving one another is important. And much easier when you first meet that special someone. We’re all on our best behavior then. But when the wedding is over, you find out things that you never knew. Sometimes we see or hear things that send up little flags, but we make excuses for them.
God tells us in Proverbs 15:1 that a soft answer turns away wrath. It’s true. It does, but when abuse is involved there is a different dynamic going on. The person who is abusive doesn’t hear even things that are said. They can take what is said and their mind twists it. Often, they project how they feel on their spouse.
And people act irrationally when they are afraid. People could ask why Peggy didn’t get out of the relationship. It’s a fair question. And the answer is, that’s when she was killed. As she tried getting out. Fear can make people do things they wouldn’t otherwise do.
God wants us to have boundaries. And one of the first boundaries we have is our skin. No one deserves to be abused. No one.
Maybe you are in an abusive relationship. Maybe you think loving him/her will change them. I know my sister thought so. God has given all free will. And we don’t mind free will when we’re talking about ourselves. But when others exercise their free will, they may choose to hurt someone we care about. Sometimes even worse.
If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help. Don’t wait. We didn’t know what Peggy was going through till the very end. She waited too long.
I have to share that God meant it when he said he is close to the brokenhearted in Psalm 34:18. One day when I was being tormented with thoughts of what her last moments were like, God whispered to me, “Anne, I was with her.”
I believe when Peggy took her last breath, God carried her to heaven. God gave me a peace that passes understanding that it talks about in Philippians 4:7. And I still experience God’s wonderful peace, available to all of us.
Note: if you or someone you know is being abused, Call (800)-799-7233 (The National Domestic Violence Hotline) http://www.thehotline.org
Anne Peterson and her husband, Michael have been married for 43 years. Anne is a poet, speaker, published author of 16 books, including her latest book, Always There: Finding God's Comfort Through Loss. Anne has also written another memoir, Broken: A Story of Abuse, Survival, and Hope, as well as other books you can check out here. Sign up for Anne's newsletter at www.annepeterson.com and receive a free eBook by clicking the tab. Or connect with her on Facebook.
It's time we get real about marriage & relationships! Join marriage coach, Dana Che, as she and her guests deliver witty, inspirational, real relationship talk from a faith-based perspective. New episodes of the Real Relationship Talk Podcast drop every Tuesday.
Originally published Wednesday, 30 August 2023.
SHARE
