How Do I Navigate Life after an Affair?
By Vivian Bricker
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:13b).
If you were the person who was unfaithful to your spouse, you might be feeling regret and grief over your own actions. Although there is not much support on your side because of your actions, it is also important to validate your own pain too. When a person is unfaithful to their spouse, it is not always done out of ill intent. Sin can lead us into many things, and for many, this can be infidelity if we are not watching ourselves closely.
Not feeling appreciated, a lack of commitment, and improper communication can all lead to infidelity. These things can be avoided through vulnerable and deep conversations with our spouse. Marriage counseling is also of utmost importance as it will teach us how to navigate these difficult situations. If someone is nearing the temptation of an affair today, seek our marriage counseling, and it could save your marriage.
Once you have been unfaithful to your spouse, there is no going back. Your spouse will never see you in the same way, and you will leave lasting wounds on their heart. If this is not something you want to do, then you need to turn away. Repent, ask for forgiveness, and go to the Lord. He can help you overcome any temptation, including infidelity (Hebrews 2:18).
I include this in order to steer everyone away from infidelity. Your marriage will never be the same and will most likely end after you are unfaithful to your spouse. Do not risk the beautiful marriage you have for a new person at work, a friend of a friend, or someone you happened to meet. Weigh the pros and the cons carefully. You will quickly find that there are only cons when it comes to being unfaithful to your spouse.
Infidelity has a way of ruining our lives, but we must remember that there is hope for the future. We need to take time to grieve our marriage and express our pain. However, we need to rest in the peace that our lives are not over. Our spouse was unfaithful to us, but it doesn't change the fact that God loves us and has great plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).
Turn away from the past and look forward to your future in Jesus. The Apostle Paul tells us, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:13b). In the same fashion, we must forget what is behind and strain towards ahead. While we will never forget the pain that was caused by our spouse’s infidelity, we can move forward to the future God has for us.
Living in the past will only hurt us and cause us further pain. Instead of choosing to live a life such as this, we need to move forward. This can only be done by forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). Our spouse doesn't deserve forgiveness, yet we must extend forgiveness and grace to them. Once we forgive them, we can truly move forward without a heavy heart.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. We can forgive our spouse without wanting to reconnect with them. Forgiveness is based on the Lord and His commands. However, reconciliation is never commanded, nor is it always a good thing. Choose to forgive and hand the pain over to God. He will carry your pain and give you lasting relief (Matthew 28:18-20).
Going forward, we have two choices. We can either live in a state of bitterness and hatred towards our ex-spouse, or we can choose to live for God. The former will cause pain, yet the latter will ensure a joyful life. Instead of holding onto a grudge, we can walk in the light of the Lord.
God has beautiful plans for our lives, and this is what we need to focus on. Our spouse might try to reconnect, ask for forgiveness, and seek out a relationship with our children, but we don't need to forget what happened. It is your choice if you want to be reconciled to your spouse; however, it would be wise not to overlook the past. Since infidelity has happened, it could happen again, and I want to spare you this pain.
It is completely possible for your spouse to have a relationship with your children without being reconnected to him as a partner. In other words, you can choose to allow your spouse to be involved in your children’s lives and even have shared custody, but it does not mean you have to welcome them back into your life. The decision is ultimately up to you since you were the one who was hurt and cheated on.
If you and your spouse are reconnected at some point and you desire to be reconciled as husband and wife, it is wise to go to God in prayer first. Only once you have the approval of God should you move forward. God has a way of making His will known to us as long as we are actively listening to Him. If God approves of reconnection with your spouse, then it is a good decision; however, if God says “no,” don't fight it. God knows best, and we can trust His decision.
If you are reconciled to your spouse, make sure you are going to start marriage counseling. Due to a past of infidelity, it is vital for marriage counseling to be done at least once a week. A marriage counselor will be able to help you work through this difficult matter and equip you with the tools you need to go further. At this point, marriage counseling is not an option—it is a necessity.
Dear Jesus, please give me guidance on how to navigate life after an affair. It is very troublesome and difficult right now. If You want my spouse and I to reconnect at some point, please make this clear to me. I trust You with my entire life. Thank You, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Antonio Guillem
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood? Wondering how to prioritize your faith when you're barely keeping up with everyday life?
If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Friday, 21 August 2026.
SHARE
