10 Ways to Better Communicate with Your Spouse
By: Peyton Garland
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to get angry.” - James 1:19
I’m not a marriage expert, in the least. But I am a woman who has been married long enough to recognize her faults and share (through much trial and error) a simple, Scripture-backed list of communication hacks to better navigate life with your spouse:
1. Rid yourself of emotional anger before seeking a resolution.
Ephesians 4:26 encourages us not to let the sun set with anger in our hearts. Many think this means disagreements must be resolved that day. Rather, this Scripture encourages us not to let the ill effects of anger carry us into the next day.
Long-term anger creates bitterness and hostility. So rather than letting anger simmer—or rather than starting a conversation to resolve things while you’re still controlled by sinful anger—take some time to get your emotions in check.
Get some sleep. Have some prayer time to get humble and let God point out where you might be at fault. Then, come to your spouse for a healthy discussion.
(I’ve realized that 90% of my frustrations with my husband are much prettier once I get a good night’s rest.)
2. Use personal pronouns, “I” and “me.”
Even if your spouse is in the wrong, attacking them with critical language, always using “you,” makes them feel backed into a corner. This doesn’t leave room for healthy communication and can easily start its own separate argument.
Say less of “You always make me feel overlooked by _______,” and more of, “I feel overlooked by ________.”
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Notice that “gentle” doesn’t mean placated or watered down. You can still speak the truth concerning an issue.
But when you speak truth without an accusatory tone, it’s much easier for the other person to openly see their faults and find the necessary respect and grace from you to feel able to work on themselves.
3. Bluntly ask, “What do you mean by this?”
One of the things I love most about my husband is his ability to make me laugh. I am an uptight, anxious person by nature, and his ability to break up my anxious thoughts with laughter is so special.
However, this same humor that I love can be mistranslated. Sometimes, he also uses humor as a means to protect himself from being dismissed.
I’ve learned that instead of getting annoyed with the very humor I also love, things are much less annoying when I simply say, “I get that you love being funny by nature, but in _________ context, what do you actually mean?”
When I plainly ask for clarification, I can recognize when his humor isn’t him being immature or unwilling to address something, but it is him trying to protect himself. This allows me to see an understandable human element and address a fear or concern of his rather than creating a problem with the humor that was hiding it.
“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26
4. Uncritically ask, “How are we going to maximize our love this year?”
My husband and I are taking a 15-week marriage class through our church this semester. It’s not cause anything huge has negatively impacted us, but it’s because we have recognized that we are navigating a hard season, where reality is simply a lot, and we want to be a better team (both for ourselves and our children).
We started this course because I not-so-lovingly told my husband we needed help, but I wish I had started this process in a much more positive, respectful way by asking how we could both strengthen the bond we already have.
As Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”
Consider this prayer: “Lord, grant me your humility as I strive to keep my anger in check, avoid finger-pointing, seek clarification, and strengthen my marriage. Amen.”
Action Steps:
1. Choose one of the four points listed above to actively work on this week.
2. Identify which of the four points is most difficult for you, and bring those concerns to God in prayer.
Photo Credit: GettyImages/bernardbodo
Related Resource: God’s Healing Work in Life’s Hardest Seasons
What if your hardest season is actually where God is doing His deepest work? I sit down with Victoria Arlen to talk about her book The View Is Worth It and her journey through suffering, mental health struggles, and finding hope on the other side. If you’re walking through a valley or wondering if things will ever get better, this conversation will remind you that healing is possible, hope is real, and your story isn’t over! Like what you hear? follow Bought + Beloved with Kirby Kelly on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Friday, 04 September 2026.
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