Restoring the Richness of Marriage in Today's Hook-Up Culture
By: Peyton Garland
“I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me.” - Song of Solomon 7:10
I recently watched the latest season of Farmer Wants a Wife, a flannel spin-off of The Bachelor. Three farmers (legitimate, career farmers) choose five ladies from a list of profiles to bring home to their farm. One by one, ladies are eliminated until one remains, winning the total affection of the farmer.
The Bachelor is a bit raunchy for me, a little too full of Botox and tabloids, but Farmer Wants a Wife is surprisingly refreshing. Of course, there’s still the awkward, morally questionable idea of a man getting to know several women at once—I’ll certainly admit that. However, this show has tapped into a moral truth that reveals how we can counteract today’s hookup culture.
This truth is important not only for those who are dating, but for married couples as they preserve and protect the union they share. (This truth is equally important for married couples serving as mentors for dating and engaged believers.)
The truth is this: In a world where sex often comes long before substance, it’s vital to remember that connection is not only born but sustained by both God-designed attraction and God-aligned priorities.
This latest season of Farmer Wants a Wife had zero sex. In fact, rated-PG kissing was as steamy as it got. One farmer even went so far as to say that he wanted no level of physical intimacy with any of the women if there wasn’t an attraction built on something outside looks and hormones.
Thus, the show featured less physical intimacy and much more emotional connection, where the farmer and the ladies he got to know discussed morals, values, career dreams, hobbies, quirky habits, etc. In fact, two of the three farmers prioritized their Christian faith.
Meanwhile, the people on this show weren’t downplaying physical attraction. The women weren’t made of plastic or running around half naked, but there was a clear effort that they made to look attractive to their farmer. And when these farmers valued the women’s hearts while respectfully appreciating and protecting their bodies, it blended connection and attraction in a refreshing, culture-defying way.
This is important to recognize because, in the name of avoiding too much physical intimacy, many Christians fail to remember that sexual attraction is a necessity in a healthy, thriving, Christian marriage. By default, this requires that you have a sexual attraction to the person you’re dating.
God designed polarity, recognizing the need for two things to be drawn to one another. God designed eyes to see, behold, and value beauty. God handcrafted Adam and Eve to be attractive to one another.
To ignore these facts is to enter marriage with one arm tied behind your back, leaving a crucial element of connection behind.
When Christians use the idea that “modest is hottest” to undermine the importance of physical attraction, young Christian men and women are left to wrestle with sexual struggles in the quiet, afraid of looking lustful simply because they recognize the attractive biology of the opposite sex, an attractive biology that God designed.
Modesty isn’t about covering everything up. It’s about carrying yourself with a blend of confidence, beauty, and mystery, so a man must pursue, celebrate, and protect the chemistry you share, honoring God’s design for emotional and physical intimacy.
(If you don’t believe that physical and emotional are both important, read Song of Solomon. It’s an entire book, poetically, explicitly dedicated to physical and emotional intimacy… but mainly the physical.)
In a world that flaunts hookup culture as a valid connection, let’s push back against that dangerous narrative with more of the farmer’s approach, cultivating meaningful conversation, prioritizing mutual values, and celebrating God’s design for beautiful attraction and fun sex.
A prayer: “Lord, in a world that lives for fleeting hookups, help us honor your gifts of attraction, intimacy, and love by selflessly protecting and respecting the partner you have blessed us with. Amen.”
Action Steps:
1. Take inventory of the shows you watch and the media you consume. Do they celebrate hookup culture? If so, consider replacing this content with something more wholesome.
2. Prayerfully ask God to show you one way to better create emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages
Related Resource: God’s Healing Work in Life’s Hardest Seasons
What if your hardest season is actually where God is doing His deepest work? I sit down with Victoria Arlen to talk about her book The View Is Worth It and her journey through suffering, mental health struggles, and finding hope on the other side. If you’re walking through a valley or wondering if things will ever get better, this conversation will remind you that healing is possible, hope is real, and your story isn’t over! Like what you hear? follow Bought + Beloved with Kirby Kelly on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Sunday, 06 September 2026.
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