Speak the Truth in Love
By: Michelle Lazurek
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15
“Why are you so mean?” My husband blurted out one day. In our relationship, my husband grew up in a home where people didn't talk about complex feelings. They swept issues under the rug, pretended like they didn't exist, and when they felt any pain, they ate food to cover up those feelings. However, I grew up in a home where we talked about everything. We weren't afraid to have hard conversations. In our house, certain rules needed to be followed. Once the rules were disobeyed, we talked about what we could do to make it better.
When I married, I placed the same expectations on our marriage. I wanted to talk about everything, since that's what we did while dating. However, it wasn't so easy to let go of those expectations. When I told my husband a hard truth, even if I said it correctly, validating my feelings and using I statements, he still saw it as a criticism. That's because his mother didn't speak much in their home. Their father could say whatever he wanted; she did little to correct bad behavior.
Although my mother dealt with things in a similar manner, I did see the importance of having hard conversations to nip conflict in the bud. When I can connect the dots from my husband and see why he does what he does, he resents it and takes it as criticism. Then he'll take my words as a verbal attack, like I'm assassinating his character rather than telling him something to help him grow.
However, the above verse is important for having hard conversations. It is unhealthy for us to sweep things under the rug, pretend they don't exist, and wait until the conflict blows over. If bad behavior is repeated, a couple must point out those behaviors that the other person can improve. In many relationships, it is easy for a friend or a loved one to give someone encouragement and affirmation.
However, both parties must grow into mature adults in the marriage relationship. This is important for any marriage relationship. Both parties must be willing to hear an observation from the other side so they can repent, change, and grow into well-adjusted, mature people in Christ.
However, speaking the truth to someone does not give us free rein to say whatever harsh or mean thing comes to mind. If the Holy Spirit dwells within us, we must say things with love and curb our tongues to help our partners know we need to be heard. We also need to give the other side a chance to respond and reflect on what's being said. They cannot simply ignore it or dismiss it. Rather, they must deal with it so everyone can grow in Christ.
When you speak the truth to your spouse, do you tell it in love? Does the spouse know that you love them when you say it? Or do they only hear criticism and complaints? The message may be completely right. However, if the message is delivered with harsh intention, the message can get lost in translation. It is important to love our spouses enough to curb our tone and provide the message better so that each partner is deep in their relationship with God.
Next time you must deliver a hard word to your spouse, pray about it first, and wait 48 hours for your anger and other big emotions to subside. Then provide the message with kindness. Use your I statements, let them know what they are doing is hurting you, and help suggest how to move forward. Simply rattling off a message of harsh observation, yet giving a person no chance to resolve it, leaves them clueless about how to fix it. If we are to be the people God wants us to be, then we must be people who speak the truth in love.
Father, as a couple, let us point out each other's faults in a way that communicates love, not criticism. Let us speak the truth to mature as a couple and as Christians. Amen.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/fizkes
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood? Wondering how to prioritize your faith when you're barely keeping up with everyday life?
If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Wednesday, 19 August 2026.
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