Discover why conflict within the church, often feared, is actually a necessary catalyst for growth and transformation, not division. Learn practical principles to navigate disagreements with grace and transparency, transforming church culture and demonstrating Christ-like unity to a watching world.
I can barely type the words' conflict' and 'church' before my heart races, my stomach churns, and my palms get sweaty. Why is it that any mention of disagreement or discord among the believers, for many of us, causes us great anxiety?
For over a week now, a friend has shared with me an ongoing issue within the walls of her church that she feels confident God is laying on her heart to address. But the mere thought of talking it out with her sister in Christ makes her want to toss her cookies. “I don’t know why I find it so difficult to engage in tough conversations with other Christians,” she confessed.
As we chatted, we discussed that, for most believers, anxiety around conflict stems from a misunderstanding of what Scripture says. God’s Word often speaks to how to approach disagreements within the body of believers, so we know that handling conflict is a part of the Christian life. Most of Paul’s Epistles admonish the ancient church to unity, to pursue peace, and to address conflict quickly before it leads to dissension. While we are all created in the image of God, we each have an array of talents, backgrounds, and viewpoints that shape our perspectives, convictions, and opinions. Naturally, we will disagree, especially among believers, where we are at different stages of spiritual sanctification. The reality is that disagreeing isn’t the issue; it's how we respond.
There are times when overlooking an offense or letting the issue go is beneficial; however, there are also instances when conflict is not only necessary but vital in helping the church grow into Christ-likeness. This article isn’t exhaustive in its suggestions for handling church conflict, but here are two principles to remember before engaging in church conflict.
Conflict is Necessary for Change
Before we discuss the benefits of conflict, I want to ensure we are all working with the same definitions. As stated earlier, one of the reasons conflict is perceived as negative and avoided at all costs is a misunderstanding of what conflict actually is. Conflict is a disagreement fueled by differences in opinions, desires, or goals; it is a lack of consensus or approval. We already discussed that it is natural for humans to have differences of opinion, so why would we believe that conflict is unnatural for Christians?
Conflict is not only normal but necessary for change. Scripture tells us we experience an internal conflict between the flesh and the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-17). While the conflict may not be pleasant for the believer, it guides us in our transformation to be more like Christ; conflict is part of our sanctification (Romans 8:5).
Conflict is also a natural consequence of relationships. We see this played out in the interaction between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36-41). Here are two believers who disagree so strongly about where they should go next to spread the gospel that they end up parting ways. Often, we view these verses and the disagreement that results in them going in different directions as negative. However, we see that a consequence of their parting was that more people had opportunities to hear the gospel message. In this case, the conflict catalyzed a change in the ministry's direction. The result? More opportunities for people to hear the gospel!
Was it likely an uncomfortable conversation between Paul and Barnabas? Sure! They were both very passionate people and firmly convinced of the direction God was calling them to. However, the Scriptures do not indicate ill will or condemnation due to the conflict. They parted ways but remained unified in their mission and continued to encourage one another in their ministries (Philemon 1:24). God used the conflict to bring about change in their lives, ultimately resulting in further gospel advancement.
When we consider the positive outcomes that conflict can produce, it encourages us to address, not avoid, disagreement. Instead, we learn to communicate, embracing disagreement and differences of opinion with love and humility, to prevent division in our relationships.
Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Lead to Division
With people from all sorts of backgrounds coming together to make decisions, it is natural that disagreements will arise. Having different perspectives and opinions is a good thing for the church; the problem occurs when we struggle to disagree agreeably. For many Christians, the way they “disagree well” is to avoid conflict altogether. But it is possible to address the struggles within our churches with transparency and grace that doesn't lead to disdain and discord.
Communicating openly and completely transparently with our brothers and sisters invites conversation instead of conflict. Often, disagreements arise because we struggle to see the other's viewpoint. When the silent treatment is enacted, it leads to assumptions and misconceptions about one another. Sharing the why behind our convictions may not always lead others to change their opinions, but at the very least, it allows them to see where we are coming from.
However, as much as we try to positively navigate differences of direction, opposite opinions, and general disagreements, there will be times when we must lean on Paul’s advice to the Christians in Rome, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone ( Romans 12:18). Is Paul calling us to be a push over, to give in no matter the cost? No, not at all. But he is encouraging us to consider the ways we can pursue peace within the body of believers. I often ask the Lord to change the hearts and minds of people I find difficult, asking Him to make them see things my way. I plead with God, promising, “If He will make it easier to deal with the difficult people, then I would be able to extend grace and peace to my church family.” But what if the ability to extend grace and peace amid disagreement isn't dependent on their heart change, but on yours?
While disagreeing isn’t inherently wrong, it can quickly escalate to divisiveness. One of Jesus's last prayers was that the family of believers would be unified, “ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (John 17:20-23).” Jesus knew that His work on the cross would usher in an invitation for the gospel for both the Jews and the Gentiles, two groups that traditionally despised each other. Yet, their unity in Christ would guide them as they pursued peace and walked in the way of love among the body of believers.
Today’s believers still struggle to get along, just as the ancient church did, but thankfully, God’s Word has given us a clear roadmap for dealing with conflict within the church. Ike a biological family, we will experience disagreements within our church family. When being a part of a church community is hard, it’s tempting to wonder if it’s even worth it. Perhaps it would be easier to walk away instead of engaging in healthy conversations and open dialogue about disagreements. As we pursue peace in our lives, we contribute to the collective life of the church body and become more Christ-like. In doing so, we not only change the culture of our church to confront in a loving and grace-filled way, but we also share with a hurting world that disagreements and all, the church community is worth it!
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She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
