What to do when you don’t feel gods love
God created our emotional capacity, and as an intentional, deeply personal God, this can only mean that emotions have their rightful place. There is goodness and beauty in the ability to feel the world around us.
Our emotions are an internal sense that extends beyond the tangible to illuminate our soul’s response to everything. It’s an avenue to faith, self-actualization, deep relational connections, inspiration to change the world, and the spiritual world that God established.
Cultivation and Care for Our Emotions
However, a gift so real and relevant needs cultivation and care. Far too often, in Scripture and in our lives today, we witness a person’s inability to regulate their emotions and recognize the valid message their emotions are sharing. Here, emotions and the perspective they provide are overshadowed by knee-jerk feelings, often controlled by our sinful flesh.
This is when our emotions are tested, when we are confronted with a choice.
For example, we can rightly feel the emotional response of anger when someone abuses a child, but as we feel that initial anger, it’s within our Spirit-given capacity to use that anger to stand in the gap and make a positive difference. Meanwhile, our flesh presents an often enticing opportunity to feel anger and respond with thoughtless, malicious words, leaving positive action as an afterthought.
Again, emotions are self-reflective, showcasing who we are, but in this self-reflection, we are granted choices.
The Choice of Faith
We are granted this same choice when we don’t feel God’s love. When life is stressful, and chaos and heartache plague our day-to-day lives, it’s only natural to experience emotions like sadness and anger. In our limited understanding as humans, it’s only natural to question God and His character.
But amid these emotions, amid all our questions, we are given a spiritual opportunity to engage in a fight-or-flight response. We can fight for our faith, digging deep and pursuing Christ all the more, or we can remain disheartened, allowing feelings of sadness, anger, and emptiness to control our souls.
If you’re ready to dig your heels in deep, no matter what you do or don’t feel about God’s love for you, I have a few spiritual applications that have proven faithful in my life. I hope these seven charges encourage your heart:
1. Understand Your Emotional State
Your emotional response to a situation often reflects something true of you, whether good or bad. Consider whether your anger is rooted in righteousness or your lack of control. Notice if your sadness stems from healthy grief or depression that requires professional help.
Let your emotional state serve as an intake form rather than your control center. In doing so, you can more easily identify when your perception of God’s love is blurred by feelings that aren’t healthy and/or rational.
“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)
2. Reflect on the Past
When my prayers feel empty, I pray through an excessive list of gratitude. I thank Him for the miracles and blessings from years ago and move forward. Next, I thank Him for every beautiful detail surrounding me—the toddler asleep in my arms, my safe, sturdy house, the food in my pantry, my husband snoring beside me, the sunshine peeking through the windows, etc.
Rather than feelings, use the past to affirm God’s faithfulness.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.” Hebrews 11:1-2 (NIV)
3. Read of the Saints
When you consider the battles that many heroes of the faith faced and the suffering they endured, you are naturally reminded that circumstances—and all the feelings they include—can’t counteract the power of faith in God’s goodness, especially when things are hard. (For additional encouragement, continue reading Hebrews 11.)
“And Moses said to the people, ‘Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.’” Exodus 14:13 (ESV)
4. Consider the Downside of Faithlessness
If you feel unloved by God and are frustrated with this sense of loneliness, consider the only alternative: walking away from your faith. In this decision, you have truly chosen to be alone, to leave God out of the equation. You won’t win anything or gain some new sense of fulfillment by isolating yourself from the only One who can grant your heart direction and your soul its purpose.
(And as much as you think you might have left Him, He hasn’t left you.)
“If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” Psalm 139:8 (NIV)
5. Accept That Facts Outlast Feelings
How we feel about a situation, especially when we don’t consider the “why” behind our emotional state, is often rooted in inaccuracies and misunderstandings. When you don’t feel God’s presence, remember that His character doesn’t change. His unending love for you will far outlast your season of doubt and hurt. Remember, facts outlast feelings.
“I, the LORD, do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.” Malachi 3:6 (NIV)
6. Pace Your Perspective
As with many things in life, we want an overnight fix. Humans, as a whole, are remarkably good at impatience. Hence, fast food restaurants, Instacart, Amazon Prime, text messages, and the internet in its entirety. We want everything at our disposal instantaneously.
However, faith is rooted in endurance and perseverance. It will not always answer your questions or soothe your feelings overnight. Pace yourself as you study Scripture, pray, and practice believing what you don’t feel. Let your perspective of God’s love recalibrate at a healing, human pace.
“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting…” James 1:4-6 (NLT)
7. Choose Your Position
God has mapped out a beautiful plan for your life, but part of His beauty is His willingness to grant you free will. You get to choose your position on how you view God and His love. Feelings will come and go. Unexpected emotions will pop up at inconvenient times. Yet it’s up to us to ride out these seasons by choosing to trust in a God we can’t always understand or even feel.
“Now therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:14-15 (ESV)
We Only Doubt What We Believe
As I often tell people who feel discouraged when they doubt God and His goodness, you wouldn’t doubt something you didn’t already believe. You wouldn’t wrestle with what isn’t essential to you. Within these questions, frustrations, and doubts is a heart that is desperate for God. And I promise, in your desperate searching, you will find Him and His relentless love.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)
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