In a season of debilitating anxiety, I gravitated toward Psalm 51. I read it so often that I had almost the entire text memorized. Nearly twenty years later, the words still linger in the back of my mind. My heart pulls them to the surface when I find myself struggling with heaviness and hopelessness.
Inevitable Hardships
To think Christian’s don’t struggle with such heavy feelings, whether self-inflicted or unprovoked, is to deny the unavoidable hardships Scripture guarantees we will face:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)
Then there’s Jonah stuck in a whale, Daniel thrown in a lion’s den, Job losing his family, property, everything, the children of Israel roaming the wilderness, Shadrach and his friends tossed into a fiery furnace—need I say more?
In Psalm 51, songwriter David’s heartache and brokenness are self-induced. The prophet Samuel has just shown him the weight of his adulterous affair with Bathsheba, where he had her husband killed in battle, and now, he is grieving the loss of his son, whom they conceived.
Losing a child—is there a deeper loss? Read Psalm 51, and you’ll find that the answer is a resounding no.
Unexpected Comfort
You might wonder why I found solace in a Psalm this sad and rooted in such serious sin. After all, how can comfort come from the words of a soul-gutted man? Where can hope be found in a mound of spiritual ruin?
The answer lies in verse eight: “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice” (ESV).
In Western culture, we think little of bones outside what’s pessimistic and/or fatal. Bones are a representation of the end, of what was, of what no one can get back:
Bones in a politician's closet make them unfavorable at best, while their character is permanently marked as shady and untrustworthy.
Bones in western movies symbolize the desert’s power, its intimidating scenery that warns viewers of the imminent end of all living things, from plants and animals to even people.
In short, bones make people uneasy because they have been made synonymous with death.
Bones never bring about life in the Western world, but on the other side of the globe, particularly in biblical times, bones were the symbol of a person’s core. Everything they were, body and soul, was identified by bones. Bones weren’t the end for ancient easterners.
This is important in understanding why David would tell God that He had broken his bones. David is confessing to God that everything he was and everything he is now has been destroyed. David admits he has been brought to the lowest place.
Yet, even in this desolate place, David knows that God can make broken bones, a broken soul, rejoice. He understands this truth because, as a man after God’s own heart, he recognizes these three truths:
1. His Transgressions
Throughout Psalm 51, we see that David isn’t hiding from his mistakes: “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge” (vv. 3-4).
He is offering God a broken heart, confessing his own choices shatter it. Scripture reveals that God broke David’s bones and let his soul feel the weight of conviction, but David knows this brokenness is rooted in his personal decisions.
Even though David has lost his son and could try blaming God, he doesn’t. David allows himself to sit through the cause and effect of his sins, and rather than grow bitter or make excuses, he faces what he’s done and trusts the Father to hear him in this lonely, empty place.
In a broken world, where we abuse the free will we were gifted, bones will break. Who we are is a result of the decisions we make, and when we choose selfishness and flesh, our hearts and souls will be like sawdust before God.
We will be tiny bits and pieces of who we were meant to be. But when we accept this reality with humility and show God a repentant heart, we find that our Lord has a perfect knack for patiently putting us back together, speck by speck.
If He takes the time to count the grains of sand scattered across the beaches, if He cares to know the number of hairs on your head, would He not willingly, gladly piece your shattered heart back together? He’s not afraid of your sin. He’s already conquered it. So hand Him your brokenness and allow Him to heal your heart.
2. His Need for God’s Presence
Here, in Scripture, we see that David wants more than a do-over: “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me” (v 10).
He doesn’t even ask God to bring his son back. He begs for God’s presence. Even sitting with the death of his child, David knows that life and joy are found only in the Father, the Giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). David knows that even if he could have his son back, without a restored relationship with God, he is internally dead. Life loses its purpose and fulfillment.
As a mother of two precious little boys, I feel convicted when I consider whether I would have David’s same desperation for God, more so than desperation to have my babies back. Maybe you can relate.
It’s my prayer that God’s presence is truly my pursuit, as it was for David, and that, by aligning my priorities with desiring God’s glory, I find a joy that can weather anything, come what may. And more than weather the storm, perhaps I can find blessings in the rain, joy in the lightning, and peace as the thunder rolls.
3. His Access to God’s Hope and Goodness
The heroes of the faith highlighted in Hebrews 11 have no capes or special powers. Rather, they are heroes because they knew that even in their tragedy, God’s goodness would see them through. Their dependence on someone (Someone) else is what made them great. It had nothing to do with them, and in their humility, God wrote the Bible, breathed life into words written by broken men to put the world back together until the end of time.
Hope and goodness and restoration will always rest in the Father’s kind hands. His wisdom and sovereignty will make everything beautiful and restore all that was lost tenfold. In this truth, we see the David of Psalm 51 exhibit the same great faith he had when he volunteered to fight Goliath.
In Psalm 51, David is much more broken, weary, and aged, but in his faith amid raw grief, he chooses to believe in God for the impossible, like giants falling to their ruin and broken bones finding the hope to rejoice again.
Eternal Joy
No matter the hardships and brokenness you face, I pray you lean into the God who sees crippled hearts as His beautiful creations. In this tenderness, may you trust that eternal joy is still yours as He puts you back together.
“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar” (vv. 17-19).
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