It took me a little while to make sense of this instruction, but eventually, it clicked.
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37 NIV.
When God urged us to love Him more than our kinsmen, a non-believer, a person not guided by faith, might interpret this as God being selfish or full of Himself, as what most atheists would hurl at me when engaged in a debate.
You may have had the same sentiment back when your faith was still taking root, yet to be proven. You might have thought, how could it even be possible to love God more than someone who has been your rock to every rough patch you’ve been through? Someone who’s always been with you, as opposed to God, who you then felt was elusive.
You may have also asked, Is it fair? For example, requiring a loving Mom to love God more than her baby?
That said, let’s make one thing clear. God, by obliging us to live by this teaching, is not requiring us to withhold love from others.
Did He not command us to love our neighbor as ourselves? Matthew 22:39 NIV.
Binding us to love Him more than our kinsmen is God’s way of ensuring that we have a clear sense of His place in our lives. The primary instruction in the 10 commandments leaves no doubt about it. It’s as clear as daylight.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." Mark 12:30 NIV
Why Is It Fair to Love God More Than We Love Our Kinsmen?
I, too, once struggled making sense of God’s demand: loving Him more than our beloved family members.
But then, what I had struggled to accept in my mind changed, shifting one slow morning while I moved through the familiar rhythms at home. A little light bulb went off in my head. Mind you, I didn’t even verbalize this struggle with God in prayer, but He sure knows what’s on our minds. And at just the right moment, He never fails to provide an answer.
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me” John 10:27-28 NIV.
It dawned on me that our first contact isn’t with our family members, not even with Mom, but with God Himself. Isn’t He the One “who knits us in our mothers’ womb” Psalm 139:13 NIV.
I thought, 'Wow, He is the One who knew us even before our mothers laid eyes on us, the God who breathed life into us—shouldn’t He then be our first love?' Besides, we wouldn’t have known how to love if it were not for Him: We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19 NIV
And every loved one we hold dear comes from Him. This quiet, comforting warmth that fills you when you’re in the company of those you cherish wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for God’s grace and kindness. Everything we have and will ever have comes from Him. Will it not be fair then to love Him more than our kinsmen? I’d say that’s fair enough, more than fair, actually.
Simple to Say, Tough to Follow Through?
Considering how wise God is, He would never require us to follow a directive that can't be carried out. The bare fact that He obliged us to do so without any compromise whatsoever only goes to show that it can be done.
The Holy Spirit Engraves the Love of God Within Every Believer
Jesus has constantly reiterated that on our own, we can’t accomplish what God binds us to do. It's the holy spirit living in us that helps us do what we couldn't manage on our own, to accomplish what we otherwise couldn't. He was commissioned to empower us to live and be like His Son, enabling a transformation that mere human effort alone cannot achieve.
It was by God's strength that Abraham was able to obey God's command, offering his son Isaac as a living sacrifice to the Lord. It is by God’s enabling power that Daniel dared to remain loyal and faithful to God even in the face of death as he refused to worship other gods. It is by God’s strength that persecuted Christians all over the world stand firm in the faith despite the violence perpetuated against them. Everything is possible if the Spirit of the Lord truly abides in us.
The Benefits of Loving God More Than Our Loved Ones
In our walk with God, we sometimes hit a bump. We, now and then, struggle to make sense of what God wants us to do or mandates us to follow. But then, we realize that everything He obliges us to act on is always, without fail, for our long-term gain.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Loving God more than our loved ones enables us to make the right decision for our family. At times, when our devotion to our loved ones exceeds our dedication to God, we tend to make erroneous decisions that can impact our family’s well-being, such as emotional dependency, a propensity to spoil family members, and possessiveness.
Too much love for a fellow human being can be dangerous if not tempered with a sound mind, as it renders one illogical. How many people did horrible things for love?
Loving God Gives Us the Capacity for True Discernment
Loving God deeply is the soil in which wisdom grows. It equips us to discern rightly. Because the deeper God’s love takes root in our hearts, the wiser we become.
Wisdom grows where devotion deepens. When we truly love someone, we want to be transformed to accommodate their needs and measure up to their expectations. It is the same with God. When we love God from the depths of our souls, we naturally want to live in a way that honors Him. This motivates us to be more cautious about our choices, consequences, and relationships. Wisdom often grows out of this moral and spiritual discernment—knowing not just what is true, but what is good and right.
With this, our ardent wish for you is that the Holy Spirit, whose power is at work in you, will engrave the love of God inside your heart, in the depths of your very soul. Because, my friend, nothing can outshine the joy that’s within you when your heart overflows with love for God, no…. not for any fleeting pleasure.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Layland Masuda
