After twenty-five years in ministry, we've seen all sorts of people in various congregations. Some congregations were big; others were small. Some were in large, affluent communities. Others came from small rural areas, mostly farmland. In one congregation, the farmers from the region came to Sunday service in their overalls and dirt-covered boots!
As we began to choose leaders, we learned some important lessons:
Just because someone volunteers to run a ministry does not make them a leader.
Although leadership can be taught, most leaders are naturally born that way.
Leaders can be molded to become better leaders, but their character must demonstrate Christ living in them.
Unfortunately, in some church situations, the leaders we inherited displayed traits that not only disqualified them as leaders but also didn't even meet the criteria in 1 Timothy for an elder.
Just as it is essential for us as ministry leaders to identify a person's leadership potential, it's also necessary for us to discern a person’s spiritual maturity. As Christians, we should all assess and determine a person's spiritual maturity so we can decide whether to trust them in certain situations, allow them to become leaders, and invite them to make decisions that will affect the entire church body.
Although assessing spiritual maturity is subjective, a few factors can help determine whether a person is spiritually mature. Here are some ways to discern a person's spiritual maturity:
How They Handle Conflict
Throughout our many years of ministry, I have learned that a person's spiritual maturity is tested. Their true colors showed wildly during the conflict. If a person is offended by their leadership or has a conflict with someone else in church, how they react to an elder or leader’s guidance and direction in that situation, as well as to correction, is a sign of how mature they are.
Conflict tests people’s maturity by revealing how they handle personal attacks, criticism, and blame. Do they accept responsibility, or shift blame to the other party? It is important to note that although conflict can bring out people's big emotions like anger, grief, or sadness, it is how a person handles the conflict that counts. A spiritually mature person will be able to hear the other side, enter the conversation with the intention of reconciliation, and clearly articulate their feelings without blame or character assassination.
For example, if a person is offended by someone else and comes to that person to tell them, in a clear, non-judgmental way, that what the other person said or did hurt them, the offender must be able to assess whether that is true. In some cases, the accusation that the person brings to them is simply untrue. If that is the case, a spiritually mature person will be able to articulate and provide rational evidence of their untruth. They will not see it as a personal attack, but rather an opportunity for growth and change.
If the accusation is true, a spiritually mature person will be able to assess whether there is a grain of truth in the statement. If it is, spiritually rich, your person will be able to accept responsibility, apologize without expecting an apology in return, and work out a clear path towards repentance. If a person reacts out of feelings rather than a desire for love and reconciliation, it is a sign that they are not as spiritually mature as they portray themselves to be.
How They Conduct Themselves in Public
Another strong indicator of a person's spiritual maturity is how the public sees them. If a person acts in accordance with Scripture, displays the fruits of the Spirit in most situations, and engages in healthy behaviors and conversations with those in public, more than likely, they are like this in private.
However, the person in public would criticize a person's conduct because they chose to become impatient, get upset with an organization in the community, or are found carousing, engaging in inappropriate conduct, gossip about their boss or church leaders, or using food or alcohol to excess, this is also an indication that a person is not spiritually mature as they portray.
A person who is mature in the faith understands that the way they conduct themselves in public is the way unbelievers will see them. They know that their public witness is an indicator of what's going on in their heart.
However, if they're engaging in behaviors that clearly don't align with Scripture or look more like the world than like unbelievers, then it is clear a person is not as spiritually mature as one would like to think.
How they Treat their Spouse
Although marriage can be difficult at times, Scripture is clear that it reflects the church. The way a person treats their spouse is a good indicator of how they view the person they love the most. They treat the person in their life in the same way they would treat God. A person who proclaims outwardly that they love the Lord, yet abuses or neglects their spouse, is not a good reflection of the church.
A mature person will recognize a problem in their marriage before it is blown out of proportion. They were willing to seek help if possible and to pursue a path of repentance and change in their behavior. They are not willing to smooth things over with a blanket apology only to continue the same behavior the following day. If they live their lives with intentionality and strive to treat their spouse as they would treat God, it will tell other believers they are mature in the faith.
How They Treat Their Children
Another indicator is how a person treats their children. If they find their children are neglected or don't see Christ-like character in their parents, more than likely, the person is not spiritually mature. While no one is perfect, a child should be able to see the example of Christ in their parents.
This should be an example strong enough that they would want to follow when they become adults. If, however, the child growing up expresses that they don't want someone in their life who is like their parent, chances are a spiritually immature person’s example is not a strong one to follow.
Children should be able to identify Christlike qualities and character in their parents. In some cases, children can be a better indicator of a person's spiritual maturity than anyone because they have no filter. Children often are innocent and say what's on their minds. For example, if it’s apparent that they are always angry, they will express that to the parent. The child's statement may shock a parent who cannot see themselves soberly. However, it is sobering to consider how they live their lives if they are known for more anger than joy.
Spiritual maturity can sometimes be difficult to discern. Because we measure spiritual maturity by how many Bible verses we know, how often we attend church, or how often we pray, these are outward signs of an inner heart change. If a person has been changed from the inside out, their behavior will likely follow.
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