If there has been one thing in my life always to be creeping behind me, it is my depression. I've struggled with depression since I was about twelve years old, but it was undiagnosed for almost ten years. I didn't get an official diagnosis of depression until I was in my twenties. By then, my spirit, soul, and hope had been crushed. I didn't feel up to doing anything, I couldn't smile, and I didn't find joy in anything.
While I was younger, my mom said I had "complexions," but to be honest, I never really understood what that meant. It meant I had a lot of emotions. Ever since I experienced bullying in middle school, I struggled with a negative self-view, which resulted in isolation due to being taken out of public school. I love my family and homeschool, but I also wanted to spend time with my former friends from elementary school.
Changing Tides
I grew up with a group of friends, and it felt sad to know I'd probably never see them again. Once I was in homeschool, things changed fast once I was in homeschool and I started struggling with anorexia. My main goal in life was to shrink myself and to disappear. I never had formal treatment for anorexia, and as one could imagine, it only grew worse with time. It wasn't until post-college that I actually entered recovery.
In all of these things, depression continued to grow darker and deeper in my heart. I felt depressed because of the eating disorder, but I also felt depressed due to struggles in my daily life. I had an impaired relationship with my mom due to the eating disorder, and there were points when she didn't talk to me. I also felt alone because my sister would easily get irritated with me, and she didn't seem to want to spend time with me.
All of these things weighed heavily upon me, and I tried my best to overcome them, but I cannot say I have ever fully overcome any of the struggles in my life. Only more struggles have come about. However, I know that despite my struggles and tragedies in life, Jesus is always with me (Psalm 23:1-6). He has been a constant companion even when I didn't know Him. Staying by my side through the dark times and the sunny times, the Lord has proven Himself to be a faithful friend.
Making Peace with Depression & Accepting it Doesn't Define Me
My depression will probably never go away, and I have had to make peace with it. It doesn't define who I am. Sure, others have defined me by it for my entire life, but I won't. God doesn't define me by my struggles, and neither should I. The same goes for you: you are not defined by your struggles in any form or fashion. God loves you and He welcomes you home with open arms.
Nothing in all this world can separate us from the love of God that is found in Jesus. The Apostle Paul tell us this truth, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).
The love of God is what can help us keep going when the days are hard. Even when we might be tempted to define ourselves by our struggles, we need to fight back these thoughts with the Word of God. In Christ, we have been given fullness (Colossians 2:9-10). This means we are not lacking anything. From the moment we place faith in Jesus, we are complete. Despite our struggles, illnesses, or shortcomings, we are enough because of Jesus.
Refraining from Allowing Depression to Control Your Life
While it is true that depression can worsen as the years pass by, we don't have to allow it to control our lives. It has dictated most of my life and caused me to self-isolate from others on numerous occasions. Ironically, isolation contributed to my depression, yet this is how I cope sometimes. Depression is a complex mood disorder that sometimes does not make sense to us.
There will be days when we will want to throw in the towel, and other days, we might want to try something new. What I have found with depression is that you have to take each day as it comes. We don't need to try to jump the gun or think somehow we have fallen from any sort of progress when we are struggling. Depression is an aspect of our life, but it is not our entire life. We will learn to accept the bad days while being thankful for the brighter days.
Healing Through Writing
This is something I'm still learning, as there are days when I forget I have depression. When I'm busy and working, I forget the sadness and pain that are so prevalent in my everyday life. I believe this is why I write, as it gives me an avenue to express my emotions in words. While it can be extremely difficult to put feelings into words, it is something I have been trying to do throughout my life.
I am terrible with social interactions and I often struggle with saying the right thing, yet I can write my true thoughts in written word. In person, I'm going to be nervous and anxious, yet in my writing, I can finally articulate what I'm truly wanting to say. I fear this isn't a unique thing to myself as I know many people are better in writing than they are in-person. My struggles have shown me that despite these limitations, I can still rise above them.
The same is true for you and for everyone else in the world. In our modern day, we are more prone to struggle with mental issues, such as depression or anxiety, but they don't define us. We don't need to allow our struggles to hold us back any longer. We have to let them go and give all of our concerns over to the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). He will lift us up and set our feet on steady ground (Psalm 40:2). All we have to do is to trust Him, pray to Him, and listen to His kind voice in the Bible.
Understanding How God Works in the World
While I would like to say God will heal us from any and every disease, this isn't how He works today. He can heal us, but if He healed us, He would have to heal everyone because He doesn't play favorites (Romans 2:11). We have suffering and illnesses in this world because of sin. The struggles and illnesses that we face in this world are not God's doing. Rather, they are mankind's fault for falling from grace.
One day, all things will be made new and there will no longer be any tears, illnesses, or death (Revelation 21:4). This day will be brought to completion when God establishes the New Heaven and New Earth. God is our good, good Father and He will bring us safely to His Kingdom. For the time being, we need to continue to turn to Him, pray to Him, study His Word, and rely on the truth that He is always with us.
As we step into this new day, we need to remind ourselves that our illnesses, struggles, and problems don't define us. Only the Lord defines us. One day our illnesses, struggles, and problems will be eradicated and we will be at home with the Lord. At this time, we will finally be at peace and we will soar on wings likes eagles (Isaiah 40:31).
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Janina Steinmetz
