"Going to school" is something you do as a child and young adult. You attend elementary, middle, junior high, and high school, and then follow that up with undergraduate or graduate education. Some individuals even go on to get a Doctoral or PhD degree. Once the schooling is over, however, you're supposed to "begin your life." As if we all know what that life will look like or entail...
As a former teacher, I've never really known what it's like not to go to school. I went to college (school) so I could go back into schools and teach the next generation. When God called me away from teaching and into full-time authorship, not following my traditional pattern of "school" shook my identity. Did I know who I was without my 7-3 routine? Did I know who I was without the label "teacher" or students calling my name?
A little over a year after leaving my teaching job, I began to experience some raw, yet difficult emotions. I didn't realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in what I did until I didn't do it anymore. And even as an author, I battle this self-awareness identity crisis most days. Who am I without the pen and the page? Who am I when it's all stripped away? Who am I at the end of the day?
If you're ever confused about what to do with who you are, this article is for you.
Whether we admit it or not, we live in a world of cultural pressure and expectations. Similar to getting an education and stacking letters behind our names, we forsake who we are for what we can do or achieve. Before we know it, we’re wrapped up in a world that worships productivity, performance, and hustle.
Even in Christian circles, we see this pressure to:
-Achieve our calling
-Be a Proverbs 31 woman
-Have the most effective ministry roles
But instead of focusing on who God shapes us to be through these things, we become obsessed with the role itself. The value it gives us. What we get when we achieve XYZ.
And when the role is stripped away, when we get lost in our calling, when we fail to be the perfect wife, mom, or whoever, when we find ourselves doing too much, we think to ourselves, Who have I become?
The truth is, at our core, we don’t know who we are without doing, and that, my friends, is a problem.
Someday, whether we’re ready for it or not, that role may be stripped from us through job loss, divorce, infertility, health crises, or retirement. These are real calamities that shatter our foundation. But if we’re rooted in something beyond ourselves, most importantly, Someone beyond ourselves, that identity can never be shaken.
Unlike jobs or roles that change and fade with age or time, grounding our identities in Christ and His Word is something that cannot ever be taken from us. Check out these powerful verses:
-Genesis 1:27 declares how I am made in God's image before any role or duty is assigned to me.
-Ephesians 2:10 reminds me that I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works. My value comes from His handiwork, not my resume.
-John 15:5 says we are called to bear fruit through abiding in Christ, not striving ceaselessly.
-1 Peter 2:9 affirms that God has chosen us to be part of His royal priesthood because He cares about us.
Even Jesus Himself teaches us this lesson. God called Him His Beloved Son (Matthew 3:17) not because of what He'd done (though He saved the world), but because of who He was and is. Before Jesus healed or taught or died on a cross for our sins, God called Him His Son. And that identity is assigned to us as His sons and daughters today.
Friends, no matter what this world tells you, your worth isn't tied to what you do. It isn't tied to your season as a mom or your career. Your worth was spoken over you before you were born, and, in Christ, it can never be taken away from you.
Seasons, like leaving teaching to write full-time, impact us all. Maybe you're the mom who has become an empty nester. Maybe you're the wife who lost her job. Maybe you're the young adult who feels lost and aimless after five years at college. Maybe you're the newlywed whose "honeymoon phase" has worn off, realizing marriage doesn't "complete" you.
This is why it's crucial not to wrap up our identities in what we do, but in whom we belong. It's okay to grieve change. It's okay to grieve a lost season. But it's also a beautiful invitation to reevaluate where we get our identity. It's an invitation to meet God in new and fresh ways apart from what we do.
How do we practically do this?
First, I would encourage you to ask this question: "Who am I if I don't do ____?" As someone who struggles with generalized anxiety disorder and an addiction to productivity, I've learned to talk to God about this question a lot. I'm often frustrated with myself, but I've realized that God wants to hear from me and help me see myself as He sees me, apart from what I do. We're all called to do great things for the Kingdom of God and become who He has created us to be. But neither should be more important than who He says we are as His children.
Next, I would work towards building new patterns and rhythms rooted in who God says you are according to Scripture. Read the verses I listed above and ask God to speak to you. Then, take time to journal, worship, and reflect on your findings.
Finally, ask God to speak His identity over you through His Word. Learn to rest in that identity, knowing you're loved not for what you do or produce, but because you belong to Him. This could look like working through negative core beliefs with a counselor or simply separating the truths from the lies in your life.
To the man or woman who feels lost without their role, I want you to know that you're not alone, and I see you. But more importantly, God sees you and still calls you His child. My prayer for you today is that God will remind you of your true identity. Not one that can be bought or achieved through striving, but one received through His rich and abundant grace.
You are known and loved when you're productive and when you're not. The seasons and roles may shift and change, but your Savior does not. You are still His. And that identity will outlast every title, role, or job you're chasing.
"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12, ESV, emphasis added).
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©JLco - Julia Amaral