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the Pearls - 9/14/2008 3:01:31 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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People on this board keep bringing them up, but I have no clue who they are. Could y'all please explain?
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 9:10:45 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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One thing--read their website *before* you read the anti-Pearl websites. Some folks have *not* read the Pearls, or only skimmed their stuff, and are just on the I-hate-spanking bandwagon. 
I think there are some legitimate things to disagree with. I think their theology is a little off, and some of the "stands" they've taken (at least one of their daughters had a religious marriage but not a civil one because they don't want to be sharing civil marraige with homosexuals  )
On the whole though, I've got a lot of benefit from them. Although they are strong in discipline and training, they routinely condemn harshness and reactive parenting. If you yell and spank reactively, it's not your kids who are out of control, it's you. And although their one book focuses on a wife's role (reasonable, since it's written by the wife), they routinely condemn harsh and abusive men, as well as the sexual perversity that's ramant in this culture.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 9:29:51 AM
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Sideways
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I think what gets a lot of folks is the extent to which they take certain things. Many of us certainly believe that training a child can and should begin long before they turn 1, but the Pearls have been know (in my opinion) to take things to far, like using a plastic switch on even crawling babies (in extreme circumstances).
I honestly believe they want the best for their children and that they are doing the best they know how to raise good and godly kids, but I want more of a balanced approach for raising my children. We do use the occasional swat, but the more time that goes by, the less we find ourselves comfortable with harsh corporal punishment. But we have a second child on the way, and lots and lots of parenting left to do, so I may end up eating my words. 
The book on wifehood, also, in my opinion, takes things to far, putting to much blame on the wife for what goes wrong in a marriage. But there is a lot to be said for behaving in a godly manner, even when you are with ungodly people, even if that person is your husband.
But honestly, I think Maggie above me has a much better way of explaining it then Debbi Pearl does. 
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 11:11:00 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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I have read some of their stuff after seeing it talked about here, Maggie is pretty spot on. Some of their stuff on parenting is in line with what we practice(although not the majority) but I detest her book on wifehood.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 1:33:57 PM
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kohls356
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I had never heard of the Pearls until I had a friend who was telling me about a book titled To Train Up a Child and how she learned so much from it. She said how she would like for another friend of ours to read it because she thought she could learn some things. So I asked to read it. When I gave it back to her she asked me what I thought about it and I said I thought it was the biggest piece of garbage I had ever read on childrearing.
I don't believe we have to set our children up for failure in order to train them. I think there are many teachable and trainable moments in a child's life and I don't have to set them up. I agree we need to train our children and I am not anti-spanking I just really disagree with his methods.
He said he would put a pair of glasses on a table and wait until the child was very interested in them and then slap their hands when they reached for them. He would leave a gun on the table and wait for them to reach for it and slap them. He would put a tired child in the car and drive with them and when they would cry he would pull over and take them out and spank them. Those are just a few things I can remember.
I have not read Created to be His Help Meet but from things I have heard from people who have read it I have no desire to read that book.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 2:16:57 PM
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Kat_D
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HERE is a previous thread on Michael & Debi Pearl and their teachings.
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"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 2:53:57 PM
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Consecrated2God
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I think Maggie summed it up pretty good.
Debbie Pearl seems like a sweet, fun lady from the way she writes. I don't agree with everything in their books, but some people try and make them out to be evil child abusers and I don't see them that way at all.
I did start the one about marriage--is it Created to Be His Helpmeet or something like that? I had some major disagreements with some of the stuff in the first chapter, but there was some helpful stuff in there, too. I liked her suggestion to have fun with your husband. I disagree that men fall in love with other women because they fall out of love with their wives, though.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 5:09:33 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
The easiest way is to google them
I did but the way they have their website set up, I found it too overwhelming too navigate through.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:19:20 PM
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Mrs.X
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I read some of their parenting articles on their website. They kind of rub me the wrong way. Particularly the one about tantrums. If I spanked my kid everytime he threw a tantrum, his butt would never return to it's original color. LOL!
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From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:23:48 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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Or he might quit throwing them, lol.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:31:48 PM
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Mrs.X
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We used to spank him for throwing objects everytime, but he still kept throwing them. So, I don't think that route really works for him.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:33:52 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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That's true of some kids.
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:34:05 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Please let's not turn my thread into a spanking debate.....there is a one stop thread for spanking..
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 6:56:22 PM
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Mrs.X
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K
From HERE
quote:
If your 10-month-old is pitching a fit because he wants to be picked up, then you must reinforce your command with a few stinging swats. You are not punishing him; you are causing him to associate his negative behavior with negative consequences. Never reward bad behavior with indifference.
I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a crying 10-month old simply because they want to be picked up. I pick/ed my kids up all the time, and my oldest just grew out of it.
quote:
Don’t ever hit a small child with your hand. You are too big and the baby is too small. The surface of the skin is where the most nerves are located and where it is easiest to cause pain without any damage to the child. The weight of your hand does little to sting the skin, but can cause bruising or serious damage internally.
I have never heard this before, and I wonder if it's true. The Pearls recommend certain objects based on the age of the child. When I first read about the objects, it rubbed me the wrong way until I read the above quote.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 7:19:53 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.X
From HERE
quote:
If your 10-month-old is pitching a fit because he wants to be picked up, then you must reinforce your command with a few stinging swats. You are not punishing him; you are causing him to associate his negative behavior with negative consequences. Never reward bad behavior with indifference.
I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a crying 10-month old simply because they want to be picked up. I pick/ed my kids up all the time, and my oldest just grew out of it.
Agreed. Striking a baby who is just wants love and comfort is going to far. Certainly a 10 month old can be disciplined for other things; they are not to young to learn some basics about safety and good behavior, but dear me.... that's awful.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 7:41:27 PM
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Mrs.X
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From HERE. I think ya'll should read this whole article though. It's short, and makes you wanna roll your eyes.
quote:
But the story didn’t end there. This wise mother decided to retrain her three-month-old baby. She laid her down knowing she would cry. The mother calmly ignored the crying. When Suzzie stopped crying and became cheerful, Mother picked her up and played with her. When Suzzie was placed in the crib and again cried, the mother again ignored her until she became cheerful. Through a several day process of never paying her any attention when she cried, Suzzie stopped crying to get her way. Now, four-month-old Suzzie never cries to get her way. Why go to the trouble if it doesn’t work? She is trained to maintain a good attitude. This training has extended to every area of Suzzie’s life.
3 months old?!?! No way!
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 7:47:40 PM
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Sideways
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That's emotional neglect, not parenting. An older baby can be trained to fall asleep on his/her own, so controlled crying is sometimes appropriate, but that's.... just evil.
A 3 month old can't be expected to understand the concept of "cheerful", as in she should never cry in order to get her needs met by her mother.
ETA: And if you read the article, it says not to wait until 3 months old to start this "training". It says to start as a newborn, to train the child to have "a good attitude" and not cry to be picked up, therefore rewarding the newborn's "bad behavoir".
You know, I honestly think the Pearls mean well, and they do have some good ideas, but this stuff is just dangerous. I do think people who take their words to seriously can become abusive.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 9/14/2008 8:21:23 PM >
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 8:43:13 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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How does a non-talking child ask to be picked up if they don't cry?
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 9:36:17 PM
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Mrs.X
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
How does a non-talking child ask to be picked up if they don't cry?
LOL, yeah. Didn't God sort of design them that way so we would know when to feed them, comfort them, change them, etc.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 9:45:37 PM
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Mrs.X
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I read quite a few of their articles today, and I will say that I read some good stuff. Like how they explain the difference between discipline and punishment, and a few other things.
Before I came on here and didn't learn about attachment parenting and all that and developed a good sense of intuition, I might have been one of those clueless people who read their book and took it too far. I didn't know ANYTHING about babies or kids before I started reading baby books and came on here. I think their books are not good for people like I was, having no clue about right and wrong when it comes to babies. In fact, it could be very dangerous.
I could probably go read one of their books now, and maybe learn a lot from it, but I know what to take and what to leave now.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: the Pearls - 9/14/2008 10:03:21 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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I had a few friends try to push the pearls on me. I read about 3 chapters of their book before getting rid of it. The thought of striking a baby like they suggested was too heartbreaking for me.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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