To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (Full Version)

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Fritzpw_Admin -> To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 2:16:28 PM)

Please discuss the issues surrounding the topic of corporal punishment in child rearing.



Cherish4235 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 3:40:42 PM)

I'm kind of scared to post anything to tell you the truth.

I just have one question...is this thread for everyone to post their opinions in? spankers and non spankers?



Fritzpw_Admin -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 3:47:40 PM)

This thread is for all users on both sides of the debate.

This thread will be heavily moderated.

Users who attempt to circumvent my authority or who use the thread to air their grievances will be found in violation of the Terms of Service and subject to the consequences listed therein.

No other thread on spanking directed at both sides should be started.



emjayzee -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 3:48:54 PM)

This is an attempt to contain the spanking discussions to one place. But really, there's been so much said already, what else can there be? [8|]



TammyIsBlessed -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:04:30 PM)

I guess we could all try to summarize our position. State what we do and why.

I'll start!


I do not think spanking is either mandated or forbidden by the Bible.

I'm not 100% sure whether the rod referred to in the Bible is meant as a guidance tool, a comforting tool or a punishment tool, or perhaps a combination of all 3.

We do spank but only for outright defiance/disobedience and lying. We do not ALWAYS spank for those things, but usually do. We never spank without letting our kids be able to predict the consequences of their actions. (ie they know they will get a spanking for doing something before they do it). Spankings do not occur very often in our household.

We do lightly swat babies as a training tool.

We will probably stop spanking around the age of 5-7 (not sure yet!) - after that, my personal opinion is that there are other more effective means of disciplinary action that can be used instead.

Spanking should never be done in anger.

I do not think parents HAVE to spank in order for their children to turn out well.

I do think spanking is the most effective method of discpipline SOME of the time, but not for all children. Different things work for different kids.

I think consistency and love in any type of discipiline is the key no matter which type of "punishment" is used - be it spankings, time outs, natural consequences, etc.



Cherish4235 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:05:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fritzpw_Admin

This thread is for all users on both sides of the debate.

This thread will be heavily moderated.

Users who attempt to circumvent my authority or who use the thread to air their grievances will be found in violation of the Terms of Service and subject to the consequences listed therein.

No other thread on spanking directed at both sides should be started.


I don't know what the words circumvent or grievances mean, but I do know that I don't think I want to post in this thread ever again either.

I think everyone expressed their opinions well in the last thread. In other words, I guess enough has already been said regarding spanking.



Fritzpw_Admin -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:11:45 PM)

NewlywedMrs.Josh, I PMed you my response.



Jhud -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:12:39 PM)

I would be interested in testimonies that go something like this:

"I was spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life"

To me that would lend credence to the no spanking argument.



rainbowunicorn -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:21:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

I would be interested in testimonies that go something like this:

"I was spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life"

To me that would lend credence to the no spanking argument.


But how about the reverse? "I wasn't spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life."

Is the critical issue the presence or lack of spanking or the presence or lack of being loving and supportive?

Lisa



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:25:32 PM)

I think it would help to define spanking. Too many times when folks think about spanking, they think about a kid getting yanked up by their elbow, and being swatted multiple times on the behind while the parent is yelling and turning three shades of red. That is a parents losing control and pitching a fit on their kids. That is not spanking, Biblical or otherwise.

I think Biblical chastisement includes the use of corporal punishment- the use of a rod, stick, switch, ruler, wooden spoon..... to inflict discomfort to the behind of a child who has exhibited rebellious behavior.

This chastisement should be fully expected by said child, who is aware of the rules of proper behavior, and has chosen to disobey.

Spanking is not the only form of punishment avaliable to the parent, but it can be every effective when done properly. I have seen it time and time again drive the foolishness from a child, as well as save their life- because children who are given mutliple chances to disobey also increase their chances of becoming road pizza. Children who are constantly 'reasoned with' expect explanations before compliance. There is nothing wrong with expecting instant, unquestioning obedience in children. It is a model for what God expects from us.

And as a parent who attempts to model how God deals with us, I also employ the use of natural consequences and the removal of privileges, as well as mercy and long-suffering. It is a prayerful balance.



rainbowunicorn -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:27:36 PM)

BTW, I have 3 children. I have spanked all three of them for varying reasons, mostly having to do with out and out defiance.

But we have to be really careful about how we use spanking on our two boys. The older one has autism and the younger one has Asperger Syndrome. Both of them have gone thru phases during which you could have literally beaten them to death and they would NOT have given in. And these phases occurred before we had diagnoses on our boys. So from our perspective, we were trying to raise two normal boys, just very strong-willed. But the autism caused them to become completely locked-in and unable to give up.

Lisa



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:27:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rainbowunicorn

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

I would be interested in testimonies that go something like this:

"I was spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life"

To me that would lend credence to the no spanking argument.


But how about the reverse? "I wasn't spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life."

Is the critical issue the presence or lack of spanking or the presence or lack of being loving and supportive?

Lisa


I wish my parents had spanked me for losing my temper- I was a married adult with a child before I learned to control my violent outbursts.



Jhud -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:29:17 PM)

quote:

But how about the reverse? "I wasn't spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life."

Is the critical issue the presence or lack of spanking or the presence or lack of being loving and supportive?


Either would be informative to that end; I think my reasoning is that it is one thing to say, "I'm raising my child this way currently because I believe such and such" and another to say, "I am the result of that philosophy and it works".

It's 'fruit' - or lack thereof, which I think is the ultimate test.



stampinlady -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:42:55 PM)

ABC nightly news had brief discussion on this a few nights ago. I was just wondering if anyone really studied what "Rod" meant? Why does everyone assume it means to use something to hit your kids with? Couldn't it simply mean "a way to correct" you kids? I'm not posting whether I'm for or against just making an observation.[:D]



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:46:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvforhim

ABC nightly news had brief discussion on this a few nights ago. I was just wondering if anyone really studied what "Rod" meant? Why does everyone assume it means to use something to hit your kids with? Couldn't it simply mean "a way to correct" you kids? I'm not posting whether I'm for or against just making an observation.[:D]


According to Strong's Greek and Hebrew Dictionary, the word 'rod' used multiple times in the Bible, including Proverbs, is a stick- in the simplest of terms.

Maybe we are supposed to take the stick, wave it over the child, and say "Abracadabra". [sm=icon_smile_boggled.gif]



TammyIsBlessed -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:50:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnymom

I think it would help to define spanking. Too many times when folks think about spanking, they think about a kid getting yanked up by their elbow, and being swatted multiple times on the behind while the parent is yelling and turning three shades of red. That is a parents losing control and pitching a fit on their kids. That is not spanking, Biblical or otherwise.



Well said.



gratefulforgrace -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 4:57:42 PM)

I don't really know what I think about spanking yet. My parents spanked me and I turned out great, IMHO [:)]

I think the thing that scares me about spanking is that I'm sure when my child disobeyed I would already be somewhat angry. How do you make sure that you are spanking out of a real desire for correction and not anger?



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:01:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gratefulforgrace

I don't really know what I think about spanking yet. My parents spanked me and I turned out great, IMHO [:)]

I think the thing that scares me about spanking is that I'm sure when my child disobeyed I would already be somewhat angry. How do you make sure that you are spanking out of a real desire for correction and not anger?


It's ok to be angry when kids disobey- its just not ok to lose control. I have let my kids see that I am angry, but not with a raised voice, or by 'spanking harder', or hurling insults. They need to understand that misbehavior is disappointing to you and to God. God gets angry at sin, and we can show our kids that while we are angry when they disobey, it is the sin that we are angry at, not them.



PrincessDonna -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:07:55 PM)

Having planned consequences to different types of behavior also helps control the anger. At least it does for me. IOW, if you lie, you will be spanked x number of times. Period. If you hurl a toy across the room, you will sit out x number of minutes. Period. If you whine when you are told no, you are grounded from that thing (snack, friend's house, whatever it is) for x number of days. When consequences are preset, kids know what to expect and parents don't have to contemplate the proper punishment in the heat of the moment, at least not most of the time. Kids are good at coming up with things that you've never made a specific punishment for. [8|]



Jhud -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:09:19 PM)

quote:

I think the thing that scares me about spanking is that I'm sure when my child disobeyed I would already be somewhat angry. How do you make sure that you are spanking out of a real desire for correction and not anger?


I find lots of pratice helps.



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:11:38 PM)

That's a good point Donna- it takes the pressure of off you (no inventing dire consequences on the spot), limits threatening("If you do that one more time!"), and the child understands the boundaries, fully aware of what will happen if they choose to disobey. Now all that the parent has to do is be consistent.

We have an "If-Then" chart, based on "The 21 Rules of This House". It covers everything, by incident or principle. I love it.



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:14:14 PM)

quote:

Kids are good at coming up with things that you've never made a specific punishment for.


"But Mom, you never told me I wasn't allowed to jump off the roof of the garage!"



PrincessDonna -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:17:41 PM)

Yes, consistency is key with the predetermined consequences, as with any method of discipline. I have found when I am consistent with it, the kids do much better at obeying. If I slack off, even for an hour, chaos reigns. [&:]

What are "The 21 rules of This House? Is that a book or a list you made up? PM me a list, if you would. I'd love to see it and see if we are missing any. [:D]



PrincessDonna -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:19:43 PM)

I can't pee on my brother?!?!?! [sm=eek.gif]



Sunnymom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (5/5/2005 5:22:40 PM)

Its a book by Gregg and Joshua Harris- you can get it here- cheap, I might add, for the use you will get out of it!

www.christianbook.com



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