RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (Full Version)

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peculiar_lady2 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/3/2007 6:58:18 PM)

Kathryn....it really depends on the child and the adult. If you feel out of control when spanking, then don't do it. try to find another route. However, know that some kids just don't respond to other things like they do to spanking...so this may be something God wants you to conquer. Pray about it. If this is something that God wants you to do then you need to be very specific with a written out list of what will get a spanking and how it will be given. That will keep you in check better. For our house only certain things get spankings...lying, manipulation, safety issues...that's about it. Everything else is punished in other ways. For a 3yo I would say removing them to their own room or a corner where they can calm down is what works best for us.

Our soon to be 3yo who is going through the same thing is not one that responds well to spanking. She freaks out if you even touch her hand when she is upset over something. (When I say touch her hand I literally mean touch...not flick or spank...even a light touch kills her). So we do not spank her hardly ever...and when we have it didn't need to be much of one. Our first two kids definitely needed it more then she does.



lexie -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/3/2007 7:19:59 PM)

Growing up my mother didn't spank. She had this one eyebrow raise thing she did that today at the age of 26 still sends me running knowing I did something wrong. My father did use spanking a few times. It didn't produce any shame, anger or rebellion in me, I knew that I had done wrong and that was what stopped me. My dad would also give us a few chances first and warn us that if we didn't stop we would be spanked.

I'm not against spanking so long as it doesn't hurt the child. Right now dd is almost 1 yr old and she will get a small swat on the diaper or the hand if she is doing something that is dangerous for her. She understands the word no (will stop and look at us) but goes right back to what she is doing. Other times, we will watch her out of the corner of our eye and she is looking at us before she does something she shouldn't.

My husband comes from a culture where it is acceptable to beat your children as punishment. Obviously, he won't continue it with our children but he is not against the use of spanking. He is very good at getting children to sit on their own without moving when they are bad, but we both believe that there are certain safety issues where spanking is allowed if the child knew the rules beforehand and openly disobeyed them.



Hazel2 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 12:16:52 PM)

Donna, you are a lucky ducky to have your baby's blatant disobedience surface at 18 months! Claire was perfecting her teenage eyeroll at six months and we began light handed corporal punishment to which she conformed herself beautifully. Now, like Lexie's little girl, she is careful to avoid "no" items and she will respond mostly to only a voice or tone command. Very little physical dicipline is necessary. She is brilliantly obedient for a one year old and I am so proud : )



manda59 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 2:11:56 PM)

I personally don't think "light handed corporal punishment" is a good idea (or necessary) at 6 months (or 12 months for that matter). A squeeze of the hand and a firm "no", repeated as necessary, works just as well and without the distress.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 7:12:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

I personally don't think "light handed corporal punishment" is a good idea (or necessary) at 6 months (or 12 months for that matter). A squeeze of the hand and a firm "no", repeated as necessary, works just as well and without the distress.

I agree...at that age I really lean more toward removing them or changing the situation or the way I handle it.



nicole6598 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 7:25:22 PM)

ditto to sarah and manda



bzirk -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 8:55:30 PM)

I also agree.



karlie -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 9:00:15 PM)

me too



manda59 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/7/2007 9:06:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
...at that age I really lean more toward removing them or changing the situation or the way I handle it.




Ooh yes, that too!

[:)]



Hazel2 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/8/2007 7:50:19 PM)

I guess it sounds nice to say no firmly and "squeeze a hand" ... of course I tried all of that. As she was rolling over (and off) the changing table, my "firm nos" were happily ignored. Maybe you all have babies who are more sensitive souls ... Claire is a sweetly packaged, very charming, tornado. When she is wobbling toward something off limits, I start with a verbal warning (which she usually heeds because she knows that ultimately, I will remind her if she doesn't), then I will try a hand slap or tap, finally I revert to the diaper thwack. She is too smart for sweet talking and pleaing. She'll look at you, give you a big huge smile (designed to further tenderize the heart) and keep at whatever she was doing.



PrincessDonna -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/9/2007 9:25:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hazel2

Donna, you are a lucky ducky to have your baby's blatant disobedience surface at 18 months! Claire was perfecting her teenage eyeroll at six months and we began light handed corporal punishment to which she conformed herself beautifully. Now, like Lexie's little girl, she is careful to avoid "no" items and she will respond mostly to only a voice or tone command. Very little physical dicipline is necessary. She is brilliantly obedient for a one year old and I am so proud : )


I didn't mean they don't do anything they aren't supposed to before 18 months. (HA! Believe me, my kids wake up with destruction in their eyes as soon as they can crawl!) I meant that usually before then it is a curiousity thing, not an out and out defiance thing. I handle that a little differently...always trying distraction first, then a firm command, then a pop on the bottom/thigh or hand. I don't consider it defiance until I know that they know what they are supposed to be doing. Before 18 months, they really don't.



bzirk -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/9/2007 9:30:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hazel2

I guess it sounds nice to say no firmly and "squeeze a hand" ... of course I tried all of that. As she was rolling over (and off) the changing table, my "firm nos" were happily ignored. Maybe you all have babies who are more sensitive souls ... Claire is a sweetly packaged, very charming, tornado. When she is wobbling toward something off limits, I start with a verbal warning (which she usually heeds because she knows that ultimately, I will remind her if she doesn't), then I will try a hand slap or tap, finally I revert to the diaper thwack. She is too smart for sweet talking and pleaing. She'll look at you, give you a big huge smile (designed to further tenderize the heart) and keep at whatever she was doing.


My point was that I didn't give a bona fide spanking on the behind when mine were that little. I did slap their hands if it was necessary. I only had one child who made that necessary, and she is still my most headstrong today, but she is also the child who exhibits the most conviction about standing up for the Lord. She is very strong, so I recognize that her headstrong behavior as a very young child was actually something that was going to serve her well once it was in submission to the Lord. This is my long way of encouraging parents who have children like this. I FIRMLY believe the Lord makes some people like this, and it's fine. But the parents have to really keep in line with what the Lord wants. Keep your eye on that, and you can stay the course -- spanking, no spanking or whatever.



ak2007 -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/18/2007 10:55:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wallflower1996
I also got spanked on the bare bottom as a kid, and although I felt ashamed it didn't create any rebellion as far as I can recall. I just remember that it made the punishment more of a deterrent.


I agree with that.



loveydoveysmom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (11/22/2007 6:19:10 PM)

I could never decide for myself if spanking was generally useful and/or appropriate or not. I have spanked but everytime it was because my kids were in dangerous situations. For instance; putting their hand on a burner. Then I realized I was spanking out of fear more than anything. Sooooo I decided to use other methods of discipline that required alot more effort and time on my part. Such as, when my 5 year old son got ahold of a lighter and lit a piece of paper on fire (yes it was hidden and it was child proof) Instead of spanking we did a whole morning of fire safety including role playing. So far it's worked pretty good. I'm not saying I don't agree with spanking. I just found it didn't serve a purpose in our house. I don't believe in the strap or a switch.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (1/25/2008 9:33:25 AM)

Yea! I finally got logged on to post here! I read this ENTIRE thread yesterday at work (I know, hard job right? *giggle*) and was soooo inspired by what I read. Many of you have amazing advice that I plan to adhere to my household!

Okay, growing up I was spanked a few times but I can count on one hand how many times that happened. However I am a very headstrong, passionate person and my parents didn't discipline me enough IMO. Sure if I smarted off I got backhanded in the mouth and when I had braces it REALLY hurt. Not to mention my mother loved to wear large rings. *grimace*

Instead I was catered to, spoiled, and left pretty much on my own. I am now almost 30, raising two boys on my own and STILL dealing with selfishness and disciplining myself.

I do spank my boys, but they also get a wide variety of other punishments as well. For instance, if they smart off to me, or back talk me or another adult, they have to drink a shot of vinegar and then write an apology letter. If they continue to fight and whine while shopping they have to hold hands until we leave the store. Mind you, I have two boys; 11 and 8. To hold hands is NOT their idea of a good time. *grins wickedly* If they are rude or unmanagable in public, they go to the bathroom for a stern talking to, and then have to apologise to everyone we're with. And so forth, and so forth.

Every spanking starts with a talk, then followed by another talk, a prayer and then a hug.



Karaboo2 -> What do you do when nothing seems to work?? (2/4/2008 12:32:15 PM)

We are having mega problems with discipline in our house. We have spanked our kids, and that only served to incite further disobedience and anger from the kids because they sought 'revenge' over the perceived injustice. Time-outs are not effective, as they don't learn from them (even when the infraction is discussed fully). Taking away toys and privileges is not working either, as they really don't seem to care. (We have stripped our boys rooms down to the essentials -- bed & dresser, no toys or books at all!)

We have four children, with a fifth on the way. The kids behaviour is getting more and more unruly, from sassing, to stealing things around the house, to breaking things, to being violent with siblings and parents.

Our 6 year old daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and what can work one day won't work the next (it will incite a rage which could result in hospitalization for her)

Our 5 year old son can reason out the consequences of his actions when you are speaking with him, but lacks impulse control. And when he is asked afterwards why he did whatever he did, he replies that he did it because he "wanted to get in trouble"

Our 2 year old son is watching and learning the antics of the older two.

Our youngest is two weeks away from turning one and I'm afraid he will soon start emulating the older kids behaviour.


The kids get a lot of one-on-one time with both my husband and myself, and they behave relatively well if the other siblings are not around. I guess the question is how do I go about finding something that will work when NOTHING seems to work??? HELP!!!!



RichLP -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (3/23/2008 11:13:50 PM)

I haven't read even ONE of the previous posts - I'm posting blind.

I have no kids, but I can speak as someone who got spanked when I was a child.

I'm glad my parents did it. Even though I was above-average in obedience and not getting in trouble, there were times that I did mess up and deserved to be hit because I had disobeyed my parents' verbal warnings.

Most of my friends were also spanked and they also say they are glad they were spanked. I will even say that so many of today's spoiled rotten kids probably never got spanked once in their lives. They never learned that it is wrong to disrespect your parents. This is why I never fail to get a little incensed when I see teenage girls (or boys) screaming back at their parents at the mall. I would have been spanked hard by my father if I ever did that to my mother.

And I am absolutely going to employ physical discipline on my children.



Kat_D -> RE: What do you do when nothing seems to work?? (3/23/2008 11:42:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karaboo2

We are having mega problems with discipline in our house. We have spanked our kids, and that only served to incite further disobedience and anger from the kids because they sought 'revenge' over the perceived injustice. Time-outs are not effective, as they don't learn from them (even when the infraction is discussed fully). Taking away toys and privileges is not working either, as they really don't seem to care. (We have stripped our boys rooms down to the essentials -- bed & dresser, no toys or books at all!)

We have four children, with a fifth on the way. The kids behaviour is getting more and more unruly, from sassing, to stealing things around the house, to breaking things, to being violent with siblings and parents.

Our 6 year old daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and what can work one day won't work the next (it will incite a rage which could result in hospitalization for her)

Our 5 year old son can reason out the consequences of his actions when you are speaking with him, but lacks impulse control. And when he is asked afterwards why he did whatever he did, he replies that he did it because he "wanted to get in trouble"

Our 2 year old son is watching and learning the antics of the older two.

Our youngest is two weeks away from turning one and I'm afraid he will soon start emulating the older kids behaviour.


The kids get a lot of one-on-one time with both my husband and myself, and they behave relatively well if the other siblings are not around. I guess the question is how do I go about finding something that will work when NOTHING seems to work??? HELP!!!!


Wow! Reading your post was painful. It sounds like you have completely lost control. Maybe you could qualify to be on Nanny 911!! Seriously, you probably need professional help. I feel sorry that your family is in such turmoil.



bzirk -> RE: What do you do when nothing seems to work?? (3/25/2008 11:43:52 AM)

Your kids are pretty young, Karaboo2. I'm not so sure you need professional help (maybe but I"m not sure). Perhaps you just need your expectation level set, and when it is, then you can hang in on setting your kids expectation levels. Sometimes it takes a long time (read that: years) to teach your kids boundaries. You may have a headstrong bunch who challenge you more in reinforcing the appropriate boundaries.

Or the problem may be that you don't really know the appropriate boundaries or how to convey the appropriate boundaries. A good book on the subject is Boundaries with Children by Cloud and Townsend.



Christian30 -> RE: What do you do when nothing seems to work?? (3/26/2008 10:57:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karaboo2

We are having mega problems with discipline in our house. We have spanked our kids, and that only served to incite further disobedience and anger from the kids because they sought 'revenge' over the perceived injustice. Time-outs are not effective, as they don't learn from them (even when the infraction is discussed fully). Taking away toys and privileges is not working either, as they really don't seem to care. (We have stripped our boys rooms down to the essentials -- bed & dresser, no toys or books at all!)

We have four children, with a fifth on the way. The kids behaviour is getting more and more unruly, from sassing, to stealing things around the house, to breaking things, to being violent with siblings and parents.

Our 6 year old daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and what can work one day won't work the next (it will incite a rage which could result in hospitalization for her)

Our 5 year old son can reason out the consequences of his actions when you are speaking with him, but lacks impulse control. And when he is asked afterwards why he did whatever he did, he replies that he did it because he "wanted to get in trouble"

Our 2 year old son is watching and learning the antics of the older two.

Our youngest is two weeks away from turning one and I'm afraid he will soon start emulating the older kids behaviour.

The kids get a lot of one-on-one time with both my husband and myself, and they behave relatively well if the other siblings are not around. I guess the question is how do I go about finding something that will work when NOTHING seems to work??? HELP!!!!


Please remember that spanking is a "shaping" practice and not a "fix it" practice. Even in many Christian circles people sometimes cast aside spanking if it does not work after a few times. (I'm not implying that's what is happening in your house, as I dont' know.) With strong-willed children you might have to use more force or more swats. With a flexible object it will not hurt them. My 3 are grown and didn't need more forceful spankings as I did (and i needed many, and until an older age than usual), but we had friends who had to use more aggressive spanking. Many of these children turned out wonderfully as young adults, and many are serving the Lord well. This is just a perspective on spanking that is different, as the "light weight" spanking is not enough for every child, as it was not for me. Over time it shaped my will, though.



JnJs_mom -> RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread (3/27/2008 11:47:02 AM)

I once HAD a friend who told me that I needed to spank my 6 month old every time I put her down and she cried. I needed to teach her to be cheerful. People like that scare me!
I do spank though, I do not think every offence needs a spanking especially for my daughter. Time outs seem to work much better for her. I like James Dobsons view on spanking. If I tell my sweet little girl to pick up her mess and she wrinkles up her pretty little face at me and says NO I am going to spank her little behind.



buckifn -> RE: To Spank (5/8/2008 11:04:19 AM)

quote:

Yikes! I'm sorry, but I fail to see the humor in such a horrid incident. Child abuse is never funny.


That sums up my belief as well. I have seen horrific cases where children died from being hit by an adult and the adult often times insists to the end "it was not abuse" My question is always the same- "would this child be dead if you had not taken the action you chose to take"?

The answer to discipline does not come from hitting a child esp in anger. It comes from nurturing, teaching, patiently training, and prayerfully guiding a child while you are modeling the life Christ has commanded us to live.



bzirk -> RE: To Spank (5/20/2008 9:05:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

quote:

Yikes! I'm sorry, but I fail to see the humor in such a horrid incident. Child abuse is never funny.


That sums up my belief as well. I have seen horrific cases where children died from being hit by an adult and the adult often times insists to the end "it was not abuse" My question is always the same- "would this child be dead if you had not taken the action you chose to take"?

The answer to discipline does not come from hitting a child esp in anger. It comes from nurturing, teaching, patiently training, and prayerfully guiding a child while you are modeling the life Christ has commanded us to live.


buckifn,

I ask the following questions strictly out of curiosity and not to make any kind of point. Do you have children? If so, how old are they?

Thanks.



Cloak -> RE: To Spank (9/16/2008 5:00:54 PM)

Any biblical verse that supports or opposes spanking, please post away?



reach -> RE: To Spank (9/16/2008 6:06:26 PM)

Spank......



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