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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2006 5:52:29 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6026
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 2cappucinosmom
What I would have done were I that mother: No three chances, child obeys, or child gets a switching. No pulling down pants, and certainly not in front of a non family member  , as my intention when disciplining is not to shame the child.
I very much agree.
When mine were small, if I wanted to give them a talking to, or, in rare cases, a smack on the bottom, I would always take them out of the room and *away* from the gaze of other people, whether it was a family member, an adult or one of their peers. My mother used humiliation and shame on me as a child, and it only bred low self-esteem and resentment. The only thing I'd do in front of others, if they were being dangerous, was hold the hand or wrist firmly and say "no".
I cannnot agree with the pulling down of the pants, whether in front of anyone else or not, but especially not in front of anyone else.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2006 11:06:26 AM
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Iluvhim2
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That sounds similar to what I saw. They came over, this friend of mine, Angela, and her son, and as we were talking and sipping coffee having a good time together when she suddenly stopped, looking past me, and spoke in a firm but controlled voice, "put that down jimmy". Her five year old, Jimmy stood there looking at her still holding the scissors. I didn't know what to do, "should I take them out of his hand?" "No," I thought, "I better let her handle this". Jimmy turned and started playing with the scissors, ignoring his mother. "Jimmy I told you to put down the scissors, this is the last time, next time I spank". Jimmy continued playing with the scissors. "Excuse me a minute", She got up went over to her son and said "give me the scissors". Right then and there Angela pulled down the boy's pants, and gave me three hard whacks on his butt. The boy's cry was good and loud, he howled! I really like that little guy, he is such a fun loving cute kid. It made me hurt to see him like this. When she was finished she said to him, "do you know why I spanked you?" Through the sobs I heard a faint "yes". "Why did I spank you?" It took the boy quite a while to get it out, but he eventually told her why. After that the poor little guy buried his face in the couch, either to hurt or ashamed to face us.
But I tell you, it was really hard for me to witness all this. When Angela returned to the table I remarked, "I...I would never be able to do what you just did. I just couldn't bear seeing him cry like that". She answered me with, "I just think to myself what he might become if I didn't".
I don't know what to think, is it right or is it wrong to spank our children? Guess what I am really asking is, does God want me to spank my child? But as far as what Angela did with her son and what she believes, you know, "spare the rod spoil the child" sort of thing, she didn't appear to me to be thrashing the boy, she didn't appear to have lost her temper. Was it because I was present, I don't know. I suppose if she wanted to physically abuse she could have left, gone home and then whale on him. But Angela appeared to be fully under control like she knew what she was doing.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2006 3:38:58 PM
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FlyingPenguin
Posts: 20
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We spank, do I like it? No. Do I spank out of anger? Very rarely. Normally if I very angry I look at my kids for a long time and then say "go to your room". This means I am too angry to deal with the situation at the time. Our children do not get spankings very often. I think they got more when they were smaller and as they grew up and learned to rationalize better we are able to use time outs, take toys or privledges away. write sentences, make them go to bed an hour early, clean out the garage. Sometimes I think they wished had been spanked instead cause cleaning out the garage is a lot. lol
Just like you said your friend said "I just think of what he might become if he didnt". Those are the things I have to remind myself too. Sometimes I say to myself it would be easier to "just let this slide once" because I don't want to hurt them by punishment but yet I KNOW they have to learn! If a cop pulled over someone speeding 5 times and 5 times he just told them to be careful, never a ticket. They would continue to speed another 500 times because they don't have anything to remind them not to do it. They don't fear the consequences. Once they get that huge fine, they think twice about speeding the next time. Does that make sense? This world would be pure chaos without order and rules. Our children will be pur chaos without order and rules. They need to know what is expected of them and they WILL push you to see what they can get away with. If they think you will do nothing when you tell them not to do something, they will continue to do it. If you ask twice and they do it again and then they are punished they realize they can't get away with it.
It's like my step on, the oldest one. He will never push his father because he knows his father will not put up with anything. I am a little lighter with the sword so to speak, so he will push me. That is my own fault. You don't have to rule with fear, but you can rule with proper punishment and love.
They need to realize they must follow rules. In a society that runs on rules. We can't steal, we can't speed, we can't be late to work, we can't drive and drive, we can't use illegal drugs, we can't, we can't, we can't....rules are everywhere. If they don't learn them at home they are going to have a hard time when they get that first job and then they get fired of being tardy three times. That is the way the world works. If you have a teenager and he is 10 minutes past his curfew, he needs a punishment. You can't just say "well,next time you better not be late" and then 10 times later you are still saying "next time you better not be late" he is going to be one tardy at work who gets fired and is going to think the boss is just a big meany.
Like my Dad always said "this spanking hurts me that it hurts you". It's true. I have gone to spank my kids for lying and I hate every minute of it but I know it has to be done. Spare the rod spoil the child. Of course, I do not believe in beating your child. There is a difference between beating and a controlled spanking, which why if I am too angry I will not spank. I learned that from losing my temper and regreting it later. Better to cool off first.
I have never pulled their pants down in front of anyone though. In fact I have always spanked through the clothes, so has my husband.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2006 7:26:41 PM
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nessz79
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iluvhim, it's probably worse for you because you know this little guy in a nonparental way. To sound like every other mother with an opinion, "just wait until you have your own." I guess I always thought that I would have angel children and was rather shocked to see that I had 2 strong-willed boys. It took me a while to jump on the "spanking" wagon. But my oldest just didn't respond to much else at the age of 2. Sometimes time-outs worked. But for big things and really disrespectful behavior, spanking always was the thing that produced the results. I always love on my son afterwards, as soon as he's backed down from what he was doing. He often seeks a hug and I always give him one. We then talk about why it happened, we sometimes hug again, I tell him I forgive him and that's it. We are usually happy after this. This may sound strange but I even think we tend to bond after a particularly big incident that results in spanking. He is so reassured of my love afterwards and it's good to be forgiven and to forgive.
I used to feel bad for kids sometimes when I saw them spanked...before I had kids. Now I see, that when it is done "right", it can really give you results you weren't even expecting.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2006 10:49:10 PM
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W.O.F.
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as someone who spanks...I have to say...I have never done it on a bare bottom unless the bottom was already bare (ie in the bath...or getting ready for bath, etc) and even then..I usually would put a towel over bottom to spank.
I don't spank my children in front of each other usually, much less someone outside the family.
Spanking is to be done to correct...not to shame.
I would have asked if there was a room I could take him to....
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/29/2006 10:14:03 AM
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JesusIsTruth
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I got in on this very late! I am still going to post my thoughts though, but have not read through all 13 or 14 pages of post. I do believe in spanking! I do not beleive in bare bottom spanking and I do not believe in spanking a child to make them feel bad about themselves or humiliate them in any way. It is used to correct my children only. I do not do it often, but when it is needed it is done. For those who believe that it just teaches kids that hitting is ok, I totally disagree because if it is done right, your child will know that it is to teach them right from wrong and not something you are doing because you enjoy it.
Below is some info taken from Gotquestions.org. I totally agree with it all and this is my way of looking at spanking as well.
"The rod in the Bible is a reed-like stick. Proverbs 23:13-14 does in fact promote physical discipline. "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death" (NLT version). There are also other verses that support physical correction (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 20:30). The Bible strongly stresses the importance of discipline; it is something we must all have to be productive people and is much easier learned when we are younger. Children who aren't disciplined grow up rebellious, have no respect for authority, and as a result obviously won't be readily willing to obey and follow God. He uses discipline to correct us and lead us down the right path, and to encourage repentance for our actions (Psalm 94:12; Proverbs 1:7, 6:23, 12:1, 13:1, 15:5; Isaiah 38:16; Hebrews 12:9). These are just a few verses about the good of discipline.
Here is where the problem lies; a lot of times parents are either too passive or too aggressive when it comes to raising their children. The ones who don't believe in spanking sometimes lack the ability to correct and discipline properly, causing their children to grow up unruly and defiant. This hurts the children the most in the long run. "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child" (Proverbs 29:15). Then there are also some parents who can misconstrue the Bible's definition of discipline (or they may just be abusive people) and use it to justify the abuse and mistreatment of their children.
Discipline is used to correct and train people to go in the right way. "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way" (Heb 12:11). God's discipline is loving, as should it be between parent and child. Spanking should never be used to cause lasting physical harm or pain, but a quick swat (on the bottom where there is the most padding) to teach the child that what he did was wrong is acceptable. Never should it be used to vent our anger and frustrations, or be uncontrolled.
If done biblically, it will not teach children that hitting others is okay, because they will realize they are not the authority over anyone else and they will know the purpose of it. "And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Spanking is not the problem with angry children nowadays; it is the way they are treated by the parents. It should only be done when the children are rebelling, and loving instruction should follow.
Recommended Resource: The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson."
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/29/2006 1:58:00 PM
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FlyingPenguin
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My husband used to get beat by his Dad when he was drunk. There is a difference between a beating and a controlled spanking.
I remember my father spanking me with the belt and he missed my rear and got me across the back. My father felt HORRIBLE, he hugged me and apologized. My Dad did what he felt he had to do because I talked back to my mother. Was I scared to talk back to my mother? Yes, in fron of my father I was. Cause my mother hardly spanked and I could get away with it when he was not around. My brother called my mother the B word once and she slapped him across the face. Good for her. When my Dad got home he got it even worse.
Children need to know there are rules and limitations. Our world revolves on rules. A child who talks back and never gets a spanking is going to think he can get away with it. Wait till he talks back to a cop and thinks the cop is just going to "talk" to him about it. He is going to ask him firmly a couple of times to put his hands behind his back and then BAM down he goes and that cop is going to use the force he needs to get that person to comply. He is not going to put him in a time out and he is not going to make him write sentences. I am not saying all of our children that do not get spanked are going to get in trouble with the law. Some children are more defiant by nature, just like some adults. I am just showing that there are rules and there are consequences to our behavior, some of them are physical consequences.
Think about our sons and daughters who join the military. Heaven have mercy on the son or daughter who knows no physical punishment. They will be in a world of hurting. How do you think the military molds such strong young men and women, men and women of character? They take them in and literally make them into what they want them to be and lot of it is physical and mental. Because when they go off to war these young men and women have to be strong minded people, strong physically and mentally. They have to be trained to put up with the bad things that come with war. Most people that I have known who have served in the military are strong people. They have good morals, good work ethics, and above all respect for authority, they also work well together in groups because they have been taught to work as a unit. I can plainly see the difference between a military man who was forced to get up at 4:30 every morning and made to do something he hated than a man who was left to smoke pot on his couch without any consequences. You can figure out which one shows up to work on time , is more disciplined and which shows a better respect for authority. I am not trying to be rude. I just see so many parents who refuse to discipline by spanking their children because they fear their children will not find favor with them. Unfortunately, finding favor with our children will not bring our children to heaven. Yes, we have to discipline with love. I do not believe in beating by any means. If someone have a problem with anger and losing control then that person needs to seek help to control that.
There was a time before I had children when I said "I will never spank my children". I remember saying that when my son was a newborn. But then he turned in to a toddler, then a sassy five year old, then a argumentive 11 year old. Trust me I "HATE" spanking. I really do. I do it because I feel it is right to help me mold my children into better people. A spanking is saved for something that is punishable by spanking. By the third time I am saying don't call your sister a name, then I am having them write sentences. If I found they stole from the neighbor, there is not three chances, they are getting a spanking. I think it's an effective means of punishment. Whoever said that each child is different. I AGREE!!!!!! One of my children you merely have to make a face at her and she feels like the world has crumbled, she does not want to scorn you. My son, sweetest boy in the world, but he is full of energy and busy busy busy. He was type to run out in the street when you put him down, or throw the book when he was mad. He is also the first to come hug me and tell me thinks I am the best mother in the world. He has probably been the one who has had the most spankings.
I am for spanking but I can give you an example of when I don't think it is right. My daughter was in second grade and she needed help studying her spelling words. My ex husband was getting frustrated with her and he said "if you don't get it right next time I am going to spank you". She did not get it right. She came in and asked me for the belt. I said "why in the world do you need the belt?". She said because Daddy said she was going to get a spanking for not getting her spellling words right. I went in there and said "we are not running a prison camp here, and it will be over my dead body before you spank her for something like that". Did I over step my bounds? I don't think I did. Someone might think I did. But I also feel it is my duty to protect my children. There is a way to teach a child spelling words without a spanking!!!!! Now, if she had stolen something it would have been different. I have had to stop my husband now when I feel like he has gone too far with my oldest son. But he knows he gets frustrated with him easily and he does not get mad at me for saying "Ok, enough is enough.....we need to calm down". He trusts that I am right. I don't feel like I am overstepping my boundaries because my husband appreciates that I am there to calm him. There is a way to discipline by spanking and I believe it should only be reserved for major things and should not be done in anger.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/30/2006 9:28:05 AM
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Room2Grow
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luvinghim- The only thing that I would not agree with is that she did it in front of you. I spank dd- she is two. Similar to this boy, there is a warning, then a spank (except for a few things like hitting- that goes straight to a spank). Personally, I use a paddle, so I don't like to do it on bare skin, though I did last week (as WOF said- bottom was already bare), but was very careful to smack much lighter. After dd is punished, we ask her why- usually she knows the answers, sometimes we have to lead her back (but she is two!). She apologizes and then we always hug.
My dad always preferred to spank on a bare bottom- he liked to see that the skin turned red and then the mark quickly went away before the next swat- that way he knew he was causing a little pain, but was not hitting to hard or too quickly. As we aged, hand spanks were on underwear (let's face it, smacking 7 year old through jeans is a joke!), but paddles were through pants. He never hit in anger, it was always very controlled and almost always in our bedroom (unless we were somewhere else or in public- but then, it was usually- "you can expect a spanking for that when we get home.")
I was spanked, and I spank. My dad and I can pretty much name all the times that I was spanked- I was a compliant child. I spank dd- usually once every week or two- it is not an "always" punishment, it is a "sometimes" or "escalation" punishement. People used to think that my parents were horrible for spanking me because I was such a good kid. Ummm...Maybe because they spanked me now and again?? 
I'm sure you felt horrible for this child, but he was warned and at five, was fully capable of complying. He was probably testing mom to see if she WOULD spank him with others around (though I would have preferred she take him to another room). When you have kids, you will find that you quickly stop sympathizing with the child and very much hope that the parent will ACTUALLY follow through on their discipline! (I really root for the moms whose kids are screaming for candy in the check out- stay strong mom, stay strong!)
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/30/2006 4:59:21 PM
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FlyingPenguin
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I have to take back something I said. Last night my oldest step and husband had an argument. I tried to step him to make my husband calm down. I did over step my bounds last night. It made my husband feel I was one my son's side because of my husband's over reaction, when actually my son was really the one at fault for his remarks. No parent is perfect.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/4/2006 10:32:04 AM
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whitecolum
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At the wedding anniversary of an elderly, somewhat eccentric Christian couple, great friends of my parents, this story was told by someone - either they themselves, one of their children, or a mutual friend.
Once when one of their children had done something wrong, the husband/father was furious and was chasing them about the house with a slipper. The wife/mother slowed him down, and said "Roger, stop, you're too angry, you're too angry. Give it here, let me do it."
I think this demonstrates the correct attidue towards spanking. Just my two cents.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/4/2006 10:57:42 AM
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Christina124
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I grew up in an abusive home and know I have a temper as well. Therefore, I do not spank my children. They do just fine with grounding, privilege loosing, and talks about what they did that was wrong and why.
I did spank my children a couple times when they were younger but it felt wrong to me. Hands are for loving and not hitting…I never wanted my children to cower at the sight of my hand like I did with my father. How can I teach my child that violence is NOT ok and then spank or hit them???? It just never made sense. What person gets spanked in their adult life anyway? If I spanked an adult…I would go to jail. I figure that since I am teaching them to be an adult someday…..why would I want them to think hitting people is ok??
My girls are 12 and 14 and do just fine without spanking. I get the correction/discipline across just fine with talking and grounding/privilege loosing tactics. It has not failed yet.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 5:31:41 AM
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HenriettasCat
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Out of interest - what behaviours do parents see as warranting a spank? Do you always spank the child for those behaviours or do you first look at other causes of the behaviour other than outright naughtiness. What do you call 'bad behaviour' and with small children do you remind them first of the proper behaviour and spank only if the behaviour persists or do you spank as soon as the offence is committed.
Obviously my children are not perfect (well almost  ) but as non spankers we have found that 95% of the time (our children are small 3 1/2 and 10 months - so its really only the 3 year old I suppose) bad behaviour is down to our parenting eg mummys been too busy with other things and we've had no one to one time that day and its a cry for attention, not given clear instructions, maybe we've had lots of visitors and they are disturbed. Perhaps I've allowed too much sugar that day. I am not saying that we do not address the behaviour but we do so in a very gentle way and address ourselves as well.
At the moment (starting today actually) the behaviour we are addressing in our 3 year old is that he will not let us play on the floor with the baby without barging (sometimes in an aggressive manner) in between us. We want to teach him that he can be a part without constantly being the centre. Bad behaviour - yes, but we are dealing with it by telling him he must sit to our side and hands off (training). If he cannot sit there and control himself he can sit a few inches or yards back, or on the sofa, whichever is the distance where he can control himself so that he is still in the room and a part of the goings on (we include him with chatter), but must learn to do so in a different way than he is used to. Our aim is that he will soon learn that 3 can play together but that he must sometimes take a back seat. Soon he will do that 'internally' IYSWIM and then he can come and sit on the floor with us again. This is what I mean by instruction not punishment. Our tone is gentle and we let him know he is not in trouble. It is hard for him but I can see his feelings are not hurt in the same way he would be if he was being punished which dh and I thought would be more detrimental in this circumstance.
I'll let you know how it goes!
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 5:37:46 AM
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HenriettasCat
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Oh, the other thing is dh hit a couple of times recently. We dealt with this by saying do mummy and daddy hit each other, do we hit you no. We do not hit in our house. What are hands for? He then had to think of three things hands are for - loving, playing, helping, writing, painting cooking etc etc. It really did seem to nip it in the bud and emphasise that we are made for good works. He preaches it himself now.
BTW I understand when parents who spank say they are not hitting, but I don't think my son would buy that, he'd just say 'but I wasnt hitting mummy, I was SPANKING my friend'
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 7:16:45 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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Ds has tried to "parent" his younger brother (taking on my 'authority' tone, and giving orders/directions)--I stop him before he even gets to the "spanking" part and explain to him that he is *not* the parent and does not have authority to do that. If he has a problem with the baby, he needs to come to me.
We don't ignore our part in problems either. But that doesn't mean we let his behavior go unchecked. Ds2 knows that screaming is unnacceptable. Screaming and misbehaving for attention is unacceptable too. It is not the only way he can get attention from us, and he knows it, but sometimes chooses misbehavior of his own accord. I just don't accept that at 3 he "doesn't know better"--all the evidence points the other way. He's precocious, intelligent, has been grasping abstract concepts since before 2 yo.
We swat for disobedience.
Spank when rebellion is more severe (screaming, consistently refusing to do as told, hurting the baby, etc) Actual spanks are pretty rare around here because on the whole, our kids are very well-behaved.
And we talk about it at the end of the day. If things have gone smoothly, and he's behaved well, he gets lots of kudos. If we had a bad day, we talk about why. If *I* had a bad day, and yelled, I ask his forgiveness. I find spanking perfectly acceptable as part of parenting. What I'd like to get rid of is yelling. I don't do it often, but that's still too much. But my mom was a yeller and it's a hard habit to break.  I much preferred my dad's method of discipline--calm, and spankings. The last spanking I remember (I think the last one I ever got), I got from my dad, with a wooden spoon. I was 9 yo, and I knew I deserved it--I had been pulling my baby sister around by the arms, and she liked it, but it was giving her rug burns.  So my parents told me to stop it. I didn't stop, and ended up dislocating one of her arms.  I deserved the spanking, and I needed it, not only as punishment but also because without it I would have wallowed in guilt. My parents chastised me because they loved me, just like God does with us.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 7:26:46 AM
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sunnyangels2
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quote:
This thread is for all users on both sides of the debate.
This thread will be heavily moderated.
Users who attempt to circumvent my authority or who use the thread to air their grievances will be found in violation of the Terms of Service and subject to the consequences listed therein.
No other thread on spanking directed at both sides should be started.
as for me , i am for not spanking...
i tried spanking my son ard 4 times and i just can't do it anymore...
not only it hurt him , but it hurt me...
it's hard to explain but as the years goes by i still had some flash back of the incident and i regret it...it made me cringe
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 8:00:06 AM
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HenriettasCat
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Our youngest is just learning 'no' now. So far so good - mainly its just when he tries to touch something he shouldn't. The tone in my voice seems to suffice.
I remember when ds1 took to screaming. Oooh, it was one of those things I couldn't stand. He used to do it in his high chair so we just turned it around to face the wall or about 5 feet away just outside the kitchen door in the hallway (not so he couldn't see us though) - no audience, he soon stopped. One thing ds1 still thrives on is an audience!!!
I know what you mean about yelling as well. I catch myself doing it sometimes esp when tired. I find that when my attention is on the baby or if my nerves are frayed I its easier than doing the getting down to his level thing. I guess if I was a spanker a loooong paddle might be the answer, then I wouldnt have to bend to grab his attention  . As it is all I have to do is look mean, point my finger and say 'stairs', but still feel I do that more than is necessary too.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 11:55:18 AM
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Aomiel
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Joined: 5/31/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jhud
I would be interested in testimonies that go something like this:
"I was spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents, and it ruined my life"
To me that would lend credence to the no spanking argument.
Ok...I was spanked by otherwise loving and supportive parents and, while it did not ruin my life, it has created a permanent wedge in the relationship between us. I found spanking to be a demeaning and humiliating experience....something I have never been able to forget.
I have 3 children and we have never spanked them. We've used other methods of discipline that worked just as effectively without making the child feel in fear of us....and didn't leave last impressions of humiliation.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 12:19:53 PM
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Aomiel
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: smootches2uall
quote:
Where do you get the evidence that children who do not recieve spankings hit other children. The fact that I am part of 2 playgroups, a church children's group, and a kids care at the gym and are friends with many of the women whose children play with mine. My children have been hit or swatted by 90% of the children that I know for a fact their parents don't agree with spanking and don't practice it. My children, on the other hand, as well as other couples (that practice spanking (in the minority)) children have rarely, if ever, hit another child.
That has more to do with the fact that they aren't disciplined at all....not that they hit because they weren't spanked.
My sons have never been spanked. They don't physically lay hands on anyone. In fact, when they watch people on tv hitting others, they wonder what makes them think they can do that.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 12:36:42 PM
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Aomiel
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: smootches2uall
In almost every other case, it is, I firmly believe, and studies have shown, the fact that children are being fed improperly and not being challenged physically, from an EARLY age. These instances, I wholeheartedly agree, are forms of neglect and abuse.
If the wholesale argument can be made that parents of overweight children are neglectful and abusive (because they don't take the time to stand behind their child and prod them into constant activity??), then it's not a far stretch to say parents who spank are abusive because they don't take the time to reason and talk with their children instead of hitting them.
Since I know the latter half of this statement is incorrect, it's fairly easy to see the first half is as well.
That's a very serious judgment to say that these parents are abusive when there are so many other factors involved.
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RE: To Spank - 6/5/2006 12:49:51 PM
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Aomiel
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Earl_Lee
I apologize in advance for the length. If I truly loved my neighbor as myself I would somehow be able to shorten this. I understand if your eyes glaze over and you need to skip it.
Earl,
I did read all the way to the end and loved your post. Thank you for taking the time to write it!
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/5/2006 12:57:58 PM
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Aomiel
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Iluvhim2
"Excuse me a minute", She got up went over to her son and said "give me the scissors". Right then and there Angela pulled down the boy's pants, and gave me three hard whacks on his butt.
I have been reading all of the posts and, while I still do not believe in spanking, have not gotten the impression that any of the parents are abusive.
As far as I'm concerned, a parent is abusive who would publicly pull her son's pants down, spank him and then try to have a discussion about what he did wrong.
I guarantee you that even if this child does not remember this on a subconscious level, the humiliation will affect him. Now I need to go cool down.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/10/2006 12:31:01 PM
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armydude
Posts: 16900
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
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My son is a little different on this. I've spanked him before, but he responds to the tone of my voice more. If I spank him, but don't say anything his response will likely be no response. He won't get upset, cry, or anything like this. If I spank him and say that he's being bad, or tell him in a stern tone of voice what he's doing wrong, then he gets upset.
_____________________________
No act of kindness is too small when measured by nail-pierced hands.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 6/10/2006 3:48:02 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1471
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: armydude
My son is a little different on this. I've spanked him before, but he responds to the tone of my voice more. If I spank him, but don't say anything his response will likely be no response. He won't get upset, cry, or anything like this. If I spank him and say that he's being bad, or tell him in a stern tone of voice what he's doing wrong, then he gets upset.
that is why spanking is only ONE tool of discipline. If we don't teach them what is wrong and use voices...spanking is worthless.....but I assume you teach him first that something is wrong before you spank him.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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