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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 10/29/2006 7:27:25 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Things were better this week in the financial department, but I had the flu all week so I was miserable. Ed and I talked and he shifted some money from the account where he's been saving to get a lift for his power chair and paid our utility bills. I know he needs that ramp, and I'm sorry that he has to wait awhile longer to get it, but if he hadn't wasted all our money for two weeks he wouldn't have had to take money out of his savings.
My brother called me Friday and told me that our mom passed away in her sleep. It was a blessing for the most part because she hasn't been herself for years. My mom used to be a strong, opinionated, outspoken person who bossed us all around and stuck her nose into everyone's business. Since she got sick a few years ago, she hasn't been able to talk coherently and has been in a nursing home because she couldn't care for herself. The only time that Mom said anything that we could understand was when she was in church. When she was in church, she suddenly perked up and could sing every hymn and quote from the Bible from memory. It was awesome to watch. My brother and his wife and kids live near where she was and my brother's been faithful in visiting her and taking her to church.
It is a blessing that she's home with Jesus now, but I am still somewhat sad. We have to drive down for the funeral (a 10 hour drive) and I thank God that Christina will be with me to share the driving. We'll start driving down there on Tuesday. Tomorrow I'll tell my boss I need the rest of the week off. I made my reservations at the local motel yesterday and I'm doing laundry now so I won't have to rush packing tomorrow after work.
Ed can't go with us because the doctor won't let him travel that far away from our area. He can't sit still for a drive that long. So... he will stay here. He won't be alone because Ben and Becky will be there to stop in and make sure he's OK. Plus, he has to go with them next weekend to the Special Olympics Winter games. He has people lined up to stay with him and help him with his chair and his physical needs so he'll be OK. I won't see him for a week!
In happier news, Christina had a date to see a soccer game with the son of her pastor! She's really excited. She really likes him and she's hoping it might grow into something special. Time will tell. She doesn't have a job yet, but she's looking. She's also considering signing up for EMT training at the hospital. A lady from her church may have a job for her, in a chiropractor's office.
Please say a prayer for our family and for Christina's job search. God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 11/11/2006 11:30:22 PM
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forgiven4ever
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The trip went well, and I enjoyed seeing my family. Most of us are believers, and we all knew that my mom is "home" with Jesus now. During the trip I rested as much as I can, but the drive itself is exhausting so I am still not feeling well. I had all this time to "recover", but I still haven't shaken this cold/cough/body ache thing. It comes and goes. I think I may end up seeing the doctor.... but I keep getting just about better and then it comes back.
While we were down there I kept Kyi in the motel with me. I know he needs some "mom" time. He has been so smart alecky and I really think it's partially that he is jealous of the extra attention I've given to Christina since she moved back to Pa. But his rudeness and backtalk is way out of control so we are trying to limit his video games and TV as a punishment. This week I actually took them away completely... I am putting them all in bags for awhile until his attitude straightens out.
The other day he told the math teacher that he wouldn't do subtraction the way she wanted him to. He told her that adding the right hand column first doesn't work for him, and that he's a "math expert". SO she let him do it "his way" on a test... and then she gave him the grade of 20 that "his way" earned him. He didn't understand why he was rude to her. I just don't get it. He's seeing the counselor on Tuesday. His teacher told me he may end up repeating 4th grade if this keeps up. I would hate that... we all agree he is very bright.
They feel he has a problem called oppositional defiance.. it goes with his ADHD. (Back when I was a kid they called it being a smartass and you could spank your kid for it...) Anyway... I put a request in for a book that's at our library and I am reading about it on the internet. One day at a time. For now he's only allowed to clean his room, do homework and sit outside with his educational books until his attitude straightens up.
I have been very cranky and sad.... Ed and I seem to be at odds with each other over Kyi's behavior. I don't like it any more than he does, but he has less patience than I do. I do agree we need to punish him and set limits but yelling at him every 5 minutes when he acts goofy is giving him the attention that he craves. I don't know... we need prayer.
Ed is still having his good days and bad days. All of last week, he was in bed because being at Special Olympics had tired him out so much. SO we had hardly any time together. More and more, I miss the affectionate way we used to be. I just miss affection in general, and I long for it. My teddy bear is my new best friend, but he just isn't Ed. Sigh... I pray for God to continue to help me and to be with and comfort Ed.
Christina got a job at a video game place. We haven't told Kyi because if his attitude ever improves we want to take him there as a surprise. I am glad she has taken the job. She starts Monday. In January, she plans to go to EMT training at the hospital where I work though she wants to go to college full time in the fall.
Please pray for me. I think I am beginning menopause, and I don't like it.
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 11/22/2006 11:21:26 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Kyi has been doing better. We took all his toys, and boxed them up and put them in our room. He gets to earn time with his toys and time with TV or video games. It's working well so far, and he's back to his usual problems with ADD.
Now that one of my kids is in a better place, of course the other one is acting up. Christina and Becky were getting along SO well, but as Christina's kitten grew she began to claw at the furniture and the rugs. Christina's hours are the opposite of Becky's so often she has to leave the little kitten home unsupervised. She was very hesitant to get the kitten declawed. This has caused Becky a lot of frustration as she is very particular about her home.
I can understand why Becky is upset. Christina needs to take responsibility and get the cat declawed. She didn't want to do this, but she has agreed to do it. She has just begun her job and promised to declaw the kitten as soon as she can afford it. Becky gave her a deadline of Dec 20. I think this is reasonable.
The thing is, lately when they are together all they do is fight. I know that often when Ed talks to me, I think he is angry because of his tone. Yet he says he's not angry. Well, he sure sounds like he is. If Becky talks like that to Christina all the time I can understand why it's hard for her.
Christina is looking for another place to live. She wants a place where they will accept her kitten. She also wants to be in a place where there isn't constant tension. She will declaw her if she has to, but she doesn't really want to. She has only just started her job, so it will be hard for her to find a place to live. But she is looking. I just pray they can live in peace until that happens.
It is hard for me; I love my daughter AND my stepdaughter. I have one of them calling me and complaining about the other one at least twice a day. This is very sad... especially with the holiday tomorrow. Christina LOVES Thanksgiving but now she says she won't come to the family dinner because of this. How sad if that happens.
I am praying and hope they will be able to live in peace.
This is difficult for me and Ed, too. Ed leans more toward Becky's side and I don't really lean toward Christina's "side" but I can see Becky has a part in this, too. Ed can't. He feels that this is all Christina's fault.
We have our own relationship problems ... I am praying this doesn't cause any further problems between us.
God bless you all and have a happy Thanksgiving.
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 12/4/2006 4:12:41 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Kyi has good days and bad days but for the most part he's doing better.
Christina didn't come to Thanksgiving dinner but it was because she's met a new guy at work and he asked her to dinner at his house. She made a pumpkin pie for the family dinner so she's trying to get along. I just hate to see sisters fight like this. She also got the cat declawed, but she's decided she really doesn't want to live there anymore. She is looking for a new place. I don't see how she can afford one since we have been paying her rent for the last two months. We pay it because she just started a job. Plus, she's living at Becky's and I don't want Becky to suffer for her hospitality. If she moves somewhere else we won't pay the rent. She says she will be fine because she's working now. We will see. She's taking LOTS of hours at her job but so far she is still doing poorly financially
I am OK. I don't like Christmas shopping much. I hate shopping to begin with but the wackos and the crowds at the mall really get to me. I also dislike how most radio stations start Christmas music TOO SOON. I am Ok with it now, but at first I was like "puh-leeeez".
Our family usually has a grab bag gift thing where instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone, we each choose one family name and then buy that person a gift. This year we decided that we really prefer to take all the money that everyone would spend and send it to a worthy cause. We had two ideas and no one could choose so we decided to split it in half. Half of the money is going to World Vision to help the children there. We think we will have enough to buy a few goats. The other half is going to a local place where people who don't have health insurance can get free doctor care. It is a great place and they give the Word of God with their treatment.
I am trying to count my blessings but I guess I am going through a time where I am discontented. But I know I am blessed so Praise the Lord for my blessings
God bless you all
< Message edited by forgiven4ever -- 12/4/2006 4:15:17 PM >
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 12/20/2006 9:28:41 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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I can't believe how fast December is flying by. It's Christmas already next week. I got all my shopping done and I am as ready as I can be. Kyi has been asking questions about Santa for the last few months and we figured he was ready to find out the "truth" about Santa. He was upset at first but he said he had guessed.
The job is OK and it looks like I'll be on the floor until about April or May unless I find the absolutely ideal position. I am in a routine now and I feel like I get along with mostly everyone. Thank God... that's a long way from where I was at this time last year.
Christina found a new apartment about 3 blocks from the hospital where I work. I was unhappy because I feel as though the relationship between her and Becky has been so damaged. It's sad... no one is perfect so it's hard to say who is right. Maybe both of them are partially right. But it's sad to see two sisters who can't live together in peace. Becky has now been through two episodes where she had to face the dissolution of a close relationship so it's tough for her; Christina moved here and feels as though she still doesn't have many friends in this area. She has her new boyfriend but I don't know enough about him to say if that's a good thing.
As for me and Ed we are OK... God has been speaking to me through our pastor. The last few weeks he's been talking about how God puts us in certain situations for His own reasons. The Word says God will supply all our needs. So... whatever we DON'T have is something we don't need.... no matter how much it feels like we need it. I am struggling so much with this because there are many things I truly think I need from our marriage, from my job; from our church... and I am not getting those things. It's hard to think this is "it".... but I am trying hard to see it as God's will for me and asking Him to help me see the blessings in it. I see many of them already and have since the beginning but it is hard to see the blessings in some other situations.
Christmas is the celebration of God's gift to us. I AM so grateful for my salvation and for God's promise that if "anyone be in Christ, they are a new creation." God will continue to re-create me if I allow Him to do so. I know that He will continue to bless me and my family if I just give as much as myself to Him as possible.
God bless you all... Merry Christmas!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 12/21/2006 11:41:00 AM
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forgiven4ever
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Just a quick note because I am so excited!
Just found out I got a BIG bonus from work (PTL!) and that one of my poems will be getting published!!!! Woohoo!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 1/7/2007 7:26:14 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Well, happy 2007 everyone!
I have been praying for God to show me which job to pursue at the hospital. I have been so discontented with my present job and I have felt as though I couldn't wait for the department to move so that God could give me a new start somewhere else. I was so SURE that God had another place for me to go.
You know how they say "man plans and God laughs?". Well, I think it's happening to me.
If you've been reading this blog for awhile you know the reasons I dislike this job. The most important reason is that I am not teaching. I miss teaching so much that I think I will go nuts somedays.
Being a nurse has its own satisfactions. But ever since I changed from night shift to day shift about a year ago, the gang on day shift has been resentful. They made it so difficult for me to feel like part of the team. It has taken most of this year for them to even tolerate me and to get to the place where I can do my job without hearing a grumbled comment a few feet away.
But with God's help I have come to the place where it is beginning to be OK. But the best part has been the days that I am in charge. It's not about being the boss (I don't want to be) but I get such a thrill out of juggling the histories and problems of 26 people and being able to know them all so well that when a doctor comes on the floor and asks a question I know the answer. I feel like so much more a part of the team when I do this. It really makes a difference in my day. If I could be the charge nurse every day I think I might actually like this job.
But I am the third person in the seniority order so it doesn't happen often. Well, last week I got to be in charge for a few days and our new boss and new case manager took me aside and gave me such a complimentary talk that I went through the day glowing! They were so grateful for things that I did; things I do naturally without even trying - that I was floored! It made me want to work with these people. I made me want to put up with the rest of my team just to be part of a team that includes these people who see me the way I am and appreciate/accept me as a respected colleague.
I don't think I am supernurse. I am not the best person on the team; but I am also not the worst. But that's how I've been treated for a year; like the worst. And here are two people, in authority, treating me with respect? So I went home to talk to Ed thinking that maybe I should consider staying with this team after all.
And he handed me an even bigger shocker.
For the last few weeks he has had more and more trouble getting up in the mornings. It's his job to get Kyi off to school and be sure he's clean, fed and ready for the bus. Our neighbor used to help but since her heart attack she can't. The teacher sent a note home that said Kyi has been coming to school with messy hair and smelling as if he needed a shower. He needs someone to help him in the mornings. Kyi's not ignorant; just inattentive, and Ed's health has been failing. He just can't get up in the mornings. Friday, Ed couldn't get up in the morning at all and he and Kyi slept hours past the alarm and Kyi missed school.
This just won't work. Someone has to be here in the mornings to get Kyi off to school.
I need to change to evening shift. Evening shift has its own set of disadvantages but if I do that now , I have a good chance of being the evening shift supervisor when the unit moves. I wouldn't have to work with the people who have been disrespecting me, and the most objectionable person on the evening shift is retiring before the department moves. So I would get a big advantage if I switch.
So that's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow. It feels right....I am going to pray about it today in church, but it does feel right. Isn't this weird? Staying with the department is the last thing I thought I'd do but I can see so many reasons now why I should.
I guess that's enough for this entry. I praise God for His leading here and pray that if this is His Will He will open all the doors.
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 1/27/2007 3:14:08 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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I haven't posted in quite awhile. I did talk to the supervisor about transferring to the new building, but she seemed almost suspicious of my motives. Though she did say she would send me an application, she hasn't yet done so. I take that to mean I am not being offered a transfer position. OK... I'm not burning my bridges but it looks like I need to stay here as I had originally planned.
I still think it's best for me to work evening shift, though I am waiting til next week to apply. I spoke to the scheduling person for this floor and although she said there is an opening on evening shift, right now they can't spare me from day shift. If I stay with this unit until at least March 1, I will get a retention bonus. I want that... so right now what I plan to do is to start applying for other departments' 3-11 shift next week. That way by the time I get an offer I will be able to say I have to give notice and start first thing in March. None of the other positions I've applied for have worked out. So, for now, that's what my plans are
Otherwise, things are still the same. I am doing more with my writing (I was just asked to be the assistant editor of the online zine) and I am still continuing with my reality show recaps. I actually got an email from one of the contestants on the Apprentice! That was cool! Ed is pretty much the same, but thank God that he hasn't missed any more school days for Kyi.
Kyi still has a lot of problems with lying and with talking back. The counselor says it is part of his ADHD. It is hard to listen to and Ed has no patience with it.
Christina is working full time at a day care center and seems to enjoy it. She has a boyfriend who seems very nice, but he is not a believer.
I have been back on a food plan to lose weight and am doing well SO I finally took the plunge and I joined a gym. It was my first day today and I am SORE. But I am determined to take care of myself.
God has blessed me and continues to bless me ... I am feeling positive these days.
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 2/7/2007 8:43:50 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Hi all
Things are settling into a routine and that's good. I am working some evening shifts now (as many as they can switch me to) and they did offer me a position at the new rehab facility as a full time evening shift nurse. I did accept but there's a part of me that hopes that something else will come up. I'm grateful to have a job offer and I know it will be cool to work in a brand new facility but I just keep hoping that something better is out there for me. We'll see....
My food plan is going well on most days and I really enjoy going to the gym. Things are OK at home. Kyi needs extra help with his writing so the teacher asked me to help him do some writing. So I helped him register for the kids' version of my writer's site. He's enjoying it so far.
Kyi is doing better and Christina still likes her job. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow.
I guess there's not much to tell. Ed's health is about the same; he has his good days and his bad days so I'm grateful.
God bless you all
Donna
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 2/24/2007 2:31:25 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I got the chance to interview at a different unit in the hospital and it gave me so much hope! I was so excited about the possibility of staying here at the hospital, learning something completely new and the hours would be great. I thought that the manager and I had a good connection. She invited me to come and work for a few hours on the unit so I could see if I would really like it... and I did! It's so very different. I am working now as a rehab nurse; if I get the new job I'd train to be a recovery room nurse. It is an awesome opportunity.
It's been a week and I haven't heard anything. I know that the manager on that unit has called my manager and she indicated that she turned the application over to personnel. But she didn't tell him if she was intending to offer me a job. I remember her saying that today was supposed to be her own last day on the unit, so I thought I'd hear. (Actually I am so impatient that I'd thought I would hear something even last week or early this week)
Patience has never been my strong point and with this situation I find myself very upset that I didn't hear anything yet. In my experience, applying for a transfer here has been very weird; it took me over a month to even get a phone call to reply to ANY of the six applications that I submitted. You would think that at least they would have contacted me and said no thanks. But no response at all makes me wonder what to do. My department is leaving in June and I want to have someplace to go before then. Yes, I could go with my department to that new building but something tells me it isn't the right thing for me.
A few days after I got the interview with the recovery room, I finally got contacted by another dept in the hospital to come in for an interview. I politely told that person that I didn't feel like it is fair to come for an interview since I thought I would probably get an offer from the recovery room. (That's the way I truly felt after the interview and my 2 hours on the floor) But now.... I don't know what to do. I even sent an email to the person who interviewed me in the recovery room and asked her to let me know my status before she left. She didn't reply.
Ed says I need to be patient and trust the Lord. He is absolutely right and I know it, but I can't help the way I feel. I want to stop obsessing about this. When I talked to the manager of recovery and spent that time there I felt such incredible hope and felt like this is the perfect chance for me. Now I feel rejected or at least ignored and I am so sad about it. I don't want to go through the embarassment of contacting that other dept manager and say I was wrong about the recovery room job because I might not be! I can't wait forever... I don't really have that long to look for a job.
Sigh... I know, I know. Be patient. I wish I could. My head keeps spinning it around and around and I try very hard to distract myself so I don't think about it all the time.
Kyi has asked if he can be baptized. We are Baptists and baptize by immersion. I talked to him for awhile about what it means and I am satisfied he really understands. He talked to the pastor and he is going to be baptized next Sunday March 4. I feel like he needs to feel like a young man and so instead of me helping him dress and dry off I asked Ben to do it. Ben is honored. We are going to have a little party after the church service at Becky's house.
Christina says she will come. I really hope she does. She has been going to church less and less often since she moved to the town 20 miles from us. She also admits that she spends most nights at her boyfriend's house and that she plans to move in with him in the Spring. I think he is a nice man and I can tell he really cares about her. But 1) he is not saved and 2) I am sure they are having a physical relationship. She's an adult and I have to allow her to make her own decisions but she knows better; and I pray that she'll hear or feel something at church that will convict her and help her come back to the Lord. I also hope her BF will hear the gospel, too.
Ed is getting more easily tired and I pray for him every day. He has a bad cough this week and I am praying he will feel better soon
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 3/7/2007 11:01:33 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I didn't get the job at the recovery room. It really shook me up because it totally seemed as though it was a sure thing. But it also taught me a lesson. I didn't apply to just one place; I applied to 5 places! Of those places, 4 actually called me. I have interviewed now at two other places and will have another interview tomorrow. Today I visited one of the units and worked there for two hours. I would really like this job but I am NOT going through what I did last time. So I will wait and see. Ed reminds me that I don't get to choose.... God does!
Kyi got baptized last Sunday. I was so surprised when he asked me. I thought he was too young but he told me he really wants to follow Jesus more closely so he talked to the pastor and said he wanted to do it. We had a little party for him at Becky's house.
I am getting my hair permed this Friday. I need a change.
Sorry I don't have more news. I hope I can soon say that God chose my new job. Even if I have to stay here until we transfer, I will be glad if I have some place to go
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 3/10/2007 5:39:07 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I got my hair permed today. My DD left my hair longer than I've had it in the past, with perms so I look very different. Kyi told me it doesn't "go with my style". That made me laugh. He told me he thought I was "too plain" for curly hair. Oh well..... I will get used to it.
I have now been to three interviews and three units. I am supposed to go to a fourth interview on Monday but I am really not wanting to. I kept hoping all day that the phone would ring and put me out of my misery. But not yet.
The first place I went is the one with the best hours. The best part would be that I'd be there every morning to put Kyi on the bus AND there every night when he goes to bed. And the department is actually closed on Sundays, except for being on-call every odd weekend. That would be wonderful.
But of all the jobs, it's the department I know the least about. When I was on that unit, I felt as though I were in an alien universe. She talked for two hours and I understood maybe 10 minutes. I surely could learn, and it would be a great opportunity, but I don't want to go somewhere after being a nurse for 21 years and start as a newbie.
The second place I went is a nice floor. It's only one floor above where I work now so the layout is the same. I really connected to the manager of that floor. She shared that she is a Christian (woohoo!) and that there are other believers on the floor. These hours would be OK because I'd be able to put Kyi on the bus in the mornings, but I wouldn't be home for him at night. BUT because it's a 10-hour position, I'd have an extra day off during the week. Plus I think she said it's every third weekend. The person who would train me (if I get the job) is someone I know and like. This is a department where I'd have to learn some new things, but basically I'd already know what I was doing.
The last place is another nice floor with the same layout as what I have here. The hours are the least desirable because it's straight evening shift. I'd be there for Kyi in the mornings but not at night. I'd have every other weekend. The only person I'd know on that floor would be a person who is transferring from the floor where I am working now.
I guess it's clear that my heart is most leaning toward the second job, but if they offer me the first one I will take it because of Kyi. He loves Ed but I know in my heart that the same thing that causes me to now seek a way to be home in the mornings will soon enough cause me to need to be home in the evenings. Ed is spending less and less time up/awake each day and I have to prepare for and accept that.
In addition to that, Kyi overheard me describing the three jobs to Ed and he said please take the first one because I want to see you in the mornings and the nights. How can I resist, despite my fear of feeling like a newbie? If the Lord sees fit for me to be given a choice, I clearly have to choose that one.
Nothing much else new. I ordered a wedding quilt to make for my sister. Because I sew and quilt by hand, it will take me about a year to make it. So it will be done in time for my sis' wedding next summer. I am looking forward to making it.
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 3/24/2007 3:50:45 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
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Hello all
I heard from two of the jobs where I interviewed, and neither one feels like I'd be a good "fit" for their floor. This is kind of hard to take because 1) I wanted a choice! and 2) one of the floors hired another nurse from this floor, so I wonder... why that nurse and not me?
The good news about this is that the floor that is still considering me is the one where Kyi wants me to work. I have to go back for another visit next Saturday (3/31) and then they will make up their minds. I really pray that I get it.
The CEO of the company that bought our department is getting miffed because I cannot make a firm commitment about whether I will go to the new facility with them or not. I can understand how she feels, but I need to try to get a job that feels right for me and that fits my family's needs. If I go to the new facility, (in addition to some "personality" issues) I would be able to see Kyi only in the mornings. And though that is preferable to our present situation (since Ed really can't get up that early for much longer) I really want the chance to see him both mornings and evenings.
God knows what is best for me and what job HE wants me to take. I had to promise my CEO that if the other job (the one I am visiting on 3/31) turns me down, I'll go to the new facility. Sigh... I really don't want to, but I cannot afford to lose my job altogether!
Christina is looking for an apartment and she is having problems finding one that she can afford. I pray she finds one and doesn't just settle. I am glad she and her boyfriend decided not to live together, though she is really doing it mostly because his ex-girlfriend (the one who is having his baby) is insistent that her child NOT be raised by another woman. Christina and the man also realize that it's better for the baby NOT to be confused as to who his mother is.
Ed has been having more and more pain, and it began to effect his knees. I asked him to go to the doctor and he did. The doctor said he is having problems with his bones because his condition makes him tired. (The soreness makes him tired, and the amount of sleep he gets - because he's tired - makes him sore!) The doctor said he should go to physical therapy. I get worried about this because every time he goes to therapy, he ends up having severe physical problems. I just don't want to make things worse! We'll see.....
Not much else. I am looking forward to Easter. Although I am working I will still go to church. I am grateful for the true meaning of Easter. I am praying for patience with Kyi. I am grateful for all my blessings
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/8/2007 2:01:51 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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I'm so happy to report that I got the job in the Dialysis department! I am so glad. I'll be learning a new type of nursing and I will have wonderful hours, once I am trained. I thank God for this opportunity. Ed's glad that I'll have this opportunity.
Not much else going on. I got a quilt kit to make a wedding quilt for my sister's wedding next year. It's a big quilt and I am hand sewing it, so it will take the whole year to finish it. I enjoy doing it.
We are contacting Kyi's grandparents in Ohio so we will know when he's going out there, and we can plan his summer.
Tomorrow Tina's making a lamb dinner for all of us at her house. I am looking forward to going to church after work and then going to sleep til dinner time.
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/29/2007 8:15:54 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Getting the new job has been such a blessing. I found out that I don't start until June 4, but I am so excited that I finally know for sure. The wait doesn't seem very long. In the meantime, I'm researching kidney disease and dialysis so I know something before I get there. I am going to be training in a place that's about 15 minutes closer to my home, for about 2-3 months before I get to do the new job. After training I'll go back and work in the same hospital that I'm at now, but on a different floor.
Ed has been going to physical therapy. He wants to try to improve the function of his arms and legs. It exhausts him so much, but he won't listen and stop. I am concerned because he hasn't been his usual upbeat self, but he has to make up his own mind.
Kyi is still struggling with school. Anything like math or creative stuff, he can do. But when it comes to writing something down, he just can't do it. It takes him hours to write one page. The school counselor is trying to work with him; she thinks he's scared of failure. I am praying for him.
Christina moved to a new apartment because her roommate took off to move to New Orleans. She wisely decided not to move in with her BF, even though she considered it. Her BF is going to be a dad next month, and the baby's mom is being weird about Christina raising the baby. Christina is a daycare worker and great with babies, so it's just jealousy and her hopes to get C's BF back. Ain't gonna happen. I can't wait to see this baby. His name will be Liam and he'll kinda be like my grandson. I love babies.
Well... gotta get ready for church. God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/25/2007 2:46:12 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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I haven't been posting here as often as in the past, but I'll try hard to do better in the future. I actually begin my job pretty soon; I'm counting down the days til I start in the new department.
My last day in this department is June 2. I'll miss my friends, and the familiarity of the work but I will be happy to begin my "new adventure"
Not much new with Kyi or Christina. Ed has his good days and his bad days. Kyi will be away for at least half the summer; between camp and family visits, he will not be home much. I found a place that has a school-age "Summer camp" right next door to the place I'll be working this summer. I also found that it's affiliated with my hospital, so I get a discount! Kyi is really looking forward to the summer. With so much time when he'll be away, I told Ed I wanted to sign up to work at a nursing agency on my days off, but he wants me to be home with him. I don't think this is fair, since he's so tired and "out of it" for many evenings, and I'm alone with the refrigerator "calling my name." We will discuss it again at another time, I guess.
My weight loss efforts are slowly paying off. I've lost over 30 pounds now and feel much better. In a move that surprised even me, I now belong to 2 gyms; one that has a pool, and one that's near my home. I am actually enjoying exercise. Thank God!
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 6/10/2007 8:04:00 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Hello my dear friends
For some time now, I have felt that it is time for me to end this blog. I have enjoyed posting here, but little by little other things in my life have been demanding my time. I have decided that it is time for me to leave the Crosswalk site and to end this blog. I may decide to go elsewhere, as a dear friend has told me of another Christian forum.
I have loved the Crosswalk site and I have enjoyed writing my blog. But within the last few months, a site for Christian writers has been taking more and more of my time. I can't pretend that all the writing I do is for the Lord (I'll probably always review reality shows, for instance) but I do write for the site weekly and I am now an associate editor of the Faithwriters Magazine. It has taken much of my energy and my focus.
So let me wrap things up here:
My new job is wonderful and I am so grateful to God for leading me there. I find myself in a very unusual position of having to be a learner. For so many years I have been the teacher - or at least someone who has valuable knowledge to share. Now, I know less than most of the techs and can't even set up one of the machines without coaching. It is humbling.
I am a perfectionist. Those of you who have read this blog probably know that. So, for me, being in a position where I know so little and need so much help is very difficult. But God is giving me grace and patience. I was told at the beginning that it will take me three months before I will be allowed to take care of "my own" patients. I heard that, and accepted it but I think that somewhere inside me was a little, prideful voice that said "aw, c'mon. You are so smart that you can learn it in record time. No way can it take that long to learn a job for you."
Way.
All I know after one week on the job is that I don't know much except how to smile and fetch ice and blankets. I've got that down pat. 
I struggle daily with my weight. I do have a wonderful food plan, and I am still going to the gym. I have promised myself that no matter how many times I "cheat" or go off the food plan, I will pick it up and go back on. I know that God can and will help me. The problem is that sometimes the treats I crave look more tempting than God's help. But He is faithful.
Ed is a blessing to me and I know God will continue to help us through our difficult times. He is still at the same state of health. We've been bickering lately about petty things and I know it's soon time for us to have a serious talk about what is really bugging us. I have kept many things inside me. What good would it be for me to tell him how much I miss our intimate interactions? He knows... I know he misses them, to. He knows that I am a healthy woman, and therefore must know that I miss holding him and being intimate. But telling him in the past has only made him ashamed and upset.
I don't know why we have been fighting more, lately. It may be just that he is in more pain and therefore more irritable. It may be because anxiety about my new job - and the present anxiety about learning it - has made me difficult to live with. I am not sure. But I know that tensions have really been getting to us lately. Our 3rd year anniversary is coming up on June 26th, and we are going out to dinner, and then away on the following weekend. I am hoping we can talk about what's been bothering us.
Kyi has survived 4th grade, thanks to his wonderful teacher's help. What a great experience she gave him this year. She has asked me to help him with reading and writing this summer, and I agreed. He is looking forward to all his travels and to his child care center, this week. He is having increasing problems with a sullen attitude. He is turning 11 years old on the 12th and I am praying that it is not a sign of some real attitude problems, during his teen years. He is so creative and so smart; I am praying for guidance.
Christina is OK. The baby is still not here. He is expected soon. She is still happy with her BF, but upset that he spends so much time with the baby's mom. She is coming today to take Kyi to an amusement park for his birthday. I am proud that she's chosen NOT to live with Brian for now, and that she is going to school in the fall. I am looking forward to seeing her develop as an adult.
This is a bittersweet goodbye. If any of you would like to be informed when I begin another blog, send me an email at nilknarf156@yahoo.com
God bless you all
Donna
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 9/18/2008 9:00:20 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Hello!
I don't know if anyone will read this, but I have been feeling prompted to begin my blog again.
It is a bit over a year later than my last post, and I left the job that had distressed me so much and have had two others which upset me for other reasons.
I am beginning a new job on September 30, and am looking forward to it. There is so much to tell that I think I'd better do a few posts to catch up. Of course I am still married to Ed and raising Kyi, and that is posing many challenges for me.
What I most want to blog about is how I am yearning to grow closer to the Lord. Though I long for a closer relationship, I constantly stand in my way and let my problems blind me to His goodness and His wonderful gifts.
I'll begin again tomorrow and talk a bit about what's been going on.
If you're new to this blog, I suggest going to page 1 and reading it all. If you are returning, then tomorrow's post should catch you up
Blessings to all,
Donna
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 9/19/2008 10:11:56 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Hello friends,
I want to start with the most important area in my life: my relationship with the Lord. But, even as I write this I know that if I am honest, it isn't always my priority. I know it should be, and I want it to be but I can't say it always is.
I have struggled through most of my life with the idea of relinquishing control to God. I know I should and that He will do a far better job than I do running things. And, yet, I continually take the reigns in every aspect of my life. Even when I consciously try to let Him lead, after a while I begin to make my own choices and take over. Ugh... it's frustrating.
So many areas of my life are difficult. If you've read this blog before, you know them: my marriage, my kids, my job(s), my church life and my weight. All of these things are things I struggle mightily with. And as much as I know God knows all about them and has a plan for me within the context of each of these areas, I still realize that I am taking an active part in making my own choices in these areas.
Let's begin with Ed, my husband. He is disabled. Although he is able to walk and to do most things for himself (on most days) his spinal stenosis and its resulting affects on his heart, lungs and body have left him less and less able to participate in family activities. Last fall, he came to the realization that in addition to having to give up employment, and to travel most places in a power wheelchair instead of walking, he would have to give up being a Special Olympics coach and announcer. I think that was the worst blow for him. He truly loves Special Olympics and the difference it has made in Ben and Becky's lives is amazing. But he has just enough energy to care for himself and do a few things around the house (like pick up Kyi from school and maybe make himself lunch). When he did spend a day with Special Olympics God would give him the energy, but then the next day, he'd be wiped out and spend the next 48 hours in bed. When he realized he couldn't do it anymore, his depression increased. He was devastated and it is so hard for him.
He still tries to go once in awhile. At first, I protested because besides taking him away from the family it also made him feel worse physically. But, to him, he feels as though God called him to do this so I step back and let him do it.
Our physical relationship continues to be non-existent. He's still not able to be intimate with me. This is a source of great frustration to me and often when I see a good-looking man or even any man who is nice to me and friendly, I experience temptation and even longing. I struggle with this and have often wondered if this is God's way of showing me the "wages" of the years I wasted the gift of sex. All the years that I was promiscuous... and now that I am married to a godly man, we can't make love. It is truly ironic and very frustrating.
He is able to hug me and to give me a kiss now and then, but it is difficult and painful for him to even do these things so I try not to expect it. At times, his condition causes him to lie in bed for several days, so his body odor can become unpleasant and when I gently remind him to take a shower he is ashamed, so I avoid the subject. It is difficult.
We disagree on many things. TV choice is one of them. I am so lonely on the days that he's in bed, but when he gets up he's so cranky and then he usually changes the channel of whatever I am watching to something boring.
We are like friends who live in the same house. I admit that although I am fond of him and try my best to be supportive, I am sad that I often think "I am not 'in love' with this man." I'd never cheat on him or divorce him, but I am conscious of prayinf for the Lord to give me a more loving attitude.
That's all for now. More later.
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 9/19/2008 10:40:10 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 303
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Hi again
My relationship with Kyi is in a good place. He is 12 now, and it's weird to think I am old enough to have a grandson who is in middle school. Last fall he joined Cub Scouts, and it is a very good thing for him. He is better able to relate to boys his own age, and it has definitely matured him. I see less restlessness in him. He has also gotten less rebellious.
He still has many issues with fears. He gets very anxious when he hears about natural disasters (tornados, hurricanes, etc) and starts to worry. I think this anxiety increase came after he was in the car with Ed and they had a head-on collision which caused the death of the other passenger. He is so worried that something else will happen to us (especially to Ed) and we are working with him to pray about his worries rather than let them eat him up, inside. So far it is still a challenge.
Other than that, he does moderately well in school (still gives minimal effort to homework and often loses his assignments, like his mom did!) and although he gets along more easily with the neighbor boys he still gets into tiffs with them on a weekly basis.
Kyi got to visit with his dad this past summer and I got upset because they believe in hunting and I don't like guns. Kyi got a "bee bee" gun for his birthday and I know his dad has a right to get him things like that, but I really hate guns. Yuck. I also hate Harry Potter and they got him that stuff, too. I try to live and let live but it's hard that his dad's world (and the world he is in when he visits his "Grandpas" in NJ) is so different than ours. I comfort myself by reminding myself that 1) our world is the one he sees most often and 2) he will definitely grow up as a tolerant kid.
Kyi and I spent a week together in August at a Christian summer camp. I was the camp nurse and he got to go for free. It was an awesome experience and I really enjoyed it. This year, I decided to buy a devotional book for kids and we read the day's passage together every morning before I drive him to school. I am really enjoying this, and it will mean even more when I change jobs and can't be with him in the evenings.
That's all for now. More later
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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