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RE: A life to cherish - 12/3/2005 9:21:35 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Had some treatment today when I went to the doctor. Wasn't expecting the treatment I got. He said it looks like a mole, but actually isn't a mole. I have to go back in a few weeks, just a couple of days before Christmas, and if things aren't to his satisfaction, then I'll be getting a biopsy done. I'm not looking forward to that if it happens.
On a more positive note, I had a really uplifting experience on the way to the doctor's. Normally I worry all the way to the doctor's. I didn't have time to do that today. Just as we were about to turn onto the freeway, I saw all these people, especially kids looking down onto the freeway and waving. I had no idea why, until Joan mentioned something about the bikers ride. Every year, there are a bunch of bikers, some from motorbike clubs, who get together to bring all sorts of toys and much needed things for the Salvation Army. They ride from the south of the city to the north. I know that I love to bless people, but as I saw these people riding up the freeway, many with teddy bears, stuffed toys and other toys hanging out of their backpacks, attached to their bikes etc, I was so proud. Everything inside me was leaping, saying, "YES!" I felt such a joy and delight that I haven't felt in such a long time. Some had sidecars attached to their bikes, and they were stuffed with all sorts of toys. I love to see others blessed. I thrive on it. I don't have much, but what I do have, I offer back to the Lord. Sometimes friends of mine get cranky with me because if I have spare money, I often spend it on others instead of myself. Yes, there are times when I need things or want things, but I see other's needs as being more important than my own. Maybe it's even selfish. I get such a thrill out of seeing others blessed. Not very often is it financially, but maybe it's when I've given time or some other thing. That's where God has made my heart. I delight in seeing others blessed. As I saw all of those bikers riding up the freeway, (I heard on the news tonight that there were 4000 of them), I began to wonder if the delight that I felt was like what the Lord feels when He sees people being blessed. Every good and perfect thing comes from the Father of lights. How do you imagine He feels when somebody blesses you? When you bless somebody else somehow? It doesn't have to be financially. Not everybody is able to do it that way. Maybe when you go out of your way to help somebody. To pray for somebody. To visit somebody. Drop a little note to tell somebody that you're thinking of them and/or praying for them. Maybe you make a meal for somebody who is going through a tough time. An unexpected gift. It could be anything. I know that I really appreciate it when somebody blesses me somehow. How much more do you think God is happy? Do you think He beams with pride when somebody does something for you or you do something for somebody else? Maybe the joy and delight I felt earlier today was just a little taste of how the Lord feels watching His kids playing nicely with each other. What do you think?
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/4/2005 10:43:38 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Hi everybody.
Feeling a little bit low tonight. I guess the whole feeling unwell thing is taking its toll on me. There's so many things that I want to be doing, and due to not feeling well, I feel unmotivated and frustrated. Some of it isn't even physically taxing. I mean, it's not like I'm running a marathon to get cards written out, or to do some craft projects.
I think, knowing what my eating habits have been like lately, (I've gone back to bingeing more at night again), has really got me down again. I'm eating more during the day. I'm not exercising. I don't feel motivated to exercise, but feel SO guilty when I don't. The whole thing about the weight loss programme that I'm doing on Monday nights is to lose weight. I don't think I'm succeeding very well. I've got 2 different types of scales, and both are telling me completely different weights. I don't know which to believe. Hopefully after tomorrow night's weigh in, I might have more of an idea.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/10/2005 11:00:08 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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I hadn't realised just how long it's been since I last posted in here.
I'm still getting over my bugs. I'm not 100%, but I'm certainly feeling a lot better than I was. I had the last of my antibiotics this morning. Hopefully that will do something positive.
The last time I'd gone to group, they told us that we had to draw in 'tramlines' above and below our current weight which we've charted. We were not supposed to go 1.5kgs (3.3lbs) above or below our current weight, but stay within those limits so that we maintain our weight until the end of the course. When I weighed in Monday night, they freaked out as I was so close to my tramline. I'd lost 1.4kgs or just over 3lbs due to being sick in that fortnight. I've been trying to put on a little weight since then. Not much, just enough to get me away from the tramline. Hopefully I'll be better at weight maintainance by the next time I get weighed in by them. They said that with Christmas and New Year being so close, it's best not to try and lose weight until after that. We are allowed to have an enjoyable Christmas Day, without going totally overboard, and then go back to maintaining weight. I want to try and lose weight again as soon after Christmas as I can. That's the plan anyway.
I had a talk to John and Joan again tonight and made a few confessions. They prayed for me, which is something that I need. I've found in recent times, I've gone back to pre-course behaviour. Midnight/early morning binges. Fighting the compulsion to exercise, eat unreasonably, feeling really guilty when I don't give in to those compulsions. The lady who leads the Monday night course told me that I need to start exercising more. I hadn't in the last couple of weeks because I'd been so sick. You can only do so much when you have a tummy bug, tendonitis, osteoarthritis and gastritis. Even tonight, I've been fighting the urges. It's nearly midnight here, and I'm trying so hard not to be on the bike. I know I'll end up making a wreck of myself if I get on it now. It's like I don't know how to stop, and don't want to stop once I get started. Man, I sure have to figure out how to deal with that.
I've had so many struggles of late. Frustrations, not feeling that I can achieve all the things that I'd like to. Being unmotivated. Feeling sick. Lots of worries about a lot of different things. Sometimes I just wish I could shut my brain and emotions off for a bit of peace and quiet.
My youngest brother sent me over a CD filled with pictures of our family. He has a son and a daughter. My oldest brother also has a son and daughter. They both have kids. I know. It's hard to believe that just a couple of years older than me, my oldest brother became a grandpa. His kids follow in their parents' footsteps. It was weird looking at the photos. I recognised my brothers and their wives. From there it was a guess as to who were in the other photos. I'd seen the odd photo of different great nieces and nephews, so I was kind of able to figure out who was who for the most part. I knew their names. I didn't have a clue who my niece and nephew's partners are. The other parents of my great nieces and nephews. I could barely recognise my nieces and nephews as it's been so long since I last saw them. My youngest niece, I've never even met before. She was born since my last visit to New Zealand. Unless they come over here, I don't think I'll ever meet them. I felt the last time I left New Zealand that the Lord was telling me that I would never be back. It seems so strange knowing that I am related to so many in the photos, and yet not recognising them. It was like looking at a bunch of complete strangers. Even my brothers and sister in laws looked a lot different since the last time I even saw pictures of them, let alone in person. I think if I ever saw them in the street, I wouldn't recognise them, other than my brothers and their wives. Sad. 
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/15/2005 11:56:04 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Go back in time to the 15th of December, 1989. It's around 11.10pm, Perth time. I'm absolutely exhausted after a really long day of travelling. An 8 hour flight from New Zealand. We'd been on the road for the best part of 24 hours before getting on the plane to make sure we got there in time to get checked in and hopefully not have to pay any excess baggage as we were emigrating to Australia. The person being talked about is me.
Sixteen years ago today, I arrived in Western Australia to start a new life. I'd been living with a family in New Zealand, and after the marriage failed, they decided to move to Australia to be near family. They were Christians, and at that stage, we weren't. I'd been in to the occult. They were trying to be loving. I remember the mother of the people we met came to give me a huge hug. I was definitely NOT used to all of that. Affection was something that was never ever show in my family. Apparently, I stiffened up like a board and asked if they were always like that.
Maybe I'll talk more about it tomorrow. I'm tired an need some sleep.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/19/2005 10:15:37 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Yay! It's over! Tonight I had my last group session class for the year. If you'd told me that I'd have made it through the whole thing, at different parts of the course, I would have told you that you were nuts. Yes, there's a part of me that would keep pushing because I don't like letting people down. There is also a big part of me that wanted desperately to pull out of the course. It was too hard. Too confronting. Too embarrassing. People didn't understand me and felt scared by some of my thinking, (in my opinion). Before it even started though, it was made abundantly clear that I needed to do this course, if not for my own sake, then the sake of others. John and Joan couldn't have handled this without me getting help.
I checked today. I'm still on the waiting list at the eating disorders clinic. The waiting list is even longer now. Initially I was supposed to be getting in to see them in January/February of next year, but now the list is about a year long. First priority is being given to those suffering from anorexia. I can understand that to some degree, as I'm hardly likely to die from under nourishment like it's possible for the others too.
Whilst doing the 12 week course, I've lost 5.4kgs or nearly 12lbs. I've lost around 3cms (or over an inch) off of my waist and hip measurement. I still have a long way to go. I have to be careful as I've gone back to bingeing again. Not as much as originally, but still. Some of the old habits are creeping back in again, like not eating as regularly during the day as I should be. Black and white thinking is still something that I struggle with. I definitely want to continue to lose weight. We've been told for now to maintain, but the drive is still there to lose more.
I don't know how, but I managed to lose 0.1kgs over the past 2 weeks. It's not an awful lot, and it takes me down to the very bottom of the tramlines that we talked about last time. I've been eating all sorts of wrong foods in the past couple of weeks. All the usual culprits that show up around Christmas time. Chocolate. Biscuits (cookies). All sorts of yummy foods. I haven't been as active as I should be either. I haven't been feeling particularly well for a lot of the last fortnight. I really would have thought that with the excess in calories, I'd have stacked on the weight. It's something that I'm definitely going to have to be careful about though.
Christmas this weekend, and things are already going up several notches in the activity department for me. Tomorrow night, we've been invited to go and have a look around a village where friends of ours live. We will walk to see all of the Christmas lights that people have decorated their houses with. Wednesday, I get paid, so I have all sorts of errands to do. I want to be at the shops before they open to make sure that it's not totally jam packed full of people. Thursday, I have a doctor's appointment in the morning, then friends coming over from south of the state. Friday is the first day of the Christmas musical. We're planning on going that day rather than Christmas Eve this year. Normally there isn't a Christmas Day service at our church, but there will be this year. We've decided that we won't go this year. It will be the three of us for lunch, and then friends will join us for dinner as they won't have family around to celebrate with.
If I don't get a chance to get back in here before Christmas, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas filled with much joy, peace and all of God's best.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/23/2005 10:31:14 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Normally I talk about weight in here, but for once, I'm going to spare you the details. Time for a different subject this time.
My craft group over the past 18 months or so has been made up of about a dozen women. Varying ages. One my own age and the others older women. Some are grandmothers and great grandmothers. Most of them go to the same church as me. One has moved on to another church as she felt led of the Lord to do that. The vast majority of the ladies who come along are leaders in their own right. They come as a form of fellowship and renewal. In amongst all of the goings on, there is always plenty of talking and laughing. There are a couple of ladies who attend the group that are not Christians, yet. They sure are learning that just because we're Christians, we don't have to be boring.
One is the mother of a friend of mine. She attends when she is up in Perth, helping care for her grandchildren whilst their single mother works and studies towards her nursing degree, which she's just finished. She really enjoys craft and is involved in a craft group in her small town. Her daughter is a Christian. S, (my friend), brought her kids up in church. There's been some issues there, but I think that's the same in a lot of families. S has really struggled for the last several years as her marriage ended, and a lot of really unpleasant things happened in her life. We've always been there to support her though as much as we can. She's done such a great job of raising her kids. I know that S's mother, P, has really appreciated how we've always stood by her daughter. We know that the Lord has used us to bless S on many occasions. The Lord alerts us when she doesn't have food etc, and we just show up on her doorstep with just the items that she needs. One day she went shopping, picked up several items, found she couldn't afford them, put them back and only took the ones she could afford. The Lord told me exactly what to get, and it seems it was exactly everything that she had to put back. God's so amazing like that. I think that has been a real witness to P about what God is like. She knows that we don't have much either, but what we have, we share as God would want us to.
Another lady who lives around the corner from us, Mrs E, is an elderly woman. She had polio as a child and doesn't get out much any more. She's a very lonely lady. One of the men in our church is a plumber. He got called out to her home to do some work for her. He asked if he could pray for healing for her as she had her leg in plaster at that stage. He asked if he could put her name in to the church for some follow up. That's how we got to meet her. Joan was assigned Mrs E. Then one of the other ladies in our craft group who is also on the pastoral care team got involved too. We started inviting her along to things at church, and eventually to the craft group. She's definitely changed since she started coming along to the group. She can be very sad at times, but she so looks forward to the times when our group meets now. She's in her 80's and has been telling us that all of her friends have now either died, or the last 3 living have dementia. She finds that extremely difficult, as one would. She was telling John the other day when he went to go and get her in the car that with the group, she feels that she has a whole new set of friends now. I'm really pleased for her. She doesn't have to be so lonely anymore. She doesn't say much to us when we talk about God in front of her, but apparently, when one of the women from the group take her home, she fires all sorts of questions at her about what we were talking about and our faith. She's a lot softer now in her manner. Not as negative as she once was. We're hoping that it won't be long before she gives her heart to the Lord. We asked her to go along to the Christmas musical tonight and she came.
S finished the practical aspect of her nursing a couple of days ago. Her mum, P, has been up in Perth, and we have had her over to visit. She actually asked about the Christmas musical at church, so we've given her an invitation to go. She can go with her dd tomorrow night if she wasn't there tonight. I think God is working on her too. Once upon a time, she would never have wanted to go to church, even at Christmas.
What we saw of the Christmas production was really good. We didn't get to see the end of it, as some fuses blew, taking the sound etc. To their credit, the young girls who were on the stage at the time dancing, kept on going, even without their music. So we got the shortened version. As the story was set in space, it required some technology, but unfortunately we couldn't get to see the end of it. Hopefully when they repeat it again tomorrow night, it will go without any technical problems. Mrs E really seemed to enjoy it, and was interested in the message afterwards, in which the pastor made an altar call. I asked her if she'd like to meet him, but she said she was too shy. I think she still would have liked to have met him. He disappeared before I could go and get him, so maybe another time. I don't think it will be long before she gives her heart to Jesus. There's a sense of expectancy that it won't be long before she does give her heart to Him.
It's always been my hope that the group would be a place for Christians to have fellowship. That sure has happened. It's also been my prayer that the group would be a place of outreach, where we can show the love of God to non Christians. That seems to be working. I continue to pray that we see many come to know Jesus because of the witness of what they see and experience of the group. Not because the group is present, but because Jesus is.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/23/2005 10:29:05 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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I said in my last post that I wasn't going to talk about my weight. Theoretically I'm not, but there was something that I was going to say. I tried posting it earlier and got timed out.
This is actually really embarrassing, but for some years now, when I've gone somewhere with John and Joan in the car, I have to sit in the front passengers side. The seat can be pushed back, which it can't in the back seat. I actually haven't been able to fit in the back seat, or at least the seat belt because I'm too fat.  Yesterday when we went to get Mrs E to take her to church, I was freaking out, thinking that if we were randomly picked up by the police whilst we were out last night, (which they do a lot at this time of year), I'd be in huge troube for not wearing a seat belt. Of course, I'd hold it across myself to have the appearance of wearing it, but I was still really nervous. We couldn't put Mrs E in the back seat as her caliper wouldn't allow her to sit there. I tugged and tugged and couldn't get the seat belt to clasp, and I couldn't get it to work. Next thing I know, I hear this click. I look down and I'm belted into the seat!  I couldn't believe it! I was able to pull some of the seat belt out so that I wasn't choking myself etc, which is what normally would have happened. I know that it seems like such a small thing to people, but when you haven't been able to do that in literally years, it really does become a real victory. Thankyou Lord!
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 12/30/2005 11:10:10 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Hi everybody. I've just been listening to a country song online, and it made me wonder. How much do we know about what's going on in the lives of others? I don't mean, how nosey we are. I mean, are people going through a tough time right now and we're trying to do something to help? Not all of us can help financially. I know at the moment, I wish I had more money. Partly for selfish reasons, but there's also a part of me that wishes that I had the resources to be able to bless others with. I know of people around me who've lost family members, had accidents, have been hospitalised etc in the last little while. Do we know of people who are in need of some kind of help? Are we doing something to help? Prayer is something that we can do, that doesn't take money, but shows a lot of care and concern.
What made me think about this? There's a song by Sawyer Brown called, "They Don't Understand". I can't share the entire song as it would bring up copyright issues, but I thought I'd share a section of it.
They Don't Understand - Sawyer Brown
A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through
Somebody said don't you even care?
Do you let 'em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said Please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children
(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)
I don't know about you, but sometimes I hear kids crying the shopping centres or other places and wish that parents would better control them. I see/hear situations and just get annoyed, not thinking that there could be some reason behind what's going on. Maybe those people need some of our understanding, a helping hand, some prayer. I get so self absorbed at times and don't think of others. That's something that I need to work on. There's a further section of the same song, that really makes me think about what Jesus did for us and how He didn't think just of Himself, but for us instead. I know that that's something that I want to work on in this coming year. I want to become more like Jesus.
A man hanging on a wooden cross
Giving everything to save the lost
Everybody's staring not knowing what he's going through
Somebody said you don't have a prayer
If you're a king come on down from there
The man just turned his head looked up and stared
He said please forgive them
For they have not seen the light
They'll come to know me when I come back to life
Go to heaven, to make everything all right
So please forgive your children
(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)
It must be a time for music talking to me. I just heard a song by Carrie Underwood called, "Jesus, take the wheel". Me being me, it's an area that I really struggle with, but what she sings in the chorus is something that I pray that I can really ask God for more grace and willingness for.
Jesus, Take The Wheel - Carrie Underwood
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
That's how I feel about so many areas of my life. I see so many things about myself that need to be changed so that I can be more Christlike. A better witness for the Lord. I pray that one of these days, I get better at directing people back to Jesus, and handing my whole life over to Him to totally transform.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/5/2006 11:03:23 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Looking back over 2005, I see so many things that have happened in my life. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, and to be quite frank, I really wondered whether I was going to make it through all of that. Depression hit me so hard, that it just made life all the more harder. It's still something that I struggle with, but I guess in a slightly different way to other times. I had to admit to myself and to others that I really wasn't coping with things that were going on in my life. I had to admit that I really had trouble. I know that the prayers that were offered up on my behalf got me through all of that. Am I completely out of the woods? No. I'm still dealing with feelings of guilt because I can't seem to get myself motivated to stay with the programme I was doing at group sessions. I haven't told John and Joan yet, but I've gone back to occasionally hiding food. I know that I'm going to have to keep myself accountable to them again. I know they won't be happy about it. It's like the whole eating disorder thing is taking grip again. Not to the same degree as before, but enough to worry me. I'm on a waiting list to get some one on one counselling, but they are dealing with anorexics first, as they really are on the verge of dying if they don't get immediate help.
The last couple of days on TV, there have been programmes about eating disorders and weight loss. I saw one on Judging Amy where the website owner supported eating disorders. Another programme I saw tonight, saw a young woman trying to lose weight as she wants to work in media, and felt that she was so grossly overweight that she would never get the job that she desired. It made me feel pretty self conscious. In my head, I was telling her not to do what she was doing. I should take on my own advice sometimes.
I've had the pleasure of being used to bless others. Making meals. Making and sending gifts. Running a craft group that helps to reach out to and refresh people. Taking groceries to friends when they need them. Finances get pretty tight at the best of the time, but I have to remember that it's God's money, and He'll provide if He asks you to do something. Sometimes I have quite a conversation over finances, like I'm sure others of you do from time to time.
I saw friends lose their battles with illness. Mainly cancer. About this time last year, a friend of mine was undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. They were really hopeful that things had gone well. Today, I received an email from him about his 12 month checkup. Things have not gone as well as originally thought. It seems the cancer has spread. If it's in the lymph nodes, it could be better treated with chemo. There is a possibility that it's spread to the bones in his pelvis and spine. If that is the case, and the Lord chooses not to heal him, then that is a death sentence for his body. He could just have a matter of months. I feel so sad for him. He is a dear friend. I know that if anything happens, I will miss him immensely. In the midst of all of his own trials, he's always been there for me, encouraging me. He's so amazing. I feel sad for me because when he eventually passes on, I won't see him again, until we reach heaven. I feel more for his family. He has a wife and two young boys. This has forever changed them. They are different people now as a result. If you think of them, please say a prayer for them for me. They need all the help that they can get. There's a possibility that he only has months left.
I'm not sure what God has in mind for me this year. I'm sure it will all work itself out.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/10/2006 10:54:04 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Somebody sent me some one liners today, and I thought that I'd share them with you. I don't normal put things that people have emailed me in here, but I thought that there were some things that could really bear a lot of thought.
20 Beautiful One-liners
1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
I know that they are things that I need to do in my walk with the Lord too.
Tomorrow morning, my time, I'm going back to see the doctor again. Some of you may know that I've had problems with one of my wrists. I was told months ago that I had osteoarthritis/tendonitis in the wrist. It's the hand that I use most, so there's so many times that I have to remember not to use it. Even doing the lightest things can cause pain, but I'm sure that something can be done about it. I've been resting it for days now. I'm keeping it bandaged to keep it still. I've taken some pain meds to try and help in that regard. Hopefully it will go away soon.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/11/2006 4:17:49 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Hi everybody. Thought I'd just come in and blow off a bit of steam. Yeah, this is going to be a bit of a rant, so be warned. Hopefully it won't go on for too long.
I went to see the doctor this morning. I have a doctor that I see for the more important things. He is my primary doctor. He deals with the vast majority of my meds etc. He's also very hard to get to see. Sometimes you have to book weeks in advance to see him as they have such a large clientele, and limited doctors. He and his partner are Christians and are looking for other Christian doctors to go and work with them. At this stage, it's been unsuccessful. The area that they service is a low socio economic area. The amount that they could pay their doctors is the same as a doctor just getting out of medical school. There has been talk over the years of possibly closing the doors of the practice as they are struggling so much financially. So, when I need to go to a doctor for the less serious things, there's another doctor that I go to who's closer in location to me. I feel comfortable with my primary doctor. He knows the most about me, and frankly, the thought of having to start over again with another doctor terrifies me. I have so many ailments that I'm sure I'd forget something. I find my usual doctor very understanding. He's pretty thorough. If he thinks I need tests, he sends me for them. The other doctor I go to if I can't get in to see my usual doctor. He bulk bills, so it doesn't cost me much to go and see him. He's pretty thorough too. I went to see him today about my wrist. Whilst I was there, I told him about how I hadn't been feeling well in recent months, and how I was running hot and cold, sleeping a lot etc. I told him that I'd had a gastric flu which is going around at the moment. Another doctor friend of ours told us that it just keeps coming and going for months. Anyway, I just wanted to see if there's anything else I could be doing, other than resting to get rid of it. He asked if I'd been treated for it in the past and I said yes, and told him that I got something from my usual doctor. He hit the roof that I was seeing another doctor, telling me that I shouldn't be doubling up on care. I don't do that. My usual doctor does all the testing I need doing. He monitors my diabetes etc. The doctor today made out like this guy either hadn't been doing his job, or I was asking him to double the care. I wasn't. I kept trying to explain to him that that wasn't the case. He didn't want to listen. He said it could be any number of things causing the tiredness. I knew somehow that he was going to hone in on the diabetes. I've never made a secret of being diabetic. It's on my records. I hadn't said anything to him about it as it's right there if he wanted to look. I told him the symptoms that I didn't have, knowing that they were diabetes related. As soon as I mentioned being diabetic, he was infuriated, like I'd kept some secret from him! He kept saying that it was probably my diabetes causing it, not the flu. It could be thyroid etc etc, all the things that I've already been tested for by my usual doctor. He was livid!
Then I asked him about my wrist. I told him that I'd had a fall a couple of months ago. He asked me why I hadn't told him sooner. (I'd been to see him a few times before Christmas about something). I couldn't remember whether I'd told him about it or not. It wasn't until after I was about to leave the surgery that I realised that I had. He'd mentioned something about it from his computer screen. I was told that I was a very naughty girl. Again, he chewed me out like I'd hidden some great secret from him or something. He was saying that from the last time I saw him about my wrist, it should have healed. I got sent for xrays. As soon as I got to the xray place, in the same complex as the medical centre, there was a message waiting for me that the doctor wanted to see me again after I'd had my xrays done. I had my suspicions about what was going to happen and sure enough, when I got back, the nurse hauled me in to get my blood sugar levels. They were higher than they should have been but nowhere near as bad as they used to be. I was told not to leave until the doctor saw me. He called me into a side room and told me off for having my BSL's higher than they should be and continued to rant about how I should be getting my doctor to take care of it and I shouldn't be doubling up on care. He went on and on, all the while, the door to the room we were in, was wide open. I was trying to explain the situation and he just didn't want to hear. The room wasn't far from the waiting area and reception area, and everybody would have been able to hear. In the end, I could see he was just angry and wanting to get back to his patients. I thought it would just be best to let him go. I gotta admit, I'm still pretty upset about the whole thing. Honestly, if I didn't have to go and get the results of the xrays, I don't think I'd go back to him.
Anyway, enough about that.
Looks like we're going to be having some storms over the next few days. Hurricane Clare hit ground yesterday further north in our state. There's still a lot of flooding apparently going through the inland areas. Some of the bad weather is heading towards us. It's already pretty muggy outside and you can just feel what's going to happen. We'll be safe, but if you don't see me for a few days, it's only because of the storms.
Speaking of outside, I'd better go and feed Bailey before the storms start. Thanks for listening.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/12/2006 12:48:48 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Went back to the doctor again this morning. This time, John came with me. He gets on really well with the Dr.
Nothing is broken. The doctor said in one way it would be better if it was, as it would heal quicker. The xrays show that I'm getting more arthritis in through my elbow. I have soft tissue damage to my wrist. I have to rest for a while. He said that if I don't, it will just get worse. No heavy lifting etc. I can manage that. He said there will be days when I'll feel ok and have no pain. I still have to be careful though, because at those times, I can forget, do something, and it will cause further damage. I've got my hand bandaged still. If it wasn't so hot, I'd think about getting a splint for it when I get paid next week. I think it would be too hot right now though. There's not much I can do about the wrist thing. I just have to put up with it basically and hope it goes away. The doctor was pretty quiet. Just talked about the wrist and said nothing else. I think that was because John was there.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/12/2006 2:19:29 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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I have to admit, I'm really struggling right now. I'm feeling as though the depression is deepening even further. I've lost motivation, and despite knowing that I should be losing weight, it's like there's a big part of my that just can't be bothered. I feel like I'm failing right now, and not doing anything right. I can't get myself out of this negative mood. I ended up crying all the way home from the shops (after we went to see the doctor this morning), and then started up again when we got home. I've taken some calmatives to try and settle me down. I'm going to try and get some rest so that that can try and calm me down too.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/16/2006 3:28:11 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Today is Joan's birthday. She and John have gone to one of the local jettys to have a drink and some icecream. I was going to go with them, but I woke up this morning not feeling at all well. I'd hoped that it would go away over the course of the day, but it hasn't. I'm not sure if it's part of feeling unwell, but I'm still feeling depressed.
I don't normally go for political news, but our state Premiere stepped down from office today. It was a shock. When we initially heard, John wondered if maybe he'd done something that he shouldn't have. It's since been revealed that this man is suffering from depression. I don't have the responsibilities that this man did, but I do know what it is like to suffer from depression. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. No doubt there will be some political wranglings in the days to come over who will get the top jobs now.
I guess all of this makes me think of two things in particular. One is that if you suffer from depression, then you really should get help. There's no shame in admitting it and that you need help.
The other is how much we need to remember to pray for our leaders. We didn't see this coming, or at least, I didn't.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/20/2006 11:06:57 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Tonight we had a get together which kind of doubled as a combined birthday dinner for John and Joan. Things went pretty well. Some couldn't make it as they were sick or had other commitments. We still ended up with 12 people joining us for dinner.
Throughout my life, I've lived with many people. I've never lived alone. Yes there have been times when I've been house sitting or something and I've been alone at those times, but I've never lived on my own for long periods of time. One of the couples who were here tonight had a granny flat out the back of their house. Her mother used to live out there and I lived in the granny flat with the mother for a couple of years before the mother's cancer got really bad.
Until now, I've never been allowed to have pets of my own. My mother was a cat lover and my dad a dog lover. Never the twain shall meet. I really wanted a pet of my own as I grew up. In the end I used to adopt the animals of the people I lived with, and their animals adopted me. The first family that I lived with had a chihuahua named Cleo. She used to frighten me to death in the beginning as if I so much as looked at anything, she'd bark. You wouldn't think that a chihuahua could sound vicious, but she did. In time, Cleo and I really grew on each other. She'd get so excited whenever she saw me, and it got so bad, that the mother of the family told me that Cleo was more my dog than hers. The son was Cleo's absolute favourite, but I was a very close second. I can still remember when the owner called me one night to tell me that Cleo had passed away after being sick. I'd gone with her a couple of days earlier to the vet. That was the last time I saw her.
The couple who came tonight, B & L, are brother and sister in law of Cleo's owner. When I first arrived in Australia, they had a spaniel named Sarah. She was such a gorgeous dog. She loved to run after her tennis balls. They were like her binky. She was so friendly and cuddly. Such a faithful companion. She had to be put down not so long ago as she was just getting sicker and sicker. Sarah had been such an enormous part of my life too. I used to house sit for B & L whilst they went away on holiday and look after Sarah and Kali.
When L's mother and I moved into the granny flat at the back of B & L's backyard, L's mother, D had two jack russell terriers, Russell and Mandy. They were really faithful too. I remember when I started going back to study. They got into the routine that I would be home about 4pm unless my classes finished before then. They couldn't tell the time, but you'd never have known. Every day from 3.30pm, they would be sitting at the door waiting for me to come home. The second year, one day a week, I had classes until 6pm and I wouldn't get home until around 7pm. By the time I got home, they were beside themselves as if they'd been so worried that I wasn't home sooner. They'd both go off and quickly eat something as if they needed the sustainance to make such a fuss of me now that I was home. Mandy would yodel her hello to me. Then they'd line me up so that I could spend some quality play time with them. D made B & L promise her that when her time was coming, that they would have Russ and Mandy put to sleep. D's husband who'd died a few years before, said that if anything happened, he'd like them put to sleep as nobody would be able to understand them the way that they did. After D's passing, L told me that if I'd had somewhere to live where I could have kept Russ and Mandy, she would have given them to me. I would have been the only one that she'd have allowed to take Russ and Mandy. Where I lived at the time though, I would have hated seeing them live there as the family wouldn't have treated them right, even with me living there. They'd had pets on and off over the years and they mistreated them, which was something that I couldn't stand.
Eventually, Sarah got a sister. L and L's daughter J went to the shops one Saturday afternoon to get bread and milk. J came home with a spaniel pup, which she named Kali (Kayley). Sarah didn't know what to make of this new addition to their family. Kali of course was a gorgeous bundle who loved cuddles. As a puppy, she would climb up and lay across my chest and nuzzle into my neck. Over the last couple of years of years, she's had some health problems. This past year, she was diagnosed with heart problems. She hadn't been well earlier this week, but seemed to perk up a bit for a little while. Monday night, L knew that it was time and B had to take her to the vet to be put down. B & L told me tonight. L, obviously is upset, but she couldn't bear to see Kali suffer any more. Every time I think of Kali, I think of her yodelling her version of the family secrets to me every time she saw me, or knew I was there. (She lost her sight due to cataracts in the end). Even without her sight, she knew when I was there. She'd come for her cuddles, and it would be so funny. She was way too big, but there were times when I think she thought she was still a puppy and would try to snuggle like she did way back when she first came home from the pet shop. She'd have flattened me trying! Whenever she saw me cry, she would lick my tears away. I sure am going to miss that little girl.
Even though Cleo, Russ, Mandy, Sarah and Kali weren't mine, I loved them like they were. Instead of that song about, "For All The Girls I've Loved Before", I'd change the phrase to, "For all the dogs I've loved before". I don't know if I'll ever see them again, and I don't want to start a debate in Theology about it, but there's a part of me that hopes I'll get to see my faithful companions again one day.
< Message edited by cherish405 -- 1/20/2006 11:09:10 AM >
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/23/2006 5:24:38 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Sometimes we feel so helpless when we see things happening around us. With the people we love. Circumstances.
Yesterday as I was out with friends, I noticed dark smoke coming from further over. We knew that it wasn't any of our homes, but we could tell that it wasn't far away. Then I heard on the news last night where it was, and it was right around the area where our church building is. It's in an industrial area, surrounded by bush. I don't know at this stage whether we have a church left, or how much damage it's had to it.
I know of people who are going through a time time right now, and I just want to be able to help. I feel like I can't do anything to stop the hurt. I know that I can pray, and I am, but somehow it doesn't feel like enough. There are particular friends that I'm thinking of, and it's not just them that are affected. It's also their friends and families. Not that hugs are the answer to everything, but there are some friends I'd just love to put my arms around and hug, and make everything ok again. Some I can do that with as they are here in my own city. Others aren't. I don't know how to help friends who are losing things that are important to them. Health, relationships etc. One of my main gifts is mercy, so I guess that makes things all the more noticeable for me. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/27/2006 11:35:03 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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January 27th. John's birthday. It's been a pretty low key day today. We were wanting to do a few things today, but finances and the fact that some things were unexpectedly not open today meant that we couldn't do things. John loves birds of the feathered kind. There was a pet shop out in the country that we have been going out to for the last couple of days, and neither day was it open. We thought that Thursday it was closed as it was a public holiday. Australia Day, Australia's version of the 4th of July. Today we went out there, and we think that they may have shut it down, but we don't understand as the signs are still out. There was a sign saying it was closed, but the gate was wide open. There were big flightless birds wandering around in their yard.
In any case, yesterday whilst we were out looking at pet shops, we managed to get some fish and plants for John's aquarium. He had it running really well there for a while, until the pump broke. The fish had been eating all the plants, and then the fish started getting sick. It was too late that John realised that the water ph was wrong. He lost all but 2 of his fish and had to clean the entire aquarium out and start all over again. I bought him some neon tetras, a bristlenose and a couple of pearl gurami. When I get paid again next week, I want to get him some more fish to join the new play mates. I know he'd like a siamese fighting fish, but he's very particular about which one. That will come in time.
Life for me lately hasn't been easy. I don't know why, but this time every year, I find my depression deepening. It can't be SAD as we get a lot of sun here. It really confuses me as to what's going on. I talked to my usual doctor the other day and we are currently taking me off of one of the antidepressants that I was on long term, so that we can change it to another. I'm feeling pretty nervous about this as it means that after I stop taking this particular med, I'll be off of it for a week before slowly starting the new med. I know I only started decreasing the meds yesterday, but I can already feel a difference in my mood.
There's so many things that I need to think about. As those of you who regularly read my blog know, I was going to group therapy for my eating disorder. At the end of the course, they were talking about making sure you stick to the regular snacks. That's one of the things that I haven't been doing. As for calories, forget it! I'm way over my limit! I had to have some blood vampired the other day to check my blood sugar levels. They are normal. I don't know how, but but they are. John and I looked at each other and repeatedly asked the doctor if he was sure he was reading MY results. Also on the course, they told us that we could eat on Christmas Day, but not to turn it into Christmas week. I remember thinking at the time that only an idiot would do something like that if they were trying to lose weight. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to be one of those people who wasted their time on all the extra eating. So much for that. It's not Christmas week I had to worry about. I'm already up to Christmas month.    I don't know what's wrong with me. I know that I should be losing weight and not putting it on. I couldn't believe it. This afternoon, I was calculating what little money I had left and working out how many frozen cheesecakes I could buy with that amount, to last me until I get paid next week. How stupid is that?! It's like before I go to bed, in particular, this thing comes over me and says, "I want to eat and nobody is going to stop me". That is just plain stupid. John suggested that I stop using the word "should". At group, they told me to replace it with, "I prefer". The problem is that I don't prefer. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the pay off is for me in all of this. For now, I have absolutely know idea.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: A life to cherish - 1/28/2006 10:30:46 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 28238
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
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I've been spending the last while trying to figure myself out. I don't just mean the past few minutes, but quite a period of time. Why after many, many years of counselling, I still seem to have the same problems, the same hangups. What's really behind the eating disorder, depression etc. I know there's a couple of things that I need to re-address. For the most part, I don't have a clue.
Coming onto Crosswalk tonight, I saw a thread called, "Is it biblical to attend church"? or something along those lines. I know that I haven't been well for quite a while, or I sleep through the start of church. I asked John about his opinion as to whether or not he thinks I'm shirking my responsibility about church. He didn't flat out say yes, but when he said he didn't want to criticise, I knew the answer was yes. That's going to have to be something else that I'm going to have to work on.
At the moment, I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I can't sort myself out, even with counselling.
The craft group is starting up again on the 6th of February. I don't know whether I'm ready for it, but I know that the others really enjoy it and see it as something where they can just relax.
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