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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 3:47:17 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10840
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From: Lone Star State
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I just deleted mine and I'm still here....
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 4:21:41 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4237
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Jaw-dropping astonishment
Two summers ago I lost a friend. We’d had our two youngest babies together and though, in subsequent years she moved from one continent to another, we kept in touch. Our connection and bond grew stronger the year of the GTGT when I visited with her in Colorado and, a year later, so impressed by what God seemed to be doing in her, I was about to ask her to be my spiritual mentor when I got the most unexpected e-mail from her. The e-mail was full of anger and condemnation and completely ignored what I had written her the week before, confessing some of my problems and sharing the victories over others.
Furthermore, she complained bitterly about how she’d been treated when visiting me the month before. I had booked off work the week before she visited to get my home ready. She criticized it and my housekeeping (which isn’t the greatest but all the places she was expected to go were clean, tidy and in order, though not always beautiful—she had put my son in a room in her house earlier in the year that was total chaos and in which he had to sleep on the floor because he didn’t want to clear off the bed and make it). I booked off work to spend time with her and cancelled my social engagements. I gave her my full attention the entire time she was there. The only time I came online was when she went for walks with my dh (I wasn’t interested in joining them and they both like walking) or when she went to the washroom. She told me she felt unwelcome because it seemed like all I wanted to do was be at the computer. And so on. It was an extremely hurtful letter and I literally felt like I would die.
My response was a simple question, “What’s your intent with what you wrote?” I really wanted to know! It was so incredibly out of the blue! She’d seemed to enjoy our friendship and had given no hint of dissatisfaction in any of the areas she attacked. And that’s what the letter was, an attack against me for my perceived failings in many, many areas of my life. Even if all she had said was true, her manner was anything but loving. She responded to my question by phoning me and when I repeated the question, she just hrmphed at me and went into a tirade, repeating what she had said in the e-mail.
We had no more contact for a year. However, during that year, she kept up a secret correspondence with my husband. Because of that, I knew she was returning to Winnipeg for a visit. At his urging, she finally wrote to me to suggest we get together and discuss what had happened the summer before. I told her I was willing to work towards reconciliation but I wanted that to happen BEFORE she came to visit. She wanted to do it WHILE she was here. I refused. For one, an hour over coffee wouldn’t be enough time and secondly, I didn’t trust her to not repeat the same barrage as before. She claimed that it was much easier to do this sort of thing in person but if so, why didn’t she confront me about all these “issues” while she was in person the previous summer? Instead she waited till she got home and then wrote to me. I figured we could do reconciliation via writing as well.
I didn’t hear from her again, though I learned that my husband had secretly gone to see her (they weren’t alone, there were other friends present). I was outraged and he promised to end all contact with her which, to my knowledge, he has done. By the end of the summer (last year), I felt convicted to write to her again, thinking that perhaps something in what I had written before her visit had offended her. I did not want to be the one causing the block to solving the problem between us. I didn’t hear from her for the longest time. Finally she wrote, said she was interested in reconciliation but “now” wasn’t a good time. In the subsequent months I received 2 or 3 more e-mails which essentially said the same thing, "I’m interested but now isn’t the time." So I waited, figuring that she was stalling and didn’t really have any interest in resolving this. And I prayed.
Yesterday morning, I got an e-mail from her that caused my jaw to drop to the floor in astonishment and awe. In the most incredible humility, she conceded that she HAD BEEN very, very angry and hadn’t realized it. She apologized, expressed regret for what she had done and said, asked my forgiveness and expressed hope that our friendship was salvageable. In all her preamble to this, I saw a woman who has radically changed, who has begun to look at the place anger has had in her life and the regret she has over how it affected many different parts of her life. In a million years, I never thought I’d ever hear her speak like this.
And so I’m going to begin working towards rebuilding the bridges between her. Hopefully she’ll be willing to discuss what happened between us (the things she addressed in the angry e-mail two years ago) so that there can be resolution, the slate made clean and all unfinished business dealt with. I would like nothing better. With the attitude she expressed, I believe it will happen.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 5:02:41 PM
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tgbrn
Posts: 101
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Maggie - Sounds like your friend wasn't aware of what really has/had her angry. I remember you posting about this - I pray ALL works out well between the two of you.
Congratulations on your invitation to Exodus! I am so very happy for you and I have enjoyed reading your post.
I have been busy for more than a week and was unable to read your thread. I skimmed through last night. You seem like a different person in your post. I look forward to reading what all God is doing in your life. Have I mentioned that you are inspiring? Indeed you are!
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lynnie
The Happiness of life is made up of little things - a smile, a hug, a moment of shared laughter.
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 6:06:32 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4237
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And that I leave the Christmas tree up till April.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 7:41:14 PM
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tgbrn
Posts: 101
Joined: 4/12/2005
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LOL
Your taking your tree down and I am thinking about putting mine up again, seriously. I purchased a new tree last year, now I have three and I would love to get them all up this year. The new tree is too heavy to put in my attic and all of my storage spaces are full, so it is stored in the corner of an extra bedroom. It drives me crazy that it is sitting there and I can't find a place to store the tree. I have too much stuff!
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lynnie
The Happiness of life is made up of little things - a smile, a hug, a moment of shared laughter.
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 7:47:27 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4237
Joined: 4/11/2005
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LOL! I can identify with too much stuff. Thankfully, I got dh to agree to toss a whole pile of old and junky Christmas stuff just now. I'm so relieved. So I've done that part of the job and it still looks like I haven't done much but I needed a rest. Sometimes my slowness irritates me.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 9:31:35 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10840
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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While you're at it, want to deal with my tree too? It looks better up, even with the branches drooping 'cause the cat climbs it, than it does in the box. 
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/12/2005 11:00:28 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4237
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Wonderful news about Tee, Duane! And I see my thread is one of your first two posts. I'm honoured! Good to see you! I hope you get the rest you need. Thanks for your encouragement. {{{Duane}}}
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings VI - 4/13/2005 11:56:57 AM
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Deeds
Posts: 1019
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Indiana
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{{{Maggie}}}
Hi Maggie. I love your discription of the desert in bloom on the previous page. As you might remember, the desert is about my favorite place and when it does bloom it is an awsome sight in deed! Something you think is just barren and almost God forsaken, can just be so beautiful with enough rain from God. It takes the droughts and time of barrenness to enjoy the sheer beauty of the desert in bloom!
I don't like not having spell check, then every one can see all the extra flaws I try to keep to my self LOL!!!
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from all of the running. I've managed to keep up with what is going on with you by reading your Musings, so I'm so thrilled at what God is doing in and through you lately. I just knew that good things were around the corner for you. Praise His Name! 