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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/16/2008 7:03:42 AM
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Pengie
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Seriously though. my sister called yesterday and her husband has been diagnosed with bladder cancer. Don't know many details, but any prayers wold be appreciated, thanks.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/16/2008 11:44:23 AM
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magdaleine
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quote:
Today is my husband's birthday. Let's not all rush to the cake now.
But what if I WANT cake? Are you making/buying him one? Or might that cause a divorce too? (Silly man for being upset you spent money to show your love for him.)
I'll be praying that today is a good day for you, Pengie and also for your brother-in-law. {{{{{{Pengie and family}}}}}}
I saw the dermatologist yesterday and my skin is fine. No moles that could be cancerous. That's good to know.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/17/2008 1:19:47 PM
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cherish405
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Hi everybody!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/17/2008 6:12:09 PM
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magdaleine
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Hey Trish!
I think now is a good time to share some of my adventures.
Saturday and Sunday were awesome days. With each, I had something I was attending in the morning, then went out for lunch, followed by a walk and then downtime at a coffee shop with wireless internet access.
I already mentioned the seminar for learning how to become a news story. I went for lunch to a favourite place of mine and sat there working through my Depression Workbook. I'm learning things about myself with this and even though it's a Christian book, my psychiatrist has given the book her stamp of approval (not that I needed it but it's nice to have).
When I finished I went to The Forks to walk. I like to have a destination to walk to but I wanted to end up at the coffee shop with wireless and that is already at The Forks. Where would I walk? Then I remembered a walk I had taken once last year. The Forks is a park (actually a National Park I believe) around the area where the Assiniboine River flows into the Red. Each end of The Forks area is marked by a bridge so I decided walk the circuit--crossing the first bridge to the French side of the river, walking on the path there to the next bridge, going across that (to cross the Red) and then the next (to cross the Assiniboine) and back into the hub of The Forks.
I took this walk both Saturday and Sunday and really enjoyed it. I stopped to read historical markers and learned things about my city I didn't know. (There is so MUCH I want to learn about so many things--how does one find the time to do it all?) Both days were perfect for walking--not too hot and not too cold.
While I was sitting playing a Scrabble game with Mo (online) at the coffee shop, a friend in Winnipeg came online and asked if I'd like to go to a concert with her that evening. I'd just been complaining that week that I didn't have any friends to DO things with other than go out for coffee or a meal and talk so I knew this was an answer to prayer.
I had a wonderful time at the concert. The group is called Constantinople and specializes in playing music from the Mediteranean and Middle East in the Renaissance and Medieval eras. They use instruments true to the times and region and I didn't recognize any of them. I was particularly intrigued by one instrument that looked much like a cello only it had seven strings instead of four and the bow was held in a completely different way. It was a viola de gamba, which I've heard about but never seen before so that was cool.
There are four men in the group. I had to laugh because three are bald or nearly so and the fourth has so much beautiful, gorgeous, thick, wavy dark hair down his back and on his face that he has more than enough hair to share with the other three and still have some to spare.
My friend and I were expecting the middle eastern music and were very surprised to find out that they would be playing Mexican music from 400 years ago. To help them were a man and woman from Mexico who are top performers there for the particular style of music played for us. They each had an instrument but what I most enjoyed was the way the woman used her feet as percussive instruments. She came onto the stage dancing and I thought it cool that she didn't think that because she's a heavy woman she couldn't dance in front of a high-priced audience. We are so obsessed with thinness in the US and Canada. I didn't particularly like the Mexican man's singing but the woman sang in a style that I was able to enjoy.
During intermission and at the end of the concert (there weren't more than 150 in the audience) refreshments were provided free. That was fun. My friend and I finished up by going out for hot chocolate to a place I never knew existed and to which I've already returned today. I'll be going there more often because today I discovered that my internet provider has a wireless connection in the area and it's full strength in that bakery/café. It was an awesome day and evening.
Edited to add a bit more to the ending.
< Message edited by magdaleine -- 4/17/2008 6:23:29 PM >
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/17/2008 9:28:52 PM
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magdaleine
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Sunday morning at church we had communion. The format seems for the elements to be situated at the front of each aisle. This week one of the two people passing them out at the top of the aisle I was closest to was the head pastor and so I took the opportunity to ask if I might speak to him afterwards and he agreed.
As I've walked in the area that my former church was reaching out to, I want to walk in the neighbourhood of my new church. However, this neighbourhood has a reputation of being dangerous and many people won't walk here even in the daylight. I decided it was prudent to ask what I should or shouldn't do if I'm going to walk there.
The pastor's primary concern was that I avoid the streets where the prostitutes hang out so that no "slime ball" would approach me. I asked if they might pull a knife on me and he said no. I've had a close encounter with someone wielding a knife and with someone wanting to purchase "my services" and I managed okay so I really don't see a problem with those streets. I'll have to tell those stories later.
He introduced me to a couple other people, women, who might have additional safety suggestions. They said to take a partner (don't want to) and to let someone know where and when I'm walking so if I don't return on time someone will know where to look for me (I might be willing). Then the pastor looked at me dressed in my new bright red sweater, huge red earrings and bright red lipstick and told me, "You look wealthy." LOL! I've never been told that nor have I ever thought it. Usually I look rather frumpy and icky. I responded, "So dress down?" "Yeah."
Monday I was so exhausted I slept all day, got up for a couple hours and went back to bed for the night. Tuesday I got up determined to walk in the church neighbourhood. I told ds1 what I was doing and why and set out.
I parked in the church's parking lot and began to walk on the main thoroughfares that I decided mark the border of the church's neighbourhood. The first one was quite busy with pedestrians and as much as possible I tried to make eye contact and greet the people I passed. The other streets didn't have so many people on them but at no time did I have any sense of discomfort.
One really scruffy man with lots of hair on his head and face, layers of dark clothes and pushing a shopping cart across the street towards me greeted me with a comment about how cold it was. I smiled at him, agreed, and kept on going.
Another man I recognized from church. He has a thin face covered with white bristles and definitely from the neighbourhood; and when I had walked past him as I was leaving church on sunday, I made eye contact and smiled at him. He got up and started to profusely thank me so I reached out my hand to shake his and introduce myself. So when I saw him on the street I greeted him by name and reminded him where he would have seen me. I'm not sure he remembered but that's okay. He called me "Little Miss," and when I asked him how he was he said he was on his way to be a bad boy. How's a person to answer that? We chatted for a bit and as I said good-bye I cheerily told him to stay out of trouble.
I had a great time except that the day was supposedly very warm but the wind was so strong I was actually quite cold. By the time I was done, my hands were so cold I could hardly open and close them and the rest of me was pouring sweat (got to find a solution to that--any ideas?). Because of the cold I had walked faster than I should have and my legs and knees were seriously sore. Instead of going to a coffee shop to hang out before my afternoon doctor's appointment, I went home to soak in a hot bath. My luck though--the moment I started up the stairs I heard ds1 start the shower and by the time he was out of the washroom my soaking time was cut in half and so was the temperature of the water.
I saw the dermatologist and she gave me a clean bill of skin health. No suspicious moles. Hurray!
I went home and slept. I was so tired.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/17/2008 11:15:50 PM
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magdaleine
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Hey Shaunii! Good to see you!
Wednesday was amazingly awesome.
My weekly doctor's appointment is downtown. I often park at The Forks and walk the "scenic" route into the core of downtown. There are always panhandlers here and I've made friends with one of the women. I try to take her out for lunch after my doctor's appointment but she wasn't in her usual place so I started to look for her.
On my way I came across some other panhandlers (there are quite a few on this particular street), one of whom asked me for some change. I always carry coins in my pocket (we have $1 and $2 coins) for just this purpose so I dug in my pocket, took out a couple of coins and put them in the woman's hand. As I did so, I took her hand in mine and said, "Jesus loves you."
Magic words!
She replied, "I know he does." Cool! And so ensued an interesting conversation as she told some of her story. She's native but attended Mennonite Christian schools and eventually married a German Mennonite man. The stereotype is that Mennonites are upstanding Christian citizens while the natives are shiftless drunks. In the case of this woman, however, it was the reverse. She left him because he tried to force her to adopt his crack addiction.
I invited her to church and yes, she wants to come. When I told which church I go to she said, "Oh! I go there!" The church has a neighbourhood drop-in for two hours Tuesday and Thursday mornings and something for the neighbourhood Wednesday evenings. But she's never attended Sunday mornings.
She asked for my phone number. I really paused at that. I've just met her, I don't really know what kind of person she is though she seemed nice but at the same time I didn't want to invite her with one hand and push her away with the other so I gave her my cell phone number, warning her that I don't have voice mail so if she doesn't reach me, try again. She gave me hers. She lives in a sleeze-bag hotel "full of perverts," as she puts it. She's got grandchildren coming to visit this summer so she's looking for a better place to live.
When she seemed to indicate she was leaving (or I should leave) I asked her if I could give her a hug. Yes! She didn't want the hug to end and said to me, I've really needed a hug today. Some of her friends/acquaintances had gathered around by this time and one wanted to know what was going on. I let her explain. At this point there were three women and two men. I'll call the women A, B, and C with the woman I hugged being A. B came along while I was talking to A and began to angrily accuse C of making eyes at her "old man." "I've got my old 'old man' C said. But B was very angry and for a minute I was prepared to find myself in the midst of a full-out fight. Thankfully only words were exchanged.
Interestingly, and I don't remember quite how it happened, but as A was about to leave with B, B and I had a bit of a discussion, shook hands and introduced ourselves and she left with a smile. A turned and gave me another hug and a kiss on the cheek.
C and the two men remained. I had started talking with C too--asked her if she was a believer. She said she used to go to church but she's backslidden. So I asked her if she knows the story of the Prodigal Son. Nope. So I began to tell it to her. Some of the above interupted the story but she turned back to me eager to hear the rest of it. I told her that the father is God and she is the prodigal. God is waiting for her, watching for her, just as the prodigal's dad was watching and waiting for him.
After a minute (and we'd started walking at this point) I thought I should point out that she doesn't have to wait till she's all cleaned up before she comes back. He'll take her back dirty, just as she is. To my surprise, I got very emotional as I told her that. I don't think I've ever gotten emotional about someone's spiritual state before. I think she would have accepted an invitation to church but since I'd already invited A and I wasn't sure how they get along together I didn't extend the invitation to her. God can reconnect us if it's needed.
I'm really excited about all that happened. God is so good! I'm hoping to have more interactions like that.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/17/2008 11:28:27 PM
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magdaleine
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I walked in the church neighbourhood again today, walking slower to protect my knee and leg. It worked. I got quite a few people to make eye contact with me and give some sort of greeting. One man who passed me from behind called out as he passed, "Hello Beautiful!" It's been a long time since I've been addressed like that by a stranger.
I think today must have been clean-up-the-city day. Golf carts are used in the downtown area for the folks who do odd maintenance work and (container) gardening. There were several gathered together on my path along with a crowd of young adults newly hired to keep the streets clean for the summer. Three TV crews were filming some sort of news cast and I wasn't sure if I'd be stopped or if I could make my way through or around the crowd and continue on my way. I made it through. A bit further on, in the Exchange District, which has been revitalized and populated with students and business/retail people, a man was using a fire hose and hydrant to clean the sidewalks of all their winter debris. The snow is gone, the weather is (relatively) warm and the city is getting ready for summer.
The contrast between the two neighbourhoods is amazing and the line between them is very distinct. One minute I'm surrounded by pawn shops, flea-bitten hotels and raunchy drinking holes and the next I'm in a trendy district with cobblestone streets, business suits, high heels and a café with leather couches. I discovered wireless Internet connection here (provided by my home internet provider which means I can log in and gain access) so I'll be returning.
Sorry I've written so much. Thanks for making it through it all.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/18/2008 1:34:32 AM
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magdaleine
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I'm crazy to be up this late but it seems like the writing bug has hit (in addition to the posts above I just wrote a long e-mail to someone I knew in my childhood--I think she used to babysit me and my sisters on occassion though I don't remember that).
I promised a couple of stories.
I was in university (three decades ago) when the city's public transit went on strike--for a long time. Someone at the university printed signs of the various parts of the city that we could use to hitchhike to and from school. These were very useful and, for the most part, worked very well.
One day I was on my way to visit my grandmother who was in the hospital with a heart attack and had my sign held out to indicate where I needed to go. A man with a black car pulled up and offered me a ride. Great! Except that not long after we started moving, he propositioned me. I don't even remember what words he used but I declined his offer. He upped the price and I still declined. He continued trying to persuade me and when he missed the turn he should have taken, I started to get a bit nervous. This was not a man to be trifled with. He ignored my protest about going the wrong way and kept upping his offer until he reached $100. In the early/mid-70s that was a lot of money!
I still refused, though at this point I wasn't sure what was going to happen. We were driving further and further from where I wanted to go. I think I stayed calm and continued my stance until finally he began to head towards the hospital. He never did take me directly there as he had first said, but that was okay. I was so glad to be out of that car and safe.
A few years later dh and I were separated and I was dating. One of the salesmen at the dealership where I bought my new car was interested in me and invited me out. I was young and foolish and willingly agreed to a nice quiet evening at his place in front of the fireplace. When we arrived we first went to the kitchen for some reason. I can't remember why, but I do remember leaning against a wall and watching him do something--maybe prepare a snack.
Near my head, mounted on the wall was a container of kitchen knives of various kinds. For some reason, as we were talking, he stood near those knives and took first one and then another and slowly measured their sharpness against his thumb. It was almost as if he was testing how I would respond. I wasn't sure what he was going to do with those knives but they were awfully close to my neck. Again, as in the first situation, I stayed calm and though I wasn't following God at that time I sure was praying!
I believe God answered that prayer because the rest of the evening continued without incident but when I was next at the dealership, the older man who had sold me my car warned me to stay away from this guy, implying that he wasn't safe to be with. I never saw that man again.
I've often wondered what he had in mind as he fingered those knives. He had no use for them that evening. I can't help but think that he had evil intent but that God enabled me to stay calm and protected me from harm.
Knives and prostitution are both dominant themes in my church's neighbourhood. I pray that if I should find myself in a potentially dangerous situation, God will honour my intent of being there and protect me. Jesus said that we can't add a single HOUR to our lives by worrying. When God has decided it's my time to leave this earth, nothing will stop him from taking me home. Until then, he will enable me to continue furthering his purposes. I will use caution in my walks and listen to the Spirit's warnings but God will only allow me to be hurt if that is part of his will and if it's part of his will then it's the best thing to happen regardless of the pain.
You might have to remind me I said that.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 1:40:11 AM
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humbleinspirit
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Hi Maggie, I want to pick your brain sometime, but especially how you respond to pan-handlers in light of Matthew Ch. 5-7, the Sermon on the mount. It would be interesting to hear your reply!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 1:42:06 AM
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humbleinspirit
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WOW Maggie, scary, glad God kept you safe and sound!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 12:36:45 PM
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cherish405
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Maggie, sounds as though you've been having a very interesting time meeting people!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 5:55:13 PM
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magdaleine
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Mike, I'm not sure what you're asking. What part of the Sermon on the Mount were you thinking of? I don't see a specific connection--favourable or unfavourable.
Mike, God keeping me safe in both those situations has convinced me that God protects and watches over even those who are not acknowledging or following him. He had his hand on me even when I deliberately lived a life contraty to his will. To me that's amazing.
Yeah, Trish. It's been fun.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 10:48:43 PM
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humbleinspirit
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quote:
Mike, God keeping me safe in both those situations has convinced me that God protects and watches over even those who are not acknowledging or following him. He had his hand on me even when I deliberately lived a life contraty to his will. To me that's amazing.
Now that reminds me of a word that someone had over my old church at one time. "I have watched (protected) you in ways that you have not known!"
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/19/2008 10:53:34 PM
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humbleinspirit
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quote:
Mike, I'm not sure what you're asking. What part of the Sermon on the Mount were you thinking of? I don't see a specific connection--favourable or unfavourable.
I can't find it now, however it was when you said you were memorizing Matthew while walking down the street and seeing pan-handlers.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/20/2008 12:31:31 AM
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magdaleine
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I haven't been memorizing all winter. At the moment my praying while I walk has been mostly singing. For part of my walk today I created my own song and sang it.
quote:
Now that reminds me of a word that someone had over my old church at one time. "I have watched (protected) you in ways that you have not known!"
Yeah. That's good.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 10:47:00 AM
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Pengie
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Maggie, you have most certainly been through some interesting and frightening adventures. I am glad God has had His Hand on you, keeping you safe.
I had an unusual week last week. First, my husband wasn't all that excited with the stepping stones. He says they are more to my taste then his. I think he missed the point where I was trying to merge two of our interests together and make something beautiful.
After that I started having severe pain, more so than I usually do. I ended up in the ER where I was admited and put on an IV for pain meds. They ran a cat scan and other tests while I was there trying to explain to cause for the extreme pain. A tumor was discovered in my head. I was discharged yesterday with a presciption for a morphine type pain pill and am following up with my DR on Wed.
I came home to a disgustingly dirty home. Dishes with old food still on them, trash overflowing, soda cans everywhere. Both my dogs have been neglected and left in their kennels too long and soiled themselves. I'm sure Little Bit missed her meds and is due to have a seizure if she hasn't already. Really, it's all quite depressing.
I bet my daugther didn't take her meds or do any schoolwork either.
I really have to wonder what my purpose in this life actually is. It seems useless to me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Also, I feel so unappreciated by my family. My sister is trying to get me to leave my husband and daughter and share an apartment with her. But, I have my dogs to think about and health ins, too. Leaving my husband would be a hard thing to do, I don't think I'd ever see a penny out of him and I can't get a job. I feel so trapped, both by my illness and my husband.
Thanks for putting up with my complaining.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 2:13:49 PM
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Doveflight
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quote:
I really have to wonder what my purpose in this life actually is. It seems useless to me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Also, I feel so unappreciated by my family. My sister is trying to get me to leave my husband and daughter and share an apartment with her. But, I have my dogs to think about and health ins, too. Leaving my husband would be a hard thing to do, I don't think I'd ever see a penny out of him and I can't get a job. I feel so trapped, both by my illness and my husband.
Dear Pengie,
I think I understand where you are. My tumors are growing, I can't get in for treatment that is stronger until May 6. I spent this weekend writing a health directive and care directive that essentially writes out my husband. I also informed my siblings and parents of his behavior and have taken action to file for separation if he hurts our daughter again. No one else has given any help because he refuses all options. Though he runs a vacuum and will wash dishes as a last pitch effort he is nasty mean to us most the time and he phsyically hurts our daughter but insufficient to draw charges or involve children and youth. He knows how far to go.
We don't need this stress. We also need the insurance. It is very difficult.
Love you
Dove
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 2:43:56 PM
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leah777
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pengie & Dove}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I'm at a loss for words. I'm so very sorry . . life sure isn't fair. I will keep both of you in prayer.
As for the purpose for you being here, even tho it must not seem so obvious to you, it certainly is to me. You are both bringing order out of chaos, giving your daughters protection and purpose, and instilling in them a sense of belonging, a knowledge of God, holding them and your spouses before His throne and pleading for His mercies to rest on them -- now and always.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 6:25:51 PM
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magdaleine
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Oh Pengie! I am so sorry to hear of all that has been happening. What will be done about the tumour? I suppose they don't know if it's malignant or not? Please let us know what the doctor has to say on Wednesday?
I sure wish you could leave your husband. Wouldn't you be eligible for medicare? It's not right that you should have to live with abuse or lose all access to health care. Have you discussed this with your doctor? It might be a worthwhile thing to do. He may have some thoughts or suggestions. Certainly your home situation negatively affects your health so this is something he should be concerned about. {{{{{{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}}}}}}
And Dove, you're going through something similar. You haven't talked much lately about the difficulties you have with your husband. I guess I naively thought things had improved. I'm glad you've been able to take some steps to protect both yourself and your daughter. That is reassuring. {{{{{{{{{{{Dove}}}}}}}}}}
It's not right that either of you should be experiencing this. There is something seriously wrong with a system that forces a woman to stay with an abusive husband because of her medical needs. I find myself very angry that you both have to endure this. Neither of you are well enough to "fight" back, though Dove, you seem to have supportive friends, which surely is a blessing I wish Pengie had.
As for purpose? Surely your children are a purpose God has given you. With husbands like each of you have, at least one of your purposes is to be a loving mom and provide them with the oasis of your presence for as long as you are able. Certainly I have been blessed by both of you and I doubt I'm the only one. Even when you are gone, your children will remember the blessing you were to them, which will give them hope that not everyone is like their dads and that they are precious in God's sight. This is an important purpose that's not to be minimized.
Pengie, I'm glad your cleaning lady will be coming tomorrow and that she's such a help to you.
I am praying for you both. May God have mercy! I love you both.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 8:29:39 PM
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MarshaBlake
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Ladies, our writer, Maggie, said it so eloquently.
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You're as beautiful as you feel--
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/21/2008 8:40:32 PM
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magdaleine
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Yeah, Shaunii--it can be very hard but so rewarding.
Thanks, Marsha.
You all may be interested in this post: http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_3268756/mpage_1/tm.htm#3337859
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/23/2008 10:57:57 AM
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Pengie
Posts: 1229
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
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I went to the Dr this morning and have news.
I saw my Internist and got lots of info.
First, the tumor in my head is malignant.
Second, the stress test showed blockages in my heart and I am seeing a cardiologist in an hour. I am to have a heart catherazation tomorrow!
I am nervous to say the least. So much to process in such a short period of time. I may be headed for heart surgery before I can turn around!
I'll try to post again, that is if I have the chance . . .
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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