Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at the same time)?
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Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at the s... - 10/4/2008 11:15:26 AM
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willfs
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There are several woman at my work place that I am interested in. One of them I have been interested in for years. I knew her from another place besides work. However, I found out she has a guy she is seeing but he lives three hours away. I love talking to her but I am not going to wait around for her to dump this guy.
There is another female (temporary worker) I am interested in at my work but I was too shy to go after until she recently seems to be friendly with me. I have also seriously considered asking out two other woman at my work place. One of them is pretty flirty and I am pretty sure she is interested while the other... well she (another temp) is friendly but who knows. (That makes four I am interested in)
I have not been around this many woman that have peaked my interest since college. I am in my thirties and kicked myself for not dating more in college. I wish I had given some of the woman I knew a chance but I just laid low. I really don't want to go through a ton of woman but if one doesn't work out, there is the chance I might go after another, and so on and so on. Its just that I am in my thirties and still single. I wish I had dated more and would like to date to get to know more about relationships, myself, what I am looking for, as well as get myself in the position to find a spouse.
There is the good chance I will not go through with any of this but I thought I'd get your thoughts.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 11:19:57 AM
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stellaluna
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It's generally not a good idea to date someone from your workplace, much less several.
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Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 11:50:06 AM
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Miss Giggles
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Depends on the company. You shouldn't date anyone who has a possibility of becoming your supervisor. Its common for a lot of interoffice dating to happen when the majority of workers are young and single and there is a lot of turnover.. but other places are real strict about it. Other companies they don't care unless it interferes with their work and some even let the spouses work together.
But no don't date more than one, be discreet about it. Don't count on them all being single either, not everyone broadcasts the fact they are in a relationship at work and there are several reasons for that.
Just be extremely careful. Some people do meet their spouses at work and it works out. Then just like in the real world, a lot of affairs start at the office too - you'd be surprised about how some people aren't discrete about matters like that.
In other words, don't do or say anything you don't want the whole office knowing about.. romantically or otherwirse.
< Message edited by Miss Giggles -- 10/4/2008 11:59:58 AM >
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 12:48:48 PM
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colliefan
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If you can keep personal issues from the workplace, it shouldn't be a concern. But that "if" is very hard to maintain as the relationship grows deeper.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 3:09:05 PM
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jaimestarcross
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Not really... unless you want to create a hostile work environment should
any of the ladies become upset with you or with the other ladies you
are wanting to date.
Most companies don't encourage employees dating - check
the rules in the workplace for your company or consult the boss.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 7:35:00 PM
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Focusing
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My opinion is that it is a very bad idea to date a coworker.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 8:44:04 PM
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MC4JC
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I agree that its not a good idea to date coworkers. If you break up, then you have to still deal with the person daily and things can get ugly. You will be subject to rumors, etc.
I'm sure you can find other places to look for potential partners. What about your church groups? Or Christian dating services?
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 9:12:29 PM
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colliefan
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Also, define what you mean about dating several women at the same time. Anytime you start dealing with emotiions, things get dicey.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 9:59:30 PM
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seeking3132
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I'm not sure what to say about this. The quick answer seems to be that it is not a good idea. However, lets be honest. We spend half of our life at work and it is probably the predominate place that we meet people. I think it could be done, but CAREFULLY. You definately have to take it slow and keep it friendly. Maybe not even call it dating. Or encourage a group event with several co workers. And let it grow from there. Get to them all and see what may blossom from the friendships. I don't think that one should strictly not date someone at work, and think that finding a mate at church is the answer. People's feelings are hurt just as easily there, we are all human. And the "hostile environment" could still arise there. However, if you are looking for a Christian gal, and you should, you'd want to make sure that the women at work that you are interested in are.
Hang in there. I am single and in my 30s. It's not easy to meet people. I wouldn't discount work as a place to meet people. As long as she meets your bottom line criteria (ie Christian) and, as others have said, she is not your boss or subordinate. In any situation, tread lightly.
Good luck and let us know how it works out!
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/4/2008 10:59:33 PM
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willfs
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
I'm sure you can find other places to look for potential partners. What about your church groups? Or Christian dating services?
I have not met someone who I am interested in my town in years and years. That includes the church groups I have been in. I have actually been considering moving to a town with a better singles scene for years but I really like where I live (except for the singles scene)
All of a sudden I meet several girls at my workplace but we will see.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
If you break up, then you have to still deal with the person daily and things can get ugly.
The woman I want to ask out is only a temp who is there for another month or two.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/5/2008 2:58:35 PM
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RubySparkles
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Your questions sounds as though you think you'd be able to move from one person to another without being affected and then sit back and reflect on the whole experience. That might happen, but it might not. You could be setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary pain and drama. It might be advisable to pray about which woman to approach and see what happens.
You could perhaps just continue talking/emailing them (maybe not the one who has a boyfriend) You could ask more specific questions about their weekend or something to tweak out whether they have boyfriends.
< Message edited by RubySparkles -- 10/5/2008 3:07:33 PM >
_____________________________
Lord, all our success is because of what you have done, so give us peace.
Is 26:12
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/5/2008 6:09:38 PM
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Prairiehiker
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For some women, it's ok. For most women, it's not.
For me, I won't go out with a guy that's into casual dating. I date to see if there's a long term possibility. Within the first date, I know if I want to see the guy again. I can never be interested in two people at the same time, and when I'm interested, I tend to focus only on that person so avoid any distractions from other males. Besides, it's about respect. IF I like you, I'd like to start building trust early on so you can feel safe with me. I'd expect you to do the same. I feel so unsafe with men who are into casual dating. I normally label them players because really, if he's dating and expressing an interest in several women at the same time, how does he show interest in all of them without somehow playing their emotions?
So, to be safe, date one woman. IF after the first date you don't see any possibilities of it going long term, then don't see her again and move on to the next one. That's the safest way to go. YOu don't hurt people that way.
_____________________________
The Lord is near to those who have a brokern heart.
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.........Psalm 34:18
<<<a change, finally!
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/5/2008 7:09:06 PM
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delete123
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What I use to practice, Never play at work! I have seen too many disasters, even among married coworkers.
If you are interested in the temps get a usual e-mail address or phone number and hook up with them after they have fulfilled their term with your company.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/5/2008 10:29:49 PM
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buckifn
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Unless you are looking for a quick way to get fired I would say NEVER date someone you work with.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 8:13:15 AM
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willfs
Posts: 333
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Even this is pretty risky. Many temps are periodically called back to the same job site.
Additionally, if word got out about the dating arrangement or the bad results of such, the company could very well contact the temp agency and then the temp could be released from that company.
Both of these are not the case. Trust me. I can't divulge but they are not the case at all.
As for the concerns of it affecting my job. You might be right. I would say; however, that I am a pretty cautious dater who takes things slow. I can't see me getting fired. Those who talk of the risk of dating at work (a woman who will be gone - definitely in a month or two) then what about dating someone at church, dating someone in my group of friends, dating someone I met through a friend, at any schools I attend...etc... If dating at work can get so messing then wouldn't dating within these other situations mess up my harmony in my church, with my friends, at any schools I attend ....etc.
So the only safe place to date is through eharmony where I can find a girl who lives several hours away and doesn't know anyone I know? None of my relationships have ended where I felt that I couldn't be friends with those we both knew. Or that it ended in a way that messed up my harmony within whatever place we found ourselves in.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 8:20:28 AM
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willfs
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I will add that I very likely only date two of the woman at my work. The other two have too many red flags of incombatiblity. And even if I date those two, one of them is in a dating relationship... so I will very likely only date one. And even if I date one....looking into my past I usually don't get that far with someone for several reasons: I am not super assertive, I have high standards, and I am a very cautious dater so I usually find out we are not good for each other before we actually start dating.
I very likely won't date any of these woman. But I had to ask because, like I said, its been a long time since I have been around anyone at all that I was interested in to the degree that I am interested in several of the woman at my work.
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 8:36:15 AM
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buckifn
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quote:
I can't see me getting fired.
Most people don't get married and see themselves getting a divorce either, but it happens 50% or more of the time.
One of the reasons a lot of people have the problems they do is because they never learn from the mistakes of others. Somehow they think "it may have happened to so and so, but it will never happen to me" and a few years later they are crying the same sob story.
You would be far better off finding dates outside your workplace.
Do you believe that when the time is right God knows how to bring the right person into your life?
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 9:58:25 AM
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raivyne
Posts: 944
Joined: 8/28/2008
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Something about your post sent up a bunch of warning noises. I think it's centered around this paragraph:
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I have not been around this many woman that have peaked my interest since college. I am in my thirties and kicked myself for not dating more in college. I wish I had given some of the woman I knew a chance but I just laid low. I really don't want to go through a ton of woman but if one doesn't work out, there is the chance I might go after another, and so on and so on. Its just that I am in my thirties and still single. I wish I had dated more and would like to date to get to know more about relationships, myself, what I am looking for, as well as get myself in the position to find a spouse.
I would just make sure your head is clear before you make a decision. It seems like maybe you could be letting your impatience get the best of your judgment. I know what its like to be still single in your thirties, believe me!
I'm not saying you shouldn't date a woman from work. I think two mature adults are capable of doing this, but you never really know how mature someone is until after there's a break up...
What do you know about these women?
What can you offer them?
What can they offer you?
Are you really interested in them, or are you just interested in finding someone?
Just make sure you're not letting impatience decide for you. Its easy to get carried away and then someone (or someones) can get hurt.
Good luck to you however you decide :)
_____________________________
P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens
What if God is asking us for a sign?
Knowledge is proud; wisdom is humble.
Patiently waiting for my KSA
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 12:08:04 PM
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hotsaucygma
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Interesting. I would think the days of not dating anyone in your job setting had passed, apparently not really. I do think it can become "tricky" if the relationship doesn't work out. But I would think if I met someone at work that I would like to date, I would give it a try- very slowly though. On the other hand, I am certainly glad I do not work in the same setting as one of the men I dated in the last year, I truly would not want to see him daily, sleezebag that he is. It would be annoying. However the other guy would not be an issue at all... I guess it really depends on the situations!
You do have a point though, if the relationship doesn't go well and you met at church or some other place you go frequently you do run into the same situation. Relationships are risky, no doubt about it.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Is it smart to date several woman at work (not at t... - 10/6/2008 4:07:17 PM
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Elena1030
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Depends on how large the company is... and if you and the woman in question actually work together in any way. For example, she might be your contact in another dept and be the person you have to interact with to get a certain task (or set of tasks) done. Dating her might present some complications.
But say... she works in a completely different division in the same company and your work itself does not cause you to cross paths or interact, then why not date her?
My company is large enough that dating can and does happen. We have several sets of spouses who met here, married, and continued to work here. (Sometimes transfers to other departments or divisions allowed the relationship to transition more smoothly.)
Our HR policy merely states that you cannot work in the same department as your spouse.
Then again... We're a Christian agency that is all about upholding marriage and family! =)
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"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
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