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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 10:15:31 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Let me caveat something here. This discussion is all keyed to after I got saved. Before I got saved was entirely different (I wasn't looking for the "one" I was looking for the "one night stand")
Kind of both. I date with the intention of seeking a wife. If the relationship is going well it naturally goes in that direction.
Are the people you are dating seeking a husband?
I sure hope so. If I have a clue that they aren't I won't ask them out. Even on dating sites I tend to ignore anything other than "seeking a serious relationship" or higher
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I don't know. Once I find a fit, why go slow?
Because that's the advice I'm being given? Because I learned the hard way how much someone you think you know can change?
Well I guess that is good advice. I just never did it. God's in charge of making it work. I'm just in charge of doing the work he tells me.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 10:16:43 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
For example, if on date one I find she votes democrat, Instant disqualification (TOS does not allow me to define why) So much so that it may end the evening right there. If her attitude towards others is unacceptable (someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person). If she talks more on her phone then to me.
Ok, on the political thing, I'm of your political persuasion -so I understand that one...(I will say no more in this non politics folder)....
Cell phones....I can't stand when people over talk on cell phones, and I DO NOT talk on mine while driving, and I WILL NOT talk on it when I'm checking out with the clerk in a store...oh wait, I forgot, I don't even have a cell phone at the moment..ok, just make that did not or will not.
And I agree it's very important to be polite to wait staff.....but then I always have been....I am blessed in that from a very early age, my two very well educated parents (who COULD have been intellectually snooty if they had wanted to) INGRAINED it into us to respect all jobs (done well) equally.....we were to respect the garbage collector for what he did as much as we respected the president for what he did.
I do have one anecdotal note about the waiter thing, though...but I'm too tired right now..more on that later..
OK, why is this post being ignored???? 
Because it asked no questions and I agreed with it.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 10:19:18 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2608
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From: The little house in the prairie
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I'm the same as John. Once I find someone I see as a good fit, I jump in wholeheartedly. Of course, it doesn't' mean I can't jump out once I see a deal breaker. That's the only way you'll see it is if you' show what you're about and he shows what he's about. People don't tend to reveal themselves fully if they are in it halfheartedly
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 10:24:10 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I'm the same as John. Once I find someone I see as a good fit, I jump in wholeheartedly. Of course, it doesn't' mean I can't jump out once I see a deal breaker. That's the only way you'll see it is if you' show what you're about and he shows what he's about. People don't tend to reveal themselves fully if they are in it halfheartedly
And I always reveal myself fully (No I am not a flasher!). I even have references if people don't think I could be real.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 6:55:42 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
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From: Austin-Garland, Texas
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Well - now I know part of the reason I don't jump in wholeheartedly.
I've been lectured for the better part of the weekend about how I'm too trusting, etc.
I love my family, and I appreciate what they are trying to do - but part of me wants to say "Where were you when I was 21?" *sigh*
It is frustrating that instead of being happy for me and trusting my judgement, they are NITpicking things that aren't really their call.
So here am I excited that he is meeting my list so far, while my mom is saying he isn't tall enough for me and my dad thinks he might be interested in me because my job has good benefits.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 7:00:18 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
Well - now I know part of the reason I don't jump in wholeheartedly.
I've been lectured for the better part of the weekend about how I'm too trusting, etc.
I love my family, and I appreciate what they are trying to do - but part of me wants to say "Where were you when I was 21?" *sigh*
It is frustrating that instead of being happy for me and trusting my judgement, they are NITpicking things that aren't really their call.
So here am I excited that he is meeting my list so far, while my mom is saying he isn't tall enough for me and my dad thinks he might be interested in me because my job has good benefits.
Okay, I'll say it for you - ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 11:19:34 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
So here am I excited that he is meeting my list so far, while my mom is saying he isn't tall enough for me and my dad thinks he might be interested in me because my job has good benefits.
Want to really get them excited? Tell your mom that the two of you are the same height lying down. Tell your dad that you plan to move to the commune anyway.
(I can be so mean sometimes!)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 11:47:06 AM
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raivyne
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I don't really know if men and women can be "friends". They can get along and be casual acquaintances…
Men who are best friends can play video games together (or some other male bonding type ritual) and that makes them best friends… women are best friends with each other because they share things with each other in a non-sexual but still intimate way; they pour their hearts out to each other. men really don’t do that (in my experience) except with their significant others.
I’m sure many of you will disagree with this… but that’s just how I feel about it. I used to feel differently and had a number of "guy" friends.
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 11:51:29 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2470
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quote:
ORIGINAL: raivyne
I don't really know if men and women can be "friends". They can get along and be casual acquaintances…
Men who are best friends can play video games together (or some other male bonding type ritual) and that makes them best friends… women are best friends with each other because they share things with each other in a non-sexual but still intimate way; they pour their hearts out to each other. men really don’t do that (in my experience) except with their significant others.
I’m sure many of you will disagree with this… but that’s just how I feel about it. I used to feel differently and had a number of "guy" friends.
I agree with most everything you said, except that I don't believe that video games are just a "male bonding type ritual" (mostly because I can whip just about all my guys at them, well, sometimes...as long as I'm distracting them...okay, I'm not that great at them, I just like them!)
But, I do think you can be friends, it's just a little different than being friends with women, they can share their feelings too, they are just deeper down inside of a guy and you really have to listen to be able to hear them!
_____________________________
I Think I'm Outta Control!
Love is not a fight...but it's worth fighting for!
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 11:58:37 AM
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raivyne
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I'm a video game junkie. I have a lot of hobbies/interests that are in the prototypical "guy" arena. Thats why I had many "guy friends". Something someone said once made me reanalyze my opinion on opposite sex friendships. So, that's why I feel differently now than I have in the past.
Men generally don't share their feelings with anyone but their parents or significant other. If they do share them outside that circle it normally leads to a confusion of boundaries (emotionally speaking). Now if there's no good reason for those boundaries then its really not a big deal.
but that's just my $.02
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 12:01:28 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: raivyne
I don't really know if men and women can be "friends". They can get along and be casual acquaintances…
Men who are best friends can play video games together (or some other male bonding type ritual) and that makes them best friends… women are best friends with each other because they share things with each other in a non-sexual but still intimate way; they pour their hearts out to each other. men really don’t do that (in my experience) except with their significant others.
I agree. In the movie "When Harry met Sally" Harry proposes that a man and a woman can't be real good friends because sex always gets in the way. I agree with him. Eventually he'll like her or she'll like him and the friendship will end. (Of course sometimes they get married but the "friendship" still ends as they are now more than friends)
A woman can talk intimately with another woman and it will be non-sexual. (In my experience) a man cannot talk intimately with a woman without it being sexual. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are inextricably linked for most men.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 12:02:06 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2470
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quote:
If they do share them outside that circle it normally leads to a confusion of boundaries (emotionally speaking). Now if there's no good reason for those boundaries then its really not a big deal.
but that's just my $.02
See your point raivyne! Guess I never thought of it like that before!
_____________________________
I Think I'm Outta Control!
Love is not a fight...but it's worth fighting for!
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 12:04:25 PM
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raivyne
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Bingo John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
quote:
If they do share them outside that circle it normally leads to a confusion of boundaries (emotionally speaking). Now if there's no good reason for those boundaries then its really not a big deal.
but that's just my $.02
See your point raivyne! Guess I never thought of it like that before!
I hadn't either until someone pointed it out to me and I rethought my whole belief system on that subject! LOL
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 12:04:52 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Keep it on topic gang!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 8:56:55 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2608
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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quote:
new thread... can men and women really be friends?
IT's very rare that you'll find a man and a woman who hangs out all the time without any romantic feelings developing, either from one or both. I know from experience that all the male friends I had developed some feelings for me either before or during our friendship. Women are normally good with platonic male/female friendship, but I find that mot often than not, when a man starts hanging out with a woman, they are interested in more than friendships.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 9:23:14 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3830
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
new thread... can men and women really be friends?
IT's very rare that you'll find a man and a woman who hangs out all the time without any romantic feelings developing, either from one or both. I know from experience that all the male friends I had developed some feelings for me either before or during our friendship. Women are normally good with platonic male/female friendship, but I find that mot often than not, when a man starts hanging out with a woman, they are interested in more than friendships.
I guess to keep this on topic...how soon does a man in a friendship know that he has feelings for his female friend?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 9:45:16 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2608
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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quote:
guess to keep this on topic...how soon does a man in a friendship know that he has feelings for his female friend?
The moment he starts finding her physically attractive, the interests in something more starts. Guys, correct me if I'm wrong.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 9:48:37 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
guess to keep this on topic...how soon does a man in a friendship know that he has feelings for his female friend?
The moment he starts finding her physically attractive, the interests in something more starts. Guys, correct me if I'm wrong.
I'd have to agree. Although it's been many years (if ever) that I've had a strictly "friend" based relationship with a woman. If he finds her physically attractive (since he already finds her otherwise attractive since they are friends) most men would want to move to the next step
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 10:14:18 PM
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DrivenbyGod
Posts: 223
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
new thread... can men and women really be friends?
IT's very rare that you'll find a man and a woman who hangs out all the time without any romantic feelings developing, either from one or both. I know from experience that all the male friends I had developed some feelings for me either before or during our friendship. Women are normally good with platonic male/female friendship, but I find that mot often than not, when a man starts hanging out with a woman, they are interested in more than friendships.
I guess to keep this on topic...how soon does a man in a friendship know that he has feelings for his female friend?
I started a similar thread awhile ago about being friends with non-christians of the opposite sex and most everyone that replied thought it was ok and that the relationship could remain as just friends. I wish you guys were around when I posted that.
Ok, back to topic... i know.. i know.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/22/2008 10:32:04 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1989
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod
I started a similar thread awhile ago about being friends with non-christians of the opposite sex and most everyone that replied thought it was ok and that the relationship could remain as just friends. I wish you guys were around when I posted that.
Ok, back to topic... i know.. i know.
Well, it would certainly be easy for me to be just friends with a non-Christian woman, because I doubt I would find her attractive enough to make any move toward romance, knowing there was no way I would marry her.
*shrug* Just my opinion.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/23/2008 11:37:43 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Guys - keep it on topic - please!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: How soon do you know... - 11/23/2008 10:22:41 PM
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Geocacher301
Posts: 74
Joined: 4/27/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
*shrug* All in all I don't like his books and worry when I see youths split up by gender because the girls are too afraid to talk to the boys and vice versa.
And may of these girls will wake up in their late thirties with their biological clocks winding down wondering where their husband is and having no clue about how to go about finding him.
It's very similar to the lie that feminism told to a generation. "You can have it all. build your career first and then have a family" Many of them will spend their lives alone because while they have a great career they've neglected to build a family.
John
I am joining this conversation late.
I am glad see someone else bring up some of the defects of what Josh Harris promoted. I even have a blog about his book. What really is sad how Josh Harris promoted what he says in his book as almost a perfect solution when even the church he now pastors have seen plenty of problems with this approach.
Harris was quick to point out the defects of dating but kept silent about the defects of his approach. Even when he acknowledged problems with how singles relate in the church he is Sr. Pastor of, he failed to share these on his blog.
www.ikdg.wordpress.com
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