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I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 1:23:18 PM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
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Hello I'm new here.... - I NEED HELP.... I am saved and please when you read all that I have to type please know that I really need ur help. I am a saved single young lady - everything was going right in my life I was where I needed to be (so I thought) and I was grow in God. I was dating a young man a while back and we parted ways... we both belong to the same church... as time went on we found ourselves back to "dating" to make a long story short I am not 4months pregnant, In the past I did terminate a pregnancy (no he wasn’t the father) and I made I vow to myself that I would never to that again the guilt and everything that came along with it still effects me 10years later. Needless to say this person knows of the vow I made and wants me to terminate the pregnancy because it’s not the time for a child we’re not married etc. I feel like my back is up against the wall… one week he’s excited and the next it’s I can’t believe you are forcing me to be a father now and I’m not ready, I can’t believe you are trying to mess up my life. Is all that he says to me now along with if you have this baby I will HATE YOU… I have accept the fact that me having sex outside of being married was wrong and since have being working on getting back to where I need to be in Christ. I said to him that even in our sin God has blessed us with life… his response to me was this has nothing to do with God this has to do with me and you… HUH… God has to do with everything he’s the reason WHY I AM…. Then he went out to say I should terminate the pregnancy and do this the right way the way God intended it to be. Oh and let me not forget this part… I love you so much and I want to marry you but I’m not ready for a baby right now we don’t need this we have so much in life we need to complete (I’m 35 years old). Next year we can have a baby, and this is the famous one…. I told him if I was to terminate this pregnancy because you want me to I will never forgive you and have nothing but regrets and so on and so forth… so after all his abusive talk he says to me… will you leave me??? Can we stay together????...I’m to the point that I don’t want to deal with his abusive way of talking to me I don’t want to deal with this anymore and now I want to terminate the pregnancy not to be with him but so I don’t have to deal with him…I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE… I’m all out my strength is gone.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 1:46:01 PM
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Aisha
Posts: 74
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Maryland
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With sin there are consequences and you are going to deal with them whether you keep the baby or abort it. I suggest that you make your own decision about the baby. Dont let his abusive words determine what you are going to do. Both of you knew what could happen after sex whether it was an STD or a baby. I was in this situation twice and both times I thought about abortion. I am GLAD that I didnt abort my children. I have been going through and its something I have to deal with. I made the selfless act and kept my baby instead of thinking about me, me, me. I have struggled but God has made a way. I havent had a real stable job for the last few years BUT my children have never went without things they have needed and they have things they want as well. It gets rough and I do it without daddy's help and without daddy's approval of having the baby. I couldnt go through with aborting my babies after hearing the hearbeat. Thats LIFE inside of you!
Having kids has set me back in a few ways but I can never imagine life without them! Repent and ask God for forgiveness. He will forgive you. Try your best to not put yourself in the same situation again, which is better said than done. Once you repent about the same thing enough times, you will feel very bad every other time it happens again. You'd be so disgusted to even continue to practice it. Just keep working at it. No sin is easy to change but just stay focused on being pure and when you slip up, repent and keep going.
If he wants to hate you because of your decision then thats on him and his walk with God. I wouldnt listen to that. That type of stuff is what some men say when they are scared or either mad they made a bad decision. He wasnt absent from his body when it happened. He was man enough to lay there with you, and he should be man enough to take care of his seed. If not, there are other laws that can make sure of it!
_____________________________
Engaged to my bestfriend Sept. 5, 2008!
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 2:15:13 PM
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rachsquelch
Posts: 35
Joined: 8/9/2008
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I'll try to keep it short and sweet. Please do NOT terminate the baby. YOU may not have planned it, but GOD did. He's known that baby since before it was even conceived and He chose for it to be conceived by you for whatever reason. Don't listen to that disgusting excuse for a human being boyfriend of yours, he is being immature, unreasonable and plain wrong.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 3:50:05 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2846
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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Keep the baby. Terminate the relationship with your boyfriend. You'll never regret either.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 4:04:20 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1265
Joined: 8/13/2005
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First of all, you should seek guidance from God on the issue.
And, I believe you already know the answer He will give you. It is never ok to terminate life.
It's going to be ok. There are quite a few people on this board who have given birth out of wedlock. Although the circumstances surrounding the conception of the baby are sinful, the baby itself is not.
God loves you and God loves the child you are carrying. We will be here to support you through this.
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 4:33:11 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 289
Joined: 3/9/2008
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Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to the pastor since you are both members or attendees of the same church. He's going to find out anyway. So, let him know where you are, that you are repentant, and the father's pressure. Perhaps the father needs some Fatherly advice from a male spiritual mentor (assuming the pastor is male - & if not, he'll need one anyway.)
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 5:46:11 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1899
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Keep the baby. Terminate the relationship with your boyfriend. You'll never regret either.
Amen, Laura!
11221, you're already having problems with guilt; ending this little life in you will feel will be worse because you will have done it twice when you already knew it would be awful. And most women at 35 are past the time when they can conceive; this may be your last chance to bring life into the world.
Not aborting brings other questions: what about after the baby is born?It's not going to have a father per se, as he sounds manipulating and thinks killing a child - his child - will make his life better. With that kind of attitude, he's not marriage material. By a long shot. He can't force you to abort, but you could sue him for money to raise the kid, so he'd probably be happy to sign away his paternal rights. Remind him that it costs about $200,000 to raise a kid to 18, and then there's college. Then hand him the paperwork at the notery.
You could keep this baby, or put it in the arms of a married couple longing for a child. That way the baby gets a two-parent stable home and you know you didn't do anything to hurt him/her. You can live with that.
The warm and friendly folks at the Crisis Pregnancy Center know how to help you and will if you'll call them. They're in the phone book. They've got contacts, experienced advice, and baby things to give. Let them help you figure this out; they've seen it many times, and they want to help. It's free.
The folks at Planned Parenthood make millions of dollars a year convincing people to get abortions (it's how they make a living) so they'll tell you, "Oh, it's just a little piece of tissue." They won't tell you it's had a heartbeat for three months, and brain waves even longer. It's fully formed at the age it is now, and just needs to get bigger. It's got finger prints and everything (a sonogram may show it sucking it's thumb, and I think you can tell whether it's a boy or girl now. Maybe next month).
God bless you, dear ones (yes, there's two of you now!). I am praying for you today. (((Hugs))).
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 5:51:57 PM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
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Thank YOU!!!! all - everything you guys said really helped me.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 6:16:38 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 326
Joined: 12/6/2007
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Well, let me chime in with my 2 cents.....  .
Hopefully, with such postive feedback and encouragement, you feel better prepared to make the decision that you believe God would want you to make. But you must remain STEDFAST, because the enemy will launch an assault on your mind and emotions playing on your fears, the "what-ifs", and the regrets and dreads but in the MIDST of it all BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND IN THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT!
God Bless
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 8:36:47 PM
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shondasu
Posts: 8
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline
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Yes, you should keep the baby! And as far as the baby's father goes, the baby is better off having a relationship with its father UNLESS the father is abusive or destructive (that goes for physically or emotionally). Most guys would not fall into either of those categories. Don't cut him out of your lives like some of the other responders said. Let him calm down, give him some space. Regardless of how hard it may be to raise a child (I know, I have a 1-yr-old and she's kicking my butt) you have to do the RIGHT thing. That's the bottom line. All else will fall into place. Plus, you LET this happen--take responsiblity for it. This baby needs you and deserves to live!!! Don't penalize the baby for your actions.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 8:48:21 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
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Keep the baby. (as in don't abort--adoption to a loving family is a viable option if you are unable to raise a child)
The greatest blessing of my life was the result of an unplanned pregnancy...and I have a good friend who would also say the same.
If the daddy won't be there for you and baby, then it's his loss. Don't let it be your loss as well.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 9:10:59 PM
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favoredmomof4
Posts: 24
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline
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11221,
I agree with all of the above. Keep your baby. If I were you, I'd cut off contact with the father, as he is pressuring you to make a decision that your heart is against. It seems like he is more concerned with his reputation than the innocent life that is in your womb. He wants everything to "look good on the outside". That is the kind of heart the pharisees had, and Jesus himself rebuked.
You already know the reality of giving up a baby from your past experience. I'll be praying for strength for you to stand your ground. God is your source, and He is a father to the father-less - He loves that baby and has a plan for him/her.
God Bless You and I am so thankful that you sought Godly counsel. You are a "sister" in the Lord - we are family and will be praying for you and your baby.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/16/2008 11:28:38 PM
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delete123
Posts: 973
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Keep the baby. Terminate the relationship with your boyfriend. You'll never regret either.
Yup I agree with this.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 12:16:43 AM
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myka
Posts: 811
Status: offline
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quote:
In the past I did terminate a pregnancy (no he wasn’t the father) and I made I vow to myself that I would never to that again the guilt and everything that came along with it still effects me 10years later.
quote:
I have accept the fact that me having sex outside of being married was wrong and since have being working on getting back to where I need to be in Christ. I said to him that even in our sin God has blessed us with life…
I think that you really know what to do -- it's just someone else who is having a problem with it. Sometimes, when we are in a dark place, our enemy puts thoughts in our minds. I would also recommend that you talk to someone (in person) who is supportive of you and your decisions -- who doesn't have their own agendas. Do you have someone that you can talk to?
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 2:18:34 AM
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KnowJesus
Posts: 269
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline
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You have been given some excellent advice here. Please love the life within you. Think of the child better than yourself. Children are a gift from God, no matter the how he/she was conceived. May the Lord bless you with great joy, in giving this baby the life God intends.
Praying for you, the baby and the father, also...in Jesus
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 8:31:41 AM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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If you are not married to this man, do NOT marry him now. DH learned the hard way of marrying when not ready and reason "cause he got her pregnant".
Both of you need to take the responsibility (financially) of the child. If need be, get a paternity test to verify he is the father and then you'll need to have a court issue a child support decree and probably have the money taken out of his pay directly and getting it thru the state to send you.
He also really should have visitation set up and be in the child's life. Its his choice if he takes visitation - you can't force a parent to take it.
God GAVE you this child. Think very long and hard if you really want to terminate another baby. I pray that you make the right choice after much prayer and guidance from a Christian counselor.
I and my sister were adopted. If you cannot keep the baby yourself and raise it with lots of love PLEASE consider adopting the baby to a couple that will be able to give all you cannot. It would be the most unselfish thing to do. I'd rather see a baby given to adoption then to see it killed by abortion. Adoption should be emphisized a heck of a lot more!
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 8:44:15 AM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
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Yes, I have been speaking to a select few, my mom has been very supportive. needless to say i had a night of tears I was cussed out for trapping him forcing him and messing up his name, and i was told I'm like the rest of the girls trying to trap a man by having a baby or wanting to get married. etc. With all that being said all the numbers and way to be contacted has been deleted as of last night.. i just rubbed my belly and prayed that my little girl will be alright. At this time God is my source. - I think him for leading me this way to seek help.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 8:46:24 AM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
Both of you need to take the responsibility (financially) of the child. If need be, get a paternity test to verify he is the father and then you'll need to have a court issue a child support decree and probably have the money taken out of his pay directly and getting it thru the state to send you.
He also really should have visitation set up and be in the child's life. Its his choice if he takes visitation - you can't force a parent to take it.
I will not ask for money from him - I will handle what i have to do - She will no go without.. as long as i pay my tithes and my offering - GOD WILL PROVIDE... I will not force him to do anything... as far as visits - no problem on my end - I will never let her hear me say anything out of place about him - she will have to learn about her dad on her on...
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 9:16:09 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1899
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 11221
I was cussed out for trapping him forcing him and messing up his name
Oh, yeah (sarcasm follows) - you put a gun to this guy's head and made him conceive this child! (/sarcasm) Sheesh.
quote:
, and i was told I'm like the rest of the girls trying to trap a man by having a baby or wanting to get married. etc.
God's plan is for men to take wives in marriage and be responsible to provide for them and their children. This guy wants to pervert God's plan and have the marriage activity that produces children and then abandon them without the responsibility to providing for the mother or the children. He wants the child dead. I used the word pervert because it's not what God ever intended. This guy's idea of life is an epic fail. He's mad that God tried to saddle him with being responsible for his actions.
quote:
With all that being said all the numbers and way to be contacted has been deleted as of last night.. i just rubbed my belly and prayed that my little girl will be alright. At this time God is my source. - I think him for leading me this way to seek help.
Bless you, 11221. Call the Crisis Pregnancy Center and let them help you; they have tons of experience and warm hearts.
You already know it's a girl? Too cool! A little princess!
Thank you for decided to protect this child; next to your salvation it may well be the most important decision of your life. Ten years from now, she'll be a nine year old girl, playing with dolls and climbing trees and learning to love Jesus.
I am praying for you two today. God bless you, give you comfort, strength and wisdom. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 9:20:38 AM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
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Thank you Deermousie..... I have a new outlook on life today... I am DETERMINED to hold on to my FATHER in heaven...You guys don't understand how much you guys have helped me....
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