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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/18/2008 11:58:38 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
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Any two people can build a wonderful marriage if they are both following Jesus and willing to work at it Would you also say a christian can be completely fulfilled in any career as long as he/she does so with the right attitude, works with people who are as committee to the Lord as they are, and works very hard at their job?
I don't think they can.....I think we can be content and even happy at such a job but I also think deep down there will always be a longing in us.....I knowing that God shaped molded and designed us for something different..........
If God gave a man a natural gifting to work with children, and the spiritual gift of teaching, would he fit as well working as a lawyer as he would a teacher? Would he be content never being who God had designed him to be?
My point is I don't think just because two people love the Lord, are committed to following him and willing to put in the hard work a marriage requires it means they will have a marriage which is all God intends it to be....
Marriage is not a job. it is a joy. (That is, your analogy doesn't hold up) When we say "I do" God gives us everything we need to have heaven on earth. Each other. We can whine and long for something else or we can work to be the best we can be and to truly become one flesh.
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Just as God created us all uniquely to walk in our gifting, both natural and spiritual, in our role/mission in life I believe he also designed us to walk in marriage with one he has uniquely matched to us.
For that moment. Otherwise all (most) widows and widowers are really hopelessly robbed of joy in this life. God is not cruel. Therefore there must be another right one for us. However, the absence or presence of one that has been "uniquely matched" to us does not mean that we cannot be re-"uniquely matched" to another. We are not static, we change and grow and can change and grow to be perfect for whomever we end up with. KWIM?
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He takes every thing which makes up the soul.......emotion,intellect,experiences,talents,gifts and personality.......and prepares another who's own soul will work most beautifully with that soul and brings them together.........they are soul mates.......that doesn't mean their souls are identical.....but that they are a perfect fit, due to God's match making, for each other.
I agree that people like this exist for us. But I also know that when any two people get married they can grow to be perfect for each other if they are willing to do so.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 12:17:30 AM
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joy2give2u
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quote:
Marriage is not a job. it is a joy. (That is, your analogy doesn't hold up) True......a job you can change a wife you can not........therefore it is even more important we do not marry someone who seems to be a good match in our own wisdom and instead marry someone who the Lord tells us is a good match.
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Otherwise all (most) widows and widowers are really hopelessly robbed of joy in this life. God is not cruel. I am not sure what it is I am saying which makes you think a widow or widower are hopelessly robbed of joy in their life......
Often I have heard you say God used your marriage with M to shape you into the husband you will be.......I believe the soul is shaped by our experiences and emotions as well as other things.......why would God not use your experiences, you history with M, who you have become to match you with the perfect woman for you.........she will have her own experiences, her own history, which God has used to transform her into who she is today.......without each's past neither would be who they are today and be a perfect match for each other.....
As a widower God will give to you a wife who will not feel threatened by your relationship with M......will encourage you to keep her alive in memory for you and your daughter........she will be a woman, who through her own experiences, will be a good mother to the girl........
Do you understand what I am saying?
You being a widow does not rob you from the joys of life.......it prepares you to be a perfect match with another who God has shaped to work well with the uniqueness of your soul.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 12:31:38 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Marriage is not a job. it is a joy. (That is, your analogy doesn't hold up)
not sure what you're talking about it? there are thousands of marriage books written about how both spouses need to work at marriage. it can be a joy, but it seems pretty naive to say no work is involved.
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For that moment. Otherwise all (most) widows and widowers are really hopelessly robbed of joy in this life. God is not cruel. Therefore there must be another right one for us.
i think you know this in your head but your post history seems to indicate otherwise: our source of joy in this life is not from our spouse. our marital status is secondary (at the highest) as our true purpose in this life. you are almost saying, every widower/divorcee/single person is going to marry or remarry or they will have no joy in their life. (your premise here, doesn't hold up.)
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I agree that people like this exist for us. But I also know that when any two people get married they can grow to be perfect for each other if they are willing to do so.
agreed. i'm a big fan of dr. harley's his needs, her needs which illustrate this in a practical manner.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 9:30:33 AM
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blueeyedgirl2
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This thread really got me thinking about this and where I stand on the topic.
When I first thought about it I thought the idea of having one person who was made essentially just for each of us sounded rather self-centered. It is a wonderful idea but why would God make someone just for each one of us? We are here to serve Him not for Him to serve us.
Then the whole issue, which has already been pointed out, crops up what if I missed the “one” somehow? What if I met them when I was too immature to realize it? What if I felt they were the “one” and they didn’t feel I was the “one” and married someone else? Do I wait for their spouse to die? What if they moved away and I let them go? If I do meet the “one” how will I know? How can I be sure? What if I decide this person is the “one” and later realize, I was wrong? What about those who lost their spouses? So much pressure and so many things to think about!
There really is no scriptural support for there being “one” for us, aside from Isaac and Rebekah. In fact many men in the Bible had multiple wives including Isaac’s son Jacob along with David and Solomon to name a few. So how does that fit into the idea of there being just “one”?
Now on the other side of the coin he made each one of us and we are all unique so why couldn’t he make someone uniquely for each one of us? He could easily do that.
This passage from Psalms 139 came to mind as I was thinking about this topic.
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13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God knew us before we were born so He would have to know who are parents would be. It is all in His plan.
With this that in mind I was thinking back on my life while I got ready for work this morning. I couldn’t help but realize how God has woven all kinds of different experiences into my life to make me into who I am today and who I will become in the future. In fact there are things that happened before I was born that make me who I am today and there will be things that happen today that will effect who I am in the future. Many times these experiences don’t make any sense at the time but in hindsight you can see how they work together. Why couldn’t God be doing the same thing with someone whose life will mesh with mine? Maybe He is getting me prepared to meet the “one”.
Another passage came to mind it is Proverbs 18:22
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He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Hmm.... Sounds like we need to be looking! It doesn’t say that this person will just drop out of the sky, it also doesn’t say if there is only one to look for. But in the Proverbs passage lies what I think is the most dangerous part of the idea of there being just “one”. Many people use the “one” idea as an excuse to sit and wait where the passage clearly says “he who finds”, to find something you have to look for it. If I lost my job I am not going to find a new one sitting at home and waiting for the phone to ring or a knock on the door with someone offering me a job. I have to go look for it. If I lost my keys I have to go look for them they aren’t going to magically come floating through the air to where I am sitting.
I am still not sure if there is just “one” person made just for me. There very well could be but maybe not maybe I need to work on becoming the “one” for someone else by preparing for marriage.
Then I had this thought what if there is more that one “one”? What if we are given multiple chances at this? After all look at your life, how many times do you mess up and God always takes you back? Maybe you had a chance to have that person you met in high school be the “one” for you but you were too immature to realize it at the time. Maybe you had another chance in college to have that person you were dating to be the “one” but you thought the grass was greener with someone else and the “one” ended up marrying someone else. Maybe you had another chance at church with the person you met there to be the “one” but they got a job in another state and moved away. Maybe you were married to the “one” and they passed away. Regardless of what is in the past maybe your next chance to find the “one” is just around the corner.
I just hope and pray I realize what I have when I meet someone who could be the “one”.
Wow, Craig! That was very well thought out and very well said. You even got stars!!! Woohoo!!!! 
For some reason, I am struggling with this whole thing. I grew up knowing and loving a God who is in control of my life. Not as in I have no choices of my own, but that ultimately He is working his purpose out through events in my life. That leads me to feel like there is “the one”. I don’t want to think of God in a deistic sense where he is just like a watchmaker that winds up this world and then sits back and watches (pun not intended) to see what we are going to do with it. And we all know how that would turn out. . . We’d screw it up because we are sinful creatures. The Bible says that every good and perfect gift comes from Him and that our days were written before one of them came to be.
My conclusion is this. . . that there is probably more than one person out there for each of us that we could be happy with. But if we didn’t choose a certain one, then that person wasn’t “the one”. As Craig said, God is just preparing us for the real “one” by placing those people in our path.
I pray too that I’ll know it when I see it. By God’s grace I believe I will.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 10:35:44 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
Marriage is not a job. it is a joy. (That is, your analogy doesn't hold up) True......a job you can change a wife you can not........therefore it is even more important we do not marry someone who seems to be a good match in our own wisdom and instead marry someone who the Lord tells us is a good match.
You're missing my point. Regardless of who we marry, We can build a good marriage. It is true that we should seek the Lord in every decsion, but whether we sought Him deeply before marriage like some do, or whether we didn't really seek Him at all like I did in my first marriage, A good marriage can still be built.
Secondly, if we've built our list right (prayerfully considering each item on it) then we've probably already included God's instruction as to a good match for us on it.
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Otherwise all (most) widows and widowers are really hopelessly robbed of joy in this life. God is not cruel. I am not sure what it is I am saying which makes you think a widow or widower are hopelessly robbed of joy in their life......
If there is only one "the one" for each person than a widower has already had his shot and he's doomed to be alone. Of course I believe there are any number of people who could be good matches at each phase of our life.
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You being a widow does not rob you from the joys of life.......it prepares you to be a perfect match with another who God has shaped to work well with the uniqueness of your soul.
So you don't believe there is one "the one".
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 10:46:11 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Marriage is not a job. it is a joy. (That is, your analogy doesn't hold up)
not sure what you're talking about it? there are thousands of marriage books written about how both spouses need to work at marriage. it can be a joy, but it seems pretty naive to say no work is involved.
I never said that Ed. I've always said that work is involved. Even in a perfect match much work is involved.
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For that moment. Otherwise all (most) widows and widowers are really hopelessly robbed of joy in this life. God is not cruel. Therefore there must be another right one for us.
i think you know this in your head but your post history seems to indicate otherwise: our source of joy in this life is not from our spouse. our marital status is secondary (at the highest) as our true purpose in this life.
Yep. Our main purpose in life is to love God. He gives us joy and supplies all our needs. Man (most men at least) needs companionship. "It is not good for man to be alone". So God gives us wives to be helpmates and joys to us.
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you are almost saying, every widower/divorcee/single person is going to marry or remarry or they will have no joy in their life. (your premise here, doesn't hold up.)
I cannot speak to divorced people as I'm not one. Likewise I did speak towards unmarried singles as they are presumbly yet to meet their "one" if there is only one "one".
As to widows/widowers it depends on how they are wired. God made me to be a husband. Taking care of my wife and seeing to her needs is what gives me the greatest joy. (Stewardship). It also empowers me to serve more widely to others. Other people serve God in other ways and that gives them joy. Most widows/widowers who had good marriages seek to remarry quickly. They work best in a marital relationship.
It is not taking anything away from God to admit that He made me to work best when married.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 11:20:37 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4192
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Yep. Our main purpose in life is to love God. He gives us joy and supplies all our needs. Man (most men at least) needs companionship. "It is not good for man to be alone". So God gives us wives to be helpmates and joys to us.
yes but God gives us joy in many other forms besides a spouse. joy of the Lord does not only come from a spouse. yes, God can provide a spouse that will give us joy, but that's not supposed to be the major source of our joy.
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God made me to be a husband. Taking care of my wife and seeing to her needs is what gives me the greatest joy. (Stewardship). It also empowers me to serve more widely to others. Other people serve God in other ways and that gives them joy. It is not taking anything away from God to admit that He made me to work best when married.
well if you quote the verse above to support your position, then it would follow God made everyone to be a spouse. personally, my motivation in serving God is not to gain joy or to be blessed. yes God wants us to have a good marital relationship, do well in our jobs, have successful ministries, raise up our children properly, etc but these are all secondary joys and dreams. more than that he desires us to come to a more intimate relationship with him. this joy is better than even the highest dream you name of being married and it comes only in Him and not a spouse.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 11:30:33 AM
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joy2give2u
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quote:
You're missing my point LOL point missing seems to be quite normal between you and I.
I believe the problem may be we are speaking a different language.
Clarification is needed and this might be best achieved by one of us trying to speak the others language........or at least attempting to translate what is being said.
This is how I am reading what you write, here and other places, when it comes to "the one"
I am sure you will more then gladly correct me if I am wrong 
In the circle of life we both agree God's timing is perfect and we will marry.
We both believe hard work,commitment to each other and the Lord, and functioning in a marriage as God designed us to is important.
I also believe that there can be more then one "the one" in a person life and God, going ahead of us, has prepared each for the other at certain season in our lives.
M was "the one" of your youth, and now you wait patiently for God to bring you "the one" of your mature adult years.
A difference between you and I is you believe she will not become "the one" until after you marry and I believe he became "the one" before I was even born.
A good illustration of our different view is seen in group gathering.
I believe you to be saying, you believe if you were to gather 20 women together who all meet your list or requirements, any of the 20 could be the one after marriage. The only thing which matters is that both of you agree to marry. Once you do then you become "the one" to each other.
I believe if God were to gather 20 men together, all meeting exactly what I think I desire in a husband, I would be in a group of amazing men but marriage to any of them is not God's heart for me.......I believe that in that group of 20 men there would be one man......."the one" who God has already chosen to be "the one" for me.
I believe I could be happy married to any of the 20 and would probably have a great marriage BUT I believe with all my heart, in that group, would be one man who was uniquely crafted, formed, lead, and created to be "the one" exactly at the time the group was gathered together.........and to marry anyone but Him would not be God's very best for me.
I also believe, which you do not, that it would be unwise for me to limit myself to the 20 men who meet my list.......because I know I will change........my desires, dreams, and neesd will change.......I may know myself well enough to know what I want now.......but I don't know myself as well as God does therefore I chose to hand over the selection process to Him.
Would you agree in my translation of what you are saying?
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 11:56:30 AM
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joy2give2u
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quote:
God can provide a spouse that will give us joy, but that's not supposed to be the major source of our joy. Does a spouse give us joy? Or does loving her free us up to let the joy already inside of us out? I am not sure...........I say things give me joy but the truth is that joy is already in me because the holy spirit is in me.......and he is joy..........We say the joy of the Lord but do we really comprehend that the joy is not ours but His?
We should have joy in all circumstances. I know that even in the worse storms in my life, as the tears fall drowning my hopes and dreams, or the lighting strikes my heart sending shock waves of pain.........the joy, deep down where the spirit resides, is still present........it is just buried under the surface.
I think maybe those things, such as a person we love, who we say brings us joy.......aren't really bringing it to us but just opening a portal from which it can flow........
Though I don't believe my husband will bring me joy I do believe being married to him will open a much bigger portal from which the joy of the Lord will be able to flow.........does that make sense?
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:02:31 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
LOL point missing seems to be quite normal between you and I.
I believe the problem may be we are speaking a different language.
Always.
I agree with your post .
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I also believe, which you do not, that it would be unwise for me to limit myself to the 20 men who meet my list.......because I know I will change........my desires, dreams, and neesd will change.......I may know myself well enough to know what I want now.......but I don't know myself as well as God does therefore I chose to hand over the selection process to Him.
You need to remember however that He will change also and that by working together you will change to grow ever closer together as you both grow closer to Jesus. So it's best to start off together.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:09:42 PM
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joy2give2u
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quote:
You need to remember however that He will change also and that by working together you will change to grow ever closer together as you both grow closer to Jesus. So it's best to start off together. Yes he will change as I will.......and God knows, because he already sees my husband and I walking through life together, how he will change and how I will.........He knows "the one" who will match perfectly for me during each season in my life..........I don't.........No matter how well I know a gentleman before I say I do I will not know him that day as I will know him 10 years later..........I don't know who he or I will be.......I can't see how we will each grow in mind,body and spirit........but God can....and he will chose "the one" for me who's growth in these areas will grow best when watered by my love........
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:11:23 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Yep. Our main purpose in life is to love God. He gives us joy and supplies all our needs. Man (most men at least) needs companionship. "It is not good for man to be alone". So God gives us wives to be helpmates and joys to us.
yes but God gives us joy in many other forms besides a spouse. joy of the Lord does not only come from a spouse. yes, God can provide a spouse that will give us joy, but that's not supposed to be the major source of our joy.
My fault. I originally said "one of the routes God uses to bring us joy" but edited it out during my proof read. All joy comes from God. The only thing different is the route it takes.
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God made me to be a husband. Taking care of my wife and seeing to her needs is what gives me the greatest joy. (Stewardship). It also empowers me to serve more widely to others. Other people serve God in other ways and that gives them joy. It is not taking anything away from God to admit that He made me to work best when married.
well if you quote the verse above to support your position, then it would follow God made everyone to be a spouse.
Just about. Some men are born eunichs but most are designed to be married
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personally, my motivation in serving God is not to gain joy or to be blessed.
I never spoke of my motivation.
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yes God wants us to have a good marital relationship, do well in our jobs, have successful ministries, raise up our children properly, etc but these are all secondary joys and dreams. more than that he desires us to come to a more intimate relationship with him. this joy is better than even the highest dream you name of being married and it comes only in Him and not a spouse.
Yes. God desires to be loved. And the more we know Him the greater that love will grow. The Earthly model for that is marriage.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:12:30 PM
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sunshinesoprano
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Perhaps it's not so much a "one" as a "someone." Of course there are people who have lost their spouses due to death or a divorce they couldn't control, but God knows all and God will place the one or many in the lives of His children.
In my case, I do believe that if it's God's will, He'll have one person for me, mostly because He gave me a promise to that chord. I don't meet guys, guys don't pay attention to me, so it's not like I have a lot of choices. It will be a total God thing.
I think it's different for everyone and you have to listen to God's voice to know for sure.
_____________________________
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:29:05 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4192
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From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Just about. Some men are born eunichs but most are designed to be married
why do some men who desire to marry end up not marrying? i am not sure i saw your answer on this. where is their one or many?
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I never spoke of my motivation.
never assigned any motivation to you in my last post so i hope you don't feel i was assigning any attributes to you.
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Yes. God desires to be loved. And the more we know Him the greater that love will grow. The Earthly model for that is marriage.
agreed. marriage is a model for God's love and i think considered by many to be the primary purpose.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:44:42 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Just about. Some men are born eunichs but most are designed to be married
why do some men who desire to marry end up not marrying? i am not sure i saw your answer on this. where is their one or many?
Don't know for sure. I know that by our choices we can miss what God has for us. But I can't say that every man who has not married and wants to has blown his choices. (I do know quite a number who have however)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:53:24 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4192
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Don't know for sure. I know that by our choices we can miss what God has for us. But I can't say that every man who has not married and wants to has blown his choices. (I do know quite a number who have however)
i agree ... altho i believe there may be second (or third, etc) chances for any man or woman who blows their chance ... or even if someone blows it for them ...
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 1:59:52 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Don't know for sure. I know that by our choices we can miss what God has for us. But I can't say that every man who has not married and wants to has blown his choices. (I do know quite a number who have however)
i agree ... altho i believe there may be second (or third, etc) chances for any man or woman who blows their chance ... or even if someone blows it for them ...
Assuredly. God is a God of second chances. (thank God)
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 4:32:24 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6019
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Where did we get the idea?
From Hollywood and romance novels.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 4:50:37 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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WHat you mean Hollywood and romance novels are liable how to manuals?
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 4:56:09 PM
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Focusing
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All I know is that I see a lot of people all around me who have these expectations of living these lives and lifestyles that are portrayed by Hollywood and through romance novels. It's no wonder there are so many unhappy people. And for an unbeliever who has no idea that there really is a better life for them, that's their ideal. Very sad, hm?
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Where did we get the idea... - 9/19/2008 5:12:23 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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Do you think more people are single because waiting for Hollywood type romances or do you think more people get married to people they probably should not because of them?
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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