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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:25:29 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JesKlu
quote:
I have no problem with a young couple getting married while still in college, but I'm not sure I understand the opposition to adoption here, especially in the case of a teen girl.
But since there is so much fornication, why not let your late teen/early college age kids marry if they want to marry? And they can still finish their high school and college education as a couple. I do believe there is a lot of fornication, and that can be mostly fixed with marriage.
I know that would mean that the kids would still be living under the parent's roof as a couple, but seriously, I think it is a LOT better than having them fornicate and just brushing it off, which is what a lot of Christian parents do.
Seriously, why not just marry early and finish your college education, and do the rest of your growing up, as a couple? I seriously, believe that is a much better solution than telling your kids to just wait until you get out of college to marry.
I am going to disclose my age. I just turned 21 and I am a newlywed. According to scientific studies, my brain is not fully grown. They say your brain doesn't fully mature until you are 25. So that, in a way, makes me somewhat of an adolescent still. Yes I am a young adult, but not fully an adult until 25. But I am married. You really shouldn't tell your kids to be fully mature before you marry. A lot of times that doesn't happen until you are 25, 26? Some even believe you don't fully mature until you are 30! Most women are holding off marriage until their 30's and 40's, which is way too late. So really, I believe marrying younger is the solution to fornication.
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
Teens are still maturing and developing, which is a lot of work. Marriage is a lot of work and sacrifice in itself, especially in the beginning years. College requires a massive amount of work and sacrifice. Tell me what teen couple you know who could balance all of this plus a child and succeed at any, let alone all of it? Married people, even teens, have no business living with their parents because it interferes with establishing their own independent relationship. This means one or both of them will have to get a job to help support their household. So on top of growing up, developing a marital relationship, raising a child, and going to school, they have to get jobs and work. Pretty tall order there for a couple of kids.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:34:37 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 2402
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Goodness. Too many problems going on here.
Christians and non-Christians should not be united in marriage. Period.
Forcing a child into sin to make up for another sin? Disturbing.
How dare we tread so heavily on such a holy, God-sanction institution. We should be taking marriage more serious than this.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:41:17 PM
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miasma
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quote:
We should be taking marriage more serious than this.
Instead of using it as a band-aid for a political scenario? I agree.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:44:55 PM
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ekserekseez
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I'm interested in this "Christian not marrying a non-Christian" thing. My parents are really hard-core born-again types (no offense intended, that's what they call themselves), but they're all for the shotgun wedding thing. They wouldn't care if the father was a Buddhist or Satanist (or in the case of my sister's "baby daddy" a flaming gay man). For them, it's all about the appearance, and that wedding gown had better have a really tight corset to hide the bump.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:53:29 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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According to you, your sister isn't a Christian, so that wouldn't apply to her anyway.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 4:58:37 PM
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ekserekseez
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I'm not interested about my sister, who actually was at least a nominal Catholic when she got married (so was the guy she married). I just didn't know that there were actual bible verses and stuff that said that Christians and non-Christians were not supposed to get married. I know tons of Christians married to Jews, Muslims, agnostics, etc. Maybe it's a thing with certain denominations or something.
My point is, my parents go CRAZY when they see an unmarried mother. I guess widows are exempt, but that's it. My dad thinks that the government should hunt down any guy who knocks up a girl and haul them both in front of a justice of the peace on the spot.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 6:36:24 PM
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bettymackII
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
It depends on the couple.
In full agreement.
Other posters are making some good points too.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 7:40:34 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1900
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quote:
I'm interested in this "Christian not marrying a non-Christian" thing. My parents are really hard-core born-again types (no offense intended, that's what they call themselves), but they're all for the shotgun wedding thing. They wouldn't care if the father was a Buddhist or Satanist (or in the case of my sister's "baby daddy" a flaming gay man). For them, it's all about the appearance, and that wedding gown had better have a really tight corset to hide the bump.
ek,
(Hope you don't mind the nickname.  Many who call themselves hard core born again or Christian or evangelical or whatever AREN'T. Jesus wants TRUTHFULNESS not appearance, not pretending, not going through motions to appear one way yet live another. What you are observing is the exact problem Jesus had with the religious people of His day.
Reject what you saw, what you have been taught, and any other 'garbage' that has been presented to you and instead seek to know Jesus. You will find Him to be quite different from all you have seen. That's why His nickname is Truth.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 8:27:49 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11497
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From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ekserekseez
I'm interested in this "Christian not marrying a non-Christian" thing. My parents are really hard-core born-again types (no offense intended, that's what they call themselves), but they're all for the shotgun wedding thing. They wouldn't care if the father was a Buddhist or Satanist (or in the case of my sister's "baby daddy" a flaming gay man). For them, it's all about the appearance, and that wedding gown had better have a really tight corset to hide the bump.
Regarding being unequally yoked, perhaps that should be in a different thread so as to not muddy up this one too much? Just a suggestion.
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"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 9:44:50 PM
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ekserekseez
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Liveloved, you can call me ek! It's actually Xerxes, like the dead Persian dude. and ta-mosquito, I'm the OP. This "unequally yoked" part is what I find interesting because I've gone through different threads on these forums, and it seems like most people here are pretty hard-core about taking it seriously. But in the real world, or at least the one I live in, it seems to be pretty much the standard.
I just find it interesting within the context of the choices a young woman would make about being pregnant. I have to confess that I have no personal opinion about abortion. My sister wanted one a long time ago, when she was like 18 or 19, and didn't want the folks to find out, so she got it in Denmark. Then the next time she got pregnant she kept it (although this post is not actually about her specific situation).
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/6/2008 1:20:46 PM
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TrustingGod
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Just to throw in another twist. One reason AGAINST forcing teens to marry - how would that affect insurance to pay for the pregnancy? If my son marries his pregnant girlfriend (she's not, just using this for illustration), does she lose coverage under her parent's insurance? Can I add her to mine if he is still eligible for mine? Not sure how this works but something to think about.
I don't believe we should rush young people into marriage. My sister got pregnant at 15 and married the father. OVer the next 22 years, he was in and out of prison. He eventually gave her a disease that killed her. She stayed with him because she believed marriage was forever. She believed that God hated divorce. She believed that God would meet her every need (which He did). She remained faithful to God and her husband - and God never left her (she is now with Him in heaven).
Her daugther got pregnant. My sister encouraged her to NOT marry the father unless she loved him with the forever committed love. My sister learned her lesson the hard way and passed on her wisdom to her daughter. My heart breaks when I think about the life my sister lived and it breaks to think about my niece living a very hard life as well.
And, as been said over and over, none of us know how we would respond until we are faced with the circumstances (and I pray most of us will not). Too many factors to consider before making any type of determination - maturity of teens, financial situation, LOVE, age of kids, future, LOVE, both sides of the family, health, LOVE, etc. etc. - and, of course, prayer, prayer, prayer.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/6/2008 7:57:08 PM
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JesKlu
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PaleHawkWoman
Married people, even teens, have no business living with their parents because it interferes with establishing their own independent relationship.
Now I will say this, I am NOT living with my parents. But I am 21 and going to school while married. It can be done. I am living proof.
About having to establish your own independance. That is a VERY western concept. In other countries around the world, there are people of verious generations in the same house. Parents, kids, married teens, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. Even 50 years ago in the U.S., it wasn't uncommon for teenagers to be married and still live at home and finish school. If it could be done 50 years ago, why can't it be done today?
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
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And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/7/2008 12:19:04 PM
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Sideways
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You're right Jessica, but the multi-generational thing can backfire. A poster I know on CW tells us that her husband lived with his parents and paternal grandparents. The paternal grandparents pretty much ran the show, and the children even called them "mom and dad".
So, things can go to far if you're 18 years old, married and living with mom and dad, and your parents are still the ones in charge. After all, it's their house, so they make the rules. That could easily spill over into parenting of the new baby, settling marital disputes with the new hubby, a lot of other things that a new couple should really work out for themselves.
Where does the line get drawn? When does the new husband stand up as head of the family? Because in that situation, the grandfather is really the acting head of the family.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/9/2008 8:23:42 PM
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GregandJenny
Posts: 615
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Near Seattle Washington
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quote:
My point is, my parents go CRAZY when they see an unmarried mother. I guess widows are exempt, but that's it. My dad thinks that the government should hunt down any guy who knocks up a girl and haul them both in front of a justice of the peace on the spot.
frankly it's really none of their buiness. If they look at her and see and unwed mother they need to check their hearts at the cross. End of discussion.
G
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/9/2008 9:25:57 PM
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ekserekseez
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If only one could end discussions with my parents that easily. They are appalled at the recent trend of glorifying single mothers, and they're only to happy to let everyone know it.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/10/2008 9:18:57 AM
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ekserekseez
Posts: 692
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My mom's response to that would be, if a woman got pregnant through rape, she should be telling everyone she meets that that is what happened.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/10/2008 9:23:52 AM
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Tinkerbell_
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Wow...I have been rendered speechless (and if you knew me you would know that's pretty hard to do).
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/10/2008 9:30:06 AM
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ekserekseez
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I told you, my parents absolutely freak out over unwed mothers. They're hard-core Republicans, and they couldn't believe that McCain let Palin's daughter and boyfriend get up on stage without being married. My dad thinks that they should have been shotgunned to a JP that morning and hitched.
Not saying this is what should be; just giving my parents' view.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/11/2008 1:01:45 AM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 504
Joined: 7/14/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JesKlu
quote:
ORIGINAL: PaleHawkWoman
Married people, even teens, have no business living with their parents because it interferes with establishing their own independent relationship.
Now I will say this, I am NOT living with my parents. But I am 21 and going to school while married. It can be done. I am living proof.
About having to establish your own independance. That is a VERY western concept. In other countries around the world, there are people of verious generations in the same house. Parents, kids, married teens, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. Even 50 years ago in the U.S., it wasn't uncommon for teenagers to be married and still live at home and finish school. If it could be done 50 years ago, why can't it be done today?
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
My ex-mother-in-law was hateful, manipulative, and interfered in every way she could, and her son did nothing to stop it because she wasn't doing this to him... just me. She was also abusive to my oldest child but not when her son was around. Fed up, I moved out with my children(two of them at the time) and got my own place along with a restraining order against her. Guess where her son chose to live? Yeah, had no interest in getting a place of his own volition, but once I got one he decided he would prefer to NOT live with his mother. He was still an immature jerk tho... which is why he's the ex.
And being Cherokee, I did NOT grow up in Western(Euro-American) culture. My people are very family-oriented, with the extended family the norm. Still we have very strong protocols which dictate interpersonal boundaries. Back before white folks took over, inlaws were not even supposed to talk to the spouse of their child. We are also matrilineal and matriarchal, so the husband lives in the wife's home at her will. If she puts his stuff outside 3 days in a row, that's considered divorce. He cannot put her out of her own home, tho, or refuse to leave.
Even so, married people did not live in their parents' homes because the husband was supposed to build his wife a home before they got married. If you consider that Cherokee girls were trained as warriors right along with the boys, tell me what man in his right mind would want to live with his mother-in-law when she could easily beat the stuffing out of him in hand-to-hand combat?
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/15/2008 10:52:09 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 504
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
Back before white folks took over, inlaws were not even supposed to talk to the spouse of their child.
The rest of the stuff sounded nice, but that sounded sad  . If they treat each other nicely, I think it's nice for in law people to have a relationship.
That's a personal-boundary issue to prevent conflict. Amongst Native people you don't touch someone you don't know, and you do not touch someone of the opposite sex unless they are close relative or your spouse or child.
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