Why do men do this? (Full Version)

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twinkly -> Why do men do this? (8/7/2008 9:19:56 PM)

I am going to post below my response on another thread about what turns women off about men.

Here it is:





"Those men who chase after much younger girls tick me off.



amen to that one! i am standing and applauding this.

I am 37 and ended a relationship last year with a man like this. He was a year older than me but if at any time a twenty something would give him the time of day, I would get put to the back burner until they were done using him for what they could get. A man who chases younger women, to me, lacks something that they feel the need for that ego boost. I despise this in men.

My exhusband also had an affair with a younger woman and ended her marriage and ours with it. (and it didn't even last) . Nope no respect for men like that. Makes me feel old at my age because a lot of them men my age want a 25 year old. It sucks. "

Why do some men do this guys?
I mean I keep myself up, I am an attractive women, look at my profile pic, but I will tell you, I have had it happen more than once that a man I have been with has put me to the back burner when some twenty something has come along.

I'd love some insight into this.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/7/2008 9:21:31 PM)

And I will add that these were supposedly "Christian" men. The boyfriend from last year I attended church with him whenever I went down to see him!

I don't get it.



willfs -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/7/2008 10:13:43 PM)

I don't want to downplay what you have been through with guys. What those guys did was really terrible. I have had some girls treat me badly but nothing like that. You didn't deserve that at all.

I don't nessesarily like younger women. The girls I have had serious relationships with have been within one or two years of my age. I have dated girls from a variety of ages but nothing more than like five years of my age (both older and younger). I recenlty became interested in a girl who is in her early 20s and I am in my early 30s. I havn't asked her out but we talk some. I don't know if it is right. Her immaturity may turn me off. I don't think I like her just because she is young. Yeah She has a lot of energy like me and she likes a lot of the same things I do. However, the crushes I had before this girl were both in their late thirties.

I say all this to say that I don't think it is wrong for guys to like younger girls. I think that when they go after younger girls to a degree that they cheat for them, will go out with a young girl at the drop of a hat, and other such behaviors shows they put too much value on youth. Youth can have its good points and its bad points. And sometimes a guy liking young girls can just be creepy.



alley_cat -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/8/2008 4:56:48 PM)

First of all, I am very sorry to hear what you went through. I can only imagine that it was horrible. What these men did was inexcusable.

However (not trying to contradict you so much as say what I think on the matter) sin is sin. What these men did that was wrong was adultery. I don't feel that pursuing younger, even substantially younger women, is wrong in and of itself. I feel that when you reach a certain age then the age of someone who you are interested in is not very important. I am 31, so obviously females twenty years younger than me are out [8D], but if I met someone who was, say 18-25 or so and she was a solid Christian and we really "clicked" then I wouldn't hesitate to pursue her. To be fair, my most recent crush (not a Christian, so not an option..darn) is 37.

Personally, I say if there is shared Christian values, compatibility, and mutual attraction then go for it. [:)]



NoShow -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/8/2008 5:22:50 PM)

I've known guys like that and they usually fall into one of two categories (sometimes a little in both).

One being low self-esteem. This one can be tricky, because often some of the most confident-appearing, seem-to-have-it-together people; actually have low self-esteem. And for some of these men, believing that they're still attractive to younger women is a form of validation.

The other category is emotional maturity. Some men, just never develop beyond a certain point. I was talking to an extended family member not to long ago. He's in his 60's and I'm in my late 40's. He was telling me about the three women he's juggling and all I could think about was high school gym locker room gossiping. Trust me, he'd dump all three of the women for one 20 year old.

As others have said, just because it's a younger woman, doesn't mean that the above is true. Rather I'm talking about men that intentionally chase or have a pattern of seeking or being attracted to younder women.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/8/2008 5:59:53 PM)

thanks for the input so far everyone.

alleycat, i get what you are saying but i will tell you this. my sister is a very morally responsible christian GIRL of 19. you gave an age range of 18-25. i would kick the butt of any 31 year old man who would pursue my sister! that is if my father did not get to them first. i think that is quite an age difference let alone life experience difference. if i saw an 18 year old with a 31 year old i'd be like "yea right!" no slam on you, just my feelings on it. i am quite sure my sister would have no interest in a man that age anyway.

keep em coming although i will say, i am not convinced yet.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/9/2008 5:53:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twinkly

A man who chases younger women, to me, lacks something that they feel the need for that ego boost. I despise this in men.


By your description, this seems more like a personal issue than anything, but anyways...

What is wrong with a single man who is interested in a sincere relationship with a younger woman?

Would it be as an issue if an older woman was interested in a younger male?



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/9/2008 6:51:31 AM)

i think it is more when men my age or older are chasing around 21 year olds, etc. i am frustrated because a lot of men (the ones i have encountered anyway) aren't interested in dating me who is their age, because they want a young twenty something on their arm instead for that ego boost.

now, i will admit, this may just be the pool of men i run into. or the ones that i seem to attract. that will date me for a bit but put me to the back burner if a twenty something bats an eyelash at them. i am honestly just extremely fed up with it. i feel like i need to find a man in his fifties in order for them to be loyal to me because then *I* would be the younger woman!

I think it is just as creepy when a woman my age chases a man in his early twenties as well honestly. BUT, i don't find that a lot of women my age have the need to have the ego boost of a twenty something on their arm. maybe women are just more secure in themselves. we don't worry about what other women think about the man in our lives whereas my experience with men is that they want to have a young beauty on their arm to brag about to their guy friends.

maybe it is a personal issue but it is one i have been burned by more than once.



jn1010lf -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/10/2008 9:26:52 AM)

Hello twinkly

You gotta understand that men tend to fear losing their manly abilities. Because they fear growing old, they try to grasp what they see slipping away.

Men in their late thirties frequently go through what is called mid life crisis. It's a condition in which the flesh dominates their feelings. If they have the right connection with the Lord, they will not be frightened of such changnes.

In some ways, men are not strong at all, compared to women.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/10/2008 11:11:20 AM)

that's not real encouraging jn!

hurray for us women, we are stronger. somehow that is not comforting.

not trying to be rude to you, i believe what you say is true.

unfortunately i have not come across ANY men who are strong enough in the Lord to resist this temptation.

*sigh*



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/10/2008 6:29:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twinkly

maybe women are just more secure in themselves.


Men may be diffident, but women are more insecure. It's their insecurities that make them question their appearance, emotions, and so on.

Men might also, but not to an extreme extent.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/10/2008 7:14:56 PM)

i agree that we are more insecure about our appearances and such. but we don't need a younger man on our arm to make us feel young again or feel like we "still got it"

that is what i meant by that.

all i know is that i would like someone in my life who is around my age, give or take maybe 5 years either way, and i have a h*ll of a time finding them because they want a twenty something.



I_Walk_Alone -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/11/2008 2:34:58 AM)

Funny that you mention that Dread. That is how my relationship is. My fiancee is older than me.



alley_cat -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/22/2008 7:36:25 PM)

quote:

unfortunately i have not come across ANY men who are strong enough in the Lord to resist this temptation.

*sigh*


You say this as if referring to a sin. It isnt. Personally distasteful =/= sinful.



APZR -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/22/2008 7:45:05 PM)

Thrill of the hunt, re-living past times when they were 20 something, still hormonal, and new found freedom having walked away from a previous relationship can make a 38 year old act like an 18 year old all over again. A true gentleman will not ignore their own date to ooogle over some twenty-bopper. As for this relationship, don't walk away.... RUN AWAY!



John_O -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/23/2008 9:37:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alley_cat

quote:

unfortunately i have not come across ANY men who are strong enough in the Lord to resist this temptation.

*sigh*


You say this as if referring to a sin. It isnt. Personally distasteful =/= sinful.


If both people are adults why should the age range matter anyway? I'll admit that I am seeking a younger woman (10-15 years younger with about 12 being ideal) as I still desire to have more kids and woman my age are mostly past that stage of their life.

The trick is to find two people of whatever age who are compatible. I've met some older men with the maturity level of teenagers and some younger women with the maturity level of senior citizens.



Twinkly,

The problem you are having is that the guys you were seeing were jerks. Once in a relationship you don't go looking anymore. If he runs off after someone else while dating you, dump him. Permanently. Would you let someone repeatedly commit adultery against you when married? If not then why did you permit it with this guy.

If they cheat once, dump them. If they cheat once, they'll cheat again.



alley_cat -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/25/2008 12:49:26 PM)

quote:

If both people are adults why should the age range matter anyway? I'll admit that I am seeking a younger woman (10-15 years younger with about 12 being ideal) as I still desire to have more kids and woman my age are mostly past that stage of their life.

The trick is to find two people of whatever age who are compatible. I've met some older men with the maturity level of teenagers and some younger women with the maturity level of senior citizens.


I totally agree with you, and what you say here is exactly my point. [;)]When OP said that men pursuing a younger woman is a temptation that few men resist she was portraying it as if it were a sin. I was saying that just because we may personally have an aversion to something it doesnt necessarily mean that thing is sinful. The creeps that she has dealt with in her past sinned by committing adultery, not pursuing younger women.



jn1010lf -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/25/2008 6:09:02 PM)

Hello twinkly

I suspect you might be seeing men in mid life crisis. It's common to all men but less so if they have a good relationship with the Lord. When this is the case, men have less of a need to prove themselves to be real men. They are not a prisoner to the flesh but walk in the Spirit.



benelchi -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/25/2008 6:58:13 PM)

These "Why do men ..." kinds of blanket statements are no more helpful than the "Why do women ..."

Many Christian men have been hurt as badly by "Christian" woman who act ungodly, as Christian women who have been hurt by "Christian" men who act ungodly. The real question is why do people (men and women) choose to sin when in ways that are so hurtful to those around them? Men have no more of a monopoly on that kind of sin than do women.

On a different note, while I do understand the concern that is (and should be raised) when an older man pursues a younger woman, to make the assumption that such a relationship is automatically wrong and motivated out of sin is also equally wrong in and of itself. My natural reaction when I see such a relationship is "what is wrong with that guy (and girl)" and most of the time that natural reaction is right, but unless I know the couple, concluding that such a relationship is wrong is a judgement I really cannot make. While I personally have never dated a much younger woman, nor can I imagine myself ever doing so because my life's experience are so different than theirs would be, I wouldn't automatically rule out such a relationship. If I found myself attracted to someone who was much younger than I, it would cause me to proceed much more slowly and cautiously, to make sure my heart was truly in the right place. To me the biggest issue with the things you described has little to do with the age differences and much more to do with the lack of commitment, and ungodly choices evident in how these men are making their choices about whom to date.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (8/29/2008 7:08:24 PM)

ok, some of these recent posts have made me rethink my original question.

yes, I do agree that it is not necessarily a gender issue, women can be hurtful as well. I am only relating my experiences. Because men have either cheated or left me to date, much younger women, I feel that at 37 I am now "old". No matter how I keep up on myself, etc, I feel the need to be or look like a twenty something in order to keep a man's attention. I don't think that is fair.

I too would like more children and feel that through my early forties that will be a possibility. A friend of mine just had her fifth at forty one. So, I would like a man who is my age, maybe slightly older.

I also agree that it has been the MEN who have made ungodly choices.
I was cheated on in my marriage, many times until I said enough and ended it. And when I saw this pattern with exbf I ended that as well.
It is just a sore spot with me when I see an older man and younger woman, a man who is my age, because I feel like "what am I supposed to do? The men my age want a twenty something!"

No, I do not think it is a sin if an older man dates a younger woman. I did not mean for it to come across that way.

Thanks for your replies.



Coffee_Drinker -> RE: Why do men do this? (9/2/2008 4:14:20 PM)

Younger woman? Hm-mm....

Let's see...

If I had an affair with a younger woman. I am in my 50's now. Age? Does it matter? Okay, we'll just say younger.

What would I lose?

1. I would someday have to explain myself to God.
2. I would lose my wife of 26 years.
3. My two daughters would no longer respect me.
4. I would lose the home my wife and I built (along with a whole bunch of material things).
5. Everyone would be angry and depressed.

Probably a whole bunch of other stuff that I have not thought of.

Guys that do that? Who knows! To me they just haven't grown up yet.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (9/3/2008 12:38:53 PM)

I could not agree more coffee drinker.



Knolt -> RE: Why do men do this? (9/3/2008 1:22:45 PM)

It's hard to say why. they're are plenty of cougars who go for younger men. It isn't just men that do that. You might want to try that yourself and see what happens.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (9/3/2008 6:30:58 PM)

i did date much younger once knolt, and it was not my cup of tea.
ended it before it even began.
nothing in common.
totally different maturity levels.
i felt RIDICULOUS with someone so much younger.
different life experiences.
shall i go on?

and i don't feel the need to have a younger man on my arm as eye candy either. i actually value a man's intellect more than that. i am more interested in their intelligence and their wisdom, and similar life experiences to mine, etc... than i am about having some young thing on my arm.



twinkly -> RE: Why do men do this? (9/3/2008 6:33:55 PM)

now, if there was someone younger who was what i was looking for... maybe... but i have not come across anyone younger who fit the bill and i don't go out looking for younger.

i married a man 4 years younger than me as well, and let's just say, our maturity levels ended up being wayyyyy different. we are no longer married due to his many damaging immature decisions.



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