ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (Full Version)

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ethnica -> ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/5/2008 4:20:32 AM)

Hi all. I'm new to this forum and I'm just curious about your views on online dating or online search.

Is the world wide web a proper arena to search for or be searched
by God's chosen "One"?

Have you had experiences of this sort? How was it?

Thanks for the reply.



MWD -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/5/2008 7:28:35 AM)

I have always liked it over any other method. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Don't straddle any fences out of a concern to get more interest from more guys. Better to have two or three hits over the course of a month from people who have genuinely compatible views than twenty hits from people whose views may or may not turn out to be compatible. Remember, it's not a popularity contest -- it's an elimination exercise. In terms of profile and preferences and all the rest, you should be trying just as hard to discourage people who are 90% right for you as to encourage people who are 100% right for you. That's what many people never comprehend. They cast too wide of a net and subsequently haul up three thousand pounds of old boots and rusty hubcaps, and then they spend the next few months sorting through all that junk trying to locate one or two live fish. Very inefficient and very frustrating.

One trap not to fall into: picking the best of the bunch, ignoring the final and crucial criterion that the person has to be who you've always wanted -- someone who seems to have lost his balance and fallen from the sky. I think there's a subconscious desire on the part of dating-site subscribers to get tangible value from the money they're spending, so they feel they have to choose someone out of the pack of jackals they attracted [:D] or else the whole thing wasn't worth it.

I used Match a couple of times. Never found who I was looking for, but at the same time I was able to weed out women who weren't right for me, and therefore avoid dead-end short-term relationships.



revbob4God -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/5/2008 9:18:29 AM)

Although I have been married so many years I never used the Internet until recently, I think a little old time advice may help.
I think you may have a better go of it if you date in person. The reason? People can say anything online and you may never know who an online person really is. For example they can sound really great online, and then when and if you finally meet them...Ewwww or Ouch!



APZR -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/5/2008 12:56:57 PM)

Well, some have made a success of it, even forum members here. Most of our business now days is via the internet, rarely get to actually meet some of our best clients. However, like RevBob, I'd still be very wary. But I've been married so long, I'm not sure I'd even remember how to date! [:D]



revbob4God -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/5/2008 1:04:25 PM)

Amen, and there's always that pig in a poke that you may not be able to see online.



huskarine -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/6/2008 1:29:15 PM)

you should listen to the song "Online" by Brad Paisley...



APZR -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/6/2008 2:58:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: huskarine

you should listen to the song "Online" by Brad Paisley...


Ooooh man is THAT a great one or what? [:D] He's dead on too. [:'(]



CoachSteve -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/6/2008 3:39:54 PM)

I am currently doing it. I actually met my last girlfriend through eharmony. we lasted 14 months, and then in the end we just weren't made for each other. I am back trying again with a lot less luck this time around. my time is almost up and I won't be renewing for now.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/7/2008 1:34:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ethnica

Hi all. I'm new to this forum and I'm just curious about your views on online dating or online search.


God will use online dating as a method of meeting for some people, for others, He may not. Not everyone meets the same.

Everyone's experience can either be positive or negative, depending on if those involved seek the will of God for their relationship. That will ultimately determine the success of that experience.

quote:

Is the world wide web a proper arena to search for or be searched by God's chosen "One"?


For some people, yes. For others, no. For me personally, it was the only method that would've worked.

quote:

Have you had experiences of this sort? How was it?


It was the method God seen fit to use for me to find my future wife, and He did, so I am very thankful for it. Above all else, pray about it before you go into something like this, though.



willfs -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/7/2008 10:53:25 PM)

I have tried online dating and here are the pros and cons I saw.

Pros:

Everyone is there for similiar reasons.
You can personalize who you are looking for.
You can search for someone without leaving your home.
Some places over dating advice, matching systems, profile building help...etc...
(For women) There are many more guys than girls, except for eharmony.


Cons:

Costs money to just talk with someone.
There isn't usually that great a selection.
You aren't meeting the people in person and don't really "know" them until you do.
Most of your matches will probably live in other cities/states/regions/countries.
(For women) Very unsafe guys can mask themselves. I have heard some horror stories from girls who met guys online.



ethnica -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/10/2008 12:26:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: huskarine

you should listen to the song "Online" by Brad Paisley...



This is a cool song. Anything is possible online, lol...
[:D]


Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I知 mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I知 so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It痴 hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I知 out in Hollywood
I知 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I知 so much cooler online
Yeah, I知 cooler online
I知 so much cooler online
Yeah, I知 cooler online



ethnica -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/10/2008 12:42:06 AM)

Thanks guys for giving me a piece of your mind here. Glad to know DreadPirateRandy has a success story on this. Hmmmmm, raises my hopes.[:)]
but then again, I need God's direction on this.

One thing that I enjoy about online chats is that at the end of the day, you have someone to share your mind with, or even to banter with sometimes, hahah.

Thanks guys, keep them coming..



jn1010lf -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/10/2008 9:17:57 AM)

Hello ethnica

Okay, lets get real here. One can find anything he wants on the Internet. It's just like all other areas of life; one usually gets what he goes after.

It's hilarious how some treat internet relationships. I consider it just another way to meet people. I met a lady on a web site, we met casually and are now married. That doesn't mean it's going to go that way with everyone.

So, like all other issues of life, it gets down the the hearts of people and what those hearts want.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/11/2008 1:24:48 PM)

i see some similiarities between finding a date with finding a job. is anyone hesistant to check monster.com or look in their newspaper's online classified ads? putting together your resume is kinda like working on your profile. i liken improving job skills by taking training classes could make you look more attractive just as losing weight or updating your hairstyle/wardrobe. i have other thoughts that carry this analogy further but have a headache and am done brainstorming for now :)

online dating sites can just help you search - you don't need to search across the country for a LDR, you can search your own town. you are in control - you can dictate when and where you meet and the pace of the relationship.

i agree with jn1010lf when he says "I consider it just another way to meet people." there is also so much misunderstandings of this area - it's not like you are going on virtual dates every night. and as heartfull points out, maybe people should meet who they are talking to like way before 4 years if you are serious about a relationship and not just wanting to chat.



willfs -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/11/2008 1:38:48 PM)

It can be a great way to find someone. I have personally heard of many who found a date, friend, relationship, and spouse on dating web sites. I just have a few cautions/concerns:


Too many people fall in love with someone they havn't met. Its smart to meet ASAP, even if for just a cup of coffee.
Too many put up old pictures and/or pictures that purposely hide important physical traits
Too many crazy guys. Women (and probably men as well) need to be cautious and meet in public places until you really get to know him.



backrowbaptist -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/11/2008 2:04:41 PM)

I just celebrated our first anniversary with my wife, who I met on eHarmony. I had been on eH for over 3 years and was just about to give up, then God brought the perfect woman for me through my computer. The thing I liked about eH was that it cut out all the uncertainty of attraction and starting to date. Their approach was like, here you two are, you're both doing this for the same reason, you're compatible for these reasons, now go find out if you could get married. I'm not sure if I had met my wife at church, or work, or wherever, that I would have asked her out, either for lack of nerve, or maybe someone else beats me to it, or a friend of mine likes her, etc. So I'd say give it a shot, who knows what God can do.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/11/2008 2:12:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs
Too many people fall in love with someone they havn't met. Its smart to meet ASAP, even if for just a cup of coffee.


i agree so much with this!!! full blown date isn't even required, coffee or maybe ice cream is public, low pressure, and inexpensive, and should be able to determine if a followup date is something you want. when we don't know something about someone, our mind fills in the blanks. so even something that's not a negative trait, could be perceived as one if you've spent months thinking and expecting this person is like that, and then you might be possibly disappointed.



ta_mosquito -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/11/2008 4:27:33 PM)

MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE

Just a reminder that this thread is in HE Says, which means that only men (and the original poster) can post. If you're a woman and your handle is NOT ethnica, then you cannot post. [;)]

Thanks!

Tricia
Forums Moderator

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ethnica -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/16/2008 12:03:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jn1010lf

Hello ethnica

Okay, lets get real here. One can find anything he wants on the Internet. It's just like all other areas of life; one usually gets what he goes after.

It's hilarious how some treat internet relationships. I consider it just another way to meet people. I met a lady on a web site, we met casually and are now married. That doesn't mean it's going to go that way with everyone.

So, like all other issues of life, it gets down the the hearts of people and what those hearts want.




Hmmm, another success story, good for you jn1010lf.
I'm not sure yet about that "One can find anything he wants in the internet" seems to me that some of the guys i met online have fallen short of something that i want...[:)]


But wer're on the same track with pursuing what one really wants.

Cheers to getting the best in life!



ethnica -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/16/2008 12:45:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

It can be a great way to find someone. I have personally heard of many who found a date, friend, relationship, and spouse on dating web sites. I just have a few cautions/concerns:


Too many people fall in love with someone they havn't met. Its smart to meet ASAP, even if for just a cup of coffee.
Too many put up old pictures and/or pictures that purposely hide important physical traits
Too many crazy guys. Women (and probably men as well) need to be cautious and meet in public places until you really get to know him.


Thanks for the caution, can't agree with you more.
I met an online friend for the first time. I brought another friend with me who was also on a date. Makes me feel comfortable that I have a friend during that time.



Rockwall -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/18/2008 4:19:26 PM)

I actually had great success with online dating. I did it about 9 years ago and don't regret how me and the wife met one bit. We talked for about 2 months before meeting in person, and we didn't have a clue what the other one looked like because there was no pictures. Since we talked for so long there was more than just a physical attraction between us. 8 years and a child later, I still thank God for bringing us together.

It may not be for everybody and keep your options open. One thing I did was just jump in with both feet instead of holding back in case it didn't work out. Of course, you will probably have better luck on a site like Eharmony than Craigslist.



alley_cat -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (8/18/2008 5:23:03 PM)

My experience with online dating hasn't been great. I interacted for awhile once with a gal in North Carolina, even flew out there to visit, only to find that she was hardly the virtuous lady she presented herself as. Tried to get me into the sack with her. Our relationship effectively ended when I got on the plane back to the west coast. Was not impressed. Since then I have tried E-HARMony but none of the matches ever progressed past the initial getting to know you steps. I just don't feel like I can really know someone unless I have spent some quality time with them in person. Its just way too easy to construct a false picture of yourself for others online.



Tricia3517 -> RE: ONLINE dating, ONLINE search (9/13/2008 7:43:05 PM)

I know of one woman, from church, who met her husband on line thru a chrisitan dating online forum. One of my friends, from work, met his christian girlfriend from one line dating.

If I wasn't married, I don't believe I would go with online dating; it just isn't the right way for me. I would pray, trust God, and continue to believe that the Lord would direct my paths to His best for me. Which is what He's done for the last 22 years of my marriage. My husband is God's best for me. LOL,



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