Moving out of state and the kids (Full Version)

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monicaleap -> Moving out of state and the kids (8/4/2008 8:53:13 PM)

How detrimental is it for kids to move out of state? I have a 16 year old daughter, 11 year old son and 10 year old daughter. We've been married 25 years and husband has wonderful opportunity across the country. Would be ok for both of us. Are kids pretty resilient in these things (may be unhappy at first - will bounce back) or could it be irreparable? Kids have lived in same area all their lives. Thanks.



shadowspring -> RE: Moving out of state and the kids (8/4/2008 9:14:01 PM)

Well, I don't know your kids, so it's hard to say how they will handle the decision.

Don't ask them what they want you to do though. You will be giving them the impression that they have power in a decision they do not have power in. Once you've decided what is best for your family and your future, inform them asap and let them ask all the questions they want.

I guarantee they will be upset, if they have lived in the same place all of their lives. Moving is very stressful, especially when you feel as if you have no say in the matter.

As to whether they will get over it: Cynthia used to have as her siggy:

"If you do the right thing, it's the right thing for everyone involved, because truth is not a relative concept."

If this is God's plan to bless you, it is His plan to bless your whole family. Depending on your children's faith, they may realize this and cling to the promise even while they mourn the loss of the life they knew in their home town. Or you may have to continually remind them, even while consoling them over their sadness, to look up and trust in the Lord.

You may have some tough times, seeing the children kicking and screaming about how unfair it all is, and you will have to help them learn to trust the Lord when their hearts are breaking.

It's actually a very valuable lesson with a huge pay-off, so don't let the hardship of going through it keep you from teaching it.

But they will certainly all survive, and thrive even, if this is God's leading in your life. [:D]



mommyplus3 -> RE: Moving out of state and the kids (8/5/2008 5:52:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

Well, I don't know your kids, so it's hard to say how they will handle the decision.

Don't ask them what they want you to do though. You will be giving them the impression that they have power in a decision they do not have power in. Once you've decided what is best for your family and your future, inform them asap and let them ask all the questions they want.





i agree [;)] my family moved last summer across the state (might have well been different planets), to be closer to family - from the area they were born and raised in. we did it to be near family, and it was a choice - not for a job or anything else. the mistake we made, was giving the kids way too much input...as we talked about the decision. anyway - the kids have had a difficult time adjusting. hubby and i were talking a couple of weeks ago, saying that we should have made the decision in private, had confidence in our decision, and then presented it to them. by allowing too much discussion, they have stressed over the fact that we didn't have to move - and that they should have said more to stop it.

everyone is okay now - we made it through...with a lesson well-learned. btw, the kids are 13, 11, and 9.

[:D]



twoboys -> RE: Moving out of state and the kids (8/5/2008 10:41:33 AM)

We just moved across county but my oldest is only 6. He is super sad that he left all his school friends behind but another part of him is excited to make new.

The only experience I have with older kids are my brothers. When they were in high school and middle school my parents moved them away (I was in college). It was not a good experience so I won't talk about it and they ended up moving back because everyone was miserable. Maybe I shouldn't post this and scare you! I think your biggest problem will be the 16 year old? I know when I was that age I would NOT have wanted to leave my friends. Are you moving to an area where there is lots to do? I think that helps if you can plan things to do when you get there.



shadowspring -> RE: Moving out of state and the kids (8/5/2008 4:26:02 PM)

Moving is one of the easiest difficult things a person might have to deal with in life. And it is almost certain they will need to face moving eventually in life. It can be a great learning experience.

It will be difficult, but attitude is everything. Self-pity should be strongly discouraged. A little venting is okay, but it should be followed up with activities exploring your new place. Even little activities, like "let's go check out the new library" should be pulled out of your mother's bag of tricks when the blues hit your teen.

Explore everything new and different about your new place. Shopping centers, state parks, amusement parks, museums, everything unique to the area. It can be really fun if the adults play it up right. Also make sure to get daily exercise to keep those endorphins flowing.

Youth groups are wonderful resources! Set aside the money to send the kids on as many of the special trips and sleepover-type things as possible. These weekend trips and mission work days are where close friendships are made.

Also I think it would be realistic to emphasize that it takes *time* to adjust to new places and people. They may try hard to fit in, and feel rebuffed, but that is probably because they haven't had to learn the skill of moving and making new friends before.

And warning: do not let stick-in-the-mud attitudes drag you down. You and dh may want to complain to each other about how hard moving is (it is very stressful, even good moves) but don't complain so much in front of the kids. Model the practice of "putting a good face on it" as Puddleglum would say. [;)]

I have moved a lot in my life: 11 times if you don't count moving across town or to a different house. Almost all careers require moving at some point, so I think it's a skill worth acquiring. Learning to draw close to the Lord and to each other as a family will help you deal with many other kinds of stress too.

And if the Lord is calling you to move, it will be good for everyone. Not without difficulties, but good. [:D]

So the big question is not "is it hard?" but "is it part of God's good plan for our family that we move?" Once you have the big question answered, then you can work on the little questions. [;)]



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