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Skyprincess -> RE: marriage in trouble? (8/1/2008 8:27:14 PM)
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Hi there,
Wow, I feel like I am the ONLY one going through something like this....I have been married for nine months now. This a second marriage for both of us. He has 4 children from his prior marriage, and I have one from my first marriage. And......I am six months pregnant. Normally, that would be great, however, my marriage is in shambles!! It started after two months...I am in so much despair over this. I am sure some of it is my hormones from pregnancy, but the most devestating thing is I feel like I am alone in this marriage and pregnancy. He has been mentally, and emotionally abusive to me. He has used personal situations that I shared with him that have happened to me, only to throw them in my face, and constantly remind me of them, when he is angry. I cry so much my stomach hurts...I am six months pregnant, and I have gained only seven pds....not good. I don't eat right, I forget to eat most of the time, b/c I am consumed with the misery I am in. The weird thing is, he says I am the love of his life, beautiful, wonderful, precious, etc. one minute, and then tears me down the next. I am so confused at this point about myself on all levels, as a woman, a mother, a wife, a friend, etc....He tells me I can't make it without him, that I am not self sufficient, that I am totally dependant on him. I am a flight attendant by career choice. I have had this job for 14 years, and always considered myself productive, respoonsible, outgoing.....now I don't know what to think or believe anymore. I am dreading giving birth to this baby...awful as it sounds. I have no plans to allow him to be there for the birth of this child. He has made my pregnancy a living hell and I cannot forgive that. I was divorced for eight years before remarrying him. I considered myself a very good judge of character with people. I was very upfront with him about what I needed and wanted in a mate / husband. He was everything I had prayed for , for so long, and I truly believed at one time that he was sent to me by God. Now, I am suspicous....perhaps it was Satan himself. I feel like I am being punished. I wanted nothing more than to have a beautiful marriage and blended family. I really care for his children, but I feel complete and total anxiety when they come to visit. I dread it, and not b/c of them....it is b/c of him. I feel like I have been mislead and decieved. We have been going to a Christian counselor for 3 months now, and he is awesome. I did not realize until a recent phone call from him, that he sees right through my husband. He has conveyed to me that he feels that my husband is manipulative, controlling, emotionally and mentally abusive to me. I was astounded that he saw these traits, b/c he turns on the charm around others....We are scheduled to attend a marriage intensive 3 day weekend in September, supposedly this does miracles for most couples.....98 percent success rate........I don't know if I can make it that long. I don't want to be married to him. He is not who or what I thought he was. Everything that I was upfront with him about during courtship ie: things I could or could not live with out or accept, expectations, etc are now a problem for him. I just feel such anxiety right now. We fight all of the time. Our fights last for no leass than 10 days.....that's right...ten days. No kidding. We may have 3-5 days where we just basically avoid eachother therefore we are able to "get along", but then the cycle starts again. I am very, very tired emotionally, as well as confused. I never imagined my life like this. I was very outgoing, active and soical b/f him. Now I do nothing. We don't do things together anymore, and I am so lonely. I feel a desperation that I have not every felt. It's like I want back what I thought I had, but never really truly had with him.....make sense.....????? Please offer advice if you have any......I truly don't know what to do.
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