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MrsDC -> RE: Consequences of disobedience in HS (7/25/2008 1:19:35 PM)
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As usual, I agree with Cindy! {Hi, Cindy!!!}
At the ages of 8 and 11, your kids are pretty much past the spanking age (my opinion, anyway). I think you're right to be deciding on other consequences.
Here's what we do, but you'll have to decide what will work for your crew. Whatever you decide, stick with it. It may take several weeks before you really see fruit.
Consequences for dawdling and (as we call it) dinking: no free time, missing out on other activities/privileges. Ds's excessively slow progress on his math assignment not only keeps him from going to a friend's house in the afternoon (because he's still dinkin' on the math), but when he's done, he has to hang out until I'm done grading it. Afterall, the school day is not technically over until the work is graded and returned. If he doesn't turn in his assignment until 5 minutes before the program on TV he wants to watch, he still may not get to watch it if I don't have time to grade it...at my leisure. The lesson this teaches is that one person's laziness effects everyone else in the family. If mom is the chief math grader and also head lunch-preparer, lunch may be late if one person dawdles and hands in a late assignment. Another thing I might do is require that the dawdler make the next meal (or at least do a lot of the grunt work -- scrubbing/peeling potatoes, etc.) while I grade his late assignment.
Consequences for arguing/back-talking: 10 minutes standing at the wall silently. Time starts when you're silent and restarts if you talk before the time is up. If you return to the table with the same bad attitude, you get sent back to the wall. When you can discuss the problem calmly and respectfully, we'll talk. But if Mom/Dad says, "No more discussion." That's the end. Period. Lesson: We all have things we have to do that aren't really that fun. Part of maturing is learning to do the things we don't really want to do, and to do them with a good attitude. Also, it's important for the kids to learn that Mom and Dad really do know what they're talking about, and not everything is up for debate. As our kids get older, we let them discuss more, but when the disrespectful tone of voice or the rolling of the eyes is there, the discussion ends. Adults don't treat each other that way (well, they shouldn't!).
Consequences for inter-student pestering (read that: "Mom, he's bugging me!"): one full page of cursive letters for each student involved in the altercation...even the presumably innocent one. Often the innocent one really isn't so innocent. (A line of the letters a, b, c, d, etc. and other letter combinations). Totally pointless busy-work, but you'd be amazed how quickly their writing improves!!! We object (personally, just opinion) to writing Bible verses as punishment. At times we've sent kids to their corners to search out verses which apply to their situation, but I don't want my kids to think that the Bible is only for use in correction. I also don't like writing sentences (personal issue for me). They already know what they did wrong. Writing "I will not pull my sister's hair" 500 times won't keep him from doing it again. Lesson: if you have time to be pestering your brother/sister, then your hands are not busy enough. So we'll get your hands busy. We've also dismissed bickering children to separate rooms to scrub floors, hang laundry, scrub toilets, chop tomatoes, etc. Whatever needs to be done for 10 or 15 minutes. We also make those chores pre-empt school. In other words, stop what you're doing and go do the chore you're told to do. You'll still have your school lessons to do, too, and you're not getting a whole lot more time to do them, so you might also receive consequences for dinking. That's life. Next time you'll keep your pencil out of your brother's ear and you won't be trying to tease your sister by making gross faces at her. Not that any of my kids would ever do that! Yours neither!!!!
Dawdling, arguing....whining. Ugh. I really don't like whining.
Whining reflects a complaining spirit and is treated the same way as arguing. If (particularly) my youngest daughter uses her whiney voice, I repeat what she should have said in an overly joyous voice -- then she has to say it that way. It helps her to realize what she should sound like (because sometimes I don't think she even knows how awful she sounds). But if the whining persists (and is accompanied by, oh say, stomping feet and fake tears) there's a wall that needs guarding for 10 minutes. Again, time starts when you're quiet and restarts if your mouth opens before the timer goes off. Lesson: We really don't like whining. Philippians 2:14 says, "Do all things without complaining or arguing!" You could make a small poster with that verse on it and stick it on the wall where you usually make the whiners stand. Sort of a "visual aid' idea! [:D]
OK, I got long-winded again. I do that sometimes. Hope that was helpful! You are actually in a "transitional" stage of hsing. Sad to say that your kids are growing up and need to start taking responsibility for their own lessons, etc. I think you're on the way to success -- sounds like you see the need for a change and are willing to do it! Hang in there!!!! Feel free to email if you think I might be able to help...I listen to "venting" well, too!!! [:D]
Blessings!!!
-- Rebecca
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