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mommyplus3 -> RE: My space Vs My Life (7/22/2008 10:41:29 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring quote:
we set the rules, and allow them to choose to follow them, or not. Just curious, mommyplus3. Are there any consequences to not following the rules? Your post makes it sound as if there are no consequences to breaking your rules. If you do not set consequences as a teaching tool, I am afraid for your children. Society does have consequences for breaking rules, and they are almost always far more severe than anything a parent might apply in order to train their children to do what's right. My 2nd cousin's teen son was running around partying at 17, not coming home on time. His single Dad gave up disciplining him as he was so close to 18. He had only been running around like this for a few months, when the boy was shot in the head at 1 am by stranger he had never met. If he had been home by a decent curfew, he would not be a quadriplegic in a nursing home for the rest of his life. This is not sensationalist news- THIS IS OUR FAMILY'S REAL LIFE! I would rather my children hate me forever than allow them to suffer natural consequences for behavior I KNOW is foolish and risky! If you are unwilling to restrain your children, then like Eli in the Old Testament, both you and your children will suffer for it. absolutely!! there are definitely consequences that they know about before. you break the internet rules, you lose computer access. you don't come home on time, you don't go out next time. i did not mean to imply that there are not consequences, but instead was saying that i don't choose to ban all activities. what i was talking about was mypace and online activity. yes, all 3 of my kids have that access. they can choose whether to follow the rules and keep the privilage, or not to follow the rules and lose it. my point was that they will never learn if they do not have the chance to do it when i can keep them safe. if i ban myspace because i have seen/heard of questionable activity, then when they are away from my guidance, they may not be fully aware of how to handle things. think of it this way: as i said, my kids all have myspace accts. the 2 girls have received friend requests form people they do not know. they came to me and asked me about it...how to handle it. we looked at it together, checked the privacy settings and revamped them. if they had not had that experience, maybe didn't open a myspace until college, and faced the same situation, i would not be right there to help them figure it out. then the outcome can become more questionable. i think my point was that i choose not to use parental controls - or a banning of any kind with my kids. if they are not given the chance to make hard decisions, then how can we ever feel confident that they will make the right ones. they have to learn. how i was raised is probably a big part of it. yeah, i was one of those kids who was explained the dangers of drinking, partying, etc. i was also told that my parents were a phone call away. in no way was i given a ticket to do what i wanted...i was given consequences...but i was also told that even though the consequences would apply, i would never be judged. then my parents told me that they trusted me to make the right decisions. and allowed me in situations to make those decisions. i trust my kids to make the right decisions...most of the time they do - sometimes not. if so, then YAY for them and me as a parent. if they don't, then the evaluation process comes in. why did you make the choice you did? what can we do about it? and that privilage will be gone until we both feel confident that you will make the right decision. let me add, that i think my kiddos are pretty mature for their ages (9, 11, and 13) and this is what works for them. a very light example is that of my 9 yo. a problem we have had lately, is that he has a whining/begging issue in the store to fulfill his wants. it is an ongoing discussion. i asked him last night if he wanted to run to wal-mart to pick up a bday present for a party and some groceries - explaining that there would be nothing else, and that the whining/begging would not be tolerated. he said, "i think i'll just stay home." when i asked why, the reponse was "i'm not sure if i can do that, so i don't need to put myself in the situation." that, imo, was a very telling and mature response. he (and the other 2) know themselves pretty well...if they don't feel 100% that they can make the right choice, then they will stay away - or ask for help. pretty good thing when i think things that can be really dangerous (as compared to throwing a fit for a toy). i don't know if this helps or hurts my case [;)] i know that i tend to be one of the more liberally-minded ones when it comes to parenting...and i can't stress enough that i know we are all different, and all have different parenting styles, and the way i do it is what works works for my family. [:D]
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