Married Dads -- Need some input (Full Version)

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daniel-a-servant -> Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 7:09:17 PM)

Hey Brothers,

My wife and I are at a crossroads in our intimate relationship. Our daughter is now at an age where she is up later than before. Needless to say, this has been putting a damper on our alone time together. Do any of you have any advice, experience, wisdom to share on how you have been able to keep the love alive when your kids got older and were potentially going to disturb you?



beauregarde -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 7:19:11 PM)

Shut the Doors - Lock Them - Turn on the TV - Unplug the Phone - Have Sex



ChoirDJ -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 9:01:35 PM)

Yes. Mommy and Daddy are going to have some alone time. The new rule is if the door is closed, don't disturb mommy and daddy unless it's an emergency (or mommy and daddy will have to start all over again). Or how about this one, Mommy and Daddy have something really important to "talk" about so don't knock on the door until we come out. I can't help but laugh as I write this because it brings back some funny memories of the types of things my ex and I told our girls when they were younger. You gotta come up with a new plan when the get old enough to know what's "really" going on behind closed doors (lol).



buckifn -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 9:46:14 PM)

What age are you talking about?



evryknee -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 10:51:43 PM)

Send them away to th egrandparents for an overniter. Otherwise, I agree with Beau
quote:

Shut the Doors - Lock Them - Turn on the TV - Unplug the Phone - Have Sex


Putting in a movie so mom & dad can have "nap" time works too.



daniel-a-servant -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/17/2008 10:57:11 PM)

Buck -- she's 11. Too old to fool with the movie and talk trick, but too young to say "Mom and Dad need some alone time..."



19ramman85 -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/18/2008 12:00:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel-a-servant

Buck -- she's 11. Too old to fool with the movie and talk trick, but too young to say "Mom and Dad need some alone time..."


C beauregarde's post - trust us, she'll get th hint! [;)]


-charles



deaconrick -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/18/2008 12:56:48 AM)

There's always setting the alarm, getting up and having a "date" at 2 or 3 in the morning. This usually requires going to bed earlier than usual, maybe around the time the kids go.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/18/2008 12:58:56 AM)

quote:

Buck -- she's 11. Too old to fool with the movie and talk trick, but too young to say "Mom and Dad need some alone time..."


Oh...in this case it goes something like this...Mary, your mom and I have really been doing some thinking and we think you're old enough to spend the night a Kelly's house so let's see if we can't set that up for you darling (lol)...or pay her to wash the car if it's in the daytime. It'll take her about 3 hours and the car may look worse than it did before she washed it but some compromises are worth it right?

...Now if it's an 11-year old boy, the conversation goes something like this...Johnny, I'll give you $15.00 to mow the lawn boy.



buckifn -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/19/2008 6:20:22 AM)

during the weekday I think it's ok to set a bedtime and stick to it that works for your schedule and not hers. On the weekends she gets an extra hour. Plus maybe you could hire a sitter to take her places on the weekend that gives you all alone time at the house, or to stay at your house while the two of you check into a hotel an hour or so away?



APZR -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/19/2008 11:49:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn
during the weekday I think it's ok to set a bedtime and stick to it that works for your schedule and not hers. On the weekends she gets an extra hour.


Ditto, that's what we do. Bed time is bed time... now git! [:D]
Besides, when we do get off schedule, it's a real battle to get back on for work and school. It's just easier to carry a bed time schedule all year long and through the weekends.



notmycity -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/21/2008 7:10:52 PM)

My son's 16 and we still tell him "Mommy and I are going to spend some time talking together". Truth is that after the "bed time" we do mostly talk for a while. [;)]



souLTower -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/23/2008 10:19:39 AM)

Make it fun. Find other places and times and ways. Remember, your wife has needs too so make sure to not make it all about you. Make sure you talk to your wife about all of it. She may have some ideas.



revbob4God -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (7/28/2008 5:07:51 PM)

Brothers, humor me please. Here goes. If your congregation has a youth group, then find out what night the kids are to assemble, and take them. make that your alone time night for when they get older and the alone time ploy may fail. Leave the kids at youth group, and then go as far as to agree to be host parents for a youth group meeting one particular night. I guarantee the other parents will welcome you whole heartedly. Over the years I have heard many church members comment that its a great way to involve the youth and an even greater way to get that so needed alone time.

Of course, being the Pastor, over the years our alone time has been a challenge with all of the calls, the visits, and the host of things we have both been called on to do, but the youth group is a great idea, and what better way to have that time alone with the wfe while being sure your children are getting right and staying right with God.
Reverend Bob



Simway -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/6/2008 2:36:23 PM)

When our kids were still home, we closed the door, as they did, and while it may not be exactly what you desire...well...where there is a will there is a way!! Usually, they were in bed long before we were , so it'wasn't a real problem, we are coming up on 40 years of marriage in Feb. and we always maganged the sexual side of our marriage one way or another. It's not impossible pick you times and make the most of them!



gmc4Jesus -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/7/2008 1:43:29 PM)

Daniel,
If you haven't taught your child to understand and respect rules by now, you are in for a realy rough next few years.

1. You need to teach her that bedtime means she goes to bed. (You can't make her go to sleep, but you can require that she be in bed, lights out, no music, ipod, tv, etc.)

2. You also need a lock on the bedroom door and understanding that if the door is shut, the bedroom is off limits. Doesn't she have her own bedroom to sleep in?

3. Don't you have a regular bedtime for her? If not, you need to take the time to explain to her that 9:00 (or what ever time you choose) is to be bedtime for her with no exceptions when you are at home. (Possible exception is if the family is out for an evening event and doesn't get home in time or when you are traveling.) Then you are going to have to enforce that bedtime with NO EXCEPTIONS until she realizes that rules are rules and you are the dad, she is the child.

I hope this helps.

God bless your marriage and family as you seek to walk in His way.



keeperofpeace -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/10/2008 7:49:14 PM)

After twenty years of marriage and three teenage kids, you get it when you can. For my wife and I, it's usually when the kids have gone to bed for the night... occasionally you can get a quickie during the day when they are all away.. But a good lock is worth it's value on the bedroom door...



daniel-a-servant -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/11/2008 7:26:56 PM)

Thanks to all of you for your input and ideas! I'm not so concerned about getting walked in on (we do have a lock) as I am with "noise."

GMC--I don't appreciate your insinuation that I have a disrespectful kid. You might want to save those comments for people you actually know and can judge...



DaveW -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/18/2008 12:06:21 PM)

Please remember that for most of history, entire extended families lived in one-room houses. They had big families. You do the math......

At 11, she probably has already figured out what is going on. If not, she will fairly soon. Knowing you two love each other (physically) will not stunt her at all.



HisFish -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/18/2008 11:44:46 PM)

Oil the bed springs and keep the headboard at least 3 inches from the wall, and any excuse like mom and dad nap time or "we're in here doing taxes" works 'cuz no kid wants to believe that their parents really do that.



APZR -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/19/2008 1:05:29 AM)

A short 1 day "business trip" can do wonders too. You don't really need to spend gas money or buy a plane ticket... just a sitter (Grandparents) for the night, and a good quality hotel near by.



Christian30 -> RE: Married Dads -- Need some input (8/19/2008 1:46:26 AM)

Many of you are blessed with "lower exposure" kids than we are. At 11 and 12 our kids had figured it out. My daughter at 13 or 14 even found condoms and kidded me about it. Come to think of it... at 11 or 12 (back in the '60s) I'd figured it out too!



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