Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (Full Version)

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JJB1222 -> Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/17/2008 5:37:47 PM)

I thought I would ask if any of you are struggling with a mother/daughter relationship?

I'll share my experience and the pains of it a little later.



_Cinderella_ -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/17/2008 5:45:00 PM)

I don't have any sort of relationship with my mother. She left my dad after I finished 2nd grade. My brother and I were left to live with my dad. When I was in 5th grade, my mom moved with her boyfriend to another state. After that she spent several years in rehabs and in jail and did not talk to us at all. Around my 16th birthday my mom got email and I communicated with her that way for a few weeks, but she didn't answer a lot of what I sent so I gave up. My grandma invited my mom to my high school graduation, and I was both shocked and upset that she actually came. I did not invite her and did not want her there (she hadn't cared about me for all those year... why then?) and did not talk to her. When I got engaged I told my grandma not to tell my mom that I was getting married because I didn't want my mom to invite herself to my wedding as she did my graduation. I have not heard anything about my mom in several years now. My husband asked me the other night if I would go to her funeral or not. I doubt I would go... not like she would know I was there anyway.



JJB1222 -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/17/2008 6:24:56 PM)

Cinderella,
Sounds like life w/o your mom has become a way of life for you. If you are a peace with it I'm glad for you. If not, I pray that the Lord fills that void.

I have not seen or talked to my mother in 2 1/2 years. Before that, we were very close. We would talk almost every day. I so enjoyed filling her in on all the great things her grandkids were doing or saying. She loved spending time with them. When my oldest dd was born I think it was like she was reliving me as a small child. Sadly, she has never even seen her 2 yr old grandson. It kills me to think about all that she is missing.

Here's what happened:

My parents were married almost 25 years and then decided to divorce. As a child, I didn't even know the meaning of the word and I never would have guessed that they would even consider the d-word. Anyway, within a year they both re-married. Hmmm...infidelity? I don't want to go there. Thankfully, my dad married a wonderful Christian woman. However, my mom married a man that would rather read The Da-Vinci Code than the Bible. [sm=shakinghead.gif]. They've now been married 17 years. In the time I have seen such a change in my mother. Alcohol, DUI's, compulsive lying, theft, etc.

My dh and I foolishly decided to start a business with mom and step-dad a few years ago. We put up the money and they were to manage it. It was an attempt to move them closer to the grandkids and give them a chance to make some money of their own. They ended up running the company dry and leaving the mess for us to cleanup. Basically, every government agency you can think of was knocking on our door. I know my mom has felt incredibly guilty about what she did, but she chose to run. She now lives in Mexico and I don't think she has any plans to ever come back to the states. I guess they feel they are safe from the FBI and IRS down there. [sm=icon_smile_disapprove.gif]

What really gets me...the day I was giving birth, in the middle of all the downfall, I still invited her to the hospital to be a part of her grandson's birth and she declined. I had made several attempts at letting her know she is still loved, but she has chosen to write me off.

I will never understand her thinking. I would do anything for my kids and I can't stand to be away from them.



Roberta_ -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/17/2008 8:14:50 PM)

I have a very bad relationship with my mother. I had a very bad relationship with my birthmom too.



HisCovenant -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/17/2008 8:44:13 PM)

I don't have much of a relationship with my mother, although there are no hard feelings. She raised me to be independent and not rely on her. We also moved a lot as a I grew up and I never learned how to maintain a friendship (constantly ending) or family relationship (sporatic contact because we were out of state.) I'm at peace with it. My mother is a wonderful woman who I respect and love, but we have never been close. I don't think either one of us knows how to be close.



stampinlady -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/18/2008 12:52:05 PM)

I just picked up "The MOM Factor" by Townsend and Clud and so far it's really good. I'm dealing with forgiveness right now and believe it's a repeated thing. I wasn't abused or neglected and grew up in a christian home, well I think we all were good actors. Anway, I'm seeing my mom for whom she is for the first time in my life and I don't like her. I see her as manipulative, spolied and very arrogant(sp?). God is working on our relationship and helping me get through some issues.



PrudentWife -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/18/2008 3:18:46 PM)

I'm similar to Zippy in that I don't have any hard feelings toward my mother, but we're not close. I have no desire to ever be close to her, and don't feel bad about that at all.



JJB1222 -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/18/2008 3:47:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrudentWife

I'm similar to Zippy in that I don't have any hard feelings toward my mother, but we're not close. I have no desire to ever be close to her, and don't feel bad about that at all.


I'm hoping to develop feelings like that too. For the most part, I do feel at peace, but once in a while that old urge to just call her up comes back. Or other times, like Mother's Day, I was not planning to get so emotional. I hoping to accept what I can't do anything about. She's made her choices. I let her know I still love. I'm trying to leave it at that.



agapetos -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/19/2008 7:01:27 PM)

Everyone that knows my mother (and me) tells me what a great person she is. Granted, she does a lot for other people and always has, but she's never been a great mother.

I can deal with that a lot better now than I have ever been able to in the past and have gone some ways to accepting her for who she is and forgiving her for what she has never (and will never) be. Took a year of therapy, but I got there.

I'll never confide my feelings and secrets to her and I don't really regard her as a mother, but we keep in touch.



Roberta_ -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/19/2008 7:10:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agapetos
I can deal with that a lot better now than I have ever been able to in the past and have gone some ways to accepting her for who she is and forgiving her for what she has never (and will never) be. I'll never confide my feelings and secrets to her and I don't really regard her as a mother, but we keep in touch.


That pretty much sums up my current relationship with my own mother.



manda59 -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (7/19/2008 8:40:15 PM)

Same for me.



countryqueen -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (8/2/2008 4:23:27 PM)

I have a very close relatinship with both of my daughters, and actually with my 3 sons too. We love to do things together and talk daily. My daughters are very independent strong women. Both are single moms. My oldest is a mom of 2 girls and is a crew lead of helicopter mechanics. The other has 1 daughter and is a firefighter. There really isn't anything that we can't and don't discuss with each other. We respect and support each other. My girls both attend church with their daughters and are incredible women. And as you can tell I am extremely proud of them and their accomplishments.

As far as a relationship with my mother? Pretty much non-exisistant. I call her on Mondays and hope I can just leave a voice message. I have never had a relationship with her and at 50, I think this is as good as it's ever going to get. I have to be very cautious with things that I tell her as she holds things against me and brings them back later. I went to therapy for years to deal with our relationship and realized "it is what it is".

However I am also very close to both her sisters and was extremely close to her mother, my grandmother.



hope4Him -> RE: Does anyone have a disconnected relationship with their mother/daughter? (8/5/2008 4:15:27 PM)

My mother and I haven't spoken for almost five years. She was very abusive and controlling when I was a child and young adult, threatening my life more than once.

After I became a Christian it got worse and now it is to the point where I am no longer wanted by them due to my faith. I had chosen to separate from her before their decision as it was physically dangerous and emotionally destructive for me to be in a relationship with my mom or anyone else in my family.

I must admit it is a hard and at times a lonely and & painful road, but God takes care of me inspite of it all!



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