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IsleGirl -> We Cheated, I Filed. (7/15/2008 12:30:00 PM)
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Hi, I'm new to the forums and desperately trying to find the answers I need to hear. I've been married 16 years now, together for 20 and we have 3 kids under the age of 12. During the 4th year in marriage, I caught my husband having cybersex, neither of us were Christians at that time. Catching him really crushed me and I turned to God. I became a Christian 4 months later. 4 years later, I'm pregnant with my 3rd child and I found out I had an std (chlamydia). He denies ever giving it to me. I continued to stay in the marriage considering I was a stay at home mom with 2 young children, another on its way. I was a devout Christian and my husband was no longer a practicing Catholic but an Agnostic.
In 2004, I asked him for permission to his email account. I've never had access to his primary email account in the past and this particular day he allowed me access to it. I snooped around and found an email account he created and found emails to a woman he had an affair with.
I strongly felt Gods peace on me and that I needed to forgive him. I wanted to make my marriage work. Husband seemed very remorseful. He started attending church with me and even sat down with a Pastor and said the sinners prayer. For awhile, it seemed like we were going to make it. We never received any formal counseling. I was having a very hard time trusting him. He did all the things I wanted him to do in the past, call me during a break, account for his time, even communicating with me (which he never made the time for in the past) but I saw no fruit in his life.
A year and a half after his affair, things started to go down hill. His conversations and time spent with me were lacking. Things were going back to the way it use to be. I fell into a deep depression. I avoided my Christian friends, and even started to drop out of my BSF studies. I started to lose hope and faith.
In 2007, I returned home to attend funeral services for my Grandmother. My husband called me one morning except it wasn't him. He accidently hit his bluetooth and it dialed my cell. On the other end of my phone all I could hear was laughter of another woman. The call dropped and I immediately called my husbands cell. He denied he was with anyone else, and said that he was in the break room and other people in it.
My downfall. When I returned home from the funeral. I checked a bottle of "sex enhanced supplements" my husband has. Before I left I could've sworn there were some in the bottle, now it was empty AND he bought a new bottle.
So, I'm back at home. I don't trust my husband, I'm avoiding my friends, I dropped out of my Bible studies and I'm desperate for attention. I jumped onto chat sites and started to meet men within 3 months I got caught in an emotional affair. I realized I was not remorseful for what I've done. I no longer loved my husband and I filed for divorce.
I am no longer seeing that person I had an affair with that was 7 months ago. But I find myself so desperate for attention. My divorce is far from being final but I find myself longing to be with a man. I got involved yet with another man and this time it ended up in a physical affair. I know I am wrong both times. I'm now on a "break" with this other man. I have repented for this affair. I've cried during my church services and have told him that this is all wrong. I really like this man but I know we can't be together.
Anyhow, I'm sorry this is so lengthy but I just wanted to get all the facts out there before getting chastised. I really need guidance and prayer not just for myself but for my 3 children as well.
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