|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/11/2008 2:34:53 AM
|
|
|
faroukfarouk
Posts: 731
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline
|
LivePrayDream:
quote:
ORIGINAL: LivePrayDream
I will have an open door policy with my child based upon her responsibility level. She proves to me that she's mature and can make good informed decisions? Cool beans. If not, we change the rules to suit the situation. I will always have a valid reason for why I am doing things; because "I said so" isn't a valid or sound argument. I hope my child will have the same relationship with me as I do my mom; I can go to her about anything and discuss things with her as though she were my friend and confidant. I don't want to give my child anything to rebel against if I can help it. Case in point, when I was 14, I wanted my nose pierced. My mother said no because my grades were slipping and I did not take care of my ear piercings that I already had. I worked harder in school and I took better care of my ears and approached her again when I was 15 for my birthday, and she allowed it. *shrugs*
I don't think that stuff like a nose stud allowed by the parent is in the rebellion category necessarily.
quote:
I would much, much rather have my child come to me and say "Mom, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex, but we used a condom and I am taking the pill. Thank you for the information you provided and access to these things" instead of "Mom, I had sex with my boyfriend and I am pregnant" or "Mom, I had sex and now I am HIV positive".
But I do frankly think that unmarried teens' use of condoms etc is a form of rebellion, even if the parent is resigned to it.
< Message edited by faroukfarouk -- 7/11/2008 11:11:04 AM >
_____________________________
Trust the Bible.
Trust the Lord.
Don't trust the appearance of things.
(I'm a guy. Some tattoo designs look nice, though...but I haven't worn my earrings lately. So, think the lady in the avatar is my sister?)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/11/2008 12:28:40 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7791
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
We cannot be certain that our children will walk with the Lord, but we can walk with them to help them develop a relationship with Him. If we diligently do that, they very likely will follow Him and not go off in rebellion against the Lord. The key is that we must be diligent and we have to be walking a mature Christian life in order to properly guide our own children. This is most difficult when only one spouse is walking diligently with the Lord.
_____________________________
The devil isn't winning, but he wants you to think he is so you will give up and let him win. Often the battle is hardest before the victory. You may get bloody, but that doesn't mean you are losing, it only means you are fighting.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/11/2008 12:38:48 PM
|
|
|
faroukfarouk
Posts: 731
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline
|
cynthia:
That's right. So when the couple is united in the Lord, it can be a great example to the kids.
Some of the superficial stuff that teens do is maybe no big deal.
But yes it's hard when one parent isn't walking with the Lord. Some savvy kids will try to play off one parent's wishes with the other's.
Take care.
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
We cannot be certain that our children will walk with the Lord, but we can walk with them to help them develop a relationship with Him. If we diligently do that, they very likely will follow Him and not go off in rebellion against the Lord. The key is that we must be diligent and we have to be walking a mature Christian life in order to properly guide our own children. This is most difficult when only one spouse is walking diligently with the Lord.
_____________________________
Trust the Bible.
Trust the Lord.
Don't trust the appearance of things.
(I'm a guy. Some tattoo designs look nice, though...but I haven't worn my earrings lately. So, think the lady in the avatar is my sister?)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/11/2008 1:09:35 PM
|
|
|
shadowspring
Posts: 1559
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: online
|
I was recently discussing college and the new freedom it brings with my 17 yr old daughter, when the following conversation took place.
It came up because I was relating to her that our neighbor said she would like to be the sort of adult friend to my dd whom dd could call "if she wakes up in a strange place without her underwear after a night of binge drinking."
My daughter was insulted that our neighbor thinks she would ever binge drink, but then she commented on the alcohol in our neighbor's well-stocked bar. Dd shared her thoughts that people who sinned as teens/young adults and made excuses for their sin expect everyone else to do the same. Dd thinks that instead of coming clean with heartfelt repentance, they gloss over the seriousness of it by telling themselves "everyone does it".
While she appreciates the sentiment behind our neighbor's desire to be a friend to her, she lost a little respect for her in hearing of the offer. She has also had a former boyfriend's mom offer to get her birth control if she wanted. She didn't want.
I'm proud of my daughter that she accepts these offers of "kindness" with a thanks, but no thanks. I am even prouder of her knowing that she won't be drinking, partying and sleeping around. And not because it's against her parents' rules, but because she loves both the Lord and herself more than that! 
quote:
Hi everyone! I just had one of those wonderful parenting moments we all live for! Maybe I should post it in "parenting" but I mostly want to share it with all you moms taking flak for "sheltering" your children.
(FYI: I was a total party animal in high school, and wound up homeless and doing drugs I swore I would never touch. Then Jesus delivered me! Thank You Jesus! )
My dd just told me that she respects me way more than any of these mothers who make excuses for the sins they indulged in when they were young and just assume that "everyone" is going to do the same.
She said I am so glad that you did not say, here, have some birth control so that when you throw your life away you won't bring a baby in with you. She said that she is proud that I expect better for her. She said that she would be crushed if that's the best I could hope for her life.
By the way, I talk very frankly with my children about everything: why people do drugs, how it feels, how it deceives, how it destroys. Ditto with alcohol and boy/girl relationships. I have never said, "Just say NO" or "because I said so" or even just because "God says NO".
I always explain why God, who is LOVE, says NO! It is never in order to deny us something good. If God says NO it is not good for us, no matter how it may feel at the time, kwim?
Anyway, keep on sheltering, keep on expecting your children to walk with God, keep on making no provision for the flesh. God is with us on this one! (I can't recall reading anywhere in scripture where God said, Flee youthful lusts, but if you are a slow runner, carry condoms!)
_____________________________
 "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/11/2008 1:25:32 PM
|
|
|
faroukfarouk
Posts: 731
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline
|
shadowspring:
Although some of the stuff that teens do is superficial and no big deal, when it comes to the birth control thing, I do believe that prayer and Bible study as an ongoing habit are the most effective means of birth control.
If they have learned to trust God's Word for daily strenght, then they won't need to keep a pack of condoms 'just in case', right?
Take care.
quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
I was recently discussing college and the new freedom it brings with my 17 yr old daughter, when the following conversation took place.
It came up because I was relating to her that our neighbor said she would like to be the sort of adult friend to my dd whom dd could call "if she wakes up in a strange place without her underwear after a night of binge drinking."
My daughter was insulted that our neighbor thinks she would ever binge drink, but then she commented on the alcohol in our neighbor's well-stocked bar. Dd shared her thoughts that people who sinned as teens/young adults and made excuses for their sin expect everyone else to do the same. Dd thinks that instead of coming clean with heartfelt repentance, they gloss over the seriousness of it by telling themselves "everyone does it".
While she appreciates the sentiment behind our neighbor's desire to be a friend to her, she lost a little respect for her in hearing of the offer. She has also had a former boyfriend's mom offer to get her birth control if she wanted. She didn't want.
I'm proud of my daughter that she accepts these offers of "kindness" with a thanks, but no thanks. I am even prouder of her knowing that she won't be drinking, partying and sleeping around. And not because it's against her parents' rules, but because she loves both the Lord and herself more than that!
quote:
Hi everyone! I just had one of those wonderful parenting moments we all live for! Maybe I should post it in "parenting" but I mostly want to share it with all you moms taking flak for "sheltering" your children.
(FYI: I was a total party animal in high school, and wound up homeless and doing drugs I swore I would never touch. Then Jesus delivered me! Thank You Jesus! )
My dd just told me that she respects me way more than any of these mothers who make excuses for the sins they indulged in when they were young and just assume that "everyone" is going to do the same.
She said I am so glad that you did not say, here, have some birth control so that when you throw your life away you won't bring a baby in with you. She said that she is proud that I expect better for her. She said that she would be crushed if that's the best I could hope for her life.
By the way, I talk very frankly with my children about everything: why people do drugs, how it feels, how it deceives, how it destroys. Ditto with alcohol and boy/girl relationships. I have never said, "Just say NO" or "because I said so" or even just because "God says NO".
I always explain why God, who is LOVE, says NO! It is never in order to deny us something good. If God says NO it is not good for us, no matter how it may feel at the time, kwim?
Anyway, keep on sheltering, keep on expecting your children to walk with God, keep on making no provision for the flesh. God is with us on this one! (I can't recall reading anywhere in scripture where God said, Flee youthful lusts, but if you are a slow runner, carry condoms!)
_____________________________
Trust the Bible.
Trust the Lord.
Don't trust the appearance of things.
(I'm a guy. Some tattoo designs look nice, though...but I haven't worn my earrings lately. So, think the lady in the avatar is my sister?)
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/13/2008 1:25:58 AM
|
|
|
Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3009
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
|
I am not a Dr. Dobson fan, but one thing he wrote really spoke to me. That was not to try to turn our children into "good children" but rear them to be great adults. I parented according to that philosophy, and indeed, both of them are great adults, but the credit, in reality, goes directly to G-d. I still made many mistakes.
I reared them "in the church," but I had no idea then that "the church" was a cult, nor did I see what damage I was doing to them because of "the church" and because of my actions and teaching that were directly bound up in "the church." Thank G-d, He led us all out of it.
As a grandparent, I suggest that if it is not in the Bible as a hard-and-fast rule, then don't enforce it in the family; if it is in the Bible as a hard-and-fast rule, teach them from the time they are tiny to love and appreciate the L-rd and the Rule Book. And pray, pray, pray.
During pregnancy, even before you know the gender of your child, start praying for their future friends and spouse. In fact, start that before you even marry. I prayed for their spouses, and G-d was gracious; I should have prayed more about their friends.
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/13/2008 2:55:51 AM
|
|
|
relady
Posts: 961
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
|
quote:
I am even prouder of her knowing that she won't be drinking, partying and sleeping around. And not because it's against her parents' rules, but because she loves both the Lord and herself more than that! I hope that you are correct in this assumption. However.....I personally know more than one young Christian woman who, having been taught exactly as you've taught your daughter, went off to college and came home pregnant. So....regardless of how close you or she thinks her relationship with God is....it is possible for such things to happen. Generally, it happens to girls who've had an overly restrictive and overprotective upbringing and haven't been allowed to make many of their own choices as teens. The sudden freedom overtakes the relationship with Christ all too often in these cases.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: preventing teenage rebellion - 7/13/2008 4:40:35 PM
|
|
|
faroukfarouk
Posts: 731
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline
|
shadowspring:
I think it''s a case of young people, with their parents, prayerfully learning day by day to trust the grace of God for strength, and guided by the Scriptures.
(I guess that there are various ways of expressing a similar idea.)
_____________________________
Trust the Bible.
Trust the Lord.
Don't trust the appearance of things.
(I'm a guy. Some tattoo designs look nice, though...but I haven't worn my earrings lately. So, think the lady in the avatar is my sister?)
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
She has already steadfastly resisted the temptations to sexual sin that have come her way. If you knew my daughter IRL, you would know exactly what I mean.
