|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 5:52:58 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ElsieMagpie
So I think it's a privilege, rather than a limitation, to rely on the judgement of everyone I can get my hands on. Call it courtship if you like.
It's not that I'm a great parent; it's that God is gracious and we are so blessed to have a kid who is sane and tender-hearted.
Courtship (I do choose to call it that) Lord willing will protect my daughter a great deal and preserve her heart for the godly man who will one day claim it.
I am so grateful.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 6:46:27 PM
|
|
|
Sideways
Posts: 3722
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
Your daughter sounds very lovely and intelligent. I'm sure she has a great future ahead of her. What does she plan on studying?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 6:57:34 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
Thank you, Sideways! She *is* a godly young woman.
I'll let her respond to your question.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 7:02:21 PM
|
|
|
ElsieMagpie
Posts: 11
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
|
Thanks! I'm going to such a small liberal arts college that they don't even have majors, so I'll just take what they give me and go from there. If I had to choose now, I'd like to do something involving culinary stuff, or find a way to fight for people in third world countries or animals in industrial farms or even the environment. I have enough causes to keep me out of the dating scene for quite a while!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 8:53:57 PM
|
|
|
ebony101
Posts: 942
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
|
I think that the term "courtship" today has evolved and doesn't necessarily merit the stringent requirements that surrounded it in yesteryear.
What I gather from our group talks of "Finding the right mate" is that courtship is a period of time when a guy and a lady go out with each other exclusively with the intention of marriage. However, it is not an engagement period, so if serious differences (very unlikely) are realised during this period of time the courtship can be called off.
I'm not claiming to be an expert, I'm just giving my definition of courtship gleaned from the singles group talks of which I've been a participant.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/10/2008 9:34:49 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ebony101
What I gather from our group talks of "Finding the right mate" is that courtship is a period of time when a guy and a lady go out with each other exclusively with the intention of marriage. However, it is not an engagement period, so if serious differences (very unlikely) are realised during this period of time the courtship can be called off.
Good point, Ebony.
My understanding, which is hardly conclusive, is that a couple that wants to court is first looked at very hard individually: spiritual maturity, emotional maturity, financial responsibility, social maturity, and anything else more concrete that might rule out the possibility of marriage (like an addiction or sexual incontinence). If everything is "go" then the courtship may proceed to see if the couple "click" emotionally. The courtships I've seen seem to last only a few months, and if the couple are wanting to marry, an engagement ensues fairly quickly to a wedding.
But there are no hard and fast rules, and people's milage may vary. The couples I know that have courted have all done very well.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 10:08:25 AM
|
|
|
edlove50
Posts: 41
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
|
Because sometimes courting sounds like simply respecting the opinions of the family and friends around you, and sometimes it sounds borderline insane because of the power trips that the families go on.
_____________________________________________________________________
As I said in my last post, who in this day and age would agree to court. However, there is a fine line when it comes to respecting parental opinions and making your own mind up on who to date or marry. I'll repeat that I believe a girl should bring the guy home to at least allow the parents and siblings to talk to the guy and find out what he is like. They can express their opinion and the girl should listen and pay attention. Afterall the parents have been around the block a few times and could more easily recognize certain qualities about the guy. Same goes for the guy who brings a girl home for mom and dad to meet. At the age of 16 and 17 parents should be listened to and obeyed. But when you get to 18 and older - I liked a girl who could make her own mind up without having to talk to mommy and daddy. This type of situation does bring out the power trip in parents though and should be avoided. For girls who feel threatened during a date - say the word NO. The use of that word would prevent a lot of unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STD's.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 11:20:57 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: edlove50
When two people date and break up, it's not sowing the seeds of divorce. The guy who wrote this stated this. There are break ups going on all the time - a person loses their job, two friends end a friendship, etc that don't sow seeds of divorce. I think he is wrong for telling people this.
I don't know whom you are quoting, but I have made the dating-divorce connection pubically several times on this forum. People who give their hearts and sometimes body away, break up, and do this repeatedly, are fixing a pattern in their lives. Relationships become disposable and the person gets used to running away from problems rather than staying committed (which marriage is) and working them out. Many people incorporate in their dating what belongs only in marriage, and their hearts and bodies respond like marriage.
Yes, jobs end, lives end, but that wasn't usually a choice nor a modus operandi of chosing to ditch when problems come, but rather something thrust upon the person. Different.
The main question I think most people have about courting is, are there people in authority positions that can be trusted to be wise, experienced, and have our best interests in mind in this most delicate of experiences?
As a parent, I have poured my life into my child. I would crawl across broken glass for her, and I have sacrificed myself repeatedly over the years (without fanfare - I merely mention it for sake of building a case) without regret. It's my job before God, and I have spent myself gladly. My desire is her greatest good in the Lord.
Where did I learn this? Not from my parents - I was severely abused and neglected. I swore my own kid would not grow up like I did, and by God's grace, she hasn't. I learned from godly older people in my church, from books, and from the Bible how to live, specifically and in principle. I have a kindly, loving, committed husband who loves the Lord; I have elders who know the Bible and have great wisdom in teaching and admonishing us to live for God. I trust them (their great kids are proof of the pudding).
Would I have submitted to my non-Christian abusive parents for picking a mate? Well, I asked my dad to just to vet a guy who wanted to date me, and he refused. So it is a mute point. But did I trust my parents? No. They didn't give a thought to my wellbeing my entire life as far as I can see (thank God for peer pressure or I might have been abandoned on the side of the road). Could God have used them? I think He can do anything; as it was, I never wanted to find myself stuck in an unloving situation again, and it made me pass up several interested guys. So protection by non-example.
As far as I can see, courting works only for caring people with an interest in their kid's wellbeing. People who are capable of knowing God's will.
I hope this puts some of your fears to rest and gives you comfort. People from horrible backgrounds can have their lives healed by God and become the kind of Christian that godly parents are praying will find their daughters.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 12:37:10 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
At risk of beating this horse to death  :
quote:
This type of situation does bring out the power trip in parents though and should be avoided.
But those are the kind of parents who already had power abuse problems; the courtship thing didn't cause it. They have been sinning and the sin just continues.
My husband and I are not on a power trip with our kid, and she knows it. We're looking for the pits, to guide her around them so she doesn't fall in. Our goal is her good, and there's plenty of talk going on back and forth between generations. She has a say - a big say - and everyone is being reasonable. She also has the last say, after she digests what she sees and we say.
quote:
For girls who feel threatened during a date - say the word NO. The use of that word would prevent a lot of unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STD's.
One of the important things we as parents of young women want to know is the habits and reputation of the young man. Is he a person who is able to threaten a young woman's chastity? Or does he have a years-long reputation for godly behavior and for protecting his own chastity? A guy who has had (unrepentant) sexual relationships would not get past our daughter's examination to get to her father's. A guy who got pushy with our daughter would soon find himself facing a very large and angry father, and he would not be welcome anymore.
Note: For serious Christian guys who have protected their chastity, and maybe have taken a lot of grief from other guys because of it, this is good news. We are looking for men like you. Any virtuous Christian woman in her right mind will welcome getting to know men like you. And guys who've blown it in that department but have repented and lived chaste long enough to show there's been a permanent change, we won't turn you away for it.
Our goal is to live our lives for God and following His will for us. Many counselors brings victory. God takes chastity very seriously, and has even written an entire chapter in the Bible dealing with all the issues regarding sex and marriage (1 Cor. 7). A good marriage is going to be one that includes having it's sexual ducks in a row: no sex outside of marriage, and lots of sex inside a marriage. To God be the glory! 
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 1:05:05 PM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 4110
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
All this talk about rules, dating etc. reminded me of an email a good friend sent me 8 years ago. (yes - I actually found it!)
Enjoy:
A Father's 10 Simple Rules for dating my daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than an Ogden stool.
- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
- Places where there is darkness.
- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
- Hockey games are okay.
- Old Folks Homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you roll into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car; there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 1:12:10 PM
|
|
|
ElsieMagpie
Posts: 11
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
A guy who got pushy with our daughter would soon find himself facing a very large and angry father, and he would not be welcome anymore.
To refer a pushy guy (read: rapist looking for an excuse) to a father is to say "I am completely defenseless as well as a pushover. All you need to do is separate me from the herd." This is why you got me pepper spray, martial arts and kickboxing lessons, and a Bersa .380. It's self-defense, not father-defense. I'm probably more dangerous than Dad right now unless Pushy Guy is in a wheelchair.
Sorry if I'm being a brat unintentionally; I want to say this for all the young ladies reading this thread for courtship/dating advice. Please learn how to defend yourself, both on the street and with "I'm flattered but I'd like to keep my chastity", because your family can't always protect you even if you live with them.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 4:12:44 PM
|
|
|
edlove50
Posts: 41
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
|
Actually, quite a few decent, reasonable, thoughtful, well-educated, intelligent people choose courtship of some kind over dating.
I'm curious why you are so disdainful?
Disagreeing is fine. I have no problem with that. But you are going a little beyond that.
I don't think *all* people who date are sexually imoral. Why do you think *all* people who court must be idiots without the ability to make a considered, intelligent decision?
_____________________________________________________________________________
I am not disdainful when it comes to courting. I just don't believe it should be forced on anyone. I grew up under a father who was a control freak. Most anything we wanted to do couldn't be done without his express approval and this rule extended to my mom. He made her feel stupid and that she couldn't do anything for herself. But she stood up to him and left him after I left home. I do believe, out of respect for their parents, let them meet and talk to the date. I never said all people who date are sexually immoral nor did I say those who court must be idiots. If the whole family is in agreement with courting, then that is what they should do. If they are not in agreement and the parents demand their daughter be courted, then there is the danger of rebellion and this goes for the son also. I've come in contact with a lot of christian teens and very few are willing to be courted. In the meantime, parents need to pray for their children, foster open communication, enforce rules children are to follow and if not here are the consequences. My wife and I did that with our kids and they turned out great. The book I quoted from was titled "Kiss Dating Goodbye" and I don't remember the authors name. His ideas are good, but I don't think what he is writing is the direction christian teens should take, He trusted God, didn't date and he met the mate for your life and that was it. Not very many teens are as in tune with God as he supposedly is and if a teen is led to believe the writers way is the way to go while not mature enough to handle the consequences of what he did, that can be dangerous.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 5:13:02 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: edlove50 The book I quoted from was titled "Kiss Dating Goodbye" and I don't remember the authors name. His ideas are good, but I don't think what he is writing is the direction christian teens should take, He trusted God, didn't date and he met the mate for your life and that was it. Not very many teens are as in tune with God as he supposedly is and if a teen is led to believe the writers way is the way to go while not mature enough to handle the consequences of what he did, that can be dangerous.
Josh Harris.
I'm delighted your kids turned out great, Edlove! You were obviously a good dad, having seen your own father's non-example and doing it right instead; you are blessed. Kudos to you and your wife!
The problem with courtship is that it examines a potential suitor's life: spiritual maturity and the reputation that goes with it, emotional maturity, ability and training to handle life, chastity, etc. A lot of people know they aren't living the life God calls them to, either out of laziness or pursuit of things they know God hasn't sanctioned. Or maybe, like you and me, we have parents that won't back us up because they don't care. There's many reasons a person doesn't want to be put under the parental microscope.
I fail to understand what could be dangerous about asking God to take care of a person's life. He kinda does that anyway, and we are the ones who mess it up, not Him. Would God allow a person to be in a "dangerous" place as punishment for trusting Him?
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/11/2008 5:16:16 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
The camouflaged face at the window is mine
ROTFL This is great, Dave! I'm glad you found it.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/17/2008 3:40:50 PM
|
|
|
GrowinBaptist
Posts: 28
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline
|
It's interesting to see all the different perspectives there are on this topic. This can be a loaded question because there are so many different ways to state the difference between courtship and dating. I personally don't like the term "dating," probably because of how the world has defined it at this point. That doesn't mean it can't be done in a Godly fashion, though. I myself would prefer to be COURTED. However you prefer to call the process, get a testimony first, either by observing in a group or by outright asking. Finding out if the other party is walking with the Lord should be first priority. If this is established, then pray about how the Lord would want you to proceed with the relationship. I think ChoirD put it well as to the process.
_____________________________
I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
Phil. 4:13
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/18/2008 2:50:45 AM
|
|
|
Katie-Scarlet
Posts: 111
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
|
I didn't read any other responses but I don't think there is a difference between the two they both serve the same purpose. It think we have just decided to seperate the two for whatever reason to give one more meaning of seriousness than the other. Courting is the old fashion word for dating.
According to the dictionary
Dating: Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity.
Courting: Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.
_____________________________
Satans job is 24hrs 365 days a year and he never takes lunch, vacation or has a sick day.
Are you ready to join the war? Know your enemy, prepare yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/19/2008 7:27:49 AM
|
|
|
jacob011
Posts: 17
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Coruscant
Status: offline
|
To DaveW: Oh Boy. How does your daughter feels about it? (Not too well I guess:-)
_____________________________
Dies time, the former life is past
Blind side, I know what awaits my fate
Hates breath, unavoidable ceasing of days
Today is a good day to die
Project 86 - Six Sirens
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/19/2008 6:47:42 PM
|
|
|
ebony101
Posts: 942
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL:GrowInBaptist:
However you prefer to call the process, get a testimony first, either by observing in a group or by outright asking.
Ask questions, ask lots of questions ladies. You can't ask enough questions. There are many things that men take for granted as non-issues that are issues for us, especially where religion is concerned. There are no exclusions, even if he's a churchgoer, especially if he doesn't attend your church. If you can get a character reference or if a testimony is available - the more, the merrier (and not from his friends or co-workers).
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/19/2008 11:25:30 PM
|
|
|
rebelman
Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
So, rebelman, after you've dated and married this girl, how are you going to get along with her parents after living up to your name so adeptly? 
Are any of the rules unBiblical or actually harmful, or just annoying to you?
Don't believe God wrote a "how to date or how to court' manual? Or did He? It could be one of the dead sea scrolls we've yet to find.
Let me give you a little background. These people expect me to 'treat them like God". Another thing is she is not even a child anymore. She's an adult fixing to graduate college. Every time she wants to do something, the parents simply say "We are your parents, God gave you to us, obey" and its pretty much a guilt trip.
So in other words, I don't have much intention of getting along with them. I tried that already. Got cussed out over the phone for no reason. That was 4 hours of non stop back and forth. Enough to give you a heart attack.
She can have fun being in tune with them, just as long as I am not involved in it.
A rebel indeed. A rebel against what Christianity has become today. :O)
_____________________________
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"-----2 Corinthians 12:9
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do You Know What Courting Is...Versus Dating? - 7/20/2008 12:53:04 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1905
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rebelman
Every time she wants to do something, the parents simply say "We are your parents, God gave you to us, obey" and its pretty much a guilt trip.
So in other words, I don't have much intention of getting along with them. I tried that already. Got cussed out over the phone for no reason. That was 4 hours of non stop back and forth. Enough to give you a heart attack.
A rebel indeed. A rebel against what Christianity has become today. :O)
Take a breath, Rebelman; they don't represent all of Christianity today. They aren't me and they aren't you. They're just two people who maybe didn't read the Bible where it says parents aren't supposed to exasperate their children. And I haven't even gone into the Greek to see if that word means minor children or not. They don't sound like what God calls a parent to be in this area, so don't ding all Christianity for them - it's their choice, not God's.
If you want to marry your girl, you will be marrying her parents. Find out what they want and give it to them if you can. Or make a tearful goodbye to the young lady and go your separate ways. To tear her from her parents would be to tear most of her life off, and God has things to teach all three of them and will use the parents in her life. Your girl is a package deal, and God gave her to those parents for a reason (you might not know until heaven).
Better still, get them to come up on this thread, and let them have their say.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
