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hogpharmer -> Ugh (7/4/2008 5:35:33 PM)

One of my friends (who happens to be a co-worker) has just recently learned that her husband is going to be jobless in about four months. Prior to her knowledge of this, she and her husband had started to discuss trying to have children. Now she has decided that I am the one to talk to about this. I was okay with that at first, but now she just down right ticks me off. She complains about not being able to afford having a child (her salary is six figures, mind you). I am trying to find a polite way to tell her to shut it, because 1) they are not going to be in bad shape when his job is gone (once again, she clears six figures a year), 2) many people have lived on less for many years, and 3) single people don't like to hear about inability to have children. My heart breaks to have a child, too, but I am not even married. She can have kids, I cannot at this stage.
What would you do?



song -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 6:06:50 PM)

Smile and listen to her anyways. :)

I mean... that's just what I would do. There will always be irritating people at work.



hogpharmer -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 6:12:15 PM)

[&o]Too true...



woodsandfield -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 7:48:02 PM)

Couldn't you go to a happy place? [:D]
What do you do when you hear a boring non inspiring sermon?
Gocery lists, what are you having for dinner?
Punctuate the conversation with an occassional " hmmm" " oh really!"
" is that right?" and if you get it wrong occassionally; she'll think you're not listening [;)]



delete123 -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 10:57:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hogpharmer

One of my friends (who happens to be a co-worker) has just recently learned that her husband is going to be jobless in about four months. Prior to her knowledge of this, she and her husband had started to discuss trying to have children. Now she has decided that I am the one to talk to about this. I was okay with that at first, but now she just down right ticks me off. She complains about not being able to afford having a child (her salary is six figures, mind you). I am trying to find a polite way to tell her to shut it, because 1) they are not going to be in bad shape when his job is gone (once again, she clears six figures a year), 2) many people have lived on less for many years, and 3) single people don't like to hear about inability to have children. My heart breaks to have a child, too, but I am not even married. She can have kids, I cannot at this stage.
What would you do?

While you listen and maybe have an opportunity I would also express that if every person waited to afford to have them, their wouldn't not be any!

I have heard so many time I am waiting for, this, this and this before they have children
They are simply not trudting God to provide which is promised in His word.

I was told I would never be able to conceive children and here I am 47 y/o woman with a 2 y/o and he does not have a need. He wants for nothing an believe me, my income is not 6 figures

The Lord does provide
CRH



ebony101 -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 11:16:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: woodsandfield

Couldn't you go to a happy place? [:D]
What do you do when you hear a boring non inspiring sermon?
Gocery lists, what are you having for dinner?
Punctuate the conversation with an occassional " hmmm" " oh really!"
" is that right?" and if you get it wrong occassionally; she'll think you're not listening [;)]









This seems like the best advice. I'm in full agreement with it.



deermousie -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 11:21:38 PM)

If she were just a coworker, I'd smile and blow it off.

But she's a friend, and her words are causing you grief. If you want to look at her as just a ministry, then fine, but if you want a two-way relationship, I'd tell her that you've seen people do fine on a mere 6 figure salary (pfff - DH lost his job and for half a year worked two part time jobs. He drove with the window open so he could rope the door shut, the heater didn't work and it snowed all winter. We had an old mobile home with no running water. So I'm a bad person to complain to about being poor[:D]) by lowering their living standards (use my story if you want. BTW, our kid grew up great in all this. God's grace).

Tell her you are aching for a child of your own and you don't even have a husband so please talk to someone else about kids. If she has no one else then let her tell God. Telling you is cruel, and she should be sensitive to that.

I'm praying tonight that God will give you a godly husband soon. God bless you, dear one.

...Are you really a hog farmer?



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ugh (7/4/2008 11:22:49 PM)

During the conversations, I would encourage you to pray for Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance. How does HE want you to respond to her? What does HE want you to say? Tuning her out may be part of His Will . . . but then again, it may not be.



hogpharmer -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 12:48:47 AM)

[:D]No pigs here. I am in pharmacy school and the mascot is a pig.
That is what baffles me about her. She was raised on a farm. I don't know of too many farmers who are rich. My own parents are missionaries and we wanted for nothing. Having money doesn't necessarily mean that everything will be hunky-dory.
Thanks for sharing your story. There is no better proof that God always provides for those He loves and who love Him.



hogpharmer -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 12:53:25 AM)

You are right. I just can't imagine that tuning her out would be what God would want. Being human makes that very difficult, but I will definitely take your advice and see what happens.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 4:17:30 AM)

quote:

She was raised on a farm. I don't know of too many farmers who are rich.


Uh, come to my area of the country..central CA..mom and pop farms have basically died out. So the people that do farm do it on a very large scale. And they get government subsidies. They are all very rich. As are the dairy farmers here.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 9:16:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hogpharmer

You are right. I just can't imagine that tuning her out would be what God would want. Being human makes that very difficult, but I will definitely take your advice and see what happens.
hogpharmer, I'm not sure whose post you're responding to; but if mine, I just want to make it clear that I was not suggesting you tune her out.

I was suggestiing that you do whatever Our Lord tells you to do in this instance . . . which may involve tuning her out or which may not involve turning her out.

I actually agree with you, I would find it hard that Our Lord would want you to compile a grocery list in your head and periodically murmur, "hmmm" - simply to give the illusion of listening to the person.

I don't find how something like that can be helpful at all. In fact, I find it to be dishonest in the fact that to pretend to listen to someone is actually lying to them through body languages (and murmurs). If a person is going to listen to someone, give them their full attention and listen. If not, then perhaps the best thing the person (listener) can do is to tell the other person, "I don't think I'm the best person to be telling this to."

On another note . . .

Work is not the place to be having these types of conversations anyway.

If you really want to have a conversation with her (or feel led by Our Lord to do so), then perhaps you might suggest (since she's not only a coworker, but also a friend) a time and place after work to so y'all can talk about this subject.



deermousie -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 10:46:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hogpharmer
Thanks for sharing your story. There is no better proof that God always provides for those He loves and who love Him.


You're welcome! [:)] I think sometimes God's grace is more obvious when a person has little, and even poor people in America live better than 98% of all the kings in history. I'm not griping.

Perhaps this will encourage you: I didn't marry until I was 38. I wanted to marry the right man or no man at all, and by God's grace I married a prince of a man. DH got me a button that said "I'd rather be 40 than pregnant." I was both. [:D] We only have one kid and are delighted God did that for us; she is in college now (yes, I'm old as dirt) and is a gem of a Christian young lady. We are very grateful.

And I consider myself to be the richest lady in town. God has been so gracious to me!



deanna48 -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 5:15:27 PM)

Hog Farmer
You are going to run into people lilke this alot. 6 fiure income she may have - but if she doesn't know the Lord it will never be enough to satisfy any area of her life. Next time she starts complaining - I suggest you ask her if she has prayed about it. She may stop complaining to you.



deermousie -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 10:19:24 PM)

Thank you for your gracious words and godly forebearance, WhiteRoseBlessings.

Hogpharmer, is this gal the type of friend you can sit down and see eye to eye with? She'll probably be horrified that she is stepping on your toes in the baby department (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and figuring an answer that gives her the highest probability of being a decent person).

Maybe she's not what you'd call a good friend but just someone you can kabitz (sp?) with without much emotional attachment. Then I'd just quietly mention that you are sensitive about baby issues and she should get the hint from that.

Or maybe you'll just need to be a little more blunt, but in a friendly way



hogpharmer -> RE: Ugh (7/5/2008 11:52:02 PM)

I used to think we could see eye-to-eye, but other things have led me to believe otherwise. Not concerning babies, but how I was raised.
I don't know if she'll be horrified or not, but I am not at a place where I can say something without lashing out. I need some space, which I will be granted over the next couple of weeks when I am late shift and she is early. There will be numerous other people at work for us to talk, which is just the respite I need.

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

Thank you for your gracious words and godly forebearance, WhiteRoseBlessings.

Hogpharmer, is this gal the type of friend you can sit down and see eye to eye with? She'll probably be horrified that she is stepping on your toes in the baby department (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and figuring an answer that gives her the highest probability of being a decent person).

Maybe she's not what you'd call a good friend but just someone you can kabitz (sp?) with without much emotional attachment. Then I'd just quietly mention that you are sensitive about baby issues and she should get the hint from that.

Or maybe you'll just need to be a little more blunt, but in a friendly way



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ugh (7/6/2008 10:25:46 AM)

Hogpharmer,

I truly hope the respite brings you both peace and some answers as how to handle the situation should it come up again.





quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

Thank you for you're gracious words and godly forebearance, WhiteRoseBlessings.
Deermousie, your quite welcomed . . . and thank YOU for the encouragement!


By the way, anyone is free is call me Sharon-Marie (or SharMar), if they wish.



deermousie -> RE: Ugh (7/6/2008 10:49:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Deermousie, your quite welcomed . . . and thank YOU for the encouragement!


By the way, anyone is free is call me Sharon-Marie (or SharMar), if they wish.


Thank you, Sharon_Marie, and you're quite welcome, too. [:)]



preserved -> RE: Ugh (7/7/2008 8:14:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deanna48

Hog Farmer
You are going to run into people lilke this alot. 6 fiure income she may have - but if she doesn't know the Lord it will never be enough to satisfy any area of her life. Next time she starts complaining - I suggest you ask her if she has prayed about it. She may stop complaining to you.


This is exactly what I was thinking...Or ask her what does God have to say about it...May cause her to think...



beachcooky -> RE: Ugh (8/1/2008 10:52:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: song

Smile and listen to her anyways. :)

I mean... that's just what I would do. There will always be irritating people at work.


I agree. It's hard to do. I know for me, I tend to show my irritation, which is never good most of the time. But I guess you know that saying, "What Would Jesus Do?" What would you think He would do in a situation in that? I'm pretty sure that he'll just smile and listen to her, just like Song said.



JCMK -> RE: Ugh (8/2/2008 7:34:02 PM)

I didn't see anyone else mention this, but if you are at work, don't you have work to do? If someone irritates me on the job by talking too much, whether it is their personal life or about work problems/situations, I politely state that I have a deadline and need to get busy. Afterall, both of you should be earning your salary.



Chantelle913 -> RE: Ugh (8/2/2008 8:43:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JCMK

I didn't see anyone else mention this, but if you are at work, don't you have work to do? If someone irritates me on the job by talking too much, whether it is their personal life or about work problems/situations, I politely state that I have a deadline and need to get busy. Afterall, both of you should be earning your salary.


I agree, she argue with the fact that you gotta work. Or just simply say to her " You know what "such and such" when I come to work, i like to get my work done and leave the negativity at home. However, children are God blessings and I strongly believe that people with NO income can survive im sure you can too. God has bless you with a good amount of money. " People say that children are expensive but 6 figures can surely help take care of them. People with 0 figures raise their children quite well w/o any problems. Grandparents/ Godparents, Aunt/Uncles someone wil help her. Maybe its not the money....Maybe she just not ready for them period and want to use an excuss. Or maybe she just seeking some attention...........lol thats what alot of people are doin now-a-days..........



hogpharmer -> RE: Ugh (8/3/2008 6:57:09 PM)

I'm sure part of it was attention-seeking. I have come to realize that I have needy friends. But, with all that said, things are getting better. At least she doesn't talk about it as much. I think she sees that people have their own problems to solve, so she and her husband should solve theirs.



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