Correcting Other Peoples Children (Full Version)

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MyMasquerade -> Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 3:28:38 PM)

Yesterday we went and got a new livingroom set. We haven't had one in a while, we were never in the livingroom. Tay always has several kids over here for something and somtimes everyone sitting is hard. Then yesterday she got the new Wii game and I know they are going to lined up to play, lol.

So, I came in the house about an hour ago and the little boy who lives accress the street is standing on the arm of my brand new sofe. Whne I said something to him he took off running accross it. I picked him up yanked him off the couch, fussed at him and sent him home.

What do you do when neighborhood kids are being horrible at your house.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 3:35:01 PM)

If they are in my house or causing harm or potential harm to my property or kids, then yeah, I would say something, and if a child was defiant, send them home like you did.

I would probably have just said, 'Oh, we don't stand on furniture in our house' first and waited to see what he did after that. Especiall if he was young enough to legitimately think his house rules were yours, lol.



manda59 -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 3:38:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasquerade
So, I came in the house about an hour ago and the little boy who lives accress the street is standing on the arm of my brand new sofe.


Were you there when he arrived? Best thing to do next time is let any visiting children know the house rules when they get there.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 5:13:23 PM)

You have never met kids like these kids. They come in the house go in the cabinet and take what they want. If they see it and want it you can forget them not having it because by the time they touch all over it, you want them to take it.

I wasn't home when he came in earlier I was down the street helping another single mom in the neighborhood try to get ready to go into the hospital.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 5:15:58 PM)

I would begin with a no-visitors rule when you are not home. 10 is too young to be having people over without supervision. And then I would be MUCH firmer, and even if they caused something to be inedible, would not let them have it. Don't let the kids walk all over you--they will push every inch.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:03:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

I would begin with a no-visitors rule when you are not home. 10 is too young to be having people over without supervision. And then I would be MUCH firmer, and even if they caused something to be inedible, would not let them have it. Don't let the kids walk all over you--they will push every inch.


They get it from there mom she will walk in and take sodas, food out the cabinet. It is crazy.

She didn't invite him in, I found this out just a few minutes ago. He found out she had fireworks saw her outside and came in to help himself. When he came in the dogs started barking at him and he jumped on the couch to get away from the dogs.



pbaribeault -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:03:25 PM)

Yes, no visitors when you are not home.

Yes, tell them the house rules when they arrive.

Yes, tell them the rule again calmly if they disobey.

Yes, remove them from your home if they do not comply.

But first, make some house rules!

No one should be coming into your house without you welcoming them, standing on your furniture, playing in a wild or noisy way indoors, going into your cabinets, taking your things, or speaking to you rudely. This is basic, The kids will 'get it' or they will get lost.

If a child fingered all over something of mine (something to eat) I would far rather throw it out than let them have it. Letting them have it is a great big reward for some pretty bad behaviour. Nobody in my home would receive anything to eat unless I offered it (as a snack I had prepared for everyone) or, possibly if they said, "Mrs. X, I'm hungry. Do you have anything to share, or should I go home to eat?" They would get a glass of water by saying, "Excuse me Mrs. X. May I have a glass of water please." And that's it.

This is not 'correcting other people's children' -- it's deciding what will happen in your house, and choosing which children are allowed to stay based on how they choose to behave.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:06:22 PM)

Wait...you left a 10 year old home alone playing with fireworks?!

Seriously, both the mother and the kids are getting way with exactly what you will let them get away with. You need to have some healthy boundaries and defend them. I guarantee they would never get away with that at my house.

In addition, you are teaching your daughter to let herself be bullied.



pbaribeault -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:11:15 PM)

Lock your doors when you go out, especially if your daughter is home alone. What you are doing is not safe.

It's harder to deal with adults who misbehave. You could have a conversation with her like, "I was always taught that it is rude to go into other people's cabinets, so it kind of makes me feel weird when you do that. Do you mind if I get the sodas/snacks from now on?"

Then maybe get in the habit of offering her something immediately, before she has time to ask, so you both get used to that conversation. Also, from time to time (becoming more frequent) you can say something else instead of offering, like, "I'd offer you a soda, but if I did there wouldn't be enough for my husband this week. Would you like some water instead? Or I could make some tea?"

Eventually this might train her to wait until she is offered refreshment as a guest, and not to ask questions or take action if you don't offer.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:28:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

Wait...you left a 10 year old home alone playing with fireworks?!

Seriously, both the mother and the kids are getting way with exactly what you will let them get away with. You need to have some healthy boundaries and defend them. I guarantee they would never get away with that at my house.

In addition, you are teaching your daughter to let herself be bullied.


She wasn't playing with the fireworks, they were in the house and she was talking about them and he heard her saying she had them. She really wasn't alone I was three duplexes down the street trying to help this woman who was having a panic attack and could not breathe.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:31:44 PM)

I am glad she was not playing with fireworks. [:)]

Still, if I were not home, then my 10 yo daughter would be inside with the doors locked. And, both you and your daughter need to learn to protect yoruselves instead of being bullied. It's a very bad habit to start, and one that is a serious danger to your daughter.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:32:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pbaribeault

Lock your doors when you go out, especially if your daughter is home alone. What you are doing is not safe.

It's harder to deal with adults who misbehave. You could have a conversation with her like, "I was always taught that it is rude to go into other people's cabinets, so it kind of makes me feel weird when you do that. Do you mind if I get the sodas/snacks from now on?"

Then maybe get in the habit of offering her something immediately, before she has time to ask, so you both get used to that conversation. Also, from time to time (becoming more frequent) you can say something else instead of offering, like, "I'd offer you a soda, but if I did there wouldn't be enough for my husband this week. Would you like some water instead? Or I could make some tea?"

Eventually this might train her to wait until she is offered refreshment as a guest, and not to ask questions or take action if you don't offer.


This family is from New Orleans and these people are different than anyone you will ever meet. They have the attitude that everyone owes you.

She knows I am a single mom and will still come in and take things, she also knows I haven't worked since February because of my health. They don't care, everyone owes them something. Her oldest son got mad at me because I would not buy him an energry drink at the store a couple weeks ago. I haven't taken him any place since.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:34:42 PM)

The solution still lies with you, no matter how different these people may be.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:34:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

I am glad she was not playing with fireworks. [:)]

Still, if I were not home, then my 10 yo daughter would be inside with the doors locked. And, both you and your daughter need to learn to protect yoruselves instead of being bullied. It's a very bad habit to start, and one that is a serious danger to your daughter.


My daughter is never bullied, me on the other hand I feel sorry for the kids that have nothing and I am always doing things for them. That is another reason it annoys me so bad when the do something like jumping on my furniture, I am always doing things to bless them and then they are going to come in and do something like that.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:37:01 PM)

Allowing them to behave badly is not a blessing, it is a curse. The kids would be better off if you made them use good manners at your house.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:43:44 PM)

That is incorrect teaching. Giving people what is not good for them is NOT nice. Giving a drug addict money, or an alcoholic beer, these things are not kind. Likewise it is not kind to allow and encourage wrong behavior. That is bad for the person, and doing something that is bad for them is not nice.



pbaribeault -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:44:22 PM)

You are mixing up "nice" with "love".

Genuine love looks out for people, including teaching them the things they need to get along in the world. If you loved them you would teach them how to be a friend, how to be a guest, and the value of self-control.

Since you just want to be "nice" to them, I think you will hurt them in the long run. You are being bullied. Whether the woman is intimidating you, or whether the "you have to"s in your head are intimidating you, you are being bullied and so is your daughter.

Your daughter could not say to a 'little boy', "Don't come in. I don't want to play with you, and I won't let you touch the fireworks." She is being bullied.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:53:13 PM)

I am not twisting your words at all. I am pointing out that 'nice' is not always as it appears, and that what you (or your mom..I don't know who I am talking to now) are doing with these neighbors is NOT nice or good. It is allowing people to abuse you, and it is a very bad policy.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:56:22 PM)

I suspect all the neighbor kids know that the two of you will not stand up for yourselves...it's how YOU are, and that means you are easy to take advantage of.

Tell me, and I am speaking to the mother here, if your daughter has been taught to allow others to take advantage of her, how is she going to protect herself from predators?



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:57:40 PM)

quote:

by blessing people????

It is NOT A BLESSING to help people behave badly.



manda59 -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 6:58:36 PM)

Does your mother know you are talking on here, on her ID?



manda59 -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 7:01:42 PM)

Yes I know, does your mother know you are posting under her ID?

How about you blessing *her*, and *you* do the dishes, so that she can sit down?



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 7:04:52 PM)

Of course they do-their moms probably want them to behave! Unfortunately, being FUN has little to do with being a GOOD MOTHER.



manda59 -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 7:08:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasquerade
quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59
Yes I know, does your mother know you are posting under her ID?

How about you blessing *her*, and *you* do the dishes, so that she can sit down?

yes mam she dose and she likes to do the dishes



Your mother is not well, and is often in a lot of pain. I think she says she likes to do the dishes but really I think she would like to be able to rest more. I think she would love it if you said "hey mum, I'll do those"



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Correcting Other Peoples Children (7/4/2008 7:20:16 PM)

I was not saying your mother wasn't a good mother. I am saying that your mother lets these other children behave badly, so it stands to reason that they wish they had her instead of their own mothers, who would probably send them to their rooms for the antics your mom lets them get away with. I don't know why you think letting children misbehave is blessing them, but I can tell you that it is NOT so.



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