The easily offended (Full Version)

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phosadaud -> The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:26:20 PM)

I've posted here long enough to know that I have ruffled more than my share of feathers on these boards. There are even a couple posters I'm pretty sure have me on their "block" list because I can't seem to say 2 words without them getting upset. One poster even flew off the handle at me and stormed out of a thread after mistakenly thinking I was posting in response to her but it was another poster and she hasn't said one word to me since even after other posters in the thread tried to explain that I had not attacked her.

This isn't just online though. You know what I'm talking about - the co-worker you have to walk on eggshells around because they think anything you do or say must be a way to personally attack them. The family member who assumes all your motives are dark and sinister. The friend who assumes the worst about everything you do or haven't done (you know - are you mad at me because you haven't called in 2 days?).

I have to admit that I have little patience for this. I used to try and walk the eggshells and play the games to keep everyone happy. But, I learned quickly that while I should treat everyone with respect, at some point, I am not responsible for someone else taking offense when none was intended. I think my "fuse" for dealing with this has shortened over the years though. I seriously have no patience for folks who have a tendency to assume the worst motives in people or who tend to see a personal attack in nothing more than a simple conversation. I have to admit that there are people IRL and online that I tend to avoid simply because I never know what's going to set them off and I get tired of trying to put out fires that were never started in the first place.

Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away?



CherishedbyGod -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:39:52 PM)

Jesus has very, very harsh words for those that offend others....

Woe, woe, woe, He says....It would be better for them to have a millstone around their neck and drown than to offend another.

The burden of love is on you to not offend...not on how others react to you.

You can actually send another person to their grave by offending them....



TrustingGod -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:42:00 PM)

Because you know you can be offensive, you should double check everything you post/say. Try to read it objectively. Keep in mind that people cannot "read" emotions in a post.

We have a responsbility to speak the truth but we still need to be aware of the feelings of people around you. I've been accused of being "offensive" - a person walked in during the middle of a conversation (someone asked my opinion and I gave it). My opinion was strong and "offensive" to the one dipping in; however, the person who asked the question was a friend from teenage years so she knew how honest my answer would be. She was not offended (at least she never said so or acted so). The offended one (who was never a part of the conversation) decided I was opinionated and offensive and she told others this opinion.

Admittedly, I can come across very strong in my opinion. I recognize that I state my opinions as fact. So I'm careful to preface my beliefs with "this is how I believe" or "this is what is right for me" or "I truly believe..." This reminds me to "soften" my tone.

On the other hand, professionally offended people will always have something to be offended by. At some point, you have to move forward and let them work out their own issues.

Again, always speak/write in love and with a genuine desire to help someone grow.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:44:17 PM)

I have a sister who is overly-sensitive. She used to be far worse, but even though she's gotten better, it's still pretty bad. I've always attempted to put my opinions decently and respectully, even when they disagree with the majority, but I find that here people are quick with the nastiness most of the time. I'm not really sensitive, but if someone can't respectful and disagree, I won't really put up with it. It might appear that I'm sensitive, but all I want is for people to show the respect to me that I show to them. I can have a long, clean debate, but usually that can't last because a certain poster (or posters) have to start breaking TOS with personal attacks, etc.

As for those who just seem sensitive, I don't really tone down anything anymore. I used to walk on eggshells, etc. but I think the world isn't about to cater to one's sensitivities... so I don't either. I AM sensitive about some things, but I just realize that the world on a large scale isn't about to accommodate that. Lol. And no one can really know what I'm sensitive about unless they know me personally anyway. So I know the feeling, but I think reality has to override that in my mind.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:46:29 PM)

TrustingGod, I try to do the same when I state my opinions. I state them as fact, but I know sometimes they aren't so I try to say in my opinion, or something similar.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:47:27 PM)

Screeeeeech! I'm not talking about being an offensive person (I genuinely try to avoid being a jerk). I'm talking about folks who if you waved "hi" to them they would think you were a jerk.

Jesus offended a lot of folks. So did His apostles. If someone gets offended that doesn't automatically mean the other party is sinning or "did bad". (unless you think Jesus was sinful [;)]). That's what I'm talking about here.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 9:49:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

Jesus has very, very harsh words for those that offend others....

Woe, woe, woe, He says....It would be better for them to have a millstone around their neck and drown than to offend another.

The burden of love is on you to not offend...not on how others react to you.

You can actually send another person to their grave by offending them....


Where did Jesus say that? The only verse I can think of is not about offense but in causing little ones to sin?



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:17:19 PM)

Cherished, I think you misunderstand what Kristin is asking.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:26:39 PM)

Thanks solo_soprano.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:37:31 PM)

You could tell all that from my OP? [8|]

By the way: I'm someone that pretty much everyone likes, it highly respected and loved and I'm simply trying to start a discussion because there are some folks out there who get offended over just about everything.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:37:53 PM)

Phosy, I think you can rest your case.[;)][8D]





[sm=smile-l.gif]



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:40:22 PM)

[sm=smile-l.gif]



zmanfan38 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:43:59 PM)

The discussion here is about people who are high maintenance emotionally and no amount of coddling them or stroking their self esteem will satisfy...that's what I'm going to be referring to in this post.


Yeah, it can wear you out! I used to work with a guy who always thought the rest of us were talking about him and he ran to upper management with made up stories all the time. I don't know if he was insecure or if it was paranoia or what. After a couple of people got in trouble for talking about how their tomato plants are doing this year and he convinced management that they were talking about his sexual orientation, we started walking on those egg shells...holy cow!

I don't recall ruffling any feathers in these forums, but I've been taken wrong once on another message board I post in. It took a good deal of groveling on my part to convince this person I did not say what she thought I said. Actually, it also took about 10 other posters catching my back and then the site administrator backing her off to convince her. Talk about a high maintenance emotional poster!

I don't believe for one minute that these two examples nor what phosy was talking about in her posts puts much (if any) moral responsibility on the part of the one who was misunderstood.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:46:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

I've posted here long enough to know that I have ruffled more than my share of feathers on these boards. There are even a couple posters I'm pretty sure have me on their "block" list because I can't seem to say 2 words without them getting upset. One poster even flew off the handle at me and stormed out of a thread after mistakenly thinking I was posting in response to her but it was another poster and she hasn't said one word to me since even after other posters in the thread tried to explain that I had not attacked her.
This isn't just online though. You know what I'm talking about - the co-worker you have to walk on eggshells around because they think anything you do or say must be a way to personally attack them. The family member who assumes all your motives are dark and sinister. The friend who assumes the worst about everything you do or haven't done (you know - are you mad at me because you haven't called in 2 days?).

I have to admit that I have little patience for this. I used to try and walk the eggshells and play the games to keep everyone happy. But, I learned quickly that while I should treat everyone with respect, at some point, I am not responsible for someone else taking offense when none was intended. I think my "fuse" for dealing with this has shortened over the years though. I seriously have no patience for folks who have a tendency to assume the worst motives in people or who tend to see a personal attack in nothing more than a simple conversation. I have to admit that there are people IRL and online that I tend to avoid simply because I never know what's going to set them off and I get tired of trying to put out fires that were never started in the first place.

Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away?


I am sorry...The lady has a problem here...No one is put on other's blocked list, has another "fly off a handle and storm out a thread", has co-workers upset with them, family members upset with them, etc. without causing others offense. She claims she "does not have any patience with this"...

Well...Jesus had patience with such as are getting upset with her. I repeat, the problem is with her offending others, not how others are reacting to her.

She is the one that posted...I am sorry if she does not like my response but I take offenses extremely seriously, as does our God.......


You're still misunderstanding. [8|] You and she really aren't talking about the same kind of thing here.



Ps103 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:47:40 PM)

I think our society pretty much sets people up to take offense where none is intended.

We seem to love to feel victimized, and since "offended" is generally in the eye of the beholder, that makes it the easiest way to be a victim.

I don't like being a victim.

But then, I upgraded to the Offensiveness Detector with the optional Transponder Unit[8D]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:47:47 PM)

quote:

I don't believe for one minute that these two examples nor what phosy was talking about in her posts puts much (if any) moral responsibility on the part of the one who was misunderstood.

I completely agree. We are to live peaceably to the extent that it is within our power to do so. I've often found that the more I try to explain, the worse it gets. These folks seem to want to be offended so, when I find myself in a hole, I stop digging and let them think what they want.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:49:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zmanfan38

The discussion here is about people who are high maintenance emotionally and no amount of coddling them or stroking their self esteem will satisfy...that's what I'm going to be referring to in this post.


Yeah, it can wear you out! I used to work with a guy who always thought the rest of us were talking about him and he ran to upper management with made up stories all the time. I don't know if he was insecure or if it was paranoia or what. After a couple of people got in trouble for talking about how their tomato plants are doing this year and he convinced management that they were talking about his sexual orientation, we started walking on those egg shells...holy cow!

I don't recall ruffling any feathers in these forums, but I've been taken wrong once on another message board I post in. It took a good deal of groveling on my part to convince this person I did not say what she thought I said. Actually, it also took about 10 other posters catching my back and then the site administrator backing her off to convince her. Talk about a high maintenance emotional poster!

I don't believe for one minute that these two examples nor what phosy was talking about in her posts puts much (if any) moral responsibility on the part of the one who was misunderstood.


Lol. I know people like that.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:50:23 PM)

Thanks Christi. That's exactly what I'm wanting to discuss. And I can't say that I've worked with anyone quite that paranoid, but one person in our office is very similar now. It's really sad because we are a church. He'll bad mouth our pastors for something as simple as they took a particular person out to lunch and he thinks that must mean they are planning some backhanded way at doing something they shouldn't be doing... [:o]It's hard to deal with. I finally just stopped responding at all when he started his wild rants and I think he was "talked to" because I know he still flips out about stuff, but he has been much less that way around me. I feel bad that I got sucked into all that garbage in the first place.



Miss Giggles -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:52:29 PM)

Some people do get offended at everything. It does happen on here and in real life.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:54:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ps103
But then, I upgraded to the Offensiveness Detector with the optional Transponder Unit[8D]


I worked for a few years in a nursing home so I had to get me one of those or go insane... [:D][:D][:D]



Zhi -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:55:10 PM)

I don't think that verse is really saying what you think. In the KJV, "offend" is often a translation of "stumble" and means "cause to sin", not "cause to be upset".

Taking the same verses in the NIV, it says "Luke 17:1 Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. 2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin."

In Young's Literal Translation, you get "Luke 17: 1And he said unto the disciples, `It is impossible for the stumbling blocks not to come, but wo [to him] through whom they come; 2it is more profitable to him if a weighty millstone is put round about his neck, and he hath been cast into the sea, than that he may cause one of these little ones to stumble. "

Jesus offended people ALL THE TIME. He called the Pharisees "whitewashed tombs". He chased moneychangers out of the Temple with a whip. Hard to get more offensive than that, but it was a righteous hostility.



zmanfan38 -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:55:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22

quote:

ORIGINAL: zmanfan38

The discussion here is about people who are high maintenance emotionally and no amount of coddling them or stroking their self esteem will satisfy...that's what I'm going to be referring to in this post.


Yeah, it can wear you out! I used to work with a guy who always thought the rest of us were talking about him and he ran to upper management with made up stories all the time. I don't know if he was insecure or if it was paranoia or what. After a couple of people got in trouble for talking about how their tomato plants are doing this year and he convinced management that they were talking about his sexual orientation, we started walking on those egg shells...holy cow!

I don't recall ruffling any feathers in these forums, but I've been taken wrong once on another message board I post in. It took a good deal of groveling on my part to convince this person I did not say what she thought I said. Actually, it also took about 10 other posters catching my back and then the site administrator backing her off to convince her. Talk about a high maintenance emotional poster!

I don't believe for one minute that these two examples nor what phosy was talking about in her posts puts much (if any) moral responsibility on the part of the one who was misunderstood.


Lol. I know people like that.


Sorry to hear that, solo.[:D]




quote:

ORIGINAL: Ps103

We seem to love to feel victimized, and since "offended" is generally in the eye of the beholder, that makes it the easiest way to be a victim.

I don't like being a victim.




I've never understood the reveling in being a victim thing. I'd much rather deal with life's hurts and disappointments and learn from them and then for goodness sakes, put them out.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:57:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zhi

I don't think that verse is really saying what you think. In the KJV, "offend" is often a translation of "stumble" and means "cause to sin", not "cause to be upset".

Taking the same verses in the NIV, it says "Luke 17:1 Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. 2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin."

In Young's Literal Translation, you get "Luke 17: 1And he said unto the disciples, `It is impossible for the stumbling blocks not to come, but wo [to him] through whom they come; 2it is more profitable to him if a weighty millstone is put round about his neck, and he hath been cast into the sea, than that he may cause one of these little ones to stumble. "

Jesus offended people ALL THE TIME. He called the Pharisees "whitewashed tombs". He chased moneychangers out of the Temple with a whip. Hard to get more offensive than that, but it was a righteous hostility.

Thanks, Zhi. I appreciate you posting this.[:)]



Miss Giggles -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:58:12 PM)

quote:



I repeat...The burden of proof is on you. If you want to walk in love, which is the highest calling, you will do everything in your power to not offend others...even those who "get offended over just about everything". I do hope and pray that you chose the way of agape love someday....



She didn't say anything offensive, what we are saying is that you just cannot please everyone sometimes... please reread what you are saying.



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/1/2008 10:58:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

You could tell all that from my OP? [8|]
By the way: I'm someone that pretty much everyone likes, it highly respected and loved and I'm simply trying to start a discussion because there are some folks out there who get offended over just about everything.


I repeat...The burden of proof is on you. If you want to walk in love, which is the highest calling, you will do everything in your power to not offend others...even those who "get offended over just about everything". I do hope and pray that you chose the way of agape love someday....

I am greatly saddened for you that you cannot see that. Someday when you are the one offended you may be able to...


Fortunately for you I'm not easily offended. I've had some doozies thrown at me over the years too [;)] Now, take a deep breath and see that maybe, just maybe, you have misunderstood my posts and my thread.

Can we get back on topic now?



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