My best friend just came out of the closet (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Relationships



Message

Darion412 -> My best friend just came out of the closet (7/1/2008 5:01:46 PM)

Hello everyone! My best friend recently told me he is romantically interested in another guy. After he told me I told him I'd rather not discuss it at the time so I could gather my thoughts and be able to respond better. The reponses he got from his other friends were positive like "its ok" etc. Me being one of his Christian friends, I know homosexual temptation is not "ok". He told me he isnt blatantly openly gay, just starting to become interested in another guy. He was raised in a Christian home but I'm not sure if he is a Christian still. Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this situation?



Liveloved -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/1/2008 6:43:53 PM)

In my experience these individuals have been deeply wounded, suffered rejection and never felt that sense of belonging that is so crucial to proper identity. And from that place of woundedness, they seek 'love' where they think they will be accepted for who they are.

There are organizations that deal with those who want to come out of these lifestyles. They might be able to provide wise counsel to you. Is one of the Exodus International?

I would engage your friend in a conversation about love, true love, as in Jesus style love---that we all have a need deep within that we look to fill with all kinds of worldly things, including people, but that only Jesus can fill. No relationship is going to satisfy this need.

Obviously your friend is looking for and needing love and acceptance. Point him in the right direction and pray.[:)]



pbaribeault -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/1/2008 6:48:43 PM)

One tactic might be to focus on the issues of temptation and purity, and kind of not talk too much about the fact that the temptation is to homosexual fornication rather than just ordinary fornication.

Perhaps once he is committed to purity in general, and past the first intensity of infatuation you will be able to influence him towards a Biblical understanding of sexual orientation and a true submission in faith to Jesus as his Lord and Saviour.

Generally, coming to faith involves repentance & forgiveness... meaning that some sin has been knowingly committed. Your friend's spiritual status is the same as any other that is sexually tempted, and if he gives in, many do. Our father welcomes His prodigals home. Don't get too caught up as if some sins are more abominable than others.

A reading through the opening chapter(s?) of Romans will remind you that the first sin was turning from God. Being ruled by lust is a result of that first most grievous offense.



song -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 2:05:55 AM)

Personally, I wouldn't discuss it a whole lot. He already knows what Christians think if he was raised in a Christian home.

I would continue to be his friend and listen to him talk about what he's going through and spend less time talking to him.

My cousin that I'm pretty close with is homosexual and I just make it my aim to be one of the few Christians who offers him acceptance and when he's ready, he'll talk more.

Jesus doesn't push us and I don't think we should push other people either.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 2:10:25 AM)

quote:

My best friend just came out of the closet


He should go back in it and clean it up.



preserved -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 8:31:52 AM)

Darion412...

You as a christian owe it to your friend to speak of God's Word on this...Chances are that he is not going to listen...So the best thing you can do is not shun away from him...but tell him his interest is not of God and you as a christian and his friend cannot condone or agree with his interest. This may mean the end of your friendship...You are to love the person but hate the sin..

Just because he was raised in a christian home...does not make him a christian. As trying not to be judgemental....more than likely he is not saved...or think he is...due to his interest in another guy...Clearly that is not of God...



amybreit -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 8:43:25 AM)

quote:

Hello everyone! My best friend recently told me he is romantically interested in another guy. After he told me I told him I'd rather not discuss it at the time so I could gather my thoughts and be able to respond better.
I'd just like to commend you on this! So many people would've reacted instead of asking for time to respond correctly.



Kat_D -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 10:05:58 AM)

Let's see....what do we tell a loved one when they are on a path that could take them to hell? What did I tell my daughter when she was going to move in with her boyfriend?

I told her exactly what God and His Word say about what she was planning to do and then I told her that while I didn't approve of this lifestyle choice, no matter what choice she made I would always love her.

Then I prayed for her like crazy.



bluestone -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 10:17:04 AM)

A friend of mine is going through a divorce due to her husband's decision to get involved in homosexuality. Neither of them are Christians, yet she told him he was not only cheating on her, but he was cheating on his parents, friends, and God.
Although we are not to stop loving people, we need to make it clear where the Bible and we ourselves stand on this issue.



jaimestarcross -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/2/2008 10:59:05 AM)

Continue being a real friend to him and living out your Christianity in front of him.
His sin is like that of a man or woman who's developed feelings for someone that's married... I've noticed that they too will start aligning themselves with "friends" who give them the 'OK' to sin.

Find the courage to ask your friend about his relationship with the Lord.


*And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.



hispen -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/4/2008 12:41:38 PM)

If you love this friend, you will share the truth of God's love with him with kindness. You will not sugarcoat it, because you care for his soul. You will ask God to open the door to the conversation and give you the words that will speak life and deliverance.

Side note: How is it that this person is your best friend? I'm not sure if you're a babe in Christ or not, but are you aware that 'be not unequally yoked' is not just for marraige, but also for friendships ? I only ask and say this because you say your best friend. I'm curious about this could be.



jn1010lf -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/4/2008 9:26:40 PM)

Hello Darion412

Understand that your friend may be waging a fierce battle. He may be asking for help. Now, if you are secure in your own identity, you may just be he one he needs. You might study the word together and see what it says about this issue. Pray with him. If that doesn't work, there are minstries that help guys with such attractions.

I do believe there is a difference between same sex attractions (SSA)and a full blown practicing gay person. It might help to differentiate that.

Let me say that such issues require much more than simple deliverance. So, I think there is much more involved than a few demons.

Whatever you do, don't reject your friend right now. If it turns out that if he takes up the gay life style and disowns Christ; no repentance, it might be wise to break off the friendship.

May the Lord guide and equip you in this.



Darion412 -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/5/2008 12:44:14 PM)

Thanks for the responses everyone! I basically told him what some of the above posters mentioned. Deciding to pursue this temptation could result in him disowning Christ and if he is going to get closer to another guy, it should be God.

quote:

Side note: How is it that this person is your best friend? I'm not sure if you're a babe in Christ or not, but are you aware that 'be not unequally yoked' is not just for marraige, but also for friendships ? I only ask and say this because you say your best friend. I'm curious about this could be.


So your telling me throughout your entire life as a Christian all of your friends have been spirit filled on fire for Christ Christians? You have never been friends with someone who is a non Christian? I strongly hope your not implying that, because I'm sure at a time every Christian has been friends with someone who is a non Christian. Every Christian has had some sort of relationship with a non Christian. I'm not sure if you misread my post and assumed that I knew my best friend was a homosexual the entire time throughout the friendship. As I stated in my original post, I recently found out he was having homosexual temptations. Recently as in the day I made the post.

quote:

Whatever you do, don't reject your friend right now. If it turns out that if he takes up the gay life style and disowns Christ; no repentance, it might be wise to break off the friendship.
Bingo[:)] If he decides to pursue that life I won't hesitate to end the relationship.



sunshinesoprano -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/7/2008 1:14:09 PM)

I know exactly where you are right now.

In 2002 my best friend came home at Christmas and told me he had kissed a man and that he was sure he was gay. I'd been in love with him for years, so my first reaction was, "This explains a LOT." My next reaction was my response, and I didn't even have to think about it.

We were walking across our local walking bridge, I put my arm around him and said, "We've been friends since we were 13 years old. This won't change that. You know I don't agree with it, but you're still my friend and I still love you and always will." Enough said.

Now, his current boyfriend didn't quite get the same treatment since he was raised by a Baptist preacher and gave me some lame excuse as his justification, but that's irrelevant here.

Be his friend. That won't change anything. Let him know where you stand, but don't judge him. He's not looking for that. Try to show him the truth without condemning him.

I believe my friend is seeking a father figure since his relationship with his dad was rocky. I also think he'll only find that need fulfilled in Christ.

The other thing to do is just PRAY. Let God speak to his heart. You be a vessel of kindness.



hjemerson -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/7/2008 9:42:33 PM)

A friend lovethy at all times! stay a friend He will need them life will be hard for the most part ( have several gay/leb friends) it is not easy life and I know two that have when thur counsling and came back to the true church, Now in many area their is church that openly agree with the life style and see nothing wrong in it, Beening his friend will not be easy for you, many will comdim you also ,



DaveW -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/8/2008 8:05:22 AM)

Pray for your friend. John and Paula Sanford wrote a book that deals with this (among a lot of other things). I do not remember if it is Transformation of the Inner Man or Healing the Wounded Spirit. I am not sure they are in print anymore, you can ask at www.elijahhouse.org their ministry site.

Their idea was that an emotional "magnet" of sorts reversed polarity. This is strictly a picture they use and not supposed to represent a real structure. The normal male to female attraction becomes reversed so the same gender becomes attractive emotionally and eventually sexually. While the person who has this reversal cannot change it themselves, by much prayer and hard work, it can be reversed.



georgerobbyjr -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/8/2008 11:25:52 PM)

quote:

Bingo If he decides to pursue that life I won't hesitate to end the relationship.


Why would you end the friendship? You are not condoning his actions, and you have heard the forementioned saying "love the sinner but hate the sin." Shall we love the sinner yet not associate with him? Who will you witness to if all your friends are christians?

quote:

Side note: I'm not sure if you're a babe in Christ or not, but are you aware that 'be not unequally yoked' is not just for marraige, but also for friendships ?


The fact is that if he isn't a christian, he isn't saved whether he decides he's gay or not. The bible does not tell us to be friends with only christians.

1cor 5:9 "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

I realize it may be difficult for you to accept (assuming he's fully convinced he's gay), but I think so long as he isn't interested in you there shouldn't be a problem remaining friends with him. Pray on it.



Dancre -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/10/2008 10:57:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darion412

Hello everyone! My best friend recently told me he is romantically interested in another guy. After he told me I told him I'd rather not discuss it at the time so I could gather my thoughts and be able to respond better. The reponses he got from his other friends were positive like "its ok" etc. Me being one of his Christian friends, I know homosexual temptation is not "ok". He told me he isnt blatantly openly gay, just starting to become interested in another guy. He was raised in a Christian home but I'm not sure if he is a Christian still. Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this situation?


Ok, I have to jump in on this one. I too have a gay friend and God told me it wasn't his homosexuality that was sending him to hell, it was his rejection of Christ. He told me to walk in love with him just as I do with my straight unsaved friends. Do NOT reject your friend b/c he's gay. He needs you right now. Gay folks go through hell on earth and right now you're the only Jesus he knows. Don't let his homosexuality turn you off. He needs you to shine Jesus to him. If he was straight and wanted to move in with a girl, would you turn him away? God told me Christians today are more concerned about a person's actions as oppose to the state of their soul. Worry about his soul, not his sex life. If you do that, then you'll bring him closer to Christ.

kim



Darion412 -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/11/2008 9:00:19 PM)

Ok georgerobbyjr, your starting to confuse me.
quote:

Why would you end the friendship? You are not condoning his actions, and you have heard the forementioned saying "love the sinner but hate the sin." Shall we love the sinner yet not associate with him? Who will you witness to if all your friends are christians?


I have one person telling me I should NOT continue being friends with this person if the decide to pursue a homosexual life, then I have another person asking me why I would end the relationship.... If I've already witnessed to someone and they willfully reject Christ, your saying I should still pursue a relationship with that person?


quote:

1cor 5:9 "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people

Homosexuality= sexual immorality, but your asking me why would I end the friendship?



pbaribeault -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/11/2008 10:36:33 PM)

When you talk about having "already witnessed" that seems to imply that it is a one time event. You make friends with a non-Christian, then at a good moment you tell the good news... They say yes or no, and that's it?

There are 2 opinions about this, but I'm in the "continue the relationship" camp. This doesn't always mean a deep relationship where you bear your soul, seek counsel and depend on each other emotionally... but a friendship of genuine affection and concern.

You never know if there will be another good moment to share again. The good Shepherd seeks His lost sheep until he finds them... not calls their name once and goes home if they don't answer.

However, keeping company frequently with people who have corrupt morality has the potential to be dangerous to your own faith. Keep strong and deep with the Lord, and walk carefully with your sinning friend.

The verse previously quoted is the Spirit's revelation through Paul that you should not keep company with people who claim to be believers but have an unrepentant immoral lifestyle (including sexual immorality = homosexual activity).

He makes it very clear that it is OK to keep company with unbelievers who are immoral (including sexual immorality = homosexual activity) because all unbelievers are immoral. Presumably (this is my interpretation) because if you don't keep company with anybody who is immoral, than those who are immoral have little chance of hearing the news that will pull them away from the world into the arms of their Father.

Also remember that homosexual temptation is a temptation, not yet a sin.



georgerobbyjr -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/12/2008 12:14:05 AM)

quote:

If I've already witnessed to someone and they willfully reject Christ, your saying I should still pursue a relationship with that person?


Do you only pursue relationships on the basis of whether they will reject Christ or not? I have friends that I genuinely care for that are not saved, I won't cast them aside because they aren't christians. I see no difference in being friends with a gay unbeliever or a straight unbeliever, neither is saved anyway.

quote:

When you talk about having "already witnessed" that seems to imply that it is a one time event. You make friends with a non-Christian, then at a good moment you tell the good news... They say yes or no, and that's it?


You're right, witnessing is more than telling someone the good news, sometimes it takes time.



Darion412 -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/12/2008 4:30:17 AM)

quote:

I'm not sure if you're a babe in Christ or not, but are you aware that 'be not unequally yoked' is not just for marraige, but also for friendships ?


quote:

Do you only pursue relationships on the basis of whether they will reject Christ or not?


No, but as hispen mentioned in the above post, I was under the influence that I should attempt to.

Nonetheless, pbaribeault and georgerobbyjr I see what your saying. [:)]



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/12/2008 1:53:02 PM)

Darion,

If your best friend calls himself a Christian but also practises or claims the homosexual lifestyle, we as Christians are not suppose to associate ourselves with that person. This is done so that the individual will turn back to Christ--not merely to be cruel. In all of your dealings with your friend, you must remember that God wants him to repent and come back. So your point of response should not merely be to comfort your friend, or even "be a good friend" or "understand your friend" but to do what God would have you do, so that He can bring your friend "back" to Christ.

Also, the Bible says, that we can make an attempt to pull a brother out of sin, but that we are to consider ourselves. If you feel you may be tempted or there is even a slight chance, you will have step back, and let others stronger in the faith handle him.



hispen -> RE: My best friend just came out of the closet (7/17/2008 8:19:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darion412 So your telling me throughout your entire life as a Christian all of your friends have been spirit filled on fire for Christ Christians? You have never been friends with someone who is a non Christian? I strongly hope your not implying that, because I'm sure at a time every Christian has been friends with someone who is a non Christian. Every Christian has had some sort of relationship with a non Christian. I'm not sure if you misread my post and assumed that I knew my best friend was a homosexual the entire time throughout the friendship. As I stated in my original post, I recently found out he was having homosexual temptations. Recently as in the day I made the post.


Darion, I asked the questions I did because you stated this person is your best friend. Not one of your friends or someone you know. There is a difference, isn't there? And yes, none of my best friends or close friends are non Christians. Is that a bad thing? Regardless, I do realize that you are hurting for this person's situation and have come to ask for help in that matter. This is sorta off subject so I'll stop here, just wanted to clarify myself and answer the question you asked me.

And, I really do feel for you because I can't imagine the range of emotions I'd be going through if someone close to me came to me and told me what your friend told you. Perhaps there is a divine reason you are this person's friend at this time in his life. I just read someone's post above that included 'a friend loveth at all times' I'd to add ' a brother was born for adversity ' and ' there is one that sticketh closer than a brother'. I pray that through you, your friend finds that person, Jesus Christ.



Page: [1]



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI