It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (Full Version)

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truthrevealed -> It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 1:51:14 PM)

First of all, let me state that I am a married woman. But I'm curious as to how dating has changed over the years---I feel old. Are guys still expected to pay for the date(s) or is that a sexist view today? Is there a such thing as "courting" or once there's an attraction and mutual interest you're automatically "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Even when I was single I never "dated" per se. My now husband and I were together many years before we married so I'm not very familiar with first dates and the such but my son will be dating age in a couple of years. As a woman I expect him to be respectful and courteous to his "date" paying for the date and such....but as a MOTHER, I know how some women can be....taking advantage of the "nice-ness" of a young man and milking him for all it's worth so I've cautioned him........is that fair? what's dating like today?



ChoirDJ -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 2:11:42 PM)

I would expect to pay for the date unless she asked me out and insisted on paying for it herself.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 3:23:35 PM)

That depends...

How old is he?

Does he have his own job?

Is he a Christian?

Is he looking to date casually or is he looking to get married?


These are questions to be answered before an answer can be given but at my age, I would say yes men should be paying.



MWD -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 7:12:26 PM)

It's good for him to grab the check, but if she starts pulling tens out of her wallet and insists on paying half, he should let her, otherwise she'll feel beholden and therefore uncomfortable. Relationships have an asset balance, power balance, and control balance. Skewed too far in one direction, and things start to get uncomfortable. Also, women don't like to be made to feel like they can't self-provide, especially today.

He'll get the hang of it. It takes some practice to be able to get an instantaneous read on the woman's point of view, but he'll get there.



Sideways -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 8:06:58 PM)

I generally think it's best for the man to pay at first, but it's a good thing when the female tries to reciprocate in some fashion after they've been dating for a time. This can be something as little as making a batch of his favorite cookies or preparing a picnic lunch for the two of them to share.

I'd be wary of any women who expected your son to spend big bucks on every date. Women can be gold diggers, and it's not unladylike to offer to pay for a date or go dutch once a dating relationship has been established.



karlie -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (6/30/2008 8:21:17 PM)

I think in this day and age with women having good jobs, the guys shouldn't be expected for pay for everything. When that custom was first begun, most young women didn't even have an income of their own, so the guy had to pay. That's changed now. Often the young women are as well off financially, or at least have as much disposable income as the young guys, so she should offer to pay once in awhile. I know in my daughter's relationship with her boyfriend, they trade off or she offers him some cash when it's time to pay. She never expects him to pay for everything because he doesn't have any more disposable money than she does. I'm glad she contributes.

In the end, I think if you invite someone out, you should be prepared to cover the date(especially if it's a first time date). But, if someone offers to help out, it should be accepted gracefully.



mayfly -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/1/2008 12:56:35 AM)

I think that whoever asks should pay, at least at first. And since I am not the kind of girl who asks guys out, generally speaking I would expect someone I had just started dating to be doing the asking and the paying. I would reciprocate in different ways (like someone else mentioned, baking cookies, preparing a picnic lunch, making dinner for us both, etc). However, once you're in a longer term relationship, I think that both people should be paying equally, unless one person is significantly less wealthy than the other.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/1/2008 1:44:18 PM)

I'm married and past dating too.

But I don't care what year it is. When my sons are grown in 15-20 years, I will expect them to court women with respect and honorable intent (as opposed to casual, purposeless romantic relationships), and to pay if they invite a lady out for dinner. I will also expect them to be smart about who they court and recognize "gold diggers" and needy women early enough to drop them quick. [8D]

It may be 2008, but there are still many people doing the "old fashioned" courtship thing. Many of my friends did that, and the single ones intend to do that.



mayfly -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/1/2008 8:50:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
It may be 2008, but there are still many people doing the "old fashioned" courtship thing. Many of my friends did that, and the single ones intend to do that.

[:)] That's what my FH and I have been doing. Having mostly dated unChristian men before, it was such a nice change to be courted by a gentleman who treats me like a lady.



Sideways -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/1/2008 10:25:58 PM)

Karlie did make a very good point. We live in an age where a lady can make as much if not more then a man, and rightfully so. While an old fashioned relationship would start with the gentlemen taking the lady out (and paying), I can completely understand sharing dating costs once things are established, assuming the lady has a comparable income.

I don't think that "treating a someone like a lady" means footing the bill for every single date.



deermousie -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/2/2008 1:10:43 AM)

Yes, people still do court. Our kid has decided that she will not date but will court the guy who looks like he is "the one." Meanwhile, she'll be hanging out in mixed groups and they can do all kinds of fun things that don't pair them off. We encouraged her regarding this but it is her decision to do it.

Please let me encourage you to introduce the idea to your son not to date at all. Dating is good preparation for divorce (give heart and maybe body away, break up, repeat) and leaves the people wide open to sexual temptation. 1 Cor. 7:1,2 says it's not good for a man to touch a woman.



mayfly -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/2/2008 1:29:45 AM)

Hey deermousie and anyone else, a little off topic (sorry to the OP, I'll make a new thread if you prefer!) but do you happen to have any suggestions for books or links that describe why dating is a bad idea? I have a friend who I think could really benefit from learning about that. She's been in a lot of "going steady" type relationships and had her heart broken by several not-so-nice guys.

More on topic...
quote:

Is there a such thing as "courting" or once there's an attraction and mutual interest you're automatically "boyfriend/girlfriend"?

I am a big fan of "traditional" style dating. The kind that leads to marriage, not just living together or sleeping together (i.e. sin and heartbreak). I don't think that mutual interest and attraction necessarily means you're automatically "boyfriend/girlfriend"--in my experience there's usually some discussion about that. "I like you a lot, wanna be my steady girlfriend?" or something like that.



jaimestarcross -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/2/2008 3:42:10 PM)

Well I believe whoever did the asking should pay... unless you both want to go "dutch" (pay an equal share of the bill.)
If the man is paying regularly I think it's proper for a woman to offer to pay or leave the tip... it depends on how much you are going out for meals or entertainment.

What I liked to do was after going out 2 or 3 times... cook your meals in your own home(invite others over too.) I don't believe in continually spending money to go out each week (I think we should be good stewards of our money in dating too!)



Ps103 -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/5/2008 3:08:15 PM)

When we were dating, Himself paid when we went out. I would reciprocate by cooking dinner for him.

I do think, though, that if *I* had invited him out to a restaurant, I should have paid for that. (But the only place I invted him was to Kate's Restaurant and Grill[:D])



blueshadow -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/5/2008 6:21:44 PM)

My boyfriend is usually the one who comes up with the idea of going someplace, and even if he doesn't he usually wants to pay. I have more money in the bank than he does, so sometimes I won't let him pay..but he really doesn't like it.

It's not a requirement that guys pay, though. Among my friends, I think most of the guys would want to pay. The "official" rule is that whoever asks should pay, I think.



beachcooky -> RE: It's '08 are guys still expected to pay... and other dating questions (7/6/2008 1:54:41 PM)

I think it should be required. Unless I asked the guy out, then I would pay for everything. But since I'm shy, I wouldn't do that ;)
So the guys who ask me out have to pay, ha! No not really. I always offer. But still, I think it's required.



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