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15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 8:56:02 AM
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acm1300
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Hi, I am not a parent but am asking this question to parents. Last night there was a little fight in my home, which is very rare, but it got out of control. I was not home at the time but this is the story that I have gathered so far.
My brother threw a pillow at my sister and then she threw it back. He did not like that so he threw it again with all his might at her face but missed. My mother was there and iguess slapped his arm and yelled at him. He then full out punched her on her shoulder, grabbed her arms so she couldnt move, and stuck his leg up inbetween them so that she couldnt come nearer to him. After a few seconds of my mom yelling at him to let her go he finally pushed her away. She told him to go to his room, so he did and got onto his laptop and started to text on his phone. My mother was so upset that she was crying and shaking. She then did her thing and said that we should go on vacation without her and that she might leave my dad, but that is just talk and she has said it before when she gets upset and she doesnt mean it. She is now scared of my 15 year old brother and he doesnt care.
What should I do, if anything? What could my parents do?
Any help would be great, thank you.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 8:57:33 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1851
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Where was your dad during this?
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 8:58:15 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5437
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Your mother should call the police, as he committed a criminal offence by assaulting her.
How old is he?
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"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 8:59:32 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
Where was your dad during this?
Yes, I was wondering this do.
And what's the deal with her saying she will leave your dad? Is he abusive to her as well?
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:12:53 AM
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acm1300
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No no, my dad is not abusive, he is very nice. She had said that they dont have anything in common anymore, but I still think that she was talking through emotion. My dad was downstairs at the time and did not know what was happening untill my sister went and got him after it was over. Apparently it lasted less than a minute in all acordding to my sister.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:48:47 AM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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What action is your dad taking over this?
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"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:52:07 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2592
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Your mother should call the police, as he committed a criminal offence by assaulting her.
How old is he?
OP said he's 15 years old, and the mom slapped him first, though his response was grossly inappropriate. If my mom hit me at 15, my initial gut reaction would be to slap back. I'm not saying the boy was justified, but she did strike first.
Instead of the police, I think this situation could be handled better by family counseling. The father needs to be brought into the situation, and everybody needs to work on better relationships and discipline.
I don't know what it's like in England, Manda, but the jails in America are massively overcrowded, and they often come out a worse criminal then how they went in. Younger prisoners are sexually assaulted and abused on a regular basis while in jail.
The boy was wrong; I just think there could be another step before throwing him in jail.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:53:01 AM
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bzirk
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quote:
What action is your dad taking over this?
Exactly, what is dad doing?
A boy who does this to his mother is a boy who has not been taught to respect his mother -- or possibly either parent.
Oh, and I also agree with Sideways about calling the police. That's a little Draconian unless the boy has been counseled on this issue and yet continues to threaten his mother physically.
< Message edited by bzirk -- 6/28/2008 10:00:55 AM >
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:54:53 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
The boy was wrong; I just think there could be another step before throwing him in jail.
You mean to say a minor would be jailed for a (presumably) first offence there?
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:56:26 AM
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bzirk
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
The boy was wrong; I just think there could be another step before throwing him in jail.
You mean to say a minor would be jailed for a (presumably) first offence there?
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:57:01 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5437
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
If my mom hit me at 15, my initial gut reaction would be to slap back.
He didn't slap back.
He "full out punched her on her shoulder, grabbed her arms so she couldnt move, and stuck his leg up inbetween them so that she couldnt come nearer to him"
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 9:58:03 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5437
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
Does being arrested there necessarily mean a jail sentence then?
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:00:13 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2982
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
Does being arrested there necessarily mean a jail sentence then?
We have due process, so no, it wouldn't necessarily mean a jail sentence, but it would mean going to court and possibly being sentenced to jail time. But that usually doesn't happen if it gets that far, because parents do not usually want to testify against or to in any way support a police investigation that would put their kids in jail.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:01:29 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2592
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I said what my reaction would be. I already said, Manda, that his reaction was to severe.
The point was that she struck first, and not in any kind of controlled, calm manner. A strong, hormonal young person would be triggered into a "fight or flight" reaction by being struck. It wasn't right, but it was understandable.
Besides, we don't know if this is the first time the mom has physically lashed out at him (probably not); he may've been simply fed up with getting smacked around.
Hence, the suggestion for godly counseling.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:02:51 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5437
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
Does being arrested there necessarily mean a jail sentence then?
We have due process, so no, it wouldn't necessarily mean a jail sentence, but it would mean going to court and possibly being sentenced to jail time. But that usually doesn't happen if it gets that far, because parents do not usually want to testify against or to in any way support a police investigation that would put their kids in jail.
You surprise me that there aren't non-jail alternatives, especially for minors. A minor here would have to be a majorly repeat offender before being sent to a Young Offenders' Instution. They'd be more likely to be given probation, community services, compulsory attendance at, say, anger management classes, and a number of other kinds of non-custodial options.
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:05:02 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2592
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
You surprise me that there aren't non-jail alternatives, especially for minors. A minor here would have to be a majorly repeat offender before being sent to a Young Offenders' Instution. They'd be more likely to be given probation, community services, compulsory attendance at, say, anger management classes, and a number of other kinds of non-custodial options.
We have those things, but conservatives tend to prefer jail time, not alternative programs like what you described. So, often, depending on the political party in power, alternative programs don't get the funding they need.
Conservatives view such things as "soft on crime". Jail time is the way to go, despite all evidence to the contrary. 
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:05:09 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5437
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Just to say, Sideways, that I was regularly slapped and beaten by my mother still at 15, and not once did it occur to me to hit back. What I did do was learn to steel myself and stop myself from crying so that she didn't get the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt me.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 6/28/2008 10:12:23 AM >
_____________________________
"I think my computer needs a "What Manda just said" button." 1mlasp July 2008
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:07:02 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2592
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Just to say, Sideways, that I was regularly slapped and beaten by my mother still at 15, and not once did it occur to me to hit back. What I did do was stop myself crying so that she didn't get the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt me.
I'm sorry you have such a painful past, Manda. I truely am. I still believe that this situation would best be solved by at least attempting counseling as a family. There's more going on here then just a kid lashing at his mom.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:10:58 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2982
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
Does being arrested there necessarily mean a jail sentence then?
We have due process, so no, it wouldn't necessarily mean a jail sentence, but it would mean going to court and possibly being sentenced to jail time. But that usually doesn't happen if it gets that far, because parents do not usually want to testify against or to in any way support a police investigation that would put their kids in jail.
You surprise me that there aren't non-jail alternatives, especially for minors. A minor here would have to be a majorly repeat offender before being sent to a Young Offenders' Instution. They'd be more likely to be given probation, community services, compulsory attendance at, say, anger management classes, and a number of other kinds of non-custodial options.
That's probably what would happen here, but it would be a huge upheaval in the family not to mention the expense and the family's personal business exposed to the public. That's why most people don't want to call the police. Plus, we don't know the circumstances enough to prompt someone to call the police.
That aside, it's disturbing when a child is this disrespectful to a parent. There's no question that counseling is needed. I strongly suspect that this child has been taught to disrespect this parent, and yes, I look to the parent(s) for this situation. They have created it more than likely. That's why the parents are the ones who need counseling probably more than the kid.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:12:03 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2982
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Just to say, Sideways, that I was regularly slapped and beaten by my mother still at 15, and not once did it occur to me to hit back. What I did do was stop myself crying so that she didn't get the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt me.
I'm sorry you have such a painful past, Manda. I truely am. I still believe that this situation would best be solved by at least attempting counseling as a family. There's more going on here then just a kid lashing at his mom.
Absolutely. Kids don't usually just lash out like this.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:13:43 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1851
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: online
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quote:
We have those things, but conservatives tend to prefer jail time, not alternative programs like what you described. So, often, depending on the political party in power, alternative programs don't get the funding they need.
Conservatives view such things as "soft on crime". Jail time is the way to go, despite all evidence to the contrary.
However, they do not go to jail with adults. They go to juveneille centers which are quite different and do involve counseling, etc. My hubby was in law enforcement for several years and dealt with a lot of juveneilles.
But all this is probably off-topic.
Again, to the OP, how did your father handle the situation when he found out what your brother did to your mother?
_____________________________
<<< Pretty wildflowers my hubby picked for me
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
My Space
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:16:53 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2982
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
Again, to the OP, how did your father handle the situation when he found out what your brother did to your mother?
Exactly, this is the key question.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 10:28:35 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
You surprise me that there aren't non-jail alternatives, especially for minors. A minor here would have to be a majorly repeat offender before being sent to a Young Offenders' Instution. They'd be more likely to be given probation, community services, compulsory attendance at, say, anger management classes, and a number of other kinds of non-custodial options.
We have those things, but conservatives tend to prefer jail time, not alternative programs like what you described. So, often, depending on the political party in power, alternative programs don't get the funding they need.
Conservatives view such things as "soft on crime". Jail time is the way to go, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Do you know how many kids go to jail for an offense like this, and especially if it's the first time? Almost none, and as for "conservatives" advocating jail time all the time or even most of the time, do you know that for a fact? I am a "conservative" who has worked in the legal system and also worked on a lot of political campaigns (20 years worth in Dallas, Texas of all places,) and I know many other conservatives (legions of them) who do not feel as you describe. BTW, I know (and yes, also like) a lot of "liberals" too.
Sadly, the mainstream news media likes to paint conservatives as unfeeling neanderthals, and alternative news media likes to paints "liberals" as emotional airheads devoid of logic. I try not to make make sweeping statements about "liberals" just because some in the media want me to. I hope you will refrain from doing that to "conservatives."
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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If the police on the doorstep didn't phase him, I wouldn't press charges but would take him down to the station the next morning and ask them to give him a little "tour", and make it clear to him that if there was a next time, his very own loving mother *would* press charges and he would find himself in court and then possibly in juvenile hall. Or military school.
