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Row1 -> RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking (6/20/2008 11:25:26 AM)
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super nanny: yes, watch her. you can buy the dvds - or maybe borrow thru netflix or something.
i have worked in child treatment centers. with kids who were behavior problems etc. ages potty-trained up to 17. we never spanked or hit any child. we achieved results through other 'parenting' strategies.
so, i and all other people who have been successful parenting/disciplining 'bad' kids in a treatment setting know that you don't need to hit or spank.
we had kids change their behavior to: speak respectfully; get their schoolwork done; address emotional issues; 'play well with others;' quit cursing; quit skipping school; quit fighting; focus longer; sit still in chair during class; don't interrupt; help clean up; etc.
of course, the 'head' of all of these treatment centers was always some kind of professional who gave everyone a 'label' like adhd, so we all acted as if we were 'treating adhd.'
these kids weren't 'cured' of 'adhd' etc.
they went home, and the parents and school usually saw the same problems emerge again. why? because it is not the kid who needs to change as much as it is the parents that need to change.
if a kid does have adhd, or whatever, meds might be appropriate. but top-notch parenting is also required. a pill won't make a kid speak respectfully, or follow through on homework or cleaning their room. you watching over them and accepting nothing less than a complete job, each and every time, will teach them those things.
also, when these kids were on 'meds', everyone thought the improvement was due to finding the right pill. but, alack and alas, the 'meds' always seemed to 'lose their effectiveness,' and so the parent and doc would go try another med.
for some reason, the parents did not listen when staff would say: have consistent rules, have high expecations, be a role model, spend quality time with the child, know what is going on in school, don't ever miss a chance to discipline, reward good behavior, be consistent, don't do drugs yourself, don't fight with your spouse, etc.
and the parents never came to us front-line staff and said: how do you make my kid obey you, when my kid won't obey me at home? can you tell me your secret?
that is why i like super nanny. she works with the kids just enough to model for the parents. her main effectiveness is getting the parents to parent differently through her coaching and education.
keep reading these recommended books, and other parenting books, and keep it in your mind that you can totally raise a child without ever having to hit or spank. you can if you want, and do it in the right way, but you don't have to.
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