Why Am I Such a Failure? (Full Version)

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womanoffire1 -> Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 12:55:40 AM)

This may sound like a juvenile question for some of you more mature christians...

But I was wondering if anyone has ever went through a point in your walk with God where nothing you did seemed to work out right? If so how did you overcome it?

Here's my story......I might be losing my Job. My boss told me today that I am so incompetent at what I do, that she believes there may be something medically wrong with me.

I really took this remark hard in that I got this Job only after looking for employment for 4 years and being fired from two of the four temp jobs that worked in the meantime. This is my first real full-time Job.

I am really trying hard but I just can't seem to get this job right. It only makes matters more confusing to know that this is a lower-level job as a bank teller and I hold a Master's Degree. I know i'm not dumb.

But what can I do right? Has anyone ever gone through this. Please enlighten me.

By the way i pay my tithes, read my word, fast etc. I know that I am not cursed. What's wrong with me?



crankius -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 1:14:43 AM)

I was logged out and logged back in just to answer your question.

Just today I thought to myself that I am an utter failure. I had made a flyer and left out some things...grrr [:@] I'm definitely a perfectionist, which is a struggle for me. I try and try and over and over again I am faced with the fact that I am not perfect! This is a good thing!

God uses the imperfect to show His Glory. If I were perfect in every way, I could then boast in myself. As it is, I can only say "Thanks be to God for His grace and mercy!"


About your specific situation, it seems that you just haven't found the right niche for you. It could also be that you have some specific things to learn about yourself that will make you a better employee in the future. Some criticism we can ignore, but some criticism we should listen to. Only you can really examine the criticism and see if it has some merit or not.

Don't stay discouraged. Use this as an opportunity to examine yourself, seek the Lord, and see if there are things the Lord wants you to learn or do differently.



Roberta_ -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 1:23:42 AM)

Your boss was out of line! Unless she is a medical professional, she had no right to say that.

As far as your job, it may not be the right job for you. Maybe God has other plans for you?

Loosing a job doesn't make one a failure. It just means that you lost a job. Maybe it is the right job for you, but at the wrong bank - meaning maybe you need to go to work at a different branch or bank altogether. Maybe it's the wrong job for you at the right bank - meaning maybe there is something else in that location that you are better suited for.



seekingwisdom -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 1:34:07 AM)

I had the same bad experiences in temp jobs and after losing quite a few it was hard NOT to think there must be something wrong with ME until I took a long hard look at each job and each situation and realized each time I was put in pretty much a no win situation. I think most temp jobs ARE temp jobs because there is already something wrong with who ever it is you are going to work for be it, they dont want to hire because they dont want to pay benefits, or the person in charge is very difficult to work for and can not keep employees, OR the job is a real dud that no one wants to do long term.

I had some bad experiences as well in full time jobs and when I took a long look at that i realized that I was always taking what was available and never giving myself any kind of choice in the matter because I didn't have a college education. When I realized I could make better choices if I was willing to go back to school, I then looked at what fields were stable in our economy, made a wise choice based on that, (medical transcription) went to school for it, got a job in it and now Im stable in employment, happy and feel like I am always exceeding in it. Failure isn't even in the picture any more. I have control now. Before, i always was putting myself in situations where I didn't.

So in a nutshell, what Im trying to say is...maybe it's NOT YOU who is the failure but the situations and choices you are settling for? If that makes sense. That's what I found out for myself anyways.

Hope that helps and I'll say some prayers you find something better in the future!

SW



timf -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 8:06:36 AM)

Why Am I Such a Failure?

Sometimes things go wrong because of what we do. Sometimes things go wrong because of what other people do. Sometimes we don't "succeed" because the Lord keeps us humble (Psalm 73).

In an employment situation, a manager can look at the difficulty an employee is having and make the following assessment;

1. Poor training
2. Poor motivation
3. Poor tools
4. Poor instruction
5. Poor supervision
6. Conflict with coworkers
7. Tasks exceed ability

Numbers 1 through 6 lie within the managers ability to correct. Often people are fired because of the manager's shortcomings.

If your boss does not give you a clear idea of what the problem is and what needs to be done to fix it, you may have to ask coworkers to help. Sometimes others are willing to compensate for a poor manager. If you do have a clear idea of what you need to do, but find you are unable to do it, then it becomes a question of can you learn to do it in time, or do you need to find a job where you can fulfill the requirements.

One possibility is that the comments from your boss sound pretty intense. There could be something personal about her attitude and that can create a real difficult work environment.

As a Christian, you know the sustaining grace of our Lord. Regardless of the circumstances He will never leave us. We know our country is rapidly turning its back on Jesus and as a result people are going to get very mean to each other. You may encounter even more strange situations.

If there is something you can improve, do so. If you have a medical condition, have it treated (You may be able to get your boss to pay for it). However, if your boss is just a flake, smile and nod and keep trusting that the Lord will care for you.



womanoffire1 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 8:48:54 AM)

I thank all of you that took the time to answer my post.

SeekingWisdom: I can defintely concure with your experience with temp jobs. That is also what I found which is the reason I decided to take a permanent full-time position even though it was at lower position than I was qualified to work.

Here is what really stings for me. The reason why I was fired from those temp jobs and the on the verge this job is because I have a problem paying attention to detail. I'm really trying to get better at this but I wonder is there hope. If I don't learn how to pay attention to detail I don't think there is any job that I can work. Is my lack of attention to detail due to my lack of real experience on the Job. Or, is it because I truly do have a learning disability in this area that I need to address. But then again how did I make it through college?

Timf: My boss is a christ believing woman. The comment she made wasn't in a way to degrade, but rather she is so confused about the matter that she too is trying to help me figure it out. I guess only time will tell rather it is just me or me needing a different type of job that needs correcting.

I know that as a christian I am not supposed to worry. However, I just bought a new car with this job, and I have bills at home that are dependent on me working.

Even more confusing is the fact that I prayed really hard before accepting this Job because I didn't want another bad experience to add to my resume. Now this is happening. I don't know what is going on.

All of you that can, please pray with me on today that God will intervene in this matter.



Roberta_ -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 8:51:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: womanoffire1
All of you that can, please pray with me on today that God will intervene in this matter.


I sure will!



Lufia -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 9:16:06 AM)

Me too



seekingwisdom -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 12:18:19 PM)

In this new information your boss sounds like a good manager. She sincerely seems to want to help by suggesting you seek medical attention then.

I know from my line of work that she may be suggesting you might have attention deficit disorder. This is rather simple to check out. All you need to do is go to your family physician and tell him that you are wondering if you have this disorder. He may give you a test or he may just ask questions. If he thinks the diagnosis could very well be ADD then he will start you on medication (one of them is called Adderall) and after taking it for a period of time (usually three months) he should ask you to return and discuss your progress.

I thought I had this problem myself because I have had problems with details in the past too. What I found for me is that it was not an attention problem but an INTEREST problem. I know now from experience if I am not interested in my work then no amount of ADDERALL or any other kind of medication could ever help me! lol.

Continuing to say prayers for you and your situation.

SW



_CANCELLED_ -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 3:36:11 PM)

I spent 5 years as a national certified medical assistant when I was fired by the new nurse manager after reporting a serious problem on our floor. It endangered both a patient and myself but when I told her of it, she said I was a whiner. From that moment on, she couldn't stand me--although, I had no problems with other colleagues. When I lost my job I lost my confidence. I've been working so hard to try to get it back but I feel almost emotionally (?) crippled in this respect. It was my first job as I had spent my children's lives raising them at home instead of working outside the home. I went to school for almost 2 years for this job. I can really relate to you here. I'm not sure how to answer it however but I will keep you in my prayers about it.



psende -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 5:26:52 PM)

Perhaps some of the skills you learned in order to become a successful student have not transferred to real-life skills. One doesn't obtain a Master's degree without attention to detail; so you have the skills. But if, in your mind, there is a disconnect between school and real life, you may be in a school break mode, and are lax where you should not be. If you are not naturally attentive to detail, it is something you will have to apply yourself to. Prepare your mind to go to work like you go to school.

Just a suggestion, of course.



colliefan -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 8:59:12 PM)

First of all forums isn't the place to diagnose a medical conndition, A neurological condition may have developed since you earned your Master's degree, Your state voc/rehab could be a good place to start,

This aside Robert McGee's "Search for Significnace" may be of help.



Femme -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 9:24:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: womanoffire1

This may sound like a juvenile question for some of you more mature christians...

But I was wondering if anyone has ever went through a point in your walk with God where nothing you did seemed to work out right? If so how did you overcome it?

Here's my story......I might be losing my Job. My boss told me today that I am so incompetent at what I do, that she believes there may be something medically wrong with me.

I really took this remark hard in that I got this Job only after looking for employment for 4 years and being fired from two of the four temp jobs that worked in the meantime. This is my first real full-time Job.

I am really trying hard but I just can't seem to get this job right. It only makes matters more confusing to know that this is a lower-level job as a bank teller and I hold a Master's Degree. I know i'm not dumb.

But what can I do right? Has anyone ever gone through this. Please enlighten me.

By the way i pay my tithes, read my word, fast etc. I know that I am not cursed. What's wrong with me?


I'm curious.. is it just the job, or is this just "one more thing"? I know some jobs are the best fits for us.. (I personally, couldn't do the teller thing AT all.. and yet, my daughter was a whiz at it.. she even took on doing the merchant teller.)

Is it possible this just isn't a good fit?




If it's just "one more thing" then maybe backing off and finding something not as stressful might be a help.

It's got to be discouraging for you. I sure can understand that.

I think it was inappropriate for your supervisor to make medical judgments.

Don't do yourself a disservice in connecting trouble in a job with being a failure over all.



womanoffire1 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 10:06:06 PM)

quote:

I thought I had this problem myself because I have had problems with details in the past too. What I found for me is that it was not an attention problem but an INTEREST problem


This may be the problem. I certainly must agree.

And I also agree with this statement:
quote:

Is it possible this just isn't a good fit?


I must admit I love the people I work with and the bank customers, but I hate what I do. I don't like all the security percautions, the surprise audits, sales goals.....sometimes it feels like I am in prison.
I'm a creative person. I love to write poems and things like that. However, with the economy in such a slump, I don't feel that I can afford to "do what I love." And even if I did; How will I find a Job in my field before I am forced to?

I do know this about myself; I follow and pay attention to what I am passionate about. The problem is when the passion is NOT there and there is no way to find the passion before the car note is due. I know that most others work in fields that are not their first choice and they make it work....Why can't I just do that?



colliefan -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 10:21:32 PM)

quote:

I do know this about myself; I follow and pay attention to what I am passionate about.


Would knowing you are working for God and not just the bank change your passion?



womanoffire1 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 10:40:13 PM)

Oh yes. When I ministering to people through my poems I just feel plain good. But at this time, poetry doesn't pay. I wish I had enough faith to just jump out there and do something wild and crazy like that. But I have a family to think about.

At this point I would even take working for a Non-profit but even those jobs are few and far in between. And, in my experience (as an intern) they practice some of the same dirty politics that the Banks and private sector does.

Why can't I just find a Job that does something positive. One in which I flow easily with....and get paid enough to live.



Liveloved -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/18/2008 11:10:46 PM)

womanoffire1,
I read your OP but not all the other responses so if I've missed out on alot of information, I'm sorry. But I did want to respond.

I am wondering if you're suffering from depression. Depression displays itself in different ways in different people but definitely the inability to focus on details could be a manifestation of this.

I think your boss was trying to help you by suggesting you explore medical reasons for your struggle. Take her advice and seek out a professional.

You are not a failure. You are God's beloved! Believe Him and seek for a solution. There is one. Cry out to Him for answers.

My husband was sick for a number of years and finally one night just said, "Lord, if there is something you can show me to help me become well, please do!" The next Sunday had an article on little diagnosed illnesses including celiac disease. We read the symptoms and it was like reading my husband's life experience. We said thank You, God, and have been on a gluten free diet ever since and my husband is now well!
So just cry out to Him for an answer! And I'm praying He gives you the help you need! Bless you, dear one![sm=heart.gif][sm=hug.gif] LL



lightshineon -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 8:41:59 AM)

I think that you have such a fear of failure, that you fail. I have had that before, it is tormenting and bossess and other employees pick up on this. How is you personality? Is it friendly, flexiable, are you neat in apperance? These are just thoughts. I am sure you are not dumb, set-backs. Ask a trusted friend to evaluate you honestly, with kindness.



deermousie -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 11:19:14 AM)

(((Hugs))) to you, dear one. I've been in your shoes for most of my life and it's so discouraging. Hang in there - there is help, and God is first in line.

Ask God what He wants you to do, and if there is obvious sin in your life (there might not be; we all sin, but God doesn't show us the whole picture at once but deals with things 1-2 at a time) then confess and repent it (say you sinned and turn around and stop doing it) and rejoice that you are forgiven and that He loves you and isn't going to leave you to rot in your problems. Our problems are trials that God allows so He can heal us of our problems. Embrace it!

Here's a hard one: thank God that He knows your situation, is allowing it, and is going to teach you some really cool stuff about His goodness and faithfulness to you. Look at Rom 8: 28 and don't forget 29 - the middle part might be hard but He will bring good from it all in the end. Trust the Great Surgeon to not cut out anymore than is needed but will heal you. Trust Him for your life! Jesus is the author and *perfecter* of your faith. This is good news!

Talk to your pastor (or some mature Christian you trust) and ask him what things you could be working on in your life to improve it (we all need to improve somewhere). Ask him what you might be doing that is harmful, and how to do differently. Then listen like your life depended on it


quote:

ORIGINAL: womanoffire1
I know that as a christian I am not supposed to worry. However, I just bought a new car with this job, and I have bills at home that are dependent on me working.


Sell the car. If you bought it new from the dealer, you are going to take thousands of dollars of loss on it, but it you get it repossessed you could lose more. Then buy an older but reliable car (preferably one that just got a new engine and transmission and will be good for another 5-10 years).

Find ways to reduce your bills dramatically so you don't have creditors pounding on your door. Lower your rent by finding a cheaper place and get roommates (single gals from church are a good bet). Lower your living costs: ditch the cable TV, ditch any magazine subscriptions, don't eat in restaurants and start leaning towards a vegetarian diet because you can eat like a king for cheap. Drop DSL if you have it. Cut all the unnecessary extras out of your life.

You need a place to sleep, bathe and cook food. Find a way to do it cheap. Maybe rent an old mobile home in a park? Does anyone in your church rent out rooms? Let people know you are looking; many people are hurting financially right now because of the economy and getting a boarder could fix your problem and theirs. [:)]

All this will take a lot of the pressure off you. When you get a better job then pick up the luxuries as you can. Don't buy a car less than 2 years old or you're just paying depreciation and throwing your money away. Read the book on buying cars smart called "Don't Get Taken Every Time." It was an eye-opener for us. Read Dave Ramsey's books on finances, too - he's great!

Get on the computer and look up ADD - you sound a lot like me, and that's what it turned out to be. Check yourself: are you right handed, right footed and right eyed? If it's mixed left and right, the brain gets really confused and it shows up in many areas of our lives (like not being able to do details). Some people wear a patch on the left eye to force the right eye to be dominant, and put an ear plug in the left ear to force the right ear to be dominant. Or go all left if that's what your body wants. This really helps!

God bless you, dear one. This is not the end but the beginning of something wonderful God has for you. Be reading your Bible every day, and cry out to God for help. Let people at church know you are hurting and accept their help and ministrations to you. Your life is about to get a lot better, and God delights to do that for you as you follow Him. You won't be God's first mistake - He's never made any mistakes!

I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))



seekingwisdom -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 12:05:16 PM)

AH okay. You got your masters degree in a category that fits into creative art. You are right brained. Numbers= LEFT BRAIN. I know this so well because my Dad was an accountant and all my life tried to pushed me in math and wanted me to become an accountant even though when it came to anything to do with MATH I failed completely and anything to do with WORDS I passed with flying colors.

It's a fact that RIGHT BRAINED people seldom do well in LEFT BRAINED jobs.

I completely think now you're doing the wrong job.

Another problem creative people have is depression that they can not make money at what they do best, so they take what they can thinking they can make it fit, but that doesn't work either. What I had to do at the age of nearly FOURTY was take a good look at where the jobs were in this country after 9/11 and then pick something that I could sink my right brain into. For me that was Medical Transcription because it deals in WORDS. big time. I love it. But there are other things out there that I think I would have been suited for too. This just worked out. You just have to look for those types of jobs where you can use what you excell at. Then like me failure wont even be in the picture any more and attention to detail will be as easy as breathing.

Seriously!

SW



womanoffire1 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 5:35:44 PM)

SeekingWisdom you are something else. Your are really encouraging and gave me a lot to think about. I think that I felt so stressed about the matter because I'm the only one in the department with this issue.

Made me really feel like a dummy. Most of the others do have banking experience and I don't. Maybe the others are just good with numbers and details and I am not. My boss even mentioned that I am like a circle trying to fit into a square peg. It just won't work.

The problem is finding out where I can fit (as a circle) before my bills are due.

I will say this: you guys have really encouraged me. Deermousie, I really did feel like a mistake. It was confirmation from God that you mentioned that in your post.

God keeps pressing the scripture about knowing the Plans that he has for my life....I just wish he would tell me those plans.

And .......I did look up ADD and really don't know what to think of it. It does sound like me. However, I don't know rather to accept it as a real medical issue or just a symptom of being bored.

To all: What are some good careers for those with a problem paying attention to detail? Or that are more creative.



Walker311 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 6:06:27 PM)

quote:

To all: What are some good careers for those with a problem paying attention to detail? Or that are more creative.


It is easier to pay attention to something that you are interested in.

I am studying topics that are necessary for me to get a promotion. I am having great difficulty because it is so boring and uninteresting whereas someone else may really enjoy it.

We all have bills but you do not need to get bogged down financially and stuck in a job that does not suit you.

If you have a masters, you should be able to find something closer to your interests and make more money than a teller makes.



Fulllife76 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 11:04:45 PM)

I'm praying for you. May God give you favor in every area of your life.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/19/2008 11:28:00 PM)

womanoffire,

The first thing you should realize that God takes no pleasure in you beating yourself up when you make mistakes. Do you have a childhood experience or life experience with someone important in your life critizising you? This has a big psychological effect. Whenever you do something wrong, and someone fumes, you are instantly transported back to that time in your life when you were critizcized unmercifully by someone of great importance in your life.

How do you fight back against it?

1. Stop the negative self-talk. Immediately.
2. Stop the negative self-talk (no I did not make a mistake typing this twice).
3. God has made you capable. Who are you to argue, the Bible says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
4. Strive for excellence. In EVERYTHING. Not just work. How you live your life carries over into work. Create a routine, a schedule, a budget, start exercising. Determine that everything you do will be your best.
5. After your best, leave God to the rest. Let mistakes go.
6. DO NOT FEAR. So important. Read Psalms 27 Today. Do not fear people most of all.
7. Do not fear people. The proverbs says, "The fear of man brings a snare, but those who trust in the Lord will be safe."
8. Determine NOT to fear ANYONE in your life. Evaluate in your daily interactions with people, whether you are motivated by fear or a sense of excellence and service unto God. If you are actively seeking to please people you will always be afraid. Always.
9. Take pride in your work, no matter whether it suits you or not. Sometimes, desparate times makes for desperate means. But, do keep doing what you love. Carve away time after work and on the weekends for it and for ministry.
0. Trust in the Lord and pray to Him with all of your heart. Pour yourself out to God and I promise you, He will answer. I mean, lay out everything on the table. Fast.
1. Be methodical. Make lists and write down instructions. Jot down verbal directives if you have a short memory or attention span. Keep a notepad nearby.
2. Do not lose your joy. After you have done all to stand. Rejoice. Praise and Worship God.

You are near to my heart and I will pray for you.

[:)]



Annie64 -> RE: Why Am I Such a Failure? (6/22/2008 2:26:53 AM)

Womanoffire,
I just read through this thread and wanted to reply, because I want to encourage you. I hope things have gotten better for you.

I have a thought that might on the surface not seem very encouraging, but I hope it will help you. You said, "I pay my tithes, read my word, fast, etc." Many times we believe that if we're doing everything right, God is supposed to bless us. But that may not be true, or it may be that the blessings are not what we think they are. The problems you are experiencing at work are either not related to your relationship to God, or He is using it to work in your life something greater in the end. Even if what you're going through is terrible, and it is, if you can see yourself as clay in His hands, and see this as a stepping stone in making you like Him, then maybe it will make it easier to go through.

In the meantime, get yourself checked out. If your boss said what she said out of genuine concern, it is certainly reasonable to act on it. And dust off your resume and maybe see a career counselor to see what may be a better fit for you.



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