Children Without Fathers (Full Version)

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Focusing -> Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 12:08:41 PM)

There are many statistics and polls and opinions, but for this discussion I am referring to this particular link

Facts on Fatherless Kids


I am curious what others think when they read these results.

If you are a single mother, do you find it discouraging? As a single mom myself, I sure do. It was never my goal to raise a child on my own. My goal as a parent is to raise a child who loves the Lord, and will be a productive part of society once he reaches the age of majority.

Are there sources out there that anyone can share that lend encouragement for those of us raising children on our own? Yes, I read my Bible, and I am extremely fortunate to have wonderful mentors that include current and former Sunday school teachers ... but when a pastor uses sources such as the one linked, I can't help but feel downcast and insufficient as a parent, as if I'm intentionally letting my child down. I don't know if the goal in using such statistics is to encourage the men to stand up and be responsible leaders in the home, but I do know other single moms who have walked out of sermons such as this. I don't want to get slammed for the emotions that overcome me when I read information like this, and I most certainly do not have a goal to run out and find a man to marry simply so I'm not doing this on my own, but some encouragement sure would be appreciated.

Anyone?

Being a single mom and reading statistics like this really stinks. [&o] I want to do the absolute very best that I can.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 12:19:57 PM)

I don't find this disheartening for myself because I don't like to think of myself as a statistic. My children are beautiful, brilliant, well rounded, and incredibly blessed.

I think stats like this are what makes people think of 'poor single mother' or 'poor fatherless kids' causing unecessary sympathy or scorn.

I also wonder how many of the people polled were in Christian families. I don't know any Christian men who aren't beating themselves to be there for this kids as often as possible.

Sam...it's okay. Just keep doing what you're doing and rely on you Father. He'll take care of you and yours. [sm=hug.gif]



PrincessDonna -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 12:29:57 PM)

quote:

I am curious what others think when they read these results.


What I think when I read that link is that it all sounds hopeless. But you have to remember...the world doesn't have GOD and you and your children do! There are many different reasons that mothers become single mothers, and God is bigger than every single one of them. Cling to Him!

IMO, a pastor should not be using those kind of facts to motivate people. That is a scare tactic. Fathers need to be fathers because they love their children and want them to grow up in a Godly way. When those fathers are absent, mom needs to be especially encouraged and lifted up in prayer and practical ways. The things on that "facts" list are symptoms of the problem. They are not the problem. A good pastor will be training all in his flock to get to the roots of those problems.

Many prayers for you single parents. I'm not one, but I carry a burden for you and your children.



reach -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 1:34:39 PM)

My Nephew has no father in his life, but he lived full time with my Dad (his grandfather) when growing. Many people comment that he does not have the issues that some single parent kids do, and I think that is why.



WesP -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 2:11:18 PM)

Sam,

Perhaps, my post will not provide comfort, but I certainly hope that it will. I am a single parent of 4 children. Granted, I am their father, but I believe the dynamics are equivalent. Following the reduction of the influence of their mothers, my children excelled in behavior and learning. While my oldest 2 see their mother again, I recognize the negative influence provided through her total disregard for morality. Even so, my oldest still seek to return to my house in time to go to church on Sunday evenings. That is just an example of how they desire things that are lacking in the other household.

In essence, your direction and teaching of God's Word is the determining factor in helping your children to overcome the statistics presented in that article. There is no room for despair! God takes care of us and provides what is necessary to combat the worldly things that conspire against us. Persevere! God bless and keep you and your family.



Focusing -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 3:07:14 PM)

Thanks Tink ... I don't like to think of myself as a statistic either. I think I'm doing a better job raising my son on my own than some of the married couples I know are doing raising their children together.

quote:

I think stats like this are what makes people think of 'poor single mother' or 'poor fatherless kids' causing unecessary sympathy or scorn.

Bingo! Scorn ... that's the word for it. It makes me go [sm=fireanger.gif].


Donna, thank you! Sometimes it does feel hopeless (to me).


Wes, thank you for your input. I have a friend who is a single father and has custody of his 4 kids. I don't know how he does it. In fact, I don't know how any of us do it sometimes. [&:]

quote:

There is no room for despair!

I think I'm going to print that out and paste it where I can see it all the time.



bzirk -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 3:34:09 PM)

Focusing,

When I read your post, a couple of things came to mind that are beneficial for you to be focusing on:

quote:

Philippians 4

8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Psalm 27

1The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?


I'd read the rest of that Psalm if I were you. Might be helpful to print it up and have it where you can see it often, since you and I and everyone else are often barraged with the world's view of things. If we don't want to drown in the world's view of things, we have to consume what the Lord has said and often.

This is my prayer for you:

quote:

Romans 15

13Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.



MyMasquerade -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 4:49:33 PM)

I rebuke that in the name of Jesus.

I take very good care of my daughter and I am with her more than some people who have both parents at home.



SteveSund -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 8:20:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focusing
Being a single mom and reading statistics like this really stinks. [&o] I want to do the absolute very best that I can.



After 10 years as a children's therapist, I can tell you that those statistics are generally true. Those kids start off with a big disadvantage. That being said, there are single parents that rise above the statistics. The fact that you are aware of this and seem to put your kids first tells me that you have what it takes to help them be productive.



drmomjoyce -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 9:30:18 PM)

I too am a single parent thru adopting my 4yo son earlier this year. And i i had a 6 month time of deep considerating my decision. Had i been married I would have persued the adoption without hesitation. I too have heard the stats and stats, I believe, are no guarantee in life. What other factors have caused this wave of stats, I ask. And as someone said earlier, you have God on your side so the worldly stats can be put aside. The only thing i would learn from them is to be aware of potential risks (if you want to call them that) and help your kids thru it. As my minister prayed when my son came home, God is the perfect parent in this relationship and i am a sinful broken mother. Hold on to your and their perfect Father and He will bless you and make the stats irrelevant.

May God bless you in your amazing and difficult job.
Joyce



PrincessDonna -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 9:34:33 PM)

quote:

As my minister prayed when my son came home, God is the perfect parent in this relationship and i am a sinful broken mother. Hold on to your and their perfect Father and He will bless you and make the stats irrelevant.


ALL parents are sinful and broken, in their own ways. Satan wants single parents to already feel "less than" because usually when we believe something about ourselves and our children, we're really good at making that come to pass all on our own. If that something is negative...well, then obviously, negative results will likely happen. We struggle with this in our own "unique" family, even with two parents who love God and live in the same home.

If you are a single parent, you are not less than anyone else. God loves you, and the church ought to be loving you as well. Even if you are a single parent as the result of your own sin, if you have repented and accepted forgiveness, then you can hold your head up high, do the best you can, trust God for the rest, and kick the destroyer right out of your life and the lives of your children. He has no power over you.



bzirk -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 9:35:38 PM)

Amen.



makarizo -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/17/2008 10:09:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna

...the world doesn't have GOD and you and your children do!

a great big amen to that!!!
I don't believe God ever intended for children to grow up in one parent homes.... but saying that doesn't change the fact that it is.

so as a follower of Christ.... I want to make myself available & what I think of when I read those results is.........my very 1st thought was *barak obama was raised in a single parent house*



lexie -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/18/2008 9:11:12 AM)

quote:

But you have to remember...the world doesn't have GOD and you and your children do!


I agree with this fully!

We have many single mothers in my family (and one father who has no contact with his child). The single mothers are not in the church and while we can foresee a few problems with the kids (most of them are young), we don't foresee those issues mentioned in the link happening. One nephew who is a teenager, though he has had a few issues with academic performance, has his head on pretty straight considering the background he comes from. We do however, see a trend coming (we won't be surprised if these children have children out of wedlock - one already has two at a pretty young age)

We lost one fatherless child to violence, but again, there was no church there.

One mother was in the church until her husband passed away, and she left. But I think a lot of what she learned while in the church (her husband was a pastor) has stuck with her. Her children are doing extremely well, are very respectful and defy all the statistics. She has given those children everything she can (their father died when the kids were young so she has done most of the child-rearing.)

Your children have a heavenly Father who loves them, who loves you and who will care and provide for all. That is what is most important in fighting those statistics.

(This is an issue that is huge to my husband, and he is trying very hard to fight, especially in his own family.)



buckifn -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/18/2008 9:24:45 AM)

I deal with a lot of the reality behind these statistics, so I know it is true to some degree.

However, take this example-
Nationally, 29.7 percent of children living with a never-married mother and 21.5 percent of children living with a divorced mother have repeated at least one grade in school, compared to 11.6 percent of children living with both biological parents. (quote from the article you cited)

What else that is saying is that along with the 29.7 who struggle is that there are 70.3 who do NOT have this problem.

So when you think about it the statistics could be used as an encouragement for those who are trying their best to do the right thing under extremely difficult circumstances.

Pray to God every day for guidance and trust Him to teach you how to give your kids the best training possible. The rest we have to leave to God.



RichNay -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/18/2008 11:19:27 AM)

Well, hopefully you will find this encouraging. My mum was a single mother (and an abusive one at that!) My dad died before i was born, so I never even met him. Despite the "statistics" I am happily married, my husband and I own our own business and are HEAVILY involved in ministry in our church (we teach sunday school, lead AWANA, run a "mum's morning out" program, lead childrens church, help out in the nursery, usher etc...) Not too bad for someone who won't be 23 til July! ( I also do not drink, have NEVER smoked[:'(] or done drugs, nor was I sexually active.)

Not having a Dad made me sad a few times (basically whenever there was some sort of father daughter event happening.) But I never thought of it as a huge deal. I think that's one thing my mum did right, she never made me dwell on the fact that I didn't have a father. I learned that to get the things I wanted (ie. university) I had to work hard (well, and trust God obviously) From what I have seen I am a lot better off then most of the dual parent kids I graduated with. I am independent because I can't run home to Mummy and Daddy to save me.

I think as long as your kids know you love them, you teach them right and wrong, give them a healthy dose of responsibility, and don't pity or allow them to be "those poor fatherless kids" everything will be just fine.[:)]



Focusing -> RE: Children Without Fathers (6/18/2008 11:55:58 AM)

Thanks to everyone who has responded (including PMs). I had dwelled on this for a couple days and finally decided it was going to eat me up if I didn't put it down and seek encouragement from my brothers and sisters ... which I certainly received. [:)]

And I also wanted to thank everyone who prayed. It was an amazing experience throughout the day after making the original post to feel my spirit being lifted through prayer. [sm=praying.gif][sm=hug.gif]



quote:

my very 1st thought was *barak obama was raised in a single parent house*

You sure do know how to make me smile, dontcha? [;)]



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