Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them?

Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Relationships

[Poll]

Ignore them when they are around

25% (8)

Try to reason with them

0% (0)

Lose your temper and yell at them

0% (0)

Avoid them at all costs

19% (6)

Be polite to them (to the best of your ability)

54% (17)

Total Votes : 31

(last vote on : 6/22/2008 8:32:06 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

Chrystal-J-007 -> Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/16/2008 11:57:15 PM)
I need help! [8\|] My parents are going to have a party this summer for their anniversary and they'll be a bunch of my relatives there. My family tree is filled with divas and drama queens. (male and female). It's ALL about them ALL of the time. And you need to be a mind reader too cuz they will be upset and you're suppose to know why. Their moods swing up and down too. I'm tired of trying to figure out how I'm suppose to act around them. Just wondering if others have dealt with this type of personality.

worthaboverubies -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 1:27:05 AM)
Yes I know 2 people like that and they are not in my life right now because I just could not take it anymore. With them out of the picture life is so much smoother. Count yourself blessed that you don't have to deal with them everyday. You could stay for an hour then leave.

michie04 -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 2:27:15 AM)
Well, I voted the last one. That is what I used to do, but may change that to the first one...ignore them. You may have read my thread about "inlaws driving us crazy". Well, my two sisters-in-law are the drama queens on my husbands side. His brother's wife has been a trouble maker from the gitgo and his sister throws temper tantrums and gets this insane look in her eye. She is the baby of the family and 10 years younger than her brothers so was spoiled rotten. She's now in her forties believe it or not. Not long ago, she got mad at her father and hit him in the head and tried to kick him in the groin. How's that for drama? The other woman never had children, but she was always quick to run and tell me what my MIL bought the other grandchildren for Christmas, etc. knowing full well that our children didn't get anything near as nice. She loves to point out to all the relatives that my husband and I never did enough for the parents. I guess they agreed because they never spoke up on our behalf. It's amazing how these people act and yet my husband has always been the "forgotten child". His sister even told me once that she knew their dad didn't like him (my DH), but she didn't know why. I never ever told him that, of course. But wasn't it nice of her to tell me? And how can DH's dad think so much of her when she is so mean to him? Doesn't make sense. All that said, I agree with the poster above. Just show up long enough to pay your respects to your parents and be gracious to everyone, if they don't want to behave properly then leave. If you are expecting trouble, only plan to stay a short time. If your relatives are like ours, they just want you there for an audience anyway. Ours likes to let us know how close they all are and that we're the outsiders.

soundDRwife -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 3:23:00 AM)
I have a few Divas and Drama Queens in My family. I think lots of families do. I try to always be polite but sometimes no matter what you just can't win.So I polite and say Hello when I around and then I try to move on some where else as fast as I can.

Kat_D -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 3:30:53 AM)
I have no Divas or Drama Queens in my life...thanks be to God! ETA: But, I think you can put up with anyone for an afternoon or evening at a party...just be polite and then go home and be glad that you don't have to live with them.[;)]

Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 8:35:44 AM)
Thanks for the replies. I think I've tried every one on my list at one time or another. For the last ten years or so, I had "avoided them at all costs". But, that meant missing family parties and other events. So, I thought I'd give it one last try this summer with my parent's anniversary party. [8\|] I sure hope I'm not making a stressful mistake. The last time I talked to my aunt at a family party, she was looking at the Dean's Merit award that I had won in college (that my parents had on the wall) and she commented: "Well, maybe you did good in college--but not so good in high school". (I graduated with honors in high school so I don't know why she said that.) Her daughter-in-law sat like a queen on the throne making others get her glass after glass of wine. My sister kept rolling her eyes at everything I said (like I was a moron). My mother was steaming cuz she didn't want the party at her house, but (of coarse) never told anyone that--we were suppose to guess. I'm gonna give it a try, but I'm running at the first sign of trouble. [&:]

shadowspring -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 9:31:03 AM)
Ask them a few open-ended questions and let them talk about themselves. You would be surprised how little response from you is actually required. After a polite length of time, depending on how well you know them, say something positive and excuse yourself: "Wow! You are going through some hard times, but I am sure you will come through it. You always do! Excuse me, please, I need to: go say hi to that person; get something to drink; check my voicemail, I'm expecting an important call; visit the little girl's room, etc. Nice catching up with you! God bless." To recap: Say as little about yourself as possible and be as positive as you can, without lying or getting dragged into the drama. Realize before you get there that it really is "all about them" and make that work for you. Of course my way of working this only works if you are not wanting or required to be in a close relationship with any of your Divas or Drama Queens. That is way trickier! [8D]

shadowspring -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 9:43:37 AM)
quote: The last time I talked to my aunt at a family party, she was looking at the Dean's Merit award that I had won in college (that my parents had on the wall) and she commented: "Well, maybe you did good in college--but not so good in high school". (I graduated with honors in high school so I don't know why she said that.) Her daughter-in-law sat like a queen on the throne making others get her glass after glass of wine. My sister kept rolling her eyes at everything I said (like I was a moron). My mother was steaming cuz she didn't want the party at her house, but (of coarse) never told anyone that--we were suppose to guess. Oh, they're family! Trickier, but here are some more tips that work for me: Agree with them, even if they are wrong. That really confuses them! "Yeah, high school was tough." That would end the conversation. Then excuse yourself and move on. Just don't let them provoke you to anger. They and their opinions are not worth losing your peace over. Another tip: imagine an invisible force-field around you. In your mind, "watch" their hateful comments hit your invisible shield and explode harmlessly, never touching your heart. This is actually very helpful to me. [:)] Keep in mind that these people don't need you personally, they need an audience. Be as impersonally detached as you possibly can be. They want drama and attention. You have to find the balance if you can. Give them absolutely NO attention, and they'll make the drama about you. Give them too much feedback, and you'll never get away. Try to be like a butterfly, flitting here and there and then harmlessly flying away. I would recommend a set escape time which you announce upon arrival: "I have to leave at 6:00 because I have a friend who really needs me, and I promised I'd hang out with them tonight." Don't tell them that your friend is yourself [:D] and when you leave, do something special just for you. Include a time of heartfelt worship to the Lord for delivering you from self-pity and self-absorption. Because way worse than spending a couple of hours with these people would be BEING one of these people! Ack! Lord save us all! [:'(]

sunshine4God -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 10:51:28 AM)
Well,I'm not sure since I tend to be a drama queen myself if things don't go my way,or I am upset about stuff.I take after my Dad in that way. My mom just ignores me and waits till I'm done venting about things. My Dad gets really mad at me,but he is the same way.You know,when two people are so much alike,they bump heads alot. I have gotten a bit better as i've gotten older though.

1mlasp -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 11:58:30 AM)
I would just have fun with them: quote: The last time I talked to my aunt at a family party, she was looking at the Dean's Merit award that I had won in college (that my parents had on the wall) and she commented: "Well, maybe you did good in college--but not so good in high school". (I graduated with honors in high school so I don't know why she said that.) Yeah, I only graduated with honors in high school, but got the Dean's award in college. Guess I'm just a late bloomer! quote: Her daughter-in-law sat like a queen on the throne making others get her glass after glass of wine. Sure, I'll get you another glass.....and you can snag me some of those crab pastries while I'm doing that. quote: My sister kept rolling her eyes at everything I said (like I was a moron). It's really cute when you do that. You must be a hit at parties...oh wait! quote: My mother was steaming cuz she didn't want the party at her house, but (of coarse) never told anyone that--we were suppose to guess. No clever comebacks - I can sympathize with your mother with having this particular crowd over. I would just offer to help clean up and encourage her to communicate better next time.

staychill -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 1:37:07 PM)
wow, are u related to me? haha, my family get togethers are wars. even christmas and easter. but maybe you could try to go see them early and that way u could avoid it all.

deermousie -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 3:31:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 1mlasp You must be a hit at parties...oh wait! This spewed rootbeer all over my monitor, 1mlasp! Being polite can be a shield, as some have already alluded to. Be giving, expect nothing in return. Leave as soon as you politely can (it will give them more time to talk about you). [:D] So who cares if they do talk about you? You have a life, and it's a healthy one in Christ. You can't cure ugly people who enjoy their sin; only God can get through to them. So pray for them, pity them, and go do something important like talk to your kid. And rejoice that God is teaching you to fervently love the brethren and is healing your life. Your family won't admit it but they notice it. They might even envy you.

daisies4u -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 5:26:38 PM)
Ever heard the term - grin and bear it? Don't "feed" the drama. Just smile and say, "oh really" or "how about that" several times. Drama queens love it when you give them fuel to go on. Don't do it. Plus, it is just one day and a very important one for your parents.

Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 5:31:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shadowspring Because way worse than spending a couple of hours with these people would be BEING one of these people! Ack! Lord save us all! [:'(] Amen to that! I used to think that when I worked at a dollar store and a horrible customer came in. I agree if you keep the conversation on them it's much easier. And don't dare steer it to anything I've done--that's when the claws come out. Like when I happen to mention that I had 20/20 vision. My Aunt said "Not for long!" (cuz I'm in my 40's now). It bothers me that they can't ever be happy for me no matter what the situation. There's no bubbling joy in their heart. Even when I talk about Jesus. (And many of them go to church!) I think they go cuz it's "what you're suppose to do" as opposed to going to learn about the Word or to pray. When I go to the party, I'll keep it short so that I don't end up with high blood pressure. [sm=shakinghead.gif] I like the idea of pretending I have a force field around me--their words will just bounce off. Thanks so much for the relpies! It's nice to know others have dealt with this before and came out unscathed. [sm=icon_smile.gif]

Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 5:48:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deermousie quote: ORIGINAL: 1mlasp You must be a hit at parties...oh wait! This spewed rootbeer all over my monitor, 1mlasp! Being polite can be a shield, as some have already alluded to. Be giving, expect nothing in return. Leave as soon as you politely can (it will give them more time to talk about you). [:D] So who cares if they do talk about you? You have a life, and it's a healthy one in Christ. You can't cure ugly people who enjoy their sin; only God can get through to them. So pray for them, pity them, and go do something important like talk to your kid. And rejoice that God is teaching you to fervently love the brethren and is healing your life. Your family won't admit it but they notice it. They might even envy you. That is so true. I do need to pray for them more. I should feel sorry for them that they don't have the love of the Lord in their lives. I would feel so empty with out that! Maybe that's the root of their bitterness. Daises4u, I do generally ignore it and I try to stay "netural". It's just hard cuz they will try to bait you for no reason. But, it's true--when you say things like: "wow" and "interesting" a lot, it's easier to deal with the divas/drama queens. I'll try to keep that in the front of my mind at the party and not get dragged into any debates. ...as for the party being important. My mom called the other day and said "Why is your sister dragging me into this party?! It's gonna be a lot of work...I'm not in the mood for it! I suppose they'll want to have it at my house...big sigh ...you know I'LL have to do most of the clean up!" The only thing I could do was shake my head and think "at least she's consistent". [8\|] (lol)

bzirk -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 6:24:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chrystal-J-007 I need help! [8\|] My parents are going to have a party this summer for their anniversary and they'll be a bunch of my relatives there. My family tree is filled with divas and drama queens. (male and female). It's ALL about them ALL of the time. And you need to be a mind reader too cuz they will be upset and you're suppose to know why. Their moods swing up and down too. I'm tired of trying to figure out how I'm suppose to act around them. Just wondering if others have dealt with this type of personality. I understand. My mother is a diva and a drama queen, and it can be tough to take her in anything but small doses. I think it's just tough to deal with relatives who are like this. All others don't really get to me. Here's what I do, and it seems to relieve me more than when I don't do it: I keep focus on the Lord, and when I do that, I don't get as frustrated. If I take my eyes off of the Lord, I'm ready to chew nails -- like the kind you use with a hammer. [8D]

lindakaye -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 9:50:24 PM)
Just ignore their behaviour, but the key is to cheerfully lovingly and with great kindness, ignore their behaviour. Here are some good words to do that with. Hmmm, Oh? Oh! or the old standby Ooooh. And then there is Well imagine that, Really? Reaaaaally? and then back to Hmmm and so on. Think of it as a challenge, you will be pleasant and you will not get mad. You can do this and Jesus will be right beside you. Just remember that when you go home you will know you did your best and have a clear consience. As long as you understand that its all about them and will always be about them you'll do fine. God bless.

bzirk -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/17/2008 10:18:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lindakaye As long as you understand that its all about them and will always be about them you'll do fine. God bless. This is key. My mother used to not be a diva and drama queen, so I've kept hoping she would snap out of it. It's taken me years to let go of this ideal. Once I realized that she was going to remain this way, and there was not a lot I could do other than pray (which is actually significant), it didn't frustrate me as much. If she changes, it is between her and the Lord.

mayfly -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 2:56:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshine4God Well,I'm not sure since I tend to be a drama queen myself if things don't go my way,or I am upset about stuff.I take after my Dad in that way. My mom just ignores me and waits till I'm done venting about things. My Dad gets really mad at me,but he is the same way.You know,when two people are so much alike,they bump heads alot. I have gotten a bit better as i've gotten older though. LOL are you my sister by any chance? [;)]

Liveloved -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 4:37:46 AM)
I read no other posts than the OP but here goes: Jesus died for them. Let Him live His life through you. That means love them. Read I Cor 13 over and over and over again before you're with them. It's not easy but it is right. Bless you![:)]

Roberta_ -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 7:10:06 AM)
Oh my, I wonder if that's why so many people avoid me on the boards-- because of my nickname! LOL! Actually there's a story behind my nickname and anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a diva! [:)] I try to avoid Divas and Drama Queens, but that is not always possible, so I voted for "Be polite to them (to the best of your ability.)"

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 10:12:12 AM)
Oh Chrystal! I do NOT envy you, Honey!! I only know one person at this time who might be classified as a drama queen/diva, but she is no big deal and I rarely see her. Funny, though when daisies4u wrote: quote: Don't "feed" the drama. I could just see you doing a photo and holding a sign above the Chosen One, like those in the zoo, which says "Don't feed the drama queen".

bzirk -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 11:25:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva Oh my, I wonder if that's why so many people avoid me on the boards-- because of my nickname! LOL! Actually there's a story behind my nickname and anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a diva! [:)] I try to avoid Divas and Drama Queens, but that is not always possible, so I voted for "Be polite to them (to the best of your ability.)" I don't know about others, but I've never assumed you were a diva or drama queen because of your forum name. I figured you probably liked denim a lot or had some special gift working with it or something.[8D]

Roberta_ -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 11:31:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bzirk quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva Oh my, I wonder if that's why so many people avoid me on the boards-- because of my nickname! LOL! Actually there's a story behind my nickname and anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a diva! [:)] I try to avoid Divas and Drama Queens, but that is not always possible, so I voted for "Be polite to them (to the best of your ability.)" I don't know about others, but I've never assumed you were a diva or drama queen because of your forum name. I figured you probably liked denim a lot or had some special gift working with it or something.[8D] MamaMilty gave it to me because my love of denim came up in a thread.

bzirk -> RE: Divas and Drama Queens--how do you deal with them? (6/18/2008 11:38:18 AM)
Makes sense to me. [:D] Now I just hope people don't think I'm crazy 'cause of my name. LOL! Okay, back to topic. One of the problems I've had over the last 15-20 years is that alcohol has played a role in the diva and drama queen manifesting in my mother. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's been tough. But the Lord is good, and thankfully, He is able to give me peace where it logically should not exist. I've had to acknowledge Philippians 4:6-9 on many occaisions and the Lord has been faithful to give me that peace I can't explain.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>