Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (Full Version)

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wylyne -> Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 9:12:46 AM)

I have a friend with a son who has been diagnosed with ADHD. She has had him in the public school system for k and 1st but to do so has had to have him on meds. She and her husband are not happy about the meds effects on their son. Amongst other side effects, he just isn't himself and hardly eats.

She and her husband have decided that they need to take their son off the meds and home school him. The school was of course less then excited about the idea. Although, the counselor did say that he thought it might not be a bad idea to try.

She is of course getting some of the usual concerns voiced to her by some family and friends. She is also getting some things said about her being able to deal with teaching a child with ADHD. (like she doesn't already deal with him on a daily basis*insert eye roll here*) Some people are also asking her about things like...how will he get into college? Will he have a diploma? Doesn't he need a transcript?... Etc. Some of which I find funny esp. since he is only entering 2nd grade this fall.

She is very nervous and the comments she has gotten have only served to add to it. Some of these thing I have be able to provide some input on, either from my own experiences, from things that I have learned reading posts here or knowledge I have gained from my local home school group/co-op .

I would welcome additional information, words of advice for someone teaching a child with ADHD and the like that I could pass on to her.

I have taught her son in Sunday school so I have some knowledge of him in a learning setting too. He is a very bright child and I personally believe this is going to be a great move for him.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 11:27:45 AM)

Well, she needs to do lots of reading and should join us here if possible.

But also, my main advice would be (going totally against how she is going to think...) DO NOT attempt to 'do school' at home like you would in a classroom. This child clearly does not need a sit-at-your-desk-and-write-ten-sentences approach, and taking a classroom-at-home approach is likely to lead to a TON of frustration for both mom and son, too much butting of heads, and giving up too early. He needs to be encouraged to pursue his interests so that, through things he enjoys, he can learn to stick to something for longer periods of time, and then he'll be able to apply these skills that he was happy to learn to things he won't be so happy about.

Mainly, relax, allow your family to settle into the new dynamic, and don't allow others' feelings of inadequacy and fear to pressure you into going against the way your lovely child was made!



allisonbrett -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 11:36:49 AM)

If the child has been tested in the schools make sure they understand what his disabilities and weaknesses are. Also, what are his strengths and begin teaching to those. What is his learning style? If he is more visual then make sure all lessons include something he can see. Sometimes a project where he can make things and use his hands as well as following written and verbal directions can incorporate Whatever his learning style cater his lessons to those so he will begin to see some success.

Frequent breaks and creative activities on learning helps with kids with ADHD. Take one thing at a time! Written check lists can help some feel like they've accomplished something. Talk with the spec. ed teachers and get some pointers. I hope they would share some insight with you. Also, try experiementing with different things and if they work great but if not then you've found what won't.

I suggest encouraging your friend to contact some other hs'ers in her area and find out about co-ops and others that also may have ADHD kids they are homeschooling. Finally let her know that she's not alone. If the meds seem to sedate the child then talk to the doctor about changing the meds. While some are against meds and others are ok with them its a personal decision. I've seen meds really help a child to focus but then I've also seen them sedate.

One on one she should be able to do quite well hsing. She'll learn patience and learn more about how her son learns. I wish them well!!!



his_chosen -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 12:15:41 PM)

My youngest son would most likely be diagnosed iwth ADHD. He is a very active little boy. He does not sit and do worksheet kind of things. We've had to get very creative, doing as much hands on (vs paper and pencil) as possible.

Home schooling is IDEAL for these kids. Who cares if they are hanging upside down while you read to them? Who cares if they learn math facts by playing games? Following their lead, you will learn all sorts of new science things.

Although we were already home schooling the others, I know without a doubt taht hsing is perfect for ds4. He's always had difficulties in structured activities. In co-op, we always dropped him down an age group. At church, we have to meet with his teachers and let them know that ds4 is wired uniquely. Don't expect him to sit and listen quietly because he can't. Give him something for his little hands to do, and he'll do better. NO WAY could ds4 function with the structure of a traditional school!

Ds4 will be 10yo next month. By working with him he is working way above grade level. He has matured a great deal in the past year. We are starting to do more paper and pencil work.



OHLori -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 4:19:35 PM)

A couple of additional things your friend might want to consider are the level of exercise her son is getting and also taking a close look at his diet. A lot of good, fun, healthy, tiring physical activity helps reduce stress and take the edge off of all people, even ADHD kids. Also, are you familiar with the Feingold Assn? They deal with food allergies and have found many correlations between behavior and allergic reactions. It couldn't hurt to take a glance at some of their material and possibly try changing a few things to see if there is an associated effect.

I agree that she needs to keep in mind that the bottom-to-seat model isn't working at PS so it probably won't work at home. However, it is critical to not let ADHD or any other problem become a temptation to accept inappropriate behavior. Marching around while reciting math facts or hopping on alternating legs while practicing phonics is fine (we did both frequently!), but not covering the material because the student is so unruly or resistant is not OK. We did a very intensive study of the right response to authority for dd in first grade and reaped the benefits through fourth. Next year I think we will do a refresher course since her pre-teen brain seems to have forgotten some of what we studied!

ADHD kids can be quite a challenge. I expect my dd would have been diagnosed with it if she had gone to PS. Doing homeschool has allowed us to custom tailor a program that fits her strengths and weaknesses to a T and also enables us to make adjustments rapidly so that we waste little down time struggling with things that aren't working. As a result (and of course, with the grace of God!), she is maturing into a girl who is strong academically, adept socially, and sensitive spiritually. She has had to overcome much, but the journey has been SO worthwhile.



creationtalk -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/13/2008 8:54:50 PM)

I can relate to your friend's dilemma. My son is a very active, bright boy, who would be place on Ritalin if he were in the public school system.

I completely agree with Jenny-Fair that this family does not want to try to duplicate school at home. This does not mean that she must forgo workbooks, etc. simply that the usual "sit at the desk do the book work" is probably not going to be effective and end up with both of them frustrated. Learning works best when it has some meaning, so the more "learning" that can be incorporated into daily life, the better.

Also agree that diet and exercise are a major key in keeping active children under control. Whenever school gets to be too much, go outside and run and play (call it "recess" and it's still part of school!... when I was in elementary school, we had 2 recesses and gym class to break up the day. Now many schools have only one recess--and most of it is spent in the lunch room.)

I've found one of the keys to getting the school work finished is identifying what will motivate my son and using that...some days the promise of a special treat is all that is needed. Other times it's: if you finish by ___ we will go to ______, but if you don't we won't be able to go. Most often I simply enforce the rule that he cannot watch TV, play video games, etc until he has finished the school work. He can play outside, play with his legos or other toys, (on the theory that imaginative play is beneficial). It also helps to get the most difficult stuff out of the way first.

Another thing that helps is to watch he son's body clock--people have different times of the day when they are most alert and able to think, times when they need to keep active, and times when their mind wants a rest. The beauty of homeschooling is that it's possible to schedule the school work to meet the family's needs and what works for the child. Does he need a good meal before he does his school work or does a large meal make him want to sleep so if he needs to finish his school work feed only light meals until finished.

One of the best times for my son to do school is right around his bed time...he tends to really wake up then...I taught him the principle behind multiplication and division late one night because that was when he asked. Now he can do simple multiplication in his head and also understands division. We practice reading (flash cards) in the car. My son is confined in one place and even reading is better than sitting there doing nothing...

We study history, geography, and social studies when we take trips and when we read books. Often we will combine topics--Study Antarctica (one of his favorite places)--we read about the exploration of Antarctica and the "race" to reach the south pole first, then my son wrote (aka dictated) a story about life in Antarctica incorporating things that he learned (the story wasn't quite what I intended, but he did include various facts we read), we studied animals that live in Antarctica. The study also triggered additional things that we studied.

Beyond the above, I recommend studying the different styles of homeschooling and learning styles. A good website for homeschooling resources A2Z Home's Cool website.
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/
This site has a lot of information about homeschooling, links to many different homeschooling sites, and articles about homeschooling, homeschooling styles, etc. It has an associated chat room and forum.



cynthia -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/14/2008 1:32:33 AM)

I have three children, two of whom would most likely have been diagnosed with ADHD, if I had put them in school. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, but have since learned a lot about it and about how to deal with it and have overcome a lot of the issues associated with ADHD. Both of my children who have exhibited these tendencies are doing fine. The eldest has some quirks that would generally be associated with ADHD. The kids call it random. That makes sense really.

My youngest has been the most difficult child to parent, but he is coming along fine. We do not sit in one place for all of his schooling and move through it quickly in order to keep and build his attention. The key really is to teach a child how to pay attention and focus in small pieces and build on that until they are able to do so for longer and longer periods. It is a slow and sometimes tedious process, but it works. They also need to be able to move around and not be held down for long. Sometimes they needs to be able to turn up-side-down and so forth while being read to. My son learned a great deal while being read to about the Pilgrims while he was doing all sorts of rolling around and so forth. I couldn't believe how much he learned when I thought he wasn't paying any attention.



cynthia -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/14/2008 2:34:51 AM)

I got interrupted during that last post and wasn't finished before posting.

The kinds of things necessary for working with a child who needs to be carefully taught how to focus cannot be adaquately done in a classroom setting. The teacher has other children that need her attention. She cannot stop working with everyone else to supervise and attend to one child for all subjects, especially not everyday. At home, this is possible. I am able to give my undivided attention to my child that needs it. I remember teaching my eldest to read while nursing my youngest. He was happily nursing while I could hold him and give my full attention to reading instruction. There are ways to work with a child at home that simply are not possible when the teacher has a classroom full of other children that also need help. Bottom line is that home can be a much better option for the ADD/ADHD child than a classroom. The close, personal attention and the ability to structure lessons in a manner that work for the specific child can make a world of difference in how they learn to focus and accomplish their work. Children are also more free to move about when being read to which would be disruptive and distracting for a child to do in a classroom setting. In our home, I can sit in the living room and my son can hang up side down or roll around on the floor while listening. That's not a problem. He is able to listen and learn without disturbing anyone else. I used to think he wasn't paying any attention until he gave a point by point rebuttal to something a man on the radio said about Pilgrims. I was amazed at how well he was able to articulate his points to refute the man's statements, when I had thought he wasn't paying attention.



timf -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/14/2008 7:04:15 AM)

Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend?

Each personality is a unique combination of character attributes. Active/inactive, sloppy/neat, shy/outgoing, focused/distracted, etc.

The industrial school factories are designed to move "product" with the least trouble for the employees. As a result, any "product" that demonstrates activity or distracted characteristics is diagnosed as diseased and drugged into compliance.

While certain character qualities do not fit in well with governmental processing systems, they are given by the Lord and can find useful applications. What is interesting is that there are times when a little sloppiness can be beneficial and time when orderliness can be beneficial. It is helpful for a developing child to learn how to maximize those ares in which they excel as well as how to manage those ares in which they have difficulty.

A child who has a higher level of natural activity is going to have to learn mastery of himself to meet certain minimum requirements. Just as the child that is shy is also going to have to learn how to manage dealing with people.

Who better to work with a child and his unique personality than the person to whom God gave him. What becomes obvious in home school is that these character qualities have a direct bearing on the learning process and become part of the "ciriculum".

Our oldest daughter has difficulty with being sloppy in her work. This shows up in math where she is not interested to doing things correctly or double checking her work. We started a process of charging her 25 cents for each wrong answer and told her the length of time she takes is not important, what is important is that she get the answers correct. She has had a significant improvement because she is motivated to take the time to make sure something is done right. We feel that helping her learn to summon the effort to concentrate on getting something right is a more useful lesson than the actual math.

No matter how well intentioned a public school teacher is, no matter how perceptive or motivated, the factory system is not well suited to providing the type of instruction that addresses character issues as part of learning.

The perspective that character and behavior can be pathological and require medical treatment has more in common with communism where people who did not agree with the political system were sent to mental institutions or political reeducation camps.

While there are rare psychiatric conditions where symptoms can manifest in behavior, most school diagnosis of ADD has a closer association with why cattlemen castrate bulls.



cynthia -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/14/2008 8:58:55 PM)

I would encourage her to read anything by John Taylor Gatto, then she can decide if she thinks the classroom is the right place for her ADHD child.



wylyne -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/14/2008 9:32:48 PM)

Just wanted to say thanks for all the replies. I am going to copy and paste all of them so that I can print them out and share them with her when I see her a church tomorrow.

Thanks!



MrsDC -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/15/2008 12:21:03 AM)

I think you'll find that there are quite a few of us here who have ADD/ADHD-type kids. (At least, that's what they would be labeled if they were in the system. To me, they're just active and sometimes frustrating!)

quote:

Some people are also asking her about things like...how will he get into college? Will he have a diploma? Doesn't he need a transcript?... Etc. Some of which I find funny esp. since he is only entering 2nd grade this fall.


Tell your friend that she would be hearing the same comments from "well-meaning" friends no matter when she pulled him from school and no matter whether he was ADD or not. Those are questions ALWAYS asked by folks who have NO CLUE about homeschooling. She should do her homework and have her pat answers ready, because we've been educating at home for 13 years and STILL get those questions. (My answers have gotten more and more sarcastic over the years!) Some people genuinely are curious and some are just scandalized. With time, she'll be able to discern between the two and give appropriate answers to both types of questioners.

I know that there are lots of threads here on the forum that deal specifically with ADHD and related issues. Tell your friend to check out the archives. These moms and dads are a wealth of information!!!

Blessings!

-- Rebecca



iamjc-s -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/27/2008 12:45:48 PM)

-
Whether he continues in public school or changes to home school,
she may want to investigate him taking an herbal supplement called
"vinpocetine".

Someone I know changed over to Vinpocetine from Ritalin.

It helps with focus & may also benefit one's eyes & ears
+ has had no negative effects.

The 2 brands they tried & liked are Olympian Labs & Swanson (which now has 2 potencies).

I hope & pray this helps.
-



zoebob -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (6/27/2008 1:09:11 PM)

Does that Vinpocetine come in a form for kids who can't take pills yet? I've searched a little and can't find it



Jemtree -> RE: Any words of wisdom or encourgement for my friend? (7/1/2008 1:51:16 AM)

I won't be popular here, but I am going to go against the flow.

Children need to be taught about self-control. They need to be taught how to not let their energy decide what their actions are going to be. They need to be taught how to use self-control for their emotions. They need to be trained in how to pay attention.

Many teachers want their students to take drugs so they will be more manageable. God did not create our minds to have to process synthetic materials to subdue the natural reactions to things that every child has at some point.

I have heard of children who tested negative for ADHD and the parents were still advised to give their kids the drugs anyway! I know the parents.

School systems want kids to behave, to be subdued. This is not the best for our children, not at all. This is saying to them, "There is something wrong with the way that you are. You are not acceptable the way you are, you must conform to some unwritten standard and not act like a normal kid. So, we will give you drugs, because you are the problem."

The classroom environment is the problem, not the children's energy levels, or ability to pay attention at the drop of a hat. We are putting way too many expectations on these children! the school system is.

I am not raising my kids to be dependent on anything except for God.

I do not agree to ever labeling any child as having some sort of deficit of attention. There is no deficit in children or their ability to pay attention, or sit still. :(

It is called self-control, and Christian parents need to remember it's a fruit of The Holy Spirit.

That's part of training a child up in the way they should go.

Not conforming to the world's way to do things. These are our children's minds that we are entrusting to man-made chemicals, the minds that God Himself forms.

Never drug kids just because they are having a hard time paying attention and sitting still. I believe God frowns on that. :( That is taking the world's "solution" and applying it to those who are supposed to be trained up in the mind of Christ.



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