Causes of Failure? (Full Version)

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futuremartyr -> Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 12:19:25 PM)

I am doing a marriage small group and am curious of your thoughts on these.

During engagement, many couples seem to experience a high level of romance and emotional closeness. But as time goes by, they feel more distant, why do you think this happens?

One of the reasons people get marriaed is to find close companionship and intimacy, but this doesn't seem to come natural, why?



TorchHeart -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 12:23:20 PM)

Personally, I feel that its because people get complacent (did I spell that right) with their marriage. A marriage is like anything else in life. You have to put some work into it. That means everything from the little stuff, like "I love you" to your spouce, to talking over differences when they come up, to keeping Christ in your relationship, to being able to accept/overcome one another's short-comings, to whatever.

You can't just take for granted that your marriage is just going to work (you slip a ring on one another's finger and... presto!!! Life is bliss from that point on). You have to be willing to put your heart into it. :)



futuremartyr -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 12:39:38 PM)

I agree



futuremartyr -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 12:44:38 PM)

I also think selfishness is a big factor. I know it was/is for me. I want my own way, of course,now that I am saved I fight that more. BUt one thing I have started doing is not just looking for my own interest but also the interests of my husband. I have to choose to obey the Spirit, rather than my flesh. Hard to do.



blessednw -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 1:27:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: futuremartyr

I am doing a marriage small group and am curious of your thoughts on these.

During engagement, many couples seem to experience a high level of romance and emotional closeness. But as time goes by, they feel more distant, why do you think this happens?

One of the reasons people get marriaed is to find close companionship and intimacy, but this doesn't seem to come natural, why?


Sin nature.

As Song of Songs indicates, watch out for the little foxes that get in and spoil the vine. I would think that these refer to acts of selfishness and things like rehearsed grievances, pride, unforgiveness, pride, etc.

I do not think that the initial feelings of euphoria are meant to last indefinitely. Especially as the Bible teaches us that Love is a choice to act, it is not dependent on feelings. Of course feelings help. But those can even be self-centered. I love because I have gotten the benefit of feeling loved.

Not the way that Christ loved us however, in that while we were yet in our sins, Christ died for us.



fist.sensei -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 2:03:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blessednw
I love because I have gotten the benefit of feeling loved.


I think in an ideal marriage, the two would be so good and loving to each other on a constant basis that it would be kept up. Sometimes they love to be loved back, and sometimes they love just because.

Marriagebuilders.com is a good website with a lot of good information. The "love bank" rhetoric is a bit cheesy, but it certainly gets the point across.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 2:18:31 PM)

Selfishness. Either on the part of one spouse or both.

But I think most problems spring from a root of selfishness.



TorchHeart -> RE: Causes of Failure? (6/12/2008 2:37:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

Selfishness. Either on the part of one spouse or both.

But I think most problems spring from a root of selfishness.



I'd side with you on this. Selfishness can be a huge problem in a marriage. But I also feel that sometimes people just expect a marriage to "take care of itself." I don't believe any relationship works that way.

Maybe the two ideas are part of the same thing. Someone being too selfish with their individual life to pay attention to the needs of the other?



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